Boardlurker? Read this!!

[anart]

Good to hear from you, NewOrleans. :)

After my initial cluster of awkward posts I was taken aback by what I felt was an "interrogation" a parsing of every line I would write.But it wasn't that at all, they were just questions. It was just my defensiveness throwing up a shield. The tag line of "Disturbance in the Field" just irked me. Right there I had a perceptual challenge I had to face. Was that me? Not being all that familiar with "Star Wars trilogy " I was confused. (Why did THAT bug me? Did they know already that I'm struggling with self-esteem? Was I pegged by the all-knowing C's as a annoyance, a hindrance, an intrusion ALREADY? Could that tag be changed by continuing, I asked myself?) So I just backed off and remained a diligent reader for quite a while. Every time I'd wish to write, I'd check posts and archives and see that someone else has said it before me. and very articulately at that.

I think this is pretty normal - most of us arrive here pretty battered and bruised from trying to make our way in a world that turns sensitivity into a liability and the desire to trust into a recipe for disaster. So, most of us start off with this huge defensive shield up, those defenses kept us alive our whole life, they served a purpose, but it is also important to recognize when it actually is safe to let them down. This can take a while... but if we don't get ourselves out of the way, we have no chance.

But upon reflection, over the following few days, weeks and months, I became aware that this defensiveness was my own making. I wanted to be liked - don't we all? - but what is that but childish neediness ,not deserving it by interaction. My fear of rejection. Getting beaten up as a kid. Being queer, different, an outsider has given me different challenges than most. I learned to handle it by not fighting except when it was important to. Openly gay and dealing with prejudice is not easy. It takes a courage most regular people just aren't even aware of.

We understand, many of us have gone through this as well and still go through it. It is a significant challenge - one that can forge strength or weakness, depending on the level of identification involved.

But these forum questions were not at all hostile. I felt the kindness behind the words. I was reacting to something within myself. I admired the tone of conversation here - intelligent, inquisitive, skeptical, lighthearted at times, and analytical.... but my words of admiration looked obsequious, so I stopped myself from apologizing and saying thank you over and over... Questions are all we have to get something out in the open. I plan on participating more, regardless. I will. My goal is not approval but self-awareness. I knew I needed to change my Self, not worry about changing my "Disturbance' tag line. I'll accept that gladly, as someone said: Luke of Star Wars started out that way. It can stay as long as I can too.

Glad you posted - just try to remember that no one here has any interest at all in hurting you, or anyone else. That doesn't mean that learning is not at times painful, but it's a pain from which one grows, not the opposite. Self-importance takes the strongest beating, and self-importance tends to really hate that. ;)

 

[NewOrleans]

Tip of my hat to Anart....:) I may be soulfully scruffy, but I can see what you're talking about...thanks.

 

[cubbex]

Glad you posted - just try to remember that no one here has any interest at all in hurting you, or anyone else. That doesn't mean that learning is not at times painful, but it's a pain from which one grows, not the opposite. Self-importance takes the strongest beating, and self-importance tends to really hate that. ;)

Now that you say this, I was talking with my grandpa asking to him where he obtained all his wisdom, and he told me that is a secret element everybody runs away. Suffering, that even appears in those beautiful moments that make you cry.

When he told me that, I didn't understand very well, until now that I see what I have lived.

 

[Arreis13]

I'll admit I have so many questions. I just lack self confidence. I will try harder. Thanks for the post certainly helpful for me and im sure it helpd others as well.

 

[2flower]

I've attempted to post a few times but each time find a way not to. It takes me awhile to formulate my thoughts and I have a tendency to be the person in a group, like in a meeting at work- to not say much if any at all and just listen and observe. The posts in this thread have really been helpful though and motivating so thank you. I feel self conscious even writing this but here goes... :)

Me too, Cleo, thanks for posting this!

 

[Manu]

Thank you all for this thread. Much of what has been written here applies to me as well. Every time I wish to contribute something the predator interferes with the usual excuses (not knowledgeable enough, not ready, blah blah blah) and prevents me from posting. The predator does not want to be exposed, it doesn’t want me to open up for fear of being discovered. It’s an ongoing battle and so far I always lose.

On this thread http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=23040.msg251628#msg251628 Ailén (thanks Ailén) suggested using POTS. I've tried it over the last few days in order to deal with my boardlurking and the result is this post. The struggle goes on but I'm not giving up yet.

 

[manitoban]

Thank you all for this thread. Much of what has been written here applies to me as well. Every time I wish to contribute something the predator interferes with the usual excuses (not knowledgeable enough, not ready, blah blah blah) and prevents me from posting. The predator does not want to be exposed, it doesn’t want me to open up for fear of being discovered. It’s an ongoing battle and so far I always lose.

On this thread http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=23040.msg251628#msg251628 Ailén (thanks Ailén) suggested using POTS. I've tried it over the last few days in order to deal with my boardlurking and the result is this post. The struggle goes on but I'm not giving up yet.

Well Manu, looks like you won the battle this time! Glad to hear that you are using the POTS in this way - it really can work wonders in overcoming our fears. You're on the right track, posting this and especially not giving up. I also had a very hard time posting for quite some time myself, but found that when you keep making efforts, little by little you can overcome the "interfering" of the predator.

 

[chaps23]

Dam, got trapped into reading this.... Now I have to post. HAHA

I was a LONG TIME LURKER of this forum for about 2 years before working the courage to post. Now haveing done so I can say from experience only POSTIVE things have happened I have opened a can of worms within myself and have begun learning things about my self I never would have before. I am very grateful and i URGE any Lurker reading this to sign up and start posting you never know you might learn something. what was it that the kettle said on beuty and the beast? something like "there may be something that just wasn't there before"

Reagards, Brent.

 

[Manu]

[quote author=manitoban]Glad to hear that you are using the POTS in this way - it really can work wonders in overcoming our fears.[/quote]

Yes Manitoban, POTS is a wonderful and powerfull tool.

[quote author=manitoban]I also had a very hard time posting for quite some time myself, but found that when you keep making efforts, little by little you can overcome the "interfering" of the predator.[/quote]

So true. I've been making extra efforts, for example while writing this post trying to be present, to remember myself (a difficult thing to do as we all know) and of course I noticed that the predator is still there trying to interfere but now the difference is that the will to post is stronger than the predator. I feel much more motivated to network. Onwards and upwards.

 

[Cleo]

I’ve been lurking again…a hard habit for me to break apparently. I am glad my post resonated with you 2Flower and an overdue thanks to Anart.

What I usually do is check for new posts on the forum and use the search function to look up similar issues I’m having. I do it without even questioning why I’m not participating…has become automatic or mechanical. And then I wonder why I feel so stuck heh. But I am so glad for this topic because it has reminded me once again the importance of networking :) I actually have an issue I’m thinking of writing out and posting since it’s a hard one for me to see around at the moment.

 

[iagainsti]

As I promised myself upon registering, I shall contribute to this thread as it had a great motivating influence to get involved with my own lurking and to start with unlurking manouvres (moving on a micro scale,though). It was encouraging seeing that I'm far from alone in dealing with a mix of related issues and all I can do is mirror a lot of what has been said from my perspective. Seems to me some identification with others can't be too bad if used for motivation in how NOT to identify and push against the predator !? Anyhow, I do hope that besides inevitable noise and repetition, there's going to be something useful for someone between these lines ;D

Since I'm a "natural" these are the familiar basics fueling my general non-participation:

Not good at self expression, especially emotionally wise; I used to be very short worded, clumsy, confused, shy - introverted and mostly still am to some degree, although my character's nature is something totally oposed to that. Also underdeveloped written communication skills apply - first forum ever, excuses, excuses..

Fear of rejection or judgement/wanting acceptance, fears of being exposed as stupid, not knowledgeable, inconsiderate, dishonest, lazy, ignorant, judgemental, not knowing myself enough, having lame self observation skills, incapable of doing the Work, etc. Even though on one hand I think I have "enough" basic understandings of the knowledge presented throughout this forum to get me going, on the other hand I feel I don't know anything at all, and mostly find myself paralyzed to formulate a question or build up will to participate in any way shape or form.

And then there's this bright and shiny one: Perfectionist/Smartass/needs to impress - I'm afraid so Feeling the need to compare myself to others and to portray myself as advanced, and such Egotistic nastyness.. It likes to hold me in contempt for not being "advanced" like others and ruins any possibility of progress towards any such advancement - by means of sharing and learning. His highness tends to project judgement or jealous thoughts about anyone perceived as either "better" or "worse" than himself. Also tends to project various imagined fantasies with "myself" cast in positive light.

Time related; slowness and unproductive organization, I'm also ashamed to admit that regardless having generous amounts of free time at disposal (being self employed running in low capacity) I find my progress to be in very low gear, reading stuff takes me great amounts of time, expressing myself exponentialy more. Often I end up in obsessive loops reading on Sott, various forum threads while "time is running out" ticks and only serves in diluting my focus and generating slight panic. I really admire how many folks here manage to be organized and actively read & contribute with great insight from activity packed lifestyles(full jobs,kids,dogs:),etc.) boggles my mind.

While there is obviously plenty more programs around in myself, these I managed to identify and seem to revolve around my lurking issues in its roots. What I've written might seem as quite generic, unoriginal and glib, especially after 20 pages of this intensive topic :). Perhaps it is, but since I've already invested silly amounts of time and energy (5 days) I'm willing to post it anyway, as this is I where I am stuck and would like to be un-stuck from. To be able to see/move beyond will take plenty more efforts with embracing the reality of myself as I AM being necessary, which obviously cannot be achieved without stepping in front of them mirrors (gulp!). Well this is my attempt at self observation regarding an issue and is hopefully objective to a useful degree. It is definitely NOT something I'm used to do, nor it's something that inner predator supports, far from it. I am embracing that I'm a disturbance in the force, and rightfully so, my capacity for self observing and understanding of Work might be basic and lame but I am willing to learn how to improve/rewire myself and would like to help others along the way if possible.

Lastly, I feel that practice of EE during last year and half in combination with basic diet & supplementation have been a major catalyst towards gaining clearer perspective, calmness and acceptance of my own goings through and opened a possibility for change. It all used to be much worse.. Thank you Laura and everyone! I doubt I would be writing this if it weren't for the input of this forum/books/EE


Now that I got this one off my chest, I'll heed long ago provided advice of joining into some "less threatening" topics of interest around, to get that groove going ;)
After I recover from some kind of inevitable internal retaliation, that is...

 

[Maimun]

Well, I don't think it'll do me any good to read this thread and then wander off and continue lurking. I joined this forum not too long ago after a couple of months of lurking...and promptly began to...lurk! Indeed, after those two sentences I suddenly distracted myself with throwing away some trash, tidying some books, etc.

I am a chronic avoider of participating. From school onward, and in a way, posting here is like raising my hand in class, and it makes me nervous to even think about. I'm not really confused about why: I am uncomfortable with public speaking (which forum posts remind me of) because I think everyone is always judging, or because I will say something stupid, or because my 'voice' makes me self-conscious. On the forum there are even more things to worry about, though. I might ramble, repeat things, misspell things, be incoherent, etc. Well, no, I worry about that in the flesh as well.

So, the "what if" thoughts and worry keep me from responding to much of anything. Besides, I think to myself, I don't have anything particularly useful to add. Hmm. And then there's laziness, I guess, which keeps me from trying to try. I've been meaning to participate more for ages, and the relevant quotation about participation/effort and what have you keeps popping up. But it's always sometime in the near future (next week!) when I'll be ready to post more.

And, of course, I must read all these books before I can post. And other excuses. I keep thinking I should resolve to post a certain number of times each day, but I'm not sure how that would work out.

And even now I have to decide whether to delete this post and go to bed, or just submit it.

 

[rudicron]

The reason I don't post much is because I'm afraid I'll upset people. Looks like there's a "group" thing going on and it intimidates me a little. Besides, I haven't gone through all the material, maybe somebody will flame me for asking a question that's already been answeared in the material or something like that.

But one part of me knows I just have to get started

 

[thevenusian]

The reason I don't post much is because I'm afraid I'll upset people. Looks like there's a "group" thing going on and it intimidates me a little. Besides, I haven't gone through all the material, maybe somebody will flame me for asking a question that's already been answeared in the material or something like that.

But one part of me knows I just have to get started

One way to get started is to go introduce yourself in the Newbies Forum. Just give a little intro, how you found the Forum, what your interests are. Nothing too personal. You can look at some of the other intros there to see how its done.

No one is going to flame you for not being up to speed on the material. It is helpful to all the busy people here if you do your best to search for answers first, though. There is quite a bit of material here, and the search function is your friend :).

 

[Nienna]

The reason I don't post much is because I'm afraid I'll upset people. Looks like there's a "group" thing going on and it intimidates me a little. Besides, I haven't gone through all the material, maybe somebody will flame me for asking a question that's already been answeared in the material or something like that.

But one part of me knows I just have to get started

Hi rudicron. I, also, would like to suggest you post a little something about yourself in the newbies section. Just a little about how you found us, etc.

It seems that you have 9 posts, and seven of those have been since yesterday. Maybe your fear is becoming less? If so, that is good. However, the "looks like there's a 'group' thing going on" and that you are intimidated, along with thinking you would be flamed is a bit strange as we "flame" nobody and pretty much only give what is being asked for.

If someone is asking sincerely and it is a questions that hasn't been asked repeatedly here on the forum, then you will get a lot of sincere answers.

Have you read the forum guidlines so that you understand what this forum is about and how we do things? Also have you had a chance to read the Wave, which you can read, free, here?

We are a research forum and if you understand, by reading the forum guidelines, what we are about and where we are going with this forum, and you feel you, too, are going in that same direction, there is no need to fear anything you post on this forum. :)