What programs have YOU discovered?

[whitecoast]

Over the past few days I’ve been busy applying to jobs and practicing for a promising interview I’ve been having when one evening I ended up bored and just started watching youtube videos. Mostly they were Jordan Peterson’s, which were fascinating in their own right, but one video I happened to stumble upon was a gamer’s review of the story progression of a computer game franchise I used to play a lot of. I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to watch it, but since it was a critical review of what was primarily story (not really about gaming per se) I guess I justified it sufficiently.


The next day at work I found it quite hard to concentrate on some tasks, even screwing up one sample analysis for a major client… all because my mind was fantasizing and visualizing scenes and pieces of stories from the video. I’ve felt a lot of self-loathing over this, and self pity, about how fragile my attention is, and about how much of the conscious efforts I make to meditate each day to train my attention were dashed just by watching a video about a dumb game. It seemed to fire up a dissociative pathway in my brain (which also occurs pretty much whenever I watch a fictional movie or TV series) that overrides all the scaffolding I built on top of it to try and eliminate that behavior. I hate it so much. I wish I could just cauterize it. I just been feeling a little discouraged from the episode, but I do (at least theoretically) understand that it was just a setback that I can work around.


A lot of online websites like facebook and youtube allow you to control the type of advertising you see. If it’s something triggering or negative, you can usually click a button that says “show fewer ads like this” or something to that effect. Over the past few months, but especially over the past few days, I’ve been purging my feeds of any videos or ads linked to gaming or negative influences.

 

[Alada]

Also, it does seem to really help to share about the program here. Wonder if others have really noticed this as well, that after sharing here about the programs they've noticed..they are that much more alert to them when they start to run?

I think so. The more we air a thing out, try and explain it to others, receive feedback the far better equipped we are then to explain it to ourselves. And then yes, when you see it running instead of getting totally lost to it next time there’s a little more awareness of what going on. Even that little bit might be enough to help stop us putting our foot in it unconsciously, we if can spot that its the program which is abut to speak/act. Difficult to do though and takes time and practice I think. We've all got plenty of blind spots, and sometimes you get a partial image of whats happening but it takes the impression of others to help fill in the detail. The next time a program runs you can then see with the benefit of those missing pieces.

Maybe there’s something in the process of sharing too that is about acting in your own favor, part of battling against it, which helps too.

 

[Phill4]

The next day at work I found it quite hard to concentrate on some tasks, even screwing up one sample analysis for a major client… all because my mind was fantasizing and visualizing scenes and pieces of stories from the video. I’ve felt a lot of self-loathing over this, and self pity, about how fragile my attention is, and about how much of the conscious efforts I make to meditate each day to train my attention were dashed just by watching a video about a dumb game. It seemed to fire up a dissociative pathway in my brain (which also occurs pretty much whenever I watch a fictional movie or TV series) that overrides all the scaffolding I built on top of it to try and eliminate that behavior. I hate it so much. I wish I could just cauterize it. I just been feeling a little discouraged from the episode, but I do (at least theoretically) understand that it was just a setback that I can work around.

maybe you were in a mindset when you are watching these videos / videogames, a mindset which generaly is draining.
I think of the quote from the C's about what you allow into your field, we can look at something and as long as we have present the polarity and orientation of what we are watching or listening we are aware of how things are going.
the other aspect that I see seems to be how identified we are with what we are watching or listening, and how we are being affected by them unconsciously, say a specific song triggers certain emotions that correspond to a memory that may bring happyness or sadness or other associations and our minds,
Maybe watching these videos and consciously looking for where and how it happens, can help you recognize something, albet small, something that can provide you with an answer that relates to the feeling of lethargy

I do think that the dissociate state was triggered by an emotion, as it is my experience, but how the narrative and daydreaming or the underlying emotion takes place I can't say. Seems we use these mechanisms to cope with something that may be uncomfortable for us to experience.

It is like when I used to eat a lot of chocolate, it was a matter of one, then another, then I was eating 7 chocolate bars a day and felt no hunger, but eventually I was feeling without any energy physically and still no hunger.

Some thoughts

 

[Mari]

Yesterday evening I was thinking about my current relationship and all the people I fell in love with.
Suddenly, I remembered, how I watched one podcast (some time now) and thought about the commentator:
"WoW! He's so smart!!!!"

At that point, the sentence started echoing in my head:
"WoW! He's so smart!!!!"
"WoW! He's so smart!!!!"
"WoW! He's so smart!!!!"
....
And realized - that exact sentence was the triggering point for all men I was attracted to at some point in my life!!!

These men had absolutely nothing physically in common, so there must be some character personality involved that I still didn't figure out yet.


In case with my current partner, I remember the first time I saw him: he came on his bike to this small bar where everybody was hanging around, I looked at him and thought: "This guy is definitely Libra...." (It actually turned out that he really was Libra... )
And that was basically it, didn´t pay that much attention or fancied myself in love.

This year will be 20 years that we´re in a relationship and it all really started with me hearing him talking one evening and then took a look at him and thought:
"WoW! He's so smart!!!!" - and "Puf!" - I was in love!

This is a really scary realization for me.


But yeah; as soon as the sentence started echoing in my head, I remembered what Laura wrote in Ch.70 of The Wave:

Ask most people why they fell in love with their partners, past or present, and you’ll probably hear answers like this:

“I met Kathy at the gym where I work out. Something about the way she got so into that aerobics class and gave it so much energy really appealed to me.”

All Kathy’s boyfriend knows about her is that she has a lot of physical energy. [He is programmed by his particular socio–cultural system to believe that physical energy is very good and will be rewarded. Thus, somebody who has a lot of physical energy is “lovable.” He may also have had very positive experiences with someone in his childhood who had a lot of physical energy, and who regularly made him feel loved.]

“Donna was a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding. She looked so beautiful in this pink strapless dress – I knew on the spot I was going to fall in love with her.”

All Donna’s boyfriend knows about her is that she looked good in pink chiffon. [We might think that the color pink has powerful associations in his amygdala.]

“Jo Anne and I knew each other since we were kids. Everyone always said we’d probably get married when we grew up, and I guess I never even questioned it – it seemed like the right thing to do.”

Jo Anne’s husband has been so influenced by what his friends and family think that he doesn’t even know why he loves her. [We might think that “obedience to the family” has received some very positive reinforcement in his life. Conversely, thinking for himself may have received a great deal of negative reinforcement.]

“Alex and I were assigned to work together on a project in our office. I think it was watching him problem-solve – he is so creative – that attracted me to him.”

Alex’s girlfriend is enthralled with his business skills but has no idea what his emotional skills are. [Creativity in solving problems may have been well rewarded in her home environment as a child. She may also have been exposed to highly creative “problem solvers” as male role models, receiving regular rewards from them. Thus, she associates these skills with love.]

“I’ve always been a sucker for music, so when I heard Frank play the guitar at a friend’s house, I knew he was the one for me.”

Frank’s partner has fallen under a musical spell – she knows nothing about him except for the romantic personality she assumes all guitar players have. [And why does she assume this? Because it is programmed into her amygdala.]

“This sounds terrible, but I always had this fantasy of a tall, dark-haired man with a mustache. Dennis looked exactly like that, and nothing else really mattered.”

Dennis’s girlfriend likes the way he looks – she is attracted to a fantasy, but doesn’t know anything about the person underneath. [And where did she get the fantasy? A program.]

None of these people thought they were making the wrong decision. They all sincerely believed that they were making intelligent, sensible choices in their partners. But the frightening truth is that many of them will discover in a month, or six months, or six years that they are in a relationship with the wrong person.

Most people put more time and effort into deciding what kind of car or video player to buy than they do into deciding whom to have a relationship with. (De Angelis 1992, 7, 8)

I remember now that when I was reading this chapter, that it ringed in my head, but I couldn´t find the triggering point and I shoveled all under the rug.
I see more and more that I´m struggling with this for years now; and especially now that we´re re-reading the Wave in workshop, I see more and more of Frank in him.
Then I read some romance novels and think maybe he´s "a soul in struggle"...

I´m overwhelmed and confused with this all realizations and don´t know what to do or think anymore.

So, yeah,.... Much to work with....

 

[Anamarija]

I´m overwhelmed and confused with this all realizations and don´t know what to do or think anymore.

Hey Mari, great realization!
I know what you mean. It's confusing feeling and at first it something that is hard to accept because we all like to have something to hold on, even if that's illusion (what usually is). But, for some time, I've beginning to like this state. It helps me to avoid black&white thinking. And gives more things to took in consideration when trying to understand something.

This story with Frank (reading Chapter 37) is very interesting. Surely it was hard experience for Laura but there's so much to learn from it. Not just the way predator's mind works but also some things that I didn't expected. I read that Frank had a problem with his feminine movements or gestures. I know this feeling because all my life I would be very shocked&ashamed when I saw my self on some video. Who is this person, I would ask my self. Is she a woman or man, or what?
But, when I read that about Frank it was inspiring for me, maybe in some weird way, because it kinda give me impuls to think about my self just like Me.

 

[pinkfreud]

I really appreciate this topic, and all of your contributions. If everyday conversation with friends and family could be this, we might find our world much improved!

My husband, my daughter, and I spend a lot of time together on this topic. We have noticed spectacular growth all the way around as a result, and it is just beautiful.

Some programs noted within myself:

-seeking validation. This one, I’ve been working on intensively for two years or so. I had to do a personality test and consultation at work when I was supervising, and that was an unpleasant diagnosis. The man from Bartell&Bartell said, “Some people need validation from their leaders. If they don’t get validation, they will get sick. So make sure you tell your leader what you need.”
Yuck
I know it is deeply imbedded, and it is a state of mind that I recall from early childhood. I can’t even explain how I’ve overcome a good bit of it, except obviously 2020 happened. So it could just be that I abandoned the notion that I have a “leader.” I’ve been always on the cusp of that anyway, only refusing to jump because of:

-Fear. Generalized anxiety, it is called. I still tend to get overly hyper and hung up on imaginary problems or exaggerated “symptoms.” I think this base neuroticism runs on my mother’s side of the family and is handed down like fine china. This is getting easier to isolate and combat on a regular basis, but I’m far from “over it.”

-“I’ve found the answer” trap. You guys may be familiar. I’ve been on this spiritual quest for as long as I can remember. I was a practicing Catholic as a child, though my parents weren’t. I started exploring other religions as a 12-13 year old and branched into philosophy (nothing too sophisticated, of course) around that same time. I’ve been prey to magical thinking, navel gazing, mountain dwelling, and enlightenment claiming every now and then all these years. Sometimes I feel foolish after a moment, and sometimes it takes weeks. I strive to stay in a humble, honest, and open frame of being. I’ve grown cautious of any ideas (and ESPECIALLY feelings associated with ideas) that trampoline me out of that. It is a lot of work.

-the “I know that already” program. Yea, smartest person in the room, right here. Can’t tell me anything new. Wait, of course you can. And I actually really want nothing more out of human connection than to hear something new I have to actively remember that this what communication IS. Thanks, Jordan Peterson, for reminding me.

I’m sure I can go on. Maybe I can outline some more later.

Again, thank you all for providing a setting for the airing out. I do get the impression that journaling about programs and confessing faulty behavior tends to aid whatever mending can be done. I’m thankful I could spend some time on this here, and I am grateful to see others doing the same in good faith.

 

[Pat]

Hello everyone,
I realized having a program after a dream one night. Someone in a lift told me that I wasn't ready to get on the same lift and move up.
I realized that I had anger issues. It has been bugging me to find out how it relates to my every day life and realized that my kids were suffering from it. The realisation of this made me watch myself but I was so devastated. Anger comes, anger goes... Pressure from people asking from me, circumstances overwhelming me.
Anger is mostly gone but exasperation is there. Now that the kids are grown up and away, I only recently I asked myself where the anger came from because I wasn't born with it. I thought hard but couldn't find anything Until one day I thought thst it might have happened when years ago I turn away from who I was. I got scared... From wanted to travel the world I decided to have a job and have kids... First time I had that feeling of life out there being frightening although I already had travelled a bit by myself. Since then, I feel that I have been afraid...
Exasperation comes, exasperation goes... I haven't forgiven myself I believe.

 

[Curious Beagle]

If I may comment:
In spirituality working on your personal defect would fall under purification (fear, self center, vices etc). Programming would involve outside power trying to impose their agenda. Example: London money cabal/ corporation would impose certain ideas. Wealth equal social status. This make you want to work harder to make money, buying materialistic items beyond your need (cars, house, fashion,, etc) especially when using credit which make you get trap even deeper. If you work long hour naturally you don't have time to do things that increase your spirituality (building meaningful relationship, enjoying hobby, meditating/ self reflection, etc). Same thing work with military cabal in dc dehumanizing strategy: fear or endless war always evil out there trying to destroy our way of virtuous life so we should preemptive strike on them (defense industry: peace equal low profit). Religious cabal in vatican would try to make you surrender your decision making to them. Since ancient time they burn books or destroy society with deep spiritual knowledge (Example Jesuit cooperation with military conquest, Their saint is travelling in galleon while blessing soldiers before massacre war of almost everybody who don't convert or becoming slave. They would also impose their approve agenda on science, history, religion etc by slandering or killing people who don't cooperate). They do keep a copy of everything in vatican secret underground library accessible only to high rank clerics just like in movies.

 

[jess]

wow!! , thanks!!, How interesting this thread, it seems to me that I have found a lot programs, I think that reading the recommended novels of this thread has made me see many of them, New title: Romantic Fiction, Reality Shaping and The Work, especially those related to couple relationship- marriage, family. At the same time I have felt a slight depression too, I wonder what happens when you detect those programs working from your mind or perception or from your unconsciousness, I mean what's next?, I guess you gain more knowledge about yourself or more aware of how valuable it is to know the truth in things, from the simplest. And at the same time I can feel the hole or the scar that these programs shows leave once you break free, a bit of sadness.

For me these days, my biggest discoveries of programs that have been quite silent are:
"Culture", the implanted idea that people are determined and belong to a certain culture or race. It's true that there are traits and characteristics within social groups, (if anyone has any comments, I would appreciate if you want to point out that this may also be incorrect, to refine then my understanding), but I do not believe that culture determines you totally, as something immovable.
I have found it quite false, several years ago, I changed my residence of origin, wow!!! and wow, what a hit on the head with a brick of everything I learned today, despite how tumultuous it can be to live in the USA today, I must thank everything I have learned, from the experience of being here, I think I would never have done it if I continued living in my country of origin.
I think I have broken a lot of prejudices here about race and culture.
In the end I think that even though I was probably very foolish for a long time, not to see, that what matters is the essence of the people and how you connect and learn with them, and how you manage to break through your programs and prejudices in your level of knowledge.

"Ideology", I studied arts many years ago and curiously the school curriculum was more focused on "contemporary theory" -posmodernism- in some subjects that dealt with material on psychology, philosophy, etc.,
Now thanks to helping a little in SOTT with the translation, thank you !!!, I think I am getting a little up to date with what is currently happening socially, politically and other areas, and how that affects people's lives. I am a little horrified and a little depressed how twisted these ideas that promote postmodern ideology are, they are everywhere; music, schools, politics, art, etc.
It is really unpleasant, but on the other hand, of course, there is for sure, a line of thought that promotes another structure of human development, values, which is totally opposite to the current structure that we are suffering from.

"Language", I think that for a long time I had thought about the importance of words in communication. I suppose that to everything there is a good and a bad side, but from all the madness with misinformation and how the political media use the word in a very evil way.
And from my own deficiencies with the language directly -that is, not being 100% English speaking- I think there are other ways of communicating or connecting, through feelings, emotions, physical contact and direct experiences, I think there are also other ways. ways to explore.

Well, sure there is a very long list of personal programs, but I think that for some years these have been my biggest learning challenges.

 

[Candice]

This is a great thread to read through and it helps to read other people’s programs to identify one’s own.

My first major program is procrastination. It’s not really laziness, because I’m still doing something just not what I’m supposed to do or what I planned to do. I make excuses, that something else is more important. Or my monkey brain, which is jumping from idea to idea is just too overactive. I waste too much time thinking and not doing. In the past the solution to this problem has been setting a stricter routine for myself, starting with exercise. Once I’ve gotten into the exercise routine, my mind calms down and I can get other things done too. This all relates to not having any routine as a child. I was left on my own for most of the day with no direction or structure. I had absolutely zero parental guidance on how set a routine.

The next program is one I’ve only recently become aware of or identified. That I’m innately bad. This one appears to have been running rather deceptively in the background. Now I can see how it appeared in the past. I would seek out healing modalities or I tried plant medicine to “purge” it. I’ve realized that this is probably an example of “splitting”, black and white thinking. I read the thread on this last night and I tried to see if I only think of myself as bad, I had to admit that I very rarely see myself as good. This is a shock. I know the childhood trauma this originates from, I just didn’t realize the program it has morphed into. I will be reading the associated psychology books to better understand this and hopefully solutions to fixing this.

The other program I have but I’ve worked out how to deal with is the program of “everything is pointless”. I struggled with this one for many years. Now if it pops up, I nip it in the bud with gratitude. Through focusing on what I have gratitude for I switch that program off. It’s very affective. Gratitude fills me up with warmth and light, brings clarity and reminds one that there are so many things in the world all around us to find joy in.

 

[Candice]

The next program is one I’ve only recently become aware of or identified. That I’m innately bad. This one appears to have been running rather deceptively in the background.

In thinking about this program, I remembered a strong childhood memory that relates to this. My mother’s side of the family is Roman Catholic and a big deal in our childhood was to get ready for “first communion”, which is like a ceremony. After this ceremony, we would have to go in the priests cubicle for a first “confession”. I remember being terrified of this, that I would have to confess my sins, that I would be found out for being bad. The interesting thing is that I have zero memory of actually going through with the ceremony. I’m not sure if it’s because I blacked it out or it didn’t happen for some reason. Maybe it didn’t because that was the time my parents were going through a divorce due to my mother cheating on my father. It’s interesting because writing about my programs and internal considering feels like a confession in itself. I also see that this program has sprouted other programs. That if I keep following the thread further back I can try and find the origin which really I think is about thinking I’m unloveable. I think the way to solving this is that love is not something owed by others it’s something to be cultivated within.

Edit: In rereading this I noticed I say “I think” a lot. This clearly shows I’m in my head too much, over thinking and not “doing” enough.

 

[jess]

In thinking about this program, I remembered a strong childhood memory that relates to this. My mother’s side of the family is Roman Catholic and a big deal in our childhood was to get ready for “first communion”, which is like a ceremony. After this ceremony, we would have to go in the priests cubicle for a first “confession”. I remember being terrified of this, that I would have to confess my sins, that I would be found out for being bad.

thanks Candice for sharing, that's interesting what you say about the catholic religion, those programs are horrible!!!, I wonder if maybe they can be among the worst? I was in elementary and secondary in a catholic school and this school divided the boys and girls in different facilities, I missed my first 8 years of formation as a girl to enjoy and learn from boys, because I didn't have brothers either, I think that affected me a lot. That's not counting "confessions" and "moral" classes.
For me, after those religious programs, that bubble of lies, it was a very strong encounter to observe and live the reality around me, when I started public high school.
How sad, now that I see it from a distance, it is cruel, how many children, from their vulnerability, are molded with so many lies and ignorance, without someone to speak to them with truth and knowledge. It is strong.

 

[Candice]

thanks@ Candice for sharing, that's interesting what you say about the catholic religion, those programs are horrible!!!, I wonder if maybe they can be among the worst?

Hi @jess. I need to clarify that it was not the religion that caused my program. It originated before that, from childhood trauma in my family situation. In looking back to see where this trauma originated I remembered this memory and it’s an example of how this specific program was already manifesting as a child. I was terrified the priest would see the real me and that real me was “bad”. There was no specific thing I’d done that was bad, just that it was something inside me. In truth, I enjoyed going to Church. I loved the feeling of peace, connected to something unseen. Compared to the chaos of my home life it was an oasis. It was the rituals I didn’t understand, I could never remember the words to the prayers and the correct order to use with the rosary. However yes I agree that strict religion can be a cause for negative programs in individuals, in my case this wasn’t the origin.

 

[Pecha]

One of the programs that seems quite common nowadays and is something I wrestle with in trying to sublimate that energy is the feeling of getting back at someone. Those who've moved passed the "make nice" program and have found their ability to say "no" to demanding situations I find are met with this "vengeful" program. I think it must be dealt with as much grace as possible, as overtly (or covertly) snubbing the person who did one wrong with malicious intent is similar to pouring more gasoline on the fire.

 

[Natus Videre]

1. Perfectionist program: Oh my, this one was such a relief to get over with.
2. Over-analyzing program: That rat would spin, spin, spin and spin in my head until all my energy was gone!
3. My-way-or-the-highway program: There are multiple ways to solve problems and my way is just one possibility.
4. Self-importance program: You don't have to be a "hero" to make a difference.
5 Judgmental program: Ah yes, one mistake and you are a bad person! Wrong. Dead wrong.
6. Isolation program: "Leave me alone. I don't need input from others." Nice try, you pesky program.
7. Fear-of-mistakes program: Mistakes are an essential part of learning.
8. Leave-it-for-tomorrow program: What a wonderful way to delay learning lessons!
9. It-has-to-be-planned program: Well, it doesn't have to be planned. Add some spice to the routine!
10: Possessiveness program: For some reason, probably because of (2), (7) and (8), there is a strong force that prevents me from donating. I know it is not me. I feel terrible about it. I'll have to find the root cause.