Boardlurker? Read this!!

[Nicholas]

I seem to be a "lurker" by nature. As I was growing up, I was always shy. I preferred to listen and read much more than speak or write. I was too busy learning but not really having anyone to share with. Plus the old saying in the back of my mind; "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder if you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt!" This must be a mechanical program I need to root out and destroy now that this thread has brought it to my attention (big thanks to Vulcan59!).

I felt like my experiences were nothing special to share but apparently I am incorrect. There are many wonderful people here in the forum I can honestly share experiences with and get objective feedback.

I live alone and work from home so human interactions are limited. My desire to share knowledge is ever present so I will endeavor to be more of a participant in this forum.

 

[Psalehesost]

The desire to participate brings up a lot feelings that I would rather not have or acknowledge - self pity, pride, anger and especially fear that I have a truly crummy personality and it's out there for the world to see if I write a post.

You could think of how much/little it really would mean to have a crummy personality if in the longer term (for those committing to Work on the self) the goal is to demolish it anyway and to let in its place something genuine grow...

Our personalities - the artificial and unreal that we have acquired through our lives - are crummy by definition; some may look worse than others, but they are all equal as garbage standing in the way for the real self to express itself. More garbage, less garbage - still garbage.

 

[henry]

I seem to be a "lurker" by nature. As I was growing up, I was always shy. I preferred to listen and read much more than speak or write. I was too busy learning but not really having anyone to share with. Plus the old saying in the back of my mind; "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder if you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt!" This must be a mechanical program I need to root out and destroy now that this thread has brought it to my attention (big thanks to Vulcan59!).

It's good that you're going to jump in, Nicholas. When people are face-to-face, that silent treatment might work, but on the internet, if you're a lurker, there's no face sitting in the corner for the rest of us to see!

I felt like my experiences were nothing special to share but apparently I am incorrect. There are many wonderful people here in the forum I can honestly share experiences with and get objective feedback.

I live alone and work from home so human interactions are limited. My desire to share knowledge is ever present so I will endeavor to be more of a participant in this forum.

Yes, everyone here has had experiences that can enrich all of us. Even if people feel that they don't 'know' a lot, look at the richness of our stories and what we can learn from those. So welcome.

 

[Elly Kay]

Thank you for the motivation post :) I was thinking about a similar topic tonight; I frequently talk to myself about what I'm thinking when I'm alone and I've been kind of concerned about the possible reason for this. In regards to myself, I think I have this concept of communication being a battle of intellect where one person's idea wins out over another's. Well, now I know what the problem is- time to do something about it! :)

 

[Christopher]

I seem to be a "lurker" by nature. As I was growing up, I was always shy. I preferred to listen and read much more than speak or write. I was too busy learning but not really having anyone to share with.

That's pretty much me. :) I've always wanted a good friend that would be willing to talk about anything and bounce ideas around with while I was growing up. I was terribly shy. And was never very expressive, even as a small child, my mother remarked how little I expressed myself. But I've noticed I've gotten a lot better in my personal life, and talking more to those close to me since I've really begun working on myself.

Quote from Perceval, reply 15;
"Sure, we like to keep the signal to noise ratio high, but the forum is first and foremost a community for everyone to get to know each other and build relationships and a real network, and as often as not that happens by way of simple interactions and sharing of simple understandings from each of our unique viewpoints. So please, lurk no longer, for the good of the forum and our collective goal."

I will keep this in mind. I have never signed up for any forum, even during my gaming years. It will definitely be good practice in self expression and external consideration. I too will post at least once a day. Happy posting :)

P.S. How can I grab a post from a few pages back? Couldn't get to Percevals' post.

 

[Vulcan59]

Hi Christopher,

Here's how to quote someone from the Help page which is visible at the top of every page. :)

Cheers.

 

[Christopher]

Ah, thank you very much...would've been a good place to look

 

[Aliana]

Quote from Nicholas on Today at 01:30:36 PM
I seem to be a "lurker" by nature. As I was growing up, I was always shy. I preferred to listen and read much more than speak or write. I was too busy learning but not really having anyone to share with. Plus the old saying in the back of my mind; "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder if you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt!" This must be a mechanical program I need to root out and destroy now that this thread has brought it to my attention (big thanks to Vulcan59!).

Yeah - I share that. It's funny to me now, but a few months ago, when i even THOUGHT about posting I would get nervous. Even logging in was an act of courage - and if i even got up the gumption to start typing, I would have sweaty palms and rapid heart rate. But it does get easier, the more I persist. At least the nerves have calmed down...I think the predator was having a field day with my nervous system! Now that I have decided to ignore that and forge ahead, it's seems to have given up that tactic. Of course the..."well, I really don't have anything useful to add" program is still running, but am working on that one too!

One other thought I had recently is to try writing my thoughts down regularly in a journal. I find that if i am forced to put thoughts to paper, i can clarify them and the practice will help me on the forum. Have not written a word yet.. but it's on the list

 

[Redrock12]

Well I guess I'm as guilty as Rolyateel et al for not participating in the forum.
It seems I have to have something really profound to say or I won't say anything at all. Plus it seems that some of the regular posters are way ahead of me on the learning curve, so I figure that's a good reason to say nothing 'cause I don't want to screw up the topic with noise and confusion, and/or risk a figurative slap on the wrist for not saying what I think others want to hear. Or not wow everybody with my profound intellect. There's that dang Predator's Mind working overtime again.

Glad to see your success in dealing with your alcohol problem Rolyateel. I stopped drinking a number of years ago-31 to be exact-after I got into some serious problems with the law and my wife left me. Smart woman. That was some wake-up call I'll never forget.
Six months prior to my brush with the law I was drinking a bottle of vodka and wine every day. And I would drink myself into unconsciousness. Then 3 months prior to my legal problems I started to have blackouts when I wasn't drinking. But I thought it was just a passing phase and it would probably stop on its own. Incredibly, at the time I never thought I had a drinking problem. Sick in more ways than one.

But, to make a long story short, once confronted with the reality of the situation by my attorney and a couple of acquaintances who were in AA, I immediately stopped drinking and attended AA meetings. This is not a plug for AA, btw, just relating my experience. AA certainly has its shortcomings, but it worked for me.
And everything I experienced since then finally led me here in 2005.
What an incredible learning experience. Finally, the Truth instead of lies and obfuscation. So much to learn, but a lot of fun as well.
I don't even pretend to have arrived, but yeah, I should definitely post much more than I do and just let the chips fall where they may. Pretty well everyone on this forum cares enough to let us know when we're off the wall or missing the mark. Or, when any one of us is right out to lunch. But it's done in a spirit of caring, not oneupmanship. But thanks everyone, for everything. And, I'll try to give as well as take. And, to quote AlToday, TIME FOR A SMOKE!
BTW Al, haven't heard from you for a while. Is everything ok? I really miss your posts. You can be pretty profound.

 

[Lee.T]

Thank you to everyone for you kind words, I have seen and felt remarkable changes since the daily habit of alcohol consumption stopped, i am showing signs of more confidence, this may be due also to the EE program which i started after knowing that alcohol had to make way, i realised i would be lying to myself and would be unable to keep it going if alcohol was still in my daily routine. It is also great to read about more people coming forward and jumping of that fence that i and so many had found so so comfortable for so many years, it was a nice fence at the time, but now it has barbs attached! So if there are more out there i would encourage you to take the plunge.

What initially stopped me from posting after a small stint on this forum was fear, the fear that i suddenly realised that after 3 or 4 years of reading the alternative/conspiracy sites the so called new age stuff of love and light etc, that i had fallen for quiet allot of it, i had found out i didn't know very much. I was scared of being put in my place, again only to realise that this forum doesn't put people in there place, it instead hold up a big shiny mirror, a mirror that some people found intimidating to their entrenched ego's those multiple little I, some left some stayed some got banned. The ones that stayed have been the brave, the courageous, and have shown us the way forward. Its time to join in. This forum and sott has been an unlearning and relearning process for me all rolled into one. I started to see myself in a light that i didn't like, it was through examination and realisation that i was not progressing by sitting around. Time for a look in the mirror.

Laura, Ark and the Sott teams commitment through all the adversaries and hardships they have faced is certainly a reason to be committed, i stepped back a while ago and surveyed what Sott has done here, it is truly a remarkable piece of work, the websites, news, forum, QFS, Glossary etc the list goes on, and stuff i probably don't know about, this is no mean feat. It is truly remarkable!

Any input we lurkers can give, may it be small or large, is to show how much we care, which brings me to a song by Otis Redding that i think fits for this tread.


Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

I left my home in Georgia
Headed for the 'Frisco bay
'Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home

Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Makes me realise how much time i have wasted

 

[Kessy]

Makes me realise how much time i have wasted

But now you know and are DOing something about it. It took all that came before to get you where you are now, for that lightbulb to go off inside of you. :)

 

[dugdeep]

I lurked for a good couple of years before recently getting off the fence and posting something. My reasons for doing so were that I felt I didn't know enough to post anything, as Axis Mundi mentioned earlier in the thread, and I hadn't read much of the extensive required reading list. I suppose it's kind of my nature to observe for a while, learn the ins and outs of the community, before participating. It took me a long time just to learn the acronyms ;)

I may have been scared off too by some of the harsh treatment I subjectively perceived people receiving for posting something ill-thought out or that went against forum guidelines. It wasn't until I had read more of the forum and understood the concept of "mirroring" that I could re-conceptualize these "harsh treatments" as actual caring contributions. Although I was familiar with Gurdjieff material I hadn't really a good idea of how the Work would manifest in a forum format and so I perceived much of what I saw as punishment rather than Work.

I would actually like to put forward the idea that perhaps lurking for a while did me some good and may be good for others too. Although the term "lurking" has rather negative connotations, I think sitting back and observing was the only way I could begin to hone the "thinking with a hammer" that is required of participants here. I would hate to see what kind of stuff I would have posted if I jumped right in the second I discovered this forum. My head was quite full of misdirections and false assumptions when I first encountered this forum, and I can't see a theoretical early post on my part as having been anything other than noise.

I don't know, maybe this is out of line, but I would speculate that the "trial by fire" method of posting immediately and allowing other's responses lead to learning may not be the right approach for everyone. I understand that participation is necessary at some point, but is it necessarily a bad thing to take some time to gather some preparatory information before participating? I'd be interested to hear what others think.

 

[Masamune]

I don't know, maybe this is out of line, but I would speculate that the "trial by fire" method of posting immediately and allowing other's responses lead to learning may not be the right approach for everyone. I understand that participation is necessary at some point, but is it necessarily a bad thing to take some time to gather some preparatory information before participating? I'd be interested to hear what others think.

Hi dugdeep, I think that it is important to learn as much as possible before posting, but I don't think that it is possible to learn everything about a topic before posting. Much of the fear of posting imo is from the predator's mind and has no basis in reality. I lurked for many years and after posting many times in the past few weeks I wish I had jumped in sooner. I may have been perceived as a newbie or might have asked some silly questions but if you are sincere when you contribute I think that it will benefit many people.

I have long feared the same type of criticism that you have talked about in your post and I still sometimes have the same types of thoughts now. I fear that my post will just be deleted because it is worthless, or someone will completely bash my post because I am not knowledgeable enough but this has definitely not been my experience. As long as you are sincere and follow the rules, no one will attack you on this forum, the moderators will stop that from happening. You never know how many people will read you posts and how many lives you will affect when you contribute. Even if you just add your perspective or ask a simple question I think all can learn from the situation.

So my advice would be to jump in and contribute. I don't think there is any need to be scared of how you will be treated. Most are aware of narcissism and attacks on this forum and one can feel safe here. I do think that you should spend as much time learning as possible before posting but don't let that stop you from networking. OSIT. :)

 

[dugdeep]

Thanks for the input Masamune!

After reading this forum for a while I've come to realize that the harshness I see in someone's words are often more my own subjective perception and that these comments may actually be someone's objective observations (or as objective as could be expected in our current state). I agree with you that much of the fear of posting is the predator's mind. I think that this fear of "the mirror" is the ego/predator's fear also - fear of being exposed and removed. And really, I suppose this answers my original question - if we take it as true that without active networking many manifestations of the predator's mind will remain hidden from us, then gathering knowledge alone is not enough. My approach of observing for a while before jumping in may have been a misuse of this time.

 

[anart]

Thanks for the input Masamune!

After reading this forum for a while I've come to realize that the harshness I see in someone's words are often more my own subjective perception and that these comments may actually be someone's objective observations (or as objective as could be expected in our current state).

This is a great observation. When we are born, grow up and become adults in a world defined by subjectivity, and lies skillfully used to make us more compliant food, it's quite understandable that objectivity would seem 'harsh' at first glance.

Someone else recently brought up, in another thread, the line in the Matrix where Neo asked, "why do my eyes hurt?" and Morpheus responds, "because you've never used them before" - it could be applied here as well.

"Why does this objectivity hurt?" "Because you've never experienced it before."

It's not a perfect comparison, but there is something there...