Boardlurker? Read this!!
- Thread starter Vulcan59
- Start date
Dear Friends,
In the beginning .... (!) Of my post to the forums, I've been a lurker. It is part of the process, understanding the topic, group dynamics, particularly for the appropriate level of communication. I have the limitation of language, but understanding and this has forced me to be cautious until I can adequately understand all the answers.
But. I am learning, have no doubt. And remember "Learning is fun" and besides it makes you somewhat more free.
I repeat: I love to read the questions discussed in the forums, not a lurker or what ever. but as someone who has much to share and more to learn, but most of that energy is going to make me understand.
Carlin
In the beginning .... (!) Of my post to the forums, I've been a lurker. It is part of the process, understanding the topic, group dynamics, particularly for the appropriate level of communication. I have the limitation of language, but understanding and this has forced me to be cautious until I can adequately understand all the answers.
But. I am learning, have no doubt. And remember "Learning is fun" and besides it makes you somewhat more free.
I repeat: I love to read the questions discussed in the forums, not a lurker or what ever. but as someone who has much to share and more to learn, but most of that energy is going to make me understand.
Carlin
I've also been lurking on this forum on and off for years. Thankyou so much to all those who have shared their feelings and thoughts about this. I have felt so much less alone reading posts from others who shared feelings that stopped them from posting. I have experienced almost all those same fears and reading through this thread has really helped me see that all those thoughts and feelings such as; 'I have nothing to add', 'I'm just making noise' or 'I'm not good enough' really are just the predator talking.
Puzzle said
I'm still very nervous about posting and worry that I will just be wasting people's time or that I'll say something wrong, but I am trying to remind myself that even if that does happen it will be ok because mistakes are a part of learning and learning is why we are here.
Puzzle said
Before I read this thread I really did think I was the only person who felt and acted that way and so assumed I must be not good enough somehow. Now it seems kinda silly that I just accepted those things as true. But it also shows me very clearly how subjective my own perceptions are and how important it is to have others perceptions to add to the picture. So once again thank you to all those who've shared these things.
I'm still very nervous about posting and worry that I will just be wasting people's time or that I'll say something wrong, but I am trying to remind myself that even if that does happen it will be ok because mistakes are a part of learning and learning is why we are here.
truth seeker
The Living Force
Annbeing said:
Absolutely!
What many people have difficulty realizing is that almost anything posted can turn into a learning opportunity for someone. Sometimes a question can be asked or something is said that can shift the entire conversation that results in deeper understanding.
When we stop ourselves from reaching out, we not only deprive ourselves of the opportunity to learn and grow, but inadvertently deprive others the same. What you have to say has value.
slavronin
The Force is Strong With This One
Well, I guess it's my turn to confess! I've been reading the Cassiopaean material for many years now and have been lurking on the forum for nearly the same time. It really is comforting to know that a lot of other people have a lot of the same thoughts that I've had about posting on the forum.
I have to commend the people posting now that were scared before because they felt intimidated by other people's knowledge. I have a degree in engineering, have always had an interest in science and other topics, generally consider myself smart and I still feel intimidated posting topics here! It's ironic too that it is easier for me to talk face-to-face to people about these topics than to post comments online in relative anonymity to people I may never meet!
Previously, I too had always thought of that old adage “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” But after reading everyone else's replies and contemplating the boardlurking issue, I think to myself, "so what if I'm thought to be a fool?" In the company of everyone else out there, that may be detrimental to my development but here on the forum, it is a way to help overcome the ego and other self illusions. As mentioned in The Zelator, the way of the fool is another path to spiritual development!
So far, the biggest challenge for me honestly is laziness. I really do feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place. It reminds me of Carlos in Journey to Ixtlan. I can't go back to sleep but I can't really wake up either. The volume of information and topics to digest here on the forum is time consuming and I really end up only picking up on a few topics or skimming through the other topics and posts. I feel like I'm getting better but it is slow progress. I'm not sure if I'm getting attacked psychically or if I'm just falling for my own distractions I've setup around me.
One other program I have that hinders me from contributing to the group is keeping myself distant. I've picked up a habit in past relationships to not get too attached because I didn't want to get hurt or to hurt others. Even here on the forum, I feel if I were to get too involved and then were suddenly to withdraw, I would let everyone down and hurt the group.
Anyways, I am working on getting better. It amazes me how much of a self learning process writing on the forum is!
P.S. Even though my post is not very long or deep, it still took me a week to write it! :P
I have to commend the people posting now that were scared before because they felt intimidated by other people's knowledge. I have a degree in engineering, have always had an interest in science and other topics, generally consider myself smart and I still feel intimidated posting topics here! It's ironic too that it is easier for me to talk face-to-face to people about these topics than to post comments online in relative anonymity to people I may never meet!
Previously, I too had always thought of that old adage “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” But after reading everyone else's replies and contemplating the boardlurking issue, I think to myself, "so what if I'm thought to be a fool?" In the company of everyone else out there, that may be detrimental to my development but here on the forum, it is a way to help overcome the ego and other self illusions. As mentioned in The Zelator, the way of the fool is another path to spiritual development!
So far, the biggest challenge for me honestly is laziness. I really do feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place. It reminds me of Carlos in Journey to Ixtlan. I can't go back to sleep but I can't really wake up either. The volume of information and topics to digest here on the forum is time consuming and I really end up only picking up on a few topics or skimming through the other topics and posts. I feel like I'm getting better but it is slow progress. I'm not sure if I'm getting attacked psychically or if I'm just falling for my own distractions I've setup around me.
One other program I have that hinders me from contributing to the group is keeping myself distant. I've picked up a habit in past relationships to not get too attached because I didn't want to get hurt or to hurt others. Even here on the forum, I feel if I were to get too involved and then were suddenly to withdraw, I would let everyone down and hurt the group.
Anyways, I am working on getting better. It amazes me how much of a self learning process writing on the forum is!
P.S. Even though my post is not very long or deep, it still took me a week to write it! :P
shijing
The Living Force
Hi slavronin --
It could be either or both, and in a way it may not be so important what the cause of the obstacle is -- it will be excellent work for you to learn how to circumvent and/or overcome this obstacle, because it will require both strategy and will, and this will in turn develop your self. You may be able to discover if your sluggishness is a result of self-induced obstacles through careful observation over time, but the skills that you develop to counteract it, whatever it's cause, will be applicable in all situations like this no matter what the cause, and if you apply yourself you will get better with practice (I can say that from experience!).
That provides you with your next challenge then! The most valid thing about your comparison above is that, like any relationship, you can't get the most out of it and grow without committing yourself. Keep in mind that everyone's input here is valued and yours is no exception, but given the nature and membership of the network, your withdrawal, should it occur, would not seriously compromise it. I don't mean that to be insulting, but rather to point out that this purported danger may be much more plausible as an excuse for you not to commit and participate than a valid reason for you not to commit.
And perhaps the next one or two will as well -- but if you keep practicing and participating, it won't be that way forever. And the importance of this post doesn't seem to be about length or depth, but the fact that you have made a first attempt to challenge your predator's mind, which is more important than either. So congratulations, and I hope to see you continue :)
slavronin said:
It could be either or both, and in a way it may not be so important what the cause of the obstacle is -- it will be excellent work for you to learn how to circumvent and/or overcome this obstacle, because it will require both strategy and will, and this will in turn develop your self. You may be able to discover if your sluggishness is a result of self-induced obstacles through careful observation over time, but the skills that you develop to counteract it, whatever it's cause, will be applicable in all situations like this no matter what the cause, and if you apply yourself you will get better with practice (I can say that from experience!).
slavronin said:
That provides you with your next challenge then! The most valid thing about your comparison above is that, like any relationship, you can't get the most out of it and grow without committing yourself. Keep in mind that everyone's input here is valued and yours is no exception, but given the nature and membership of the network, your withdrawal, should it occur, would not seriously compromise it. I don't mean that to be insulting, but rather to point out that this purported danger may be much more plausible as an excuse for you not to commit and participate than a valid reason for you not to commit.
slavronin said:
And perhaps the next one or two will as well -- but if you keep practicing and participating, it won't be that way forever. And the importance of this post doesn't seem to be about length or depth, but the fact that you have made a first attempt to challenge your predator's mind, which is more important than either. So congratulations, and I hope to see you continue :)
slavronin said:
It's amazing, isn't it, what our "predator's mind" can do to keep us away from what we really need to do to learn about said "predator's mind" so that we are able to get some control of it.
slavronin said:
This is, again, your predator talking and whispering in your ear that you will be thought a fool. First off, I don't think that anyone here thinks of anyone else as a fool. ;) Second, those of us here that respond to your posts always do so with the "real" you in mind. And I am sure, that as a reader of the Cassiopaea stuff for years, that you already know this. So I would suspect that your predator's mind is whispering sweet nothings in your ear and keeping you afraid of being called a fool, when in actuality, it is the predator's mind that is afraid of being found out.
slavronin said:
I think that it could very possibly be a little of both. But I know that it is very easy to let our programs run us to the point that we get nothing done that would further our goal of self-knowledge.
slavronin said:
I think that it is very good to put the good of the group before your own wants/needs. But you don't want to use it as an excuse to do what you know you should be doing, either. This is just more of the predator's whisperings to keep you from finding out about it. If you were to learn about "it"/your programs and be able to get them under control, just think of the freedom you would have. And this is what "it" doesn't want, or so I think.
I think that it is a good idea not to become attached/identified with anything, but we also want to let our predator twist this idea around into keeping us from doing what would help us the most - learning about ourselves and our programs.
slavronin said:
Then, kudos to you for persevering
. This is the first step back on the path.I would like to suggest a couple of things that you could do that may help you on your "quest." ;)
First, and most importantly, are you doing the Eiriu Eolas breathing and meditation program? If not, this is a very important step to take. It will help you tremendously in seeing your programs and being able to come to terms with them. This doesn't mean that you don't also do the Work on yourself with reading from the Narcissism Big 5 Books and APPLYING them to yourself. But it helps you to process these things that you are finding about yourself. To let go of the repressed emotions that have been caused by these programs.
Also, very important is detoxing your body. In the Diet and Health section you will find the many threads on detoxing your mind and body. Two good things to start with is the UltraSimple Diet and the Ultra Mind Solution Quizzes. If you need to, you can e-mail Psyche with your test results and she can give you some advice to which supplements would benefit you.
You may be suffering from a very wrong diet and not enough nutrients, which the supplements are a great help with. I know this for a fact. At least, for me. The clarity of mind with these supplements and other health related remedies is nothing short of miraculous for me. Which also includes eating healthy, getting rid of the foods that are toxic to me. And the only way to find out which ones are toxic to you is to go on the Ultra Simple diet and eliminate all of the things that could be causing sensitivities in you and to find out which ones they are. I'm still finding out things that are not even on the list as causing sensitivities in me that are.
I guess it all comes down to just how much do you want to feel healthy and in control of your life? As always, it is you that has to choose what you are going to do.
And you can go to these threads with any questions you have. There is someone here 24/7 that will give you some feedback. ;) We are one big family that is here to help each other. So it is a win/win situation for you. :)
Avi
Jedi Council Member
Hiya slavronin,
And be sure to commend yourself for taking this step on your journey! I very much enjoyed hearing you describe your experience and found your post insightful.
Maybe a bit of analysis-paralysis with the engineering work and mind, I can relate. Carlos did struggle with the meeting of a new world with that of his old but remember Don Juan and his admonishments to Carlos that "action lies in the moment" and impeccability is simply doing the best available to one in the moment?
You are spot on about the volume of information here, over 139K posts, so really the time to jump in is when something resonates. Good to see you've identified the withdrawal and resulting behavior, this is also one I can relate to from experience. Any ideas on the cause of that type of reaction or ways to work with it?
And no need to be self-deprecating, I think if you look you will find a great deal to offer! If only you weren't so lazy . . .
(teasing you)
With warm regards,
~Herakles
And be sure to commend yourself for taking this step on your journey! I very much enjoyed hearing you describe your experience and found your post insightful.
Maybe a bit of analysis-paralysis with the engineering work and mind, I can relate. Carlos did struggle with the meeting of a new world with that of his old but remember Don Juan and his admonishments to Carlos that "action lies in the moment" and impeccability is simply doing the best available to one in the moment?
You are spot on about the volume of information here, over 139K posts, so really the time to jump in is when something resonates. Good to see you've identified the withdrawal and resulting behavior, this is also one I can relate to from experience. Any ideas on the cause of that type of reaction or ways to work with it?
And no need to be self-deprecating, I think if you look you will find a great deal to offer! If only you weren't so lazy . . .
(teasing you)With warm regards,
~Herakles
slavronin said:
slavronin
The Force is Strong With This One
Thank you all for your comments. Each of you has given me something to think about.
Oddly, I never thought that putting the good of the group before my own as being an excuse but I do use that excuse often. It's an interesting philosophical/metaphysical debate to ponder when one's participation in the forum becomes STS rather than STO. I used to think that the experienced forum members were losing too much time and energy helping inexperienced members and repeating topics or information when it appeared there was greater value in focusing the forum discussion on more advanced topics for the development of the more knowledgeable and well read forum members. Funny now that I've wrote that sentence do I realize how that makes no sense. I see how this forum is really about building a community of like minded people and that involves building everyone up.
I have been doing Eiriu Eolas as well as eating better (haven't done Ultra Simple Diet yet) and like doing both. I've noticed the subtleties from doing EE and really noticed how my energy and concentration have gotten better with a slowly improving diet. However, I am still not consistently practicing EE and following a good diet. Despite the benefits of EE and a good diet, it's amazing how I'll forget about both and fall off the wagon to watch TV/play video games and eat some comfort food. On the plus side, I am improving. My progress may be slow but it is at least there.
I sometimes think if the analysis-paralysis is me just being Pisces. Impeccability as simply doing the best available to one in the moment is a good reminder. I think it is a more profound way of saying we have our good days and we have our bad days!
Shijing said:
Nienna Eluch said:
Oddly, I never thought that putting the good of the group before my own as being an excuse but I do use that excuse often. It's an interesting philosophical/metaphysical debate to ponder when one's participation in the forum becomes STS rather than STO. I used to think that the experienced forum members were losing too much time and energy helping inexperienced members and repeating topics or information when it appeared there was greater value in focusing the forum discussion on more advanced topics for the development of the more knowledgeable and well read forum members. Funny now that I've wrote that sentence do I realize how that makes no sense. I see how this forum is really about building a community of like minded people and that involves building everyone up.
Nienna Eluch said:
I have been doing Eiriu Eolas as well as eating better (haven't done Ultra Simple Diet yet) and like doing both. I've noticed the subtleties from doing EE and really noticed how my energy and concentration have gotten better with a slowly improving diet. However, I am still not consistently practicing EE and following a good diet. Despite the benefits of EE and a good diet, it's amazing how I'll forget about both and fall off the wagon to watch TV/play video games and eat some comfort food. On the plus side, I am improving. My progress may be slow but it is at least there.
Herakles said:
I sometimes think if the analysis-paralysis is me just being Pisces. Impeccability as simply doing the best available to one in the moment is a good reminder. I think it is a more profound way of saying we have our good days and we have our bad days!
Stowaway
The Force is Strong With This One
I joined the forum two years ago after reading the Adventures series and the Wave series. As my user name suggests, I am guilty of a lurker mentality. Very often I feel that I have little of value to contribute, as others seem well ahead of me or able to express facts and ideas much better than me. Writing at the level of maturity, objectivity, and appropriate consideration for others requires an effort that seems too demanding – even as I write these words I see how much I am conditioned by laziness and fear of failure or rejection 
Perhaps I do have something to contribute, and will never realize the value unless it is offered. I know that I value every member's experiences and observations when they are shared honestly and with good will.
Perhaps I do have something to contribute, and will never realize the value unless it is offered. I know that I value every member's experiences and observations when they are shared honestly and with good will.
