anart said:
Your story is so familiar to most of us because we've lived it as well. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to share it with us! :)
Thank you, anart for your encouraging words.
Reading stories shared by other members, I can see that indeed, we've all lived through many difficulties. Some of us (and I don't have myself in mind) had it even harder than others. But we all are here. We and can share our experiences with each other, learn from each other. That's truly amazing.
herondancer said:
zhenqing said:
Saying this, I must confess I did not believed much in networking. I thought that doing the Work alone will provide me with all necessary tools and I don't need other people. I was severely wrong (though it's another story why I come to this conclusion).
If you would like to share your story about networking, we'd love to hear it.
I can share it :) It is a little weird, though.
About year ago, maybe less I started to clean my body from candida albicans. I've always had some problems with my health, but they intensified after year of taking chemotherapy. And if that wasn't enough, not long after that I realized I have depression (I was eighteen at that time). I tried various diets and treatments, I've visited psychologists but nothing really worked for me. Of course I had some happier moments, especially when I discovered Cassiopaea materal, but then there were those months of suffering and mental pain, when I just would crawl in my bed and wanted to slide into oblivion. But still, I've never wanted to kill myself. Ever.
Everything went a little better, when I started candida treatment. I was more active in doing Work, I even engage myself in a little translation work for Polish version of Cassiopaea - it was my first real contribution and it felt wonderful. I spent hours on reading books and articles and still had energy for more. And I thought, well, it's going to be only better. I also believed I had enough knowledge and it would prevent predator mind from taking charge of me again. I was so wrong. One day, I woke up feeling absolutely morbid. Just like that, after weeks of absolute fulfillment. It was like someone turn on some switch. It was so sudden and I couldn't fought it. I lost all motivation I had. I returned to eating gluten and sweets, because, well, nothing really mattered anymore. I could not bring myself to even read SOTT again. Being alive in this awful world hurt me so much I couldn't bear it. I would spend all days watching some TV shows or films or reading easy books ans I was sinking more and more each day.
Finally after months of doing so, it was it. I just couldn't care less anymore. I thought maybe it was the time I should search for some handy pills that would help me leave for good. But even while feeling so dreadful, there was this little voice in my head that keep telling me:
fight it, you can't die now, you know it. You were born here for something and you far from achieving it. Are you really going to give up? So, every day, mostly before going to bed I would pray to any STO force that could hear me and asked for their help. And I received their help. Or so I think.
One night - it was end of February - I had this vivid dream. In this dream I was one of the participants of some weird survival school, but no one was giving me any chance (not only of wining, even of passing the first stage). I could feel I was object of scrutiny coming from The Observers, fairly invisible tall gray figures, who were in charge of everything. But then, my wish to be alive was so strong, surprisingly for them not only I survived, I become the most determined person in the group, some kind of a leader.
After that, Their attitude towards me changed (I could somehow read Their thoughts, like in telepathy). I understood, that for some obscure reason, They wanted me to win. One of Their human looking agent came to me before the last stage (which all were some kind of a test) and told me how to win. I knew it was suspicious but I also knew if I don't win, I was going to die. That was the stake of this game. So I passed the last stage, but then it all went wrong. The human agent told me before, that I must be the first one that will reach the platform, where one of the tall gray figure of The Observer stood. But I wasn't the first. When I was busy fighting obstacles, the remain participants (those who survive the game, that is) outrun me, so I was actually the last person that reach it.
The place wasn't like anything I've ever seen before, maybe only in sci-fi movies. Beside The Observer, there were other beings on that platform. Three human figures joined with the ceiling through the three long, bizarre looking cables. Every now and then, there were impulses going through those cables and then those men were trembling like in epileptic seizure, screaming noiselessly. It was awful.
The Observer spoke and tell us about our reward. Each one of us were supposed to pull out one straw. There was only one straw, which guarantee its owner a prize - absolute Enlightenment. The person who will pull out that one gain knowledge about everything that exist. But those, who would pull out the wrong one, they gain nothing but endless torture (like three men in the podium). But we had a choice. We could refuse participating in that final game and just leave. I was totally surprised when no one before me took that chance. One after another they took their straws and disappear somewhere. Standing there, I had strong gut feeling that the last straw would be the right one. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew I would not take the chance. I didn't want the Enlightenment. I didn't think I would even survive it. All I wanted was strength and I gained it trough my own experience, while fighting for my life. Maybe, I thought, maybe those three tortured man wasn't even the losers. Maybe they were the winners.
When I woke up from that dream I was changed. Like those months of suffering have never happened at all. But they did happen. And I surely learned from it. It was the first call to begin the networking, though not conscious yet. I needed a bigger push and it was this thread that did that for me.
That's the story. More or less :)
Galahad said:
Have you started to do the
Éiriú Eolas breathing programme yet? Or the changes discussed on the forum about
Diet and Health?
I think you’ll find the Éiriú Eolas does wonders in helping us confront our fears.
No, not yet. I only started doing belly breathing and pipe breathing, but I'm not certain I'm doing the latter right. I guess I will read Éiriú Eolas FAQ and maybe I will work that out.
It's weird, but every time I'm thinking about doing ÉE I feel that huge mental block. Like I don't believe I can do it, even though others did and reported some great effects. I guess it's the predator mind talking.
I have a question: can I do ÉE while having plaster cast on my leg? I'm kind of immobilized right now...
As for diet, I'm still stying to get back to my candida cleansing one...
Thank you all, who answering to my post. I was surprised when everyone of you seemed to found my english good. I think it's bearable at best, but I'm trying, and I hope I will be better in expressing myself in the future.
