Boardlurker? Read this!!

[SolarMother]

As i said earlier, i find pledging to atleast make 2-3 posts per day (or only 1 if short of time), if not more. is a good way to keep sustained involvement.

cheers!

Moksha,
I had a good day with both reading and posting yesterday. Right after I posted to you I felt a shift happen and was able to flow with whatever I felt I needed to post without much of that anxiety I usually have.

And, I got replies! Thank you again for your posts. It was enjoyable and helpful communicating with you! Have a day !

 

[anart]

Vulcan, don't you think that a heavy-handed statement such as your opening remarks is a little authoritarian and may scare the wits out of some potential posters?

What exactly is heavy-handed, authoritarian or scaring about Vulcan's opening remarks? I think it's just bringing home the message that networking is very essential, and from the then following unfolding of this thread, you may see that what is holding off most people are really their predators -- the very thing that needs to be overcome/struggled against. Also, have you missed how boardlurkers are met with understanding and encouragement throughout this thread?

Judging from your question, it seems there were simply some programs triggered in yourself. What are these? What exactly are you afraid of? Uncover them and work against them. Network about them here, that's what this thread is for. Many have been boardlurking for a long time before they jumped in, it's nothing unusual and nothing 'bad', as long as one decides to find the roots of their withholding and working on them.. and jumping on board. This network can only live via people networking, and this thread is simply an explicit nudge.

FWIW

Hi Puzzle, 'wanderer33' has been on the forum for a while and has made it quite clear that he doesn't agree with most of what is understood here to be the truth. In many threads, he will make disparaging remarks to one or another person and then, when called on it, reply that it was not his intention, he is being misunderstood, or that the reader is simply missing his point entirely. In other words, it appears, over quite a long period of time, that 'wanderer33' thinks of himself as apart from this forum; understanding and 'seeing' more and basically often, if not usually, frustrated with the discussion or expression of forum members. As long as 'wanderer33' resists really looking at his own mentation and his own issues, this will persist - and - quite frankly, I often wonder why he posts on the forum at all, considering how much of what we discuss and how we discuss it offends his sensibilities.

In short, his question to Vulcan is the norm - filled with a degree of suggestion and rather vague insult, without a clearly defined context. So, until 'wanderer33' decides to take a really deep, sincere look at why he persists in communicating this way (which would take some faith in this forum), I'm not sure there is much point in asking him such questions. If, on the other hand, he is willing to really take a look at his own thought processes and motivations, then perhaps it was worth asking after all. fwiw.

 

[paralleloscope]

I find myself lurking when I am out of synch; being caugth in a web of programs prompting only to contribute when the timing is rigth and I'm in the 'zone', when I am in good standing with myself and my 'alignment/ perfectionism' program, so I can report positive things. It's an old childhood pattern which repeats as I think I am not welcome in my bewildered/ disconnected/ negative state.

I make notes in my diary and in mind of replies and questions to ask, but they seem to drown under my chaotic musings of how I can wake up. The replies I get I am usually dumbfounded on how to respond, where do I want to go with the talk, who am I talking with, etc..I can go months without posting- feeling off and underneath a bad conscience grows and furthers the out of synch and no-post scam I have going for myself. It's about communication and attachment, to word something amongst you guys takes extra focus on clarity (really that is required everywhere, but it's easier to blob with the sheeple). The focus scares me as it brings to light the twisted wirings in my attachment disorder. I need to make a routine of daily windows of focus; a disciplined work schedule, I have never been able to meditate other than after EE (which is usually just before sleep), for fear of... well, I'll have to find out.

The spell is broken with practice, I gather.

 

[Vulcan59]

Vulcan, don't you think that a heavy-handed statement such as your opening remarks is a little authoritarian and may scare the wits out of some potential posters?

I find it strange that you didn't mention that the first post in this topic was "heavy-handed" or "authoritarian" when you first made an entry in this topic here. You seemed to be the only one who has made this remark. Most members have thanked me for starting this topic.

Anart has made very valid observations about you. So, is there something that is bothering you?

 

[wanderer33]

Vulcan, nothing is bothering me in particular. I think lurkers are a bit like window shoppers. They have a right to check things out before putting their tootsies in the water. I don't agree that they should have their knuckles rapped for 'window shopping'....unless some thing sinister is involved....but, how would you know that?

Thanks Anart for those insights. Though I never had the idea that I challenged the content of the forum to that great an extent. Its true that if I disagree with some perspective, then I will say so. I don't think that is wrong or mis-guided. That is the reason forums exist. Wasn't that the original meaning of a forum? Perceived insults are never intended as insults on my part. I'd like to get that straight. Malice is not in my workbook. I would like people to loosen up in regard to my posts and not be so uptight or defensive, have a joke, laugh (LOL) and understand that in my way I'm learning from what I read and am intent on providing alternative perspectives. I like you Anart, you do take the time to work me out and I appreciate it. FWIW.

 

[Vulcan59]

Vulcan, nothing is bothering me in particular. I think lurkers are a bit like window shoppers. They have a right to check things out before putting their tootsies in the water. I don't agree that they should have their knuckles rapped for 'window shopping'....unless some thing sinister is involved....but, how would you know that?

The intention was to encourage existing members to post and not "window shop" as you put it.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "...unless some thing sinister is involved....but, how would you know that?" Are you suggesting that there was some sinister motive in encouraging members to post? So that we don't misunderstand each other with what you are trying to say, could you care to elaborate?

 

[StrangeCaptain]

Vulcan, nothing is bothering me in particular. I think lurkers are a bit like window shoppers. They have a right to check things out before putting their tootsies in the water. I don't agree that they should have their knuckles rapped for 'window shopping'....unless some thing sinister is involved....but, how would you know that?

No knuckles are being rapped in this thread. To view it as so is exactly the defensiveness you seem to be perceiving that others here have.

Thanks Anart for those insights. Though I never had the idea that I challenged the content of the forum to that great an extent. Its true that if I disagree with some perspective, then I will say so. I don't think that is wrong or mis-guided. That is the reason forums exist. Wasn't that the original meaning of a forum?

The original purpose of a forum has to do with a particular forum and is not the same for every forum. It is a little like a restaurant. Yes... They all serve food, but some of them serve rather different forms of cuisine, and furthermore, paying for a meal is not generally considered a license to act however one wishes.

Perceived insults are never intended as insults on my part. I'd like to get that straight. Malice is not in my workbook. I would like people to loosen up in regard to my posts and not be so uptight or defensive, have a joke, laugh (LOL) and understand that in my way I'm learning from what I read and am intent on providing alternative perspectives. I like you Anart, you do take the time to work me out and I appreciate it. FWIW.

It seems to me that Anart is saying you often find yourself re-explaining what you "really meant." I could be wrong, but if this is so, then this quote would seem to be another example of the same cycle. Did you ever consider the possibility that if you are having to re-explain yourself a lot then it is because you do not communicate very well? I am not saying this is so, but it is the kind of question that I think regular posters here might ask themselves from time to time. This is exactly the kind of cycle I find myself getting into from time to time.

If I am constantly re-qualifying what I "was trying to say," then sometimes it is because I don't really have anything to say. But that is just me...

Maybe you should read again the forum guidelines, and if you find them innately uptight or defensive, and you wish this forum is different, then maybe there is a different forum out there for you. Why should we change our style of seeking truth for one person when it has provided fruits for numerous others?

 

[wanderer33]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "...unless some thing sinister is involved....but, how would you know that?" Are you suggesting that there was some sinister motive in encouraging members to post? So that we don't misunderstand each other with what you are trying to say, could you care to elaborate?

LOL. Of course. From your perspective, I am assuming that you may consider some lurkers to be less than good-willed in their motives. No, I am not considering that there is a sinister motive for encouraging posters to participate. Does that clear the air? :D

 

[wanderer33]

Your welcome to your view Patience.

Patience quote:

Did you ever consider the possibility that if you are having to re-explain yourself a lot then it is because you do not communicate very well? I am not saying this is so, but it is the kind of question that I think regular posters here might ask themselves from time to time. This is exactly the kind of cycle I find myself getting into from time to time.

If I am constantly re-qualifying what I "was trying to say," then sometimes it is because I don't really have anything to say. But that is just me...

If this is the case, then it is a logical follow on that you and others would understand my position, yes?

 

[truth seeker]

Your welcome to your view Patience.

Patience quote:

Did you ever consider the possibility that if you are having to re-explain yourself a lot then it is because you do not communicate very well? I am not saying this is so, but it is the kind of question that I think regular posters here might ask themselves from time to time. This is exactly the kind of cycle I find myself getting into from time to time.

If I am constantly re-qualifying what I "was trying to say," then sometimes it is because I don't really have anything to say. But that is just me...

If this is the case, then it is a logical follow on that you and others would understand my position, yes?

If I'm understanding your position from the last few posts you wrote on this thread, it seems to be to cause dissent. You phrase it to make it seem as if you are concerned for others who may be afraid to post but on closer inspection, it's really a way of projecting your own issues onto others in addition to an attempt to deflect attention away from yourself.

If there's something deeper going on with you that you wish to discuss, please do so but your attempt to undermine others via your own unresolved issues is destructive whether intended or not.

I'll ask the question again, is everything okay? What is it you're really upset about but seem reluctant to say?

 

[Wunjo]

Thank You Trevrizent,
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post. Looking at it from the perspective that maybe something I share may be of benefit to another helps put this into a broader light for me. I think the post a day is a good idea, get some momentum going in the arena of epression and sharing. I hope it helps others who struggle with the same feelings, it seems it does!
Thanks again!

 

[wanderer33]

"Dissent is a sentiment or philosophy of non-agreement or opposition to a prevailing idea".

hmmm. I don't disagree with or oppose the prevailing forum ideas to any large extent. I agree with and support an enormous amount of material here. I guess I do have a problem communicating. I don't post here that often, only when I think I need some feedback on an issue. I would post more if I thought I had something to offer of value. It had become clear that I have little to offer and as a result I post as a learning experience and comment when I am not in agreement with, or seeking to understand, a prevailing thought.

If I had to define an area of 'deeper goings on', it would be the idea that I feel utterly useless these days. I am approaching sixty and have a permanent disability which is limiting my ability to DO THINGS in the physical world. Also I am out of work at present and am having trouble re-entering the work force. Employers want youth. It may be the case that the bank will take my home some time soon. I really feel uncomfortable talking about this as I do not like whining about my own problems when there are, for example, 20 million people in Pakistan without a roof over their head.

You asked for a reason and this is about as honest a response as I can muster. I would think that my problem with communicating may stem from these issues.
Obviously my confidence is in tatters. Having spilled my guts, so to speak, hope springs eternal. I'm not giving up, just down not out. :)

I hope this doesn't become fuel for any negative posts as personal information has a way of being used in very creative ways.

 

[anart]

You asked for a reason and this is about as honest a response as I can muster. I would think that my problem with communicating may stem from these issues.
Obviously my confidence is in tatters. Having spilled my guts, so to speak, hope springs eternal. I'm not giving up, just down not out. :)

I hope this doesn't become fuel for any negative posts as personal information has a way of being used in very creative ways.

Sounds like it's a lot to deal with, for anyone, so I think it does give more perspective on the matter. I think in an environment like this we all learn that how we come across is sometimes worlds away from what we intended. This, as painful a realization as it can be sometimes, is a good thing - it gives us perspective we would not otherwise have. :)

 

[StrangeCaptain]

You asked for a reason and this is about as honest a response as I can muster. I would think that my problem with communicating may stem from these issues.
Obviously my confidence is in tatters. Having spilled my guts, so to speak, hope springs eternal. I'm not giving up, just down not out. :)

I hope this doesn't become fuel for any negative posts as personal information has a way of being used in very creative ways.

Sounds like it's a lot to deal with, for anyone, so I think it does give more perspective on the matter.

Yeah absolutely... That is a a lot of weight to carry. You can definitely share stuff like that here. It is not whining or anything like that. It might help to get it off your chest and occasionally someone might have some ideas that can help.

Probably more and more of us will be seeking creative ways to make ends meet as time goes on. You are not alone in that.

As for privacy, there are parts of this forum like "The Swamp" where you will have more privacy as it does not show up on search engines and where one must have a certain amount of posts to read it.

 

[herondancer]

That's a serious amount of stress to be under wanderer33. Thank you for sharing it. It gives other members a more complete picture of the physical/mental/emotional states you may be posting from. There are people in the world who have many more problems than you right now, but these are your problems, and there is support for you available from the Forum if you wish it.

You've been around long enough to know posts aren't used as "fuel for any negative posts." It may be that they will be analyzed for patterns of thought or behaviour that may have led the poster to be in the situation they find themselves in (relationships come to mind), but what is given as feedback is done with care and concern for that person, though it may not be initially welcome. Truth can be an uncomfortable thing.

You've made a good start. I hope you feel a little less isolated now. If you want to share more or just vent, and not necessarily to get a mirror, that is what the Swamp is for. Sometimes people just need to get things out before they feel ready to start working on them.