Boardlurker? Read this!!
- Thread starter Vulcan59
- Start date
Amelopsis
Padawan Learner
I don't consider myself to be a Boardlurker, nor am I a Newbie.
I'm a member who can be considered to have boardlurking habits. :/
I greatly value this forum, my hesitation to post is due to a generous ability to over analyze both the value of my contribution and also how it might be perceived by other members. It always seems to start out as a healthy external consideration, but also usually devolves into a 'non-post'.
I frequently have the mouse hovering over the 'reply' button only to abandon the idea halfway through thinking of what exactly to type; or worse, abandon my post after investing some time formulating a reply before it's complete. Time available for posting also enters the picture, however it certainly isn't a mitigating factor on all occasions.
My posts are almost exclusively external observations - I can say with some degree of certainty this felt 'easier' and/or 'safer'.
At times when I've been motivated to post something of a nature more conducive to the real Work, and networking; I undermine myself (or so I think); often considering the forum rules and deciding I may not have read enough to be sure I'm not stating something that's already obvious to others or that hasn't already been posted. (there is an awful lot of material to read, I think everyone would agree!) I also end up coming back to the same issue of over-thinking what others will think.
This is a hard admission to make, not one I'm proud of, but I'm taking the leap here, as it were, and saying it how it is.
I was introduced to the Wave by my partner about a decade ago, and soaked it all in voraciously. The material resonated very deeply with each of us and during this period of extended sessions of reading we shared endless discussions. During this period of reading we both began experiencing serious strangeness; so much so that I began keeping notes while reading - of my observations on the material as well as things I experienced while reading. Our strange experiences very rapidly turned into us both being under attack. The more poignant the personal revelations, the more concerted the attacks. This went on for some time. Despite this being 'early days' (at least for me), we were vigilant and determined on our path of seeking knowledge; we persevered. After some time the attack subsided incrementally to what I would now call a more 'normal' intensity & frequency (again, something many members will be familiar with!). Me & my partner have both individually continued reading, occasional posting, but always continued reading and discussing with one another the topics from SOTT news, related sources, Laura's work, our own considerations on these matters, and more. Even while entirely absent from the forum, the learning doesn't stop.
Flash forward to today and the forum is full of discussion of the present intensity of both forces of entropy and progress. There's no doubt that 'there's something in the air'. Haarp, yes, but a quality of energy that is so very negative it drives even the most earnest student of knowledge & self observation to distraction and detriment.
Simultaneously though (in the forum) the network seems also to be 'meshing', strengthening the resolve for truth and knowledge. This is apparent in so many recent posts from newcomers and prodigal posters alike, that it's motivate this post of mine. I've learned a lot, and have a lot to learn, but I keep my Hammer handy and continue to Work.
This post has taken a ridiculous amount of time for me...I've been editing as I go...but I've finally hovered and clicked "post" (after spell check and preview, of course! ;D)
I'm a member who can be considered to have boardlurking habits. :/
I greatly value this forum, my hesitation to post is due to a generous ability to over analyze both the value of my contribution and also how it might be perceived by other members. It always seems to start out as a healthy external consideration, but also usually devolves into a 'non-post'.
I frequently have the mouse hovering over the 'reply' button only to abandon the idea halfway through thinking of what exactly to type; or worse, abandon my post after investing some time formulating a reply before it's complete. Time available for posting also enters the picture, however it certainly isn't a mitigating factor on all occasions.
My posts are almost exclusively external observations - I can say with some degree of certainty this felt 'easier' and/or 'safer'.
At times when I've been motivated to post something of a nature more conducive to the real Work, and networking; I undermine myself (or so I think); often considering the forum rules and deciding I may not have read enough to be sure I'm not stating something that's already obvious to others or that hasn't already been posted. (there is an awful lot of material to read, I think everyone would agree!) I also end up coming back to the same issue of over-thinking what others will think.
This is a hard admission to make, not one I'm proud of, but I'm taking the leap here, as it were, and saying it how it is.
I was introduced to the Wave by my partner about a decade ago, and soaked it all in voraciously. The material resonated very deeply with each of us and during this period of extended sessions of reading we shared endless discussions. During this period of reading we both began experiencing serious strangeness; so much so that I began keeping notes while reading - of my observations on the material as well as things I experienced while reading. Our strange experiences very rapidly turned into us both being under attack. The more poignant the personal revelations, the more concerted the attacks. This went on for some time. Despite this being 'early days' (at least for me), we were vigilant and determined on our path of seeking knowledge; we persevered. After some time the attack subsided incrementally to what I would now call a more 'normal' intensity & frequency (again, something many members will be familiar with!). Me & my partner have both individually continued reading, occasional posting, but always continued reading and discussing with one another the topics from SOTT news, related sources, Laura's work, our own considerations on these matters, and more. Even while entirely absent from the forum, the learning doesn't stop.
Flash forward to today and the forum is full of discussion of the present intensity of both forces of entropy and progress. There's no doubt that 'there's something in the air'. Haarp, yes, but a quality of energy that is so very negative it drives even the most earnest student of knowledge & self observation to distraction and detriment.
Simultaneously though (in the forum) the network seems also to be 'meshing', strengthening the resolve for truth and knowledge. This is apparent in so many recent posts from newcomers and prodigal posters alike, that it's motivate this post of mine. I've learned a lot, and have a lot to learn, but I keep my Hammer handy and continue to Work.
This post has taken a ridiculous amount of time for me...I've been editing as I go...but I've finally hovered and clicked "post" (after spell check and preview, of course! ;D)
Tarri
Jedi Master
Hello Amelopsis,
I am glad that you are posting.
I had to smile when I read how you write and undo and try to write again. In the end just erasing it and letting it go. I must admit I have the same problems most of the time.
It is good to have someone in your life that you can go over things with. But I have learned the hard way that so much more can be discovered when posting on the forum. So much help. So much TRUTH.
And you never know when it's your perspective on something that helps make a breakthrough for someone else.
When reading the news articles, a voice in my mind, one of those nasty sneaky little (BIG) I's always come crashing on to the front when I feel I would like to comment. I listen to it tell me how I am to un-informed about things to make an intellegent and adult comment. People will see it and think nothing of it.
It actually stopped me several times. Though I was able to fight through most of it and post some comments.
I truly believe that I can trust the remarkable people, friends on this site to let me know if I am missing a point. I know deep within it would be possitive criticism. To help me see the deeper meaning of what is being said or not being said. So I fight that..what one member called "the little bastard" meaning the "I".
Learning not to be hesitant can be a huge step. It was for me when I first found this place. Trust is so very hard to gain in this world. I have seen these remarkable people come to the forfront when someone comes on and begins causing pain or confusion. I trust the Moderater to be there.
Thank "You" for bringing this to the surface. So many of us have the same issues but do not know how or when to bring them up.
And please keep posting. Good night. Tarri
I am glad that you are posting.
I had to smile when I read how you write and undo and try to write again. In the end just erasing it and letting it go. I must admit I have the same problems most of the time.
It is good to have someone in your life that you can go over things with. But I have learned the hard way that so much more can be discovered when posting on the forum. So much help. So much TRUTH.
And you never know when it's your perspective on something that helps make a breakthrough for someone else.
When reading the news articles, a voice in my mind, one of those nasty sneaky little (BIG) I's always come crashing on to the front when I feel I would like to comment. I listen to it tell me how I am to un-informed about things to make an intellegent and adult comment. People will see it and think nothing of it.
It actually stopped me several times. Though I was able to fight through most of it and post some comments.
I truly believe that I can trust the remarkable people, friends on this site to let me know if I am missing a point. I know deep within it would be possitive criticism. To help me see the deeper meaning of what is being said or not being said. So I fight that..what one member called "the little bastard" meaning the "I".
Learning not to be hesitant can be a huge step. It was for me when I first found this place. Trust is so very hard to gain in this world. I have seen these remarkable people come to the forfront when someone comes on and begins causing pain or confusion. I trust the Moderater to be there.
Thank "You" for bringing this to the surface. So many of us have the same issues but do not know how or when to bring them up.
And please keep posting. Good night. Tarri
Amelopsis said:
Well done, it’s a great first step forward.
Amelopsis said:
A lot of us (well me anyway) started that way, and such posts and considerations pave the way to greater confidence in posting more regularly.
Tarri said:
Well said.
Remember,
Azur said:
Also, as mentioned by Laura in another thread (Depression? « Reply #55 on: Yesterday at 03:56:41 PM »), the act of voicing your concerns, by posting them, by networking, lessens the effect of the attacks. I can personally vouch for this fact in recent times.
Edit: added referenced thread
Amelopsis
Padawan Learner
Thank you Trevrizent & Tarri, both.
Your replies are most welcome and encouraging.
I'm going to seek the happy medium between debilitating external consideration (in the context of forum rules) and productive (hopefully for myself as well as others) contribution to the forum, ergo networking.
Your replies are most welcome and encouraging.
I'm going to seek the happy medium between debilitating external consideration (in the context of forum rules) and productive (hopefully for myself as well as others) contribution to the forum, ergo networking.
Andrew M.
Padawan Learner
I am a board lurker and I apologize, my reason isn't to presume I know things that others don't, It's more that I'm used to people not wanting to hear or try and understand the things that are on my mind because they're not ready or just don't want to right now. I guess for myself it seems most everyone here is here to learn all they can, in a sense I wish I could keep up, but I find that learning comes at you like the wind, sometimes strong sometimes seemingly nonexistent. I don't come here to learn, but to try, in the best way I know how, to understand the things I have learned, and am learning as I go. I wish I could slow down the learning sometimes, and I guess I do sometimes with alcohol or [deleted by mod]. I'm not proud of the fact that I think I need these things to help me, but as old as my soul feels my mind and body are still young in this life and this is what I do at the moment. I've said in other posts much about my negative perspective and how I've been bearing such hard things for so long that they're what I notice first when looking to understand. I find throughout life most people passed off the negative, always trying to run away from it to find the good and understand that. Well I'm different in that aspect because I've always dwelled on such things, trying to understand, to the point that I can honestly say I'm sometimes ignorant to the good things, and this I am also not proud of, but it has a lot to do with me being a board lurker, or just a loner or antisocial person in general. My mind is hard and difficult and I've made it that way to understand the darkness. It seems to me that most here are going about their understand the other way. It is my theory that you cannot appreciate the light until you know the dark and it is my curse that I do not always appreciate the light because I'm so used to the dark. I am patient, I am understanding, and I do not use that term loosely. I would love to be able to reply to any thread on this forum, and I can, but I choose not to because, well, I don't take rejection well and I'm used my opinion being rejected. Nothing personal to anyone here, just my own cowardice getting the best of me and I fear others as well because I don't give my opinion enough, and my opinion, as I've said before, is not one to be taken lightly, because I don't.
Note: Please read Forum Guidelines
Note: Please read Forum Guidelines
anart
A Disturbance in the Force
Andrew M. said:
Then perhaps the trick is to not let learning 'come at you' but for you to 'go to' learning - become proactive in your learning and begin to shape your own future.
Andrew said:
Perhaps thinking that you need these things is part of why you speak of learning in a passive way, as if it happens to you instead of you doing it?
A said:
One of the hardest things for a man to give up when he begins to awaken is his own suffering. This is very common - but it can remedied with attention.
A said:
But one can never understand the darkness without understanding the lightness as well.
A said:
Yes, you appear to have grown comfortable with 'the dark' and are accustomed to it - and - perhaps - you even remain there because it makes you feel you are different from others in some way - unique.
A said:
Have you read the thread on Opinions?
As far as 'taking rejection well' - having the possible errors in ones thinking pointed out is not rejection. It is the best way to learn.
A said:
I think, perhaps, reading the thread on Opinions might help, as well as understanding that as you learn, your 'opinions' that you take so seriously change, much like what you thought was true at ten years old you know longer think is true. To become so identified with one's thoughts and opinions is to stagnate and not move forward - open your mind just a little, it's really not that scary once you take the first step.
Hi Andrew M.
I wanted to say that I have some understanding of where you are coming from....I suffered from depression for some years, and eventually found solice in the goth/'vampire' alternative community. Finally people who understood my pain!!
I spent some time dwelling in the darkness, and waring it like a badge of honour....it was my identity at that point in my life because it was the only place where I felt like I belonged.
I have a few friends who are still involved with those communities to some extent who are like you still firmly identified with this darkness.....its just where they are I guess.
Having gained some alternate perspectives over the years I now can look a things in many ways from many angles...including from the point of view of 'darkness'.
Some time ago I tried describing depression to a friends...the analogy I used was that of a broken leg. One that you have lived with (and may have had kicked repeatedly) for a long time....possibly your entire life.
You try to find meaning in the pain of the broken leg, your inability to walk (think) like others without feeling more pain, the fact that you can't run or keep up with others.....part of the conclusion you come up with (that you may not even be aware of) is that you think 'you' are at fault...that its somehow something you where born with, or are stuck with, and that you deserve this broken leg.......after that the only acceptable conclusion is that you Are your broken leg. Its what consumes your awareness day in day out, so it must be you right??
If you find a group of others with broken legs (the whole world is damaged in some way, so not hard to do) you may feel great relief that you can finally fit in somewhere and not feel out of place....can swap stories of past experiences with your broken leg, can give daily updates among others...and are generally happy to be dwelling on your broken leg....no it bring meaning and belonging to your life.
What then would happen if you then met people who had broken legs, but had either totally healed them or where in the process of healing them?? What would you make of the clumsiness of them moving in casts...slower than you...and not dwelling in pain!!!
What happens when you meet people who can now move freely...just like those that may have kicked or broken your leg years ago?? Are they the same?? Are they lying?? They can't possibly know what its like!! This broken leg is all you are...how can they leave that behind?? It must be a trick?? etc etc
Having spent time lurking, the reason I can now post more is that the example of others sharing there healing and past pain, and the information and tools shared here have helped me start to mend my own broken leg. I no longer need to be that leg, or dwell (so much) in the pain.....it still hurts now and then, and the injury can flare up badly sometimes....but mostly the pains not there now.
My awareness and understanding of 'broken legs' is greatly improved by learning to heal it and learing to 'walk' properly.
In the end its up to you where you dwell and what you identify with (or not)....myself I try not to identify with anything now....before that I did identify with this forum for a time...before that it was comunities who shared broken legs....and before that just my own pain. None of my understanding from all those experiences is lost...only expanded. fwiw
Having said all that, have you tried the E-E program (minus the round breathing/bio-energetic portion....as I think you'd do better avoiding that part for now)?? It is excellent at bringing first relief, then healing to 'broken legs' (emotional pain).
Andrew M. said:
I wanted to say that I have some understanding of where you are coming from....I suffered from depression for some years, and eventually found solice in the goth/'vampire' alternative community. Finally people who understood my pain!!
I spent some time dwelling in the darkness, and waring it like a badge of honour....it was my identity at that point in my life because it was the only place where I felt like I belonged.
I have a few friends who are still involved with those communities to some extent who are like you still firmly identified with this darkness.....its just where they are I guess.
Having gained some alternate perspectives over the years I now can look a things in many ways from many angles...including from the point of view of 'darkness'.
Some time ago I tried describing depression to a friends...the analogy I used was that of a broken leg. One that you have lived with (and may have had kicked repeatedly) for a long time....possibly your entire life.
You try to find meaning in the pain of the broken leg, your inability to walk (think) like others without feeling more pain, the fact that you can't run or keep up with others.....part of the conclusion you come up with (that you may not even be aware of) is that you think 'you' are at fault...that its somehow something you where born with, or are stuck with, and that you deserve this broken leg.......after that the only acceptable conclusion is that you Are your broken leg. Its what consumes your awareness day in day out, so it must be you right??
If you find a group of others with broken legs (the whole world is damaged in some way, so not hard to do) you may feel great relief that you can finally fit in somewhere and not feel out of place....can swap stories of past experiences with your broken leg, can give daily updates among others...and are generally happy to be dwelling on your broken leg....no it bring meaning and belonging to your life.
What then would happen if you then met people who had broken legs, but had either totally healed them or where in the process of healing them?? What would you make of the clumsiness of them moving in casts...slower than you...and not dwelling in pain!!!
What happens when you meet people who can now move freely...just like those that may have kicked or broken your leg years ago?? Are they the same?? Are they lying?? They can't possibly know what its like!! This broken leg is all you are...how can they leave that behind?? It must be a trick?? etc etc
Having spent time lurking, the reason I can now post more is that the example of others sharing there healing and past pain, and the information and tools shared here have helped me start to mend my own broken leg. I no longer need to be that leg, or dwell (so much) in the pain.....it still hurts now and then, and the injury can flare up badly sometimes....but mostly the pains not there now.
My awareness and understanding of 'broken legs' is greatly improved by learning to heal it and learing to 'walk' properly.
In the end its up to you where you dwell and what you identify with (or not)....myself I try not to identify with anything now....before that I did identify with this forum for a time...before that it was comunities who shared broken legs....and before that just my own pain. None of my understanding from all those experiences is lost...only expanded. fwiw
Having said all that, have you tried the E-E program (minus the round breathing/bio-energetic portion....as I think you'd do better avoiding that part for now)?? It is excellent at bringing first relief, then healing to 'broken legs' (emotional pain).
Andrew M.
Padawan Learner
Anart -
I guess I percieve learning as something that happens to you because the things I presume to understand most are things I never intended to learn, life experiences that were forced on me at a young age. The learning that I go after is not shared by the people in my personal life and it's a lonely walk with a heavy burden for the things I want to learn so I guess I'm not so inclined to take the journey. I plan on taking this journey as there is no greater adventure for me, but this time in my life is for awakening, and I have been waking up slowly but surely.
As far as darkness goes, I've lived it out, I've seen the bottom of my pit and was comfortable staying there for a time but the urge to see the light at the top of the opening is too strong to stay. After finding the raw cassiopaean transcripts that lead me here (thankfully) my darkness has never been as dark as I liked to see it. I no longer dwell on my depression as something sad to stray from, I acknowledge it as an awareness of the commonly accepted uncaring behavior that i've grown accustomed to. In coming to this change of attitude toward my situation I no longer feel the need to hide or be secretive but to explain everything I know as best as I can to help the understanding of others.
As far as light goes, I believe I have yet to truly see the light and that what I have percieved to be light so far is really just a flashlight or candle (ignorance) that some people use to keep themselves somewhat comfortable in the darkness, that I myself used to the point that my batteries are dead or my wax is used up. I still feel that I'm in the dark, yes, but for the first time I'm looking towards the light and seeking to live it out one day. My need for individualism is represented in how I think, dress and act, and it comes from this highly influenced thought that everyone should be the same, which makes me want to rebel against it.
When I say I'm used to my opinions being rejected, I don't mean that I dislike having others point out the errors in my logic, on the contrary I invite such opinions because as you said it is the best way to learn and I've known this for a long time. What I mean by saying I'm used to my opinions being rejected is that they usually seem to fall on deaf ears and I don't usually get any sort of opinionated response back. It's always something like "oh that's nice", "I never thought of it like that", etc. I don't usually get the fresh debate I need to better understand so I thank you for giving it to me here. :)
RedFox -
Your analogy of a broken leg applies to me greatly and I have no doubt you've felt the type of pain that I have only recently started to truly understand. In what you've said there is more truth about myself than I would like to admitt to myself normally and I thank you for putting it this way because I am always making up my own analogies for such circumstances and this is a new one that I hadn't thought of. Also, in my opinion, a great one. As I said above, it is still only recently that my flashlight died out and my urge to find the light was strengthened considerably. I do not yet know if I could be any more greatful for this forum and the intelligent opinionated people who make it what it is, but I am indeed very greatful as this opportunity isn't so easily obtainable in my personal life. I have been making the journey, slowly but surely, the only thing holding me back is the want or need for others to make their journeys, I have such a general care for all life that I've closed myself off with a cold shoulder to the single, smaller pieces that make the whole. Though I understand the concept that without these pieces there would be no whole, I percieve the whole because, honestly, beginning to put the pieces together is a long hard process that I shy away from. However, for the first time I actually feel ready to acknowledge the pieces as I put them together while not forgetting what the big picture looks like. Again, thank you for your opinion, It was worth a lot to me.
I guess I percieve learning as something that happens to you because the things I presume to understand most are things I never intended to learn, life experiences that were forced on me at a young age. The learning that I go after is not shared by the people in my personal life and it's a lonely walk with a heavy burden for the things I want to learn so I guess I'm not so inclined to take the journey. I plan on taking this journey as there is no greater adventure for me, but this time in my life is for awakening, and I have been waking up slowly but surely.
As far as darkness goes, I've lived it out, I've seen the bottom of my pit and was comfortable staying there for a time but the urge to see the light at the top of the opening is too strong to stay. After finding the raw cassiopaean transcripts that lead me here (thankfully) my darkness has never been as dark as I liked to see it. I no longer dwell on my depression as something sad to stray from, I acknowledge it as an awareness of the commonly accepted uncaring behavior that i've grown accustomed to. In coming to this change of attitude toward my situation I no longer feel the need to hide or be secretive but to explain everything I know as best as I can to help the understanding of others.
As far as light goes, I believe I have yet to truly see the light and that what I have percieved to be light so far is really just a flashlight or candle (ignorance) that some people use to keep themselves somewhat comfortable in the darkness, that I myself used to the point that my batteries are dead or my wax is used up. I still feel that I'm in the dark, yes, but for the first time I'm looking towards the light and seeking to live it out one day. My need for individualism is represented in how I think, dress and act, and it comes from this highly influenced thought that everyone should be the same, which makes me want to rebel against it.
When I say I'm used to my opinions being rejected, I don't mean that I dislike having others point out the errors in my logic, on the contrary I invite such opinions because as you said it is the best way to learn and I've known this for a long time. What I mean by saying I'm used to my opinions being rejected is that they usually seem to fall on deaf ears and I don't usually get any sort of opinionated response back. It's always something like "oh that's nice", "I never thought of it like that", etc. I don't usually get the fresh debate I need to better understand so I thank you for giving it to me here. :)
RedFox -
Your analogy of a broken leg applies to me greatly and I have no doubt you've felt the type of pain that I have only recently started to truly understand. In what you've said there is more truth about myself than I would like to admitt to myself normally and I thank you for putting it this way because I am always making up my own analogies for such circumstances and this is a new one that I hadn't thought of. Also, in my opinion, a great one. As I said above, it is still only recently that my flashlight died out and my urge to find the light was strengthened considerably. I do not yet know if I could be any more greatful for this forum and the intelligent opinionated people who make it what it is, but I am indeed very greatful as this opportunity isn't so easily obtainable in my personal life. I have been making the journey, slowly but surely, the only thing holding me back is the want or need for others to make their journeys, I have such a general care for all life that I've closed myself off with a cold shoulder to the single, smaller pieces that make the whole. Though I understand the concept that without these pieces there would be no whole, I percieve the whole because, honestly, beginning to put the pieces together is a long hard process that I shy away from. However, for the first time I actually feel ready to acknowledge the pieces as I put them together while not forgetting what the big picture looks like. Again, thank you for your opinion, It was worth a lot to me.
truth seeker
The Living Force
Andrew M.
Padawan Learner
Not quite books, I had been called narcissistic in my past to the point that it offended me and I took random online tests that were supposed to detect this trait and they all basically said the same, that i was more egotistical than i wanted to believe at the time. This lead me to read up on narcissism and realize that I did have some issues to work out. This was something I realized years ago so i've been working on it for a while, for the reason that it is basically selfishness that I try to overcome. Did you know that narcissism is a certain necessary evil within us all that helps us all to learn how not to be? That if we did not learn of our own narcissistic traits that we would basically miss the point of being on this plane in the first place? I don't want this to be about me, I've never done well in the spot light. My first post was intended to make aware reasons for being a board lurker. I apologize for not thinking about it that way sooner but thanks to you now I have. :) Sometimes i feel i'm one with a lot to share but cannot share it because there are ones that say they don't want it and the ones that say they do feel they have to share with you first before you can share with them. If that is the case then no one is sharing.
Anyway, back to Board lurkers :)
Anyway, back to Board lurkers :)
truth seeker
The Living Force
Actually, everyone is narcissistically wounded (as opposed to being a full narcissist). Yes, I do currently see narcissistic behaviors as being what we needed when we were babies and children in order to survive in situations where it wasn't safe for us to be who we really were. That's why the books are suggested to everyone when they first come here. So that we can start to view our pasts with more objectivity and understand our own wounding.
Yes, I've felt this way myself. It got to the point where I ended up developing social anxiety. The real shocker was in realizing that I was internally considering. I made every situation about me. "Why are they treating me this way?" "Why are they "doing" this to me?". I did this while claiming to not want attention, yet I was the one creating situations in my head where I was the focus!
No apologies necessary!
Yes, knowing who and who not to share with will come as you start to develop discernment. I'm still learning this myself. Many of us here have felt this way because when we were young, it wasn't safe to speak our minds. Children should be seen, but not heard and all that.
Narcissistic wounding really does a job on us. It becomes easy to always put ourselves in the role of victim. When it's someone else's fault, that automatically puts us in the position of always being right. Not only is this an illusion, but it prevents us from really taking responsibility for the role we play in our own lives. This is a seemingly comfortable place to be but unfortunately leave us feeling separate from others. It also prevents us from learning our lessons.
Once we start to let our guard down and trust that not everyone is out to hurt us, real communication (and learning) can begin. :)
Andrew M said:
Yes, I've felt this way myself. It got to the point where I ended up developing social anxiety. The real shocker was in realizing that I was internally considering. I made every situation about me. "Why are they treating me this way?" "Why are they "doing" this to me?". I did this while claiming to not want attention, yet I was the one creating situations in my head where I was the focus!
No apologies necessary!
Yes, knowing who and who not to share with will come as you start to develop discernment. I'm still learning this myself. Many of us here have felt this way because when we were young, it wasn't safe to speak our minds. Children should be seen, but not heard and all that.
Narcissistic wounding really does a job on us. It becomes easy to always put ourselves in the role of victim. When it's someone else's fault, that automatically puts us in the position of always being right. Not only is this an illusion, but it prevents us from really taking responsibility for the role we play in our own lives. This is a seemingly comfortable place to be but unfortunately leave us feeling separate from others. It also prevents us from learning our lessons.
Once we start to let our guard down and trust that not everyone is out to hurt us, real communication (and learning) can begin. :)
I really don't think it's nice of you folks picking on me for being a board lurker !!!! hehe. 
I've been thinking about this thread for a while and when I'm away from the computer I can think of all kinds of things to write, then I sit down here and it's like someone pressed the dump button.
I've always been a loner, never joined any groups and always kept most everyone at a distance. I don't think like most people that I've met and I definitely don't believe the things that most people do. A lot of times when I say something it's not taken the way that I meant it. Sometimes because I say it wrong and sometimes because it's just misunderstood.
I should know a lot of this stuff but I don't. I've definitely been exposed to enough of it. I participated in some sessions and sat in on some, my sister has sent me several transcripts of sessions. She recently sent me a box of books and I am trying to read them. I'm up to book 6 of the wave. Over the years she has sent me quite a few books and I kept meaning to read them but never did. Now I have to play catch up.
I have never thought much of the different religions or the bible for that matter. How can you believe in a religion that says that it is the only way,everyone else is going to hell ? That doesn't even sound reasonable. I could go on and on but I'd just be "preaching to the choir".
I really don't have much of a clue as to what I actually know or don't know.
I have a real difficult time believing in aliens,ufo's or ghosts. As far as I know I've never seen any of them. I'm not saying that I don't believe in the possibility of them. Most anything is possible.
Well, that should be enough for now.
I've been thinking about this thread for a while and when I'm away from the computer I can think of all kinds of things to write, then I sit down here and it's like someone pressed the dump button.
I've always been a loner, never joined any groups and always kept most everyone at a distance. I don't think like most people that I've met and I definitely don't believe the things that most people do. A lot of times when I say something it's not taken the way that I meant it. Sometimes because I say it wrong and sometimes because it's just misunderstood.
I should know a lot of this stuff but I don't. I've definitely been exposed to enough of it. I participated in some sessions and sat in on some, my sister has sent me several transcripts of sessions. She recently sent me a box of books and I am trying to read them. I'm up to book 6 of the wave. Over the years she has sent me quite a few books and I kept meaning to read them but never did. Now I have to play catch up.
I have never thought much of the different religions or the bible for that matter. How can you believe in a religion that says that it is the only way,everyone else is going to hell ? That doesn't even sound reasonable. I could go on and on but I'd just be "preaching to the choir".
I really don't have much of a clue as to what I actually know or don't know.
I have a real difficult time believing in aliens,ufo's or ghosts. As far as I know I've never seen any of them. I'm not saying that I don't believe in the possibility of them. Most anything is possible.
Well, that should be enough for now.
