Bad Boys
- Thread starter jacygirl
- Start date
I haven't had time to read the entire thread, but skimmed through a lot of it. Apologies if I missed something.
What I see, FWIW, is:
a) that Bhelmet, having been here for longer than jacygirl, forgot to watch himself and preferred the "good feels" (flirty or not, I don't think that should deter from learning something, eh? The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and all...). He missed quite a few clues that it wasn't really appropriate nor helpful to continue this type of conversation with his new "friend". From the first post, there were things that could have been discussed and turned into an interesting discussion, but programs on both sides took over, and now it's... well, THIS.
b) that jacygirl might benefit from reading some more at her own pace, and slowing down a bit on her posting. 200+ posts in just a few weeks is quite impressive, but it reads a bit like you are in a hurry to post, like on a chat room, more than what your stated goals were:
I guess it depends on how "sure" she is now, and how much each person wishes to learn something of every situation. Jacygirl's very first post in this thread could have been a good start (and had some very good points, with a caveat that should be made about psychopathy, for example, and a reminder of the "bad boy" appeal in more the more general population, so as to make it of general interest too), but I'm not sure whether she is still here or not, so don't see much point in replying to that one unless there is an interest, and I'm guessing that others may be thinking the same.
My 2 cents.
What I see, FWIW, is:
a) that Bhelmet, having been here for longer than jacygirl, forgot to watch himself and preferred the "good feels" (flirty or not, I don't think that should deter from learning something, eh? The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and all...). He missed quite a few clues that it wasn't really appropriate nor helpful to continue this type of conversation with his new "friend". From the first post, there were things that could have been discussed and turned into an interesting discussion, but programs on both sides took over, and now it's... well, THIS.
b) that jacygirl might benefit from reading some more at her own pace, and slowing down a bit on her posting. 200+ posts in just a few weeks is quite impressive, but it reads a bit like you are in a hurry to post, like on a chat room, more than what your stated goals were:
I guess it depends on how "sure" she is now, and how much each person wishes to learn something of every situation. Jacygirl's very first post in this thread could have been a good start (and had some very good points, with a caveat that should be made about psychopathy, for example, and a reminder of the "bad boy" appeal in more the more general population, so as to make it of general interest too), but I'm not sure whether she is still here or not, so don't see much point in replying to that one unless there is an interest, and I'm guessing that others may be thinking the same.
My 2 cents.
Ina
The Living Force
Your comment is what I call a neatly held finger on the pulse. For me, the situation presented in the original post, was but one example for discussing childhood psychological trauma, and associated programming vs personality and behavior during adulthood.
Chat or what, the crappy childhood effect concept should be reclaimed and discussed.
Happy Poo
Jedi Master
I'm commenting again as I def overreacted here I think, can truly see what some forum members are saying. But possibly it got to me because I could really sense the hurt coming from these guys too.. It genuinely didn't come across like flirting to me personally, a little bit perhaps, and again i can see how some perceived it like this.. Although after they did explain well I thought.
Still, though, don't think its great to make pre judgement and for me this thread was actually a lesson about that. But that's just my opinion..
Although can totally see what your saying Jenn when it comes to networking on a more personal level though, I really do hear you and I do understand. And mods admins definitely don't have an easy job here, I'd not want to be in your shoes. Its a difficult balance to get i can see.. Where to draw the line? No idea lol. I don't think I'm "right " necessarily either. At the same time the way it was handled could have been different in that Its not what is said but the way its said, its a cliche but a difficult one to live by in practice and trust im no angel its an issue I've been trying to deal with for a long time, I'd say the last post i put was a big fail in my eyes tbh, was trying to get something across, and didn't do it in the best way really.
It did look to me that Bhelmet didn't actually carry on with the interaction with jackygirl after Alejo commented, he asked the mods on their thoughts, albeit coming from a different perspective, so I didn't see a good reason for the reaction to his comment and imo there was no need for the pretty intolerant response. With something like Alejos latest comment up here, you know, just a more amiable and friendly reaction, but with the same sentiment, it may not have played out how it did. Newer members don't necessarily understand the dynamics here etc etc.
It didn't come across like two peoples programs running to me, call me naive or whatever but it just looked like two people connecting and having a laugh. The impression I get is that some of the higher esoteric concepts are getting in the way, with people posting stuff from books etc and projecting it onto individuals and situations when it doesn't necessarily apply.
Its like we are constantly looking for the "bad" and jumping to the worst conclusion , it's a cynical point of view imo, when what I see is that people are just trying to connect, as again its a natural tendency to wanna do this. For me its about focusing on the good in people too, not just finding the weakness in each other to highlight and correct them but also about trying to inspire , lift people up, and from what i can see most of us are having a crappy time and probably need a bit of love! I mean , there's lots of this on the forum which is amazingly loving too.. i do truly see that and am very grateful for it.
Alot of people here who are not more connected in real life to others in the work can be pretty lonely though in terms of in person connection, and in comparison it does come across like some of you guys are well surrounded ( and good for you lol
:)! .. Its just that alot of us may not even know like 1 person in real life that can grasp this stuff. But I guess we have to do the best with what we have as its far from an ideal world.
That's not to say that the forum is a place where you can't connect, I had to comment again because it was not balanced what I put. There a loads of wonderful interactions here as Alejo said folks (and thank you for reminding me Alejo) folks have some great interaction!
In some situations feel its good to give people the benefit of the doubt if possible though, when I'm not sure, even if all things are pointing in a certain direction as its still so easy to get stuff wrong with so little info. And sometimes when my emotions get in the way, im not able to do this either so apologies for that.
It was difficult for me to read some of the opinions however, about the low quality posts, inane comments etc, because I think its subjective as to what can be perceived as an inane comment for example, and this does come across me a being a little elitist in terms of newer people and how long it may take for us to learn how to post and network. I've never once thought that any post was particularly inane or low quality. For some people, as it was for me many years ago, it may be difficult to make even 1 comment with a couple of sentences due to lack of confidence and worrying, so attitudes like this do risk to push people out who , in a few years could contribute more on the forum, energetically or in other ways. And in the situation we find ourselves in, as far as i can see, we need all the help we can get and the more people the better. As long as people aren't being rude or abusive to each other, I can handle a few posts that may not be up to scratch. I get that people are busy too.. Although When I see a post or thread that I don't wanna read, I just go to another one or scroll down so its never been much of an issue for me honestly..
I think of what the C'said about love = light = knowledge, and a deeper knowledge of each other which can also come from more casual informal interaction can lead to greater knowledge, and depth of connection, by sharing impressions, laughter, perceptions about even the more trivial moments of our lives, can be educational, so it isn't necessarily inane imo. For me the work of knowing self, isn't the only goal, its about unification too. Which is a difficult one as I also understand that sharing more personal stuff isn't always wise either in a public forum, so i def don't have the answers.
I totally get we need a feedback from folks and don't know ourselves, it more about the ways in which its done and again, taking into account the cold and cruel world that people come here from , often in a state of damage and wounds, it may not be helping to feedback in a way that some perceive to be sometimes judgemental and intolerant. Defensive reactions also come when people have already had a ear full of it for a lifetime as is the case for those of us oriented to light in a dark world from what I've Learned. Energy drainage can happen when someone Has misjudged me. Its an awful feeling to be misunderstood, as the song goes.. "o please don't let me be misunderstood " lol. I did feel that these guys made a lot of effort to explain to avoid this misunderstanding and the words came from the heart. Thats just how it felt to me.
I'm not really follower of Gurdieff, hence why some of my opinion may be at odds. I mean he was a great man no doubt, I've read In Search of the Miraculous, and he was a wonderful teacher, there was no one quite like him. Which is apparently why he slipped a bit too from what the C' s said.
The C's and haven't said to follow him in particular though, from what i can see, and also it came out that he was wrong about alot of things. Even if he was totally right about others and the ideas of the work on self are intrinsic to growth.. His ideas did come across like lacking love and understanding, the groups he created seemed sterile, his way came across too harsh and feel like some aspects of this have influenced things here, not necessarily in a good way imo . . Thats just how it comes across to me and it's just a personal opinion. I mean, his work it was actually amazing, it's more like to temper it with new stuff and always try to find ways to improve etc and not become to entrenched in one particular school of thought.
Its like the knowledge that we have been given now has superceded some of his ideas, and change from these ideas is not a bad thing imo.
I still think the mirror is controversial/difficult/risky thing to do in practice online it's very difficult to really get a good picture of a person and their life, I know its all we've got to go on but still, think its good to hold back on hasty judgement as again, its not easy to understand someone from a screen, I cannot see someone's body language, hear their voice, see their smile or sorrows, and I don't know what they are going through in their life as we speak. I guess the ideal would be to do this in person around people who know us better but again that's probably not gonna happen as groups like this in person are so rare, although to balance this any feedback could be provided in a kinder way, more understanding of people who aren't at a certain level or don't necessarily get it yet, well I don't really get it either! Which is probably what you guys think. I know im a bit simple . Ah well, maybe im not suitable for the Work, I do admit that too. I think in future I'll just stick to doing music etc and probably not get involved in all this stuff cause if I'm honest I don't really understand it very well.
Also I'm sorry if I threw my toys out the pram, there was no need for me to react in the way I did either, was a bit full on. I guess it really did trigger me and I'll try to be more open to what you guys have to say.. As my own ego does also get in the way.
Still, though, don't think its great to make pre judgement and for me this thread was actually a lesson about that. But that's just my opinion..
Although can totally see what your saying Jenn when it comes to networking on a more personal level though, I really do hear you and I do understand. And mods admins definitely don't have an easy job here, I'd not want to be in your shoes. Its a difficult balance to get i can see.. Where to draw the line? No idea lol. I don't think I'm "right " necessarily either. At the same time the way it was handled could have been different in that Its not what is said but the way its said, its a cliche but a difficult one to live by in practice and trust im no angel its an issue I've been trying to deal with for a long time, I'd say the last post i put was a big fail in my eyes tbh, was trying to get something across, and didn't do it in the best way really.
It did look to me that Bhelmet didn't actually carry on with the interaction with jackygirl after Alejo commented, he asked the mods on their thoughts, albeit coming from a different perspective, so I didn't see a good reason for the reaction to his comment and imo there was no need for the pretty intolerant response. With something like Alejos latest comment up here, you know, just a more amiable and friendly reaction, but with the same sentiment, it may not have played out how it did. Newer members don't necessarily understand the dynamics here etc etc.
It didn't come across like two peoples programs running to me, call me naive or whatever but it just looked like two people connecting and having a laugh. The impression I get is that some of the higher esoteric concepts are getting in the way, with people posting stuff from books etc and projecting it onto individuals and situations when it doesn't necessarily apply.
Its like we are constantly looking for the "bad" and jumping to the worst conclusion , it's a cynical point of view imo, when what I see is that people are just trying to connect, as again its a natural tendency to wanna do this. For me its about focusing on the good in people too, not just finding the weakness in each other to highlight and correct them but also about trying to inspire , lift people up, and from what i can see most of us are having a crappy time and probably need a bit of love! I mean , there's lots of this on the forum which is amazingly loving too.. i do truly see that and am very grateful for it.
Alot of people here who are not more connected in real life to others in the work can be pretty lonely though in terms of in person connection, and in comparison it does come across like some of you guys are well surrounded ( and good for you lol
:)! .. Its just that alot of us may not even know like 1 person in real life that can grasp this stuff. But I guess we have to do the best with what we have as its far from an ideal world.That's not to say that the forum is a place where you can't connect, I had to comment again because it was not balanced what I put. There a loads of wonderful interactions here as Alejo said folks (and thank you for reminding me Alejo) folks have some great interaction!
In some situations feel its good to give people the benefit of the doubt if possible though, when I'm not sure, even if all things are pointing in a certain direction as its still so easy to get stuff wrong with so little info. And sometimes when my emotions get in the way, im not able to do this either so apologies for that.
It was difficult for me to read some of the opinions however, about the low quality posts, inane comments etc, because I think its subjective as to what can be perceived as an inane comment for example, and this does come across me a being a little elitist in terms of newer people and how long it may take for us to learn how to post and network. I've never once thought that any post was particularly inane or low quality. For some people, as it was for me many years ago, it may be difficult to make even 1 comment with a couple of sentences due to lack of confidence and worrying, so attitudes like this do risk to push people out who , in a few years could contribute more on the forum, energetically or in other ways. And in the situation we find ourselves in, as far as i can see, we need all the help we can get and the more people the better. As long as people aren't being rude or abusive to each other, I can handle a few posts that may not be up to scratch. I get that people are busy too.. Although When I see a post or thread that I don't wanna read, I just go to another one or scroll down so its never been much of an issue for me honestly..
I think of what the C'said about love = light = knowledge, and a deeper knowledge of each other which can also come from more casual informal interaction can lead to greater knowledge, and depth of connection, by sharing impressions, laughter, perceptions about even the more trivial moments of our lives, can be educational, so it isn't necessarily inane imo. For me the work of knowing self, isn't the only goal, its about unification too. Which is a difficult one as I also understand that sharing more personal stuff isn't always wise either in a public forum, so i def don't have the answers.
I totally get we need a feedback from folks and don't know ourselves, it more about the ways in which its done and again, taking into account the cold and cruel world that people come here from , often in a state of damage and wounds, it may not be helping to feedback in a way that some perceive to be sometimes judgemental and intolerant. Defensive reactions also come when people have already had a ear full of it for a lifetime as is the case for those of us oriented to light in a dark world from what I've Learned. Energy drainage can happen when someone Has misjudged me. Its an awful feeling to be misunderstood, as the song goes.. "o please don't let me be misunderstood " lol. I did feel that these guys made a lot of effort to explain to avoid this misunderstanding and the words came from the heart. Thats just how it felt to me.
I'm not really follower of Gurdieff, hence why some of my opinion may be at odds. I mean he was a great man no doubt, I've read In Search of the Miraculous, and he was a wonderful teacher, there was no one quite like him. Which is apparently why he slipped a bit too from what the C' s said.
The C's and haven't said to follow him in particular though, from what i can see, and also it came out that he was wrong about alot of things. Even if he was totally right about others and the ideas of the work on self are intrinsic to growth.. His ideas did come across like lacking love and understanding, the groups he created seemed sterile, his way came across too harsh and feel like some aspects of this have influenced things here, not necessarily in a good way imo . . Thats just how it comes across to me and it's just a personal opinion. I mean, his work it was actually amazing, it's more like to temper it with new stuff and always try to find ways to improve etc and not become to entrenched in one particular school of thought.
Its like the knowledge that we have been given now has superceded some of his ideas, and change from these ideas is not a bad thing imo.
I still think the mirror is controversial/difficult/risky thing to do in practice online it's very difficult to really get a good picture of a person and their life, I know its all we've got to go on but still, think its good to hold back on hasty judgement as again, its not easy to understand someone from a screen, I cannot see someone's body language, hear their voice, see their smile or sorrows, and I don't know what they are going through in their life as we speak. I guess the ideal would be to do this in person around people who know us better but again that's probably not gonna happen as groups like this in person are so rare, although to balance this any feedback could be provided in a kinder way, more understanding of people who aren't at a certain level or don't necessarily get it yet, well I don't really get it either! Which is probably what you guys think. I know im a bit simple . Ah well, maybe im not suitable for the Work, I do admit that too. I think in future I'll just stick to doing music etc and probably not get involved in all this stuff cause if I'm honest I don't really understand it very well.
Also I'm sorry if I threw my toys out the pram, there was no need for me to react in the way I did either, was a bit full on. I guess it really did trigger me and I'll try to be more open to what you guys have to say.. As my own ego does also get in the way.
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Wandering Star
The Living Force
Something that is repeated, the lack of kindness sometimes.
And although it may have repercussions to publish an opinion contrary to the opinion of those who govern the forum, if it is not said it will seem that this opinion does not exist or is not available to the reader of said thread.
The person he does so he is brave.
Finally, I would like to reiterate that despite everything I firmly believe that this forum is a treasure.
Ina
The Living Force
As long as the etiquette is kept, working ladies and gentlemen.
Good day, beautiful people! (that's not chit-chat, merely a salutation)
This is likely my final post in here, so I apologize if it's too lengthy to be bothered with.
I'm going to begin with a negative, but leave on a positive. Shall we begin?
I am upset that a lovely older man with a heart condition is likely now humiliated and may not return. While we tried to remain on topic, we both used personal stories for examples pertaining to said topic...and then jokingly added more for context. However, if chit-chat is not allowed in this thread, may I ask a question? Is it okay, for other members to join a conversation regarding the analysis and character assassination of two members who are absent? However...
The beginning was positive but turned negative quickly. I prefer to view this as perhaps a way for some of us to cross paths who normally wouldn't, even on the forum boards. No doubt there were lessons learned, maybe from both sides. One could be about assumptions. Did anyone ever wonder if I maybe had decided to pursue psychology and human behavior? Maybe the older me is now quite good at judging character and knowing what red flags to look for? I mean, some of you thought I was a young'un so it's possible that more about me got lost in translation. I saw no red flags with Helmet.
I always see the very best in people. I don't look for their worst, because it always shows up eventually. I give them the benefit of the doubt, but immediately notice when words/practice don't match up. Some people always assume the worst, assume they're seeing it, and don't bother looking for the best because they assume they were right all along. But everyone is on their own journey so you can't say that they are wrong, especially not just so that you can tell yourself that you are right.
And...yes...to me, you are ALL beautiful people. Even if we don't see eye to eye. This whole thing had me checking on my own character, and I'm still good with me. I've always been like this, so I'm consistent. I also wanted the time to choose my words carefully, because I don't want to bring anymore negativity into this thread. I will now get to my closing comments, your Honor (lol)...
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
jacy
This is likely my final post in here, so I apologize if it's too lengthy to be bothered with.
I'm going to begin with a negative, but leave on a positive. Shall we begin?
I am upset that a lovely older man with a heart condition is likely now humiliated and may not return. While we tried to remain on topic, we both used personal stories for examples pertaining to said topic...and then jokingly added more for context. However, if chit-chat is not allowed in this thread, may I ask a question? Is it okay, for other members to join a conversation regarding the analysis and character assassination of two members who are absent? However...
The beginning was positive but turned negative quickly. I prefer to view this as perhaps a way for some of us to cross paths who normally wouldn't, even on the forum boards. No doubt there were lessons learned, maybe from both sides. One could be about assumptions. Did anyone ever wonder if I maybe had decided to pursue psychology and human behavior? Maybe the older me is now quite good at judging character and knowing what red flags to look for? I mean, some of you thought I was a young'un so it's possible that more about me got lost in translation. I saw no red flags with Helmet.
I always see the very best in people. I don't look for their worst, because it always shows up eventually. I give them the benefit of the doubt, but immediately notice when words/practice don't match up. Some people always assume the worst, assume they're seeing it, and don't bother looking for the best because they assume they were right all along. But everyone is on their own journey so you can't say that they are wrong, especially not just so that you can tell yourself that you are right.
And...yes...to me, you are ALL beautiful people. Even if we don't see eye to eye. This whole thing had me checking on my own character, and I'm still good with me. I've always been like this, so I'm consistent. I also wanted the time to choose my words carefully, because I don't want to bring anymore negativity into this thread. I will now get to my closing comments, your Honor (lol)...
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
jacy
axj
The Living Force
I agree that some of the comments here analyzing your behaviour were too harsh, but if you are familiar with the Work, something that is humiliating for the ego (which we all have) is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be a stepping stone if you are willing to look at yourself with brutal honesty - which is a big part of the Work that is being practiced by most here. The Work can be very uncomfortable at times because we have to truthfully face every ego program, emotional wound, every way we habitually deceive ourselves, etc. Only by releasing all this 'crap' can we become lighter (our vibration), much more aware, stronger and more connected to the love at our core being.
I have been participating here on and off since about 25 years ago (while also doing the Work with another group) and a few times I also left for a while, partly due to my own ego being bruised and partly due to what I perceived as unhealthy group dynamics. Nevertheless, I had to acknowledge that not only has the group analysis here of what is really going on in the world been consistently the closest to the truth, but that it is indeed one of the few larger communities practicing the Work. Nobody is perfect of course, neither you, me or even the elders/admins on this forum. Sometimes mistakes are made, but it is good to keep the bigger picture and overall intent in mind. If the Work and seeing the truth about the world and yourself is your calling, then this is one of the best places for that. Or maybe you can find a group or community that resonates even more with you.
BHelmet
The Living Force
Ok I’ve read through everything and am all caught up. BTW, I’m not looking for sympathy on the heart thing-it’s more that these type of health-scare events shift the perspective. And then there’s the heart drugs. I know they are affecting me and I’m trying to maintain awareness of that and take it into account. That’s one reason I haven’t been saying much. I really like all the comments and in spite of the noise, it has ultimately made for a good research topic.
To be contd
To be contd
Maybe the entire concept of "Bad Boys" should be reclaimed.
it would be very interesting for women in general to read through one another's experiences, and for guys to learn about how women perceive men in general, and how that may be tied down to biology and psychology.
It would be probably very useful to discuss it in light of some of the other threads about masculinity, because while we all agree that a Bad boy is bad news for women, and themselves, they remain appealing, so it would be probably useful also to discuss it in the context of femininity, so not just to understand boys turning into men and where their bad traits come from, when they're not innate pathologies, but also women and how to understand their appeal for certain traits and the confusion that may lead them to choose poorly.
For instance, the assumption we tend to make, mostly guys, that physical beauty automatically equals good character.
in Summary, I do think this thread's topic could be reclaimed, or perhaps split if that would make more sense.
First I ignored the topic as I thought it was about the movie 
but then when I realised it was not, I found initial post very interesting and wanted to see how the discussion went on, only to realise there was 6 pages of ... well...
Since we´re back on the original topic of Bad Boys, what came to mind is the excerpt from The Wave below.
In today´s world, we learned that among character disturbed men (or dangerous men), it is rarely only one characteristic that is prominent, usually it is a combo of at least 2 - i.e. addict is also aggressive and/or narcissistic. Add a psychopathy to the combo and we get a nice destruction machine that can easily pray and play on women´s deepest needs and desires.
In one of the comments below the video it says:
One type of broken women usually wants "a saviour", butterflies and excitement, the one who will come on the white horse and give her all the "love", attention and "super sex" without them moving a finger and save her from herself. He will "heal" her loneliness and make her feel good. And, if the woman is younger, a touch of adventure and rebellion is a cherry on a pie (pirate). If the woman is older, a certain amount of income he has is enough to declare him a right one (billionaire/surgeon). So, here comes a psychopath who pushes all the right buttons and - viola!
Of course, another type of a broken woman is the one who is toughen up and self sufficient; and they want to "save" bad boys. It gives them, again, butterflies and excitement. They will be the ones who will get them straight and give them purpose in life and with them, bad boy will be tamed and he will love her forever and ever (vampire/werewolf). Those women either get a psycho who will exploit her or a psycho who will want to see if he can break her, usually literarily.
And all the other mixture of types of broken women and appropriate bad boys. It is all written in S. Brown´s books Women Who Love Psychopaths and How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved.
Normal guys have the same neurotics as the women. And they end up with some feminine vampire type of women, who suck the life out of them and they fall more into the pit of neuroticism and depression, feelings of unworthiness and weakness.
IMO, when a man works on himself, he doesn´t "emit the aura" of unknown and excitement, but of a rock solid stability and confidence. They will be rational, steady and calm, and save the excitement and butterflies for the bedroom.
A broken women will say "what is the excitement in that!?" as they don´t know a life without poking, fighting, dramas and twisters of emotions. So, normal guys are "boring" and what I observed is that women don´t even "give a chance" to normal guys. That is not "love" they saw growing up, it´s not the "love" they are programmed to (either by the family or society), and it´s not the "love" they "need". So they choose a preferred flavour of a bad boy who will give them enough of the rollercoaster for 5 life times.
but then when I realised it was not, I found initial post very interesting and wanted to see how the discussion went on, only to realise there was 6 pages of ... well...Since we´re back on the original topic of Bad Boys, what came to mind is the excerpt from The Wave below.
The Wave Chapter 28: Technicians of Ecstasy: The Shamanic Initiation Of The Knighted Ones Part 2
OPs and the Big Picture That there exists a soulless race, now numbering close to three billion inhabitants of this planet, certainly helps explain why the Earth is in its current state. That this …
cassiopaea.org
In today´s world, we learned that among character disturbed men (or dangerous men), it is rarely only one characteristic that is prominent, usually it is a combo of at least 2 - i.e. addict is also aggressive and/or narcissistic. Add a psychopathy to the combo and we get a nice destruction machine that can easily pray and play on women´s deepest needs and desires.
Not sure that for women is the looks that matter much, although, of course, there are woman to whom it defeatedly matters (I personally know at least one who actually said so). I´d say, it´s kind of what JP said here
In one of the comments below the video it says:
One can see how masculine virtues are twisted and mixed up with psychopathic.
One type of broken women usually wants "a saviour", butterflies and excitement, the one who will come on the white horse and give her all the "love", attention and "super sex" without them moving a finger and save her from herself. He will "heal" her loneliness and make her feel good. And, if the woman is younger, a touch of adventure and rebellion is a cherry on a pie (pirate). If the woman is older, a certain amount of income he has is enough to declare him a right one (billionaire/surgeon). So, here comes a psychopath who pushes all the right buttons and - viola!
Of course, another type of a broken woman is the one who is toughen up and self sufficient; and they want to "save" bad boys. It gives them, again, butterflies and excitement. They will be the ones who will get them straight and give them purpose in life and with them, bad boy will be tamed and he will love her forever and ever (vampire/werewolf). Those women either get a psycho who will exploit her or a psycho who will want to see if he can break her, usually literarily.
And all the other mixture of types of broken women and appropriate bad boys. It is all written in S. Brown´s books Women Who Love Psychopaths and How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved.
Normal guys have the same neurotics as the women. And they end up with some feminine vampire type of women, who suck the life out of them and they fall more into the pit of neuroticism and depression, feelings of unworthiness and weakness.
IMO, when a man works on himself, he doesn´t "emit the aura" of unknown and excitement, but of a rock solid stability and confidence. They will be rational, steady and calm, and save the excitement and butterflies for the bedroom.
A broken women will say "what is the excitement in that!?" as they don´t know a life without poking, fighting, dramas and twisters of emotions. So, normal guys are "boring" and what I observed is that women don´t even "give a chance" to normal guys. That is not "love" they saw growing up, it´s not the "love" they are programmed to (either by the family or society), and it´s not the "love" they "need". So they choose a preferred flavour of a bad boy who will give them enough of the rollercoaster for 5 life times.
Interesting turn of events. I do agree that there is much to be discussed on this topic. I'd like to address one.
Assuming. Assumptions. What are they based on? A lot of information, or a little? Why do people seem to always concur that their very first assumption is 100% correct? Do they change their initial assumptions over time, with more information? Or do they decide that they are still right, and wallow in their egotistical superiority?
We can read every book ever written about 'roles' and 'characters' that we play, and a long list of 'types' of love and attraction. But that is still only a limited number of reasons/explanations. The reasons are infinite. They are not the same for every person, much of their attraction to someone can be based on their own personal experiences. One example: The 'bad boy' upon first contact, reminds her very deeply of someone who looked like him from her childhood. Someone who was a kind loving influence, not a 'bad' boy, but a 'good' one.
It truly is unfair to believe that anyone can take a quick glance at someone's behavior and decide that they can analyse it correctly. You haven't walked in that person's shoes...seems kind of arrogant. Also, I raised identical twins. They lived basically the same childhood, but their own individual perceptions and experiences are not identical. I have studied twins with much interest. My twins and I were involved in some research with the local university, including IQ testing of them and myself (not the same test obviously, lol) and was invited to attend a lecture at the university with an expert on twins.
This topic is deep, personal experiences explain all that the outsider cannot see. I suppose that's why I use them to explain events in my life. They are relevant.
(Not a reason to break forum rules however, I have learned that lesson and it won't happen again.)
Believes.
If a person accepts a mirror as a path to self improvement then they have a potential to change. If not, they are stuck in their egotistical superiority.
There are infinite number of experiences but what is important is a underlying dynamic of the story which is in many cases the same; feeding of one kind or another.
That is a running program; one got attracted to a person based on a underlying running program and is "in love" with an illusion not a person.
See here:
The Wave Chapter 70: You Take the High Road and I’ll Take the Low Road and I’ll Be in Scotland Afore Ye!
Addiction. I have made the statement that we are made addicts inside our own skins. And I am fairly certain that most people reading that remark are quite certain they are not! Especially if they a…
cassiopaea.org
Many of the topics you are wondering about are written and explained in the Wave series. Have you read it?
