Thanks, truth seeker! There's a great deal of truth in what you're saying, especially about the thread killing issue.
I have to admit, in my realspace life and work I'm pretty confident because I'm pretty well established as a competent, helpful, go-to kind of person who knows what she is talking about, has lots of institutional memory, and has both foresight and insight. That's honestly what I hear back from people, and it really makes the people part of my daily work worthwhile.
It has been a mixed blessing, of course. There are snakes in suits where I work, too. I have had to learn how to avoid being taken advantage of, and "the system" is set up to do precisely that (take advantage, I mean.) Pretty much all systems are, I think. What else does 'profit' mean?
Here, though, I feel new, inept, all wool and a yard wide. I've been a tech writer and editor, and being unable to edit my posts here almost paralyzes me sometimes. That's me, I own that. And if it results in better posts for everyone else and less sloppiness on my part, that's good, isn't it? But that's partly why thread killing - or the illusion of it - gets to me. Pro writer kills thread. Giver of Great Value
posts junk. Yikes.
Taken in the right spirit, this can only be good for me. You see very acutely, you saw this before I did. Thank you.
And this whole area - ponerization, pathology - is one that I can't really talk about with people I know in realspace. Very few people want to go into these matters, as far as I can tell. Raising the issues even delicately seems to panic many people. Forcing people to think about things they fear is unkind, so I don't go there. Besides, it's not self-protective to reveal these things in many situations. Those who fear can become permanently uncomfortable around you. And not everyone fears. Some prey. When you're that alone with your thoughts, it's awfully easy to become something of a hermit, I think.
The crux of the issue for me here, may be that I have had bad online experiences elsewhere, in very 'turfy' places with lots of predation going on, dominated by cliques, presented falsely as sanctuaries, places where people can go to discuss and explore their experiences of predation and heal from such experiences. Some of these places are run by ostensibly licensed therapists. People supposedly invested in healing and helping, but not really.
In such places - from what I've seen - the hierarchy weighs a ton, there are unwritten rules strung all over like tripwires, and for the people honestly seeking healing and insight, no matter what you do or say, it's wrong. These places are deathtraps. And I have a tremendous fear of setting off landmines, now.
I know from reading here that people are very familiar with this issue and such places, I've seen some of them named, and named rightly. The fear of harm is also mine, it's something I own. And one thing mainstream mental health does have right: you can't think that kind of fear away, you have to overlay the bad experience with good ones. Desensitization. Can't do that if I won't participate.
OK. This is being all about me. I can do that offline alone. I like, and I get, what you are saying about answering the door. You've given me a mental image that really helps... I've visited some intentional communities of different kinds, and guess what... in these communities, the folks who answer the door, as often as not, ARE the newest members. Welcoming is important. In fact, it's one of the most important things. And you don't have to own the place. I stand, gratefully, corrected.
Sorry for the noise and the self-involvement here. Thank you. And I enthusiastically second your applause for all the people posting in English here who didn't grow up speaking or writing it!
