Boardlurker? Read this!!

[Eongar]

Thanks for the post. I'd love to participate more in the forum, the problem is that I barely know English and I can not communicate properly using a translator, lest I say something and translate it into English to say the opposite. Fortunately there are people who help us to translate, but still not honest always helps to ask, do not overdo it. And forgive me if I said something that is not understood, that English can not be considered "real."

 

[truth seeker]

...all wool and a yard wide.

I've never heard that saying before. I like it!

I've been a tech writer and editor, and being unable to edit my posts here almost paralyzes me sometimes. That's me, I own that. And if it results in better posts for everyone else and less sloppiness on my part, that's good, isn't it?

I think of it as practice. The harder part, for me, comes when you can edit the posts and you then really have to think through what you want to say. Is it relevant? Is it rambling? Is it too harsh? Then comes the issue of who you're responding to. Are they genuine but just not up to date on the material? Are they trolling? Am I understanding what they are trying to say? Am I posting when I'm too emotional? All this and more come into play when I and I think others post. I recently had to put myself on restriction for a couple of days because I thought I was posting too much nonsense!

When you're that alone with your thoughts, it's awfully easy to become something of a hermit, I think.

Yeah... For many years, I really thought I would end up shutting myself away in a cave from the rest of the world! It's difficult sometimes to find the balance between strategic enclosure and speaking your mind.

In such places - from what I've seen - the hierarchy weighs a ton, there are unwritten rules strung all over like tripwires, and for the people honestly seeking healing and insight, no matter what you do or say, it's wrong. These places are deathtraps. And I have a tremendous fear of setting off landmines, now.

I know exactly what you mean. The only other forum(s) I've posted on are the ones dealing with what they (those forum owners) call mind control. They seem to be frequented by on of two types of people: predators and people with victim mentality. The ones with victim mentality don't hang around long because they're really not getting any help and I guess get frustrated with the chaos. Some of the ones trying to help are not in the process of doing any work on themselves. While I think they truly want to help, they don't understand they're own motivations as to why. Quite a few (from where I sit) are little more than petty tyrants or worse. They just want to be in charge of something and collect members like trading cards with little to no regard for anyone's experience or ensuing mental state. How can you be in charge of something when you don't bother to understand yourself or your own experience? If you don't understand anything, how can you then explain it to someone else so that they can be helped? I think the best "leaders" are those who have no interest in leading but rather want to provide information so that others can help themselves? It seems to me that some of those forums are really just interested in enabling victim mentality and keeping people afraid so that they can retain control. It's STS running rampant.

I know from reading here that people are very familiar with this issue and such places, I've seen some of them named, and named rightly. The fear of harm is also mine, it's something I own. And one thing mainstream mental health does have right: you can't think that kind of fear away, you have to overlay the bad experience with good ones. Desensitization. Can't do that if I won't participate.

What I think is one of the things that allows this forum to work is the fact that people are constantly questioning their behavior/thoughts as well as the behaviors/thoughts of others and then their own responses to that if that makes any sense. There is the constant confrontation of the false self. I think where much of psychology goes wrong is that it doesn't provide this feedback mechanism. Basically, someone sits with you in a room and lets you talk for fifty minutes or so and makes notes. The psychologist/psychiatrist may be afraid of being direct out of fear that they will lose a patient (money). When a system's primary goal is profit, the idea of health falls by the wayside. These systems are geared to put the doctor in the role as savior(enabler) and removes personal responsibility from the patient thereby producing or re-enforcing victimization.

OK. This is being all about me. I can do that offline alone. I like, and I get, what you are saying about answering the door. You've given me a mental image that really helps... I've visited some intentional communities of different kinds, and guess what... in these communities, the folks who answer the door, as often as not, ARE the newest members. Welcoming is important. In fact, it's one of the most important things. And you don't have to own the place. I stand, gratefully, corrected.

I don't think the problem lies with who is answering the door in that case. The problem, in my opinion, lies with who they allow to stay. In the forum example I gave above, no one is ever asked to leave. They can say what they want to whomever and spam (or in the example of the house, trash the place) as much as they want. There are no boundaries/respect between people. Each petty tyrant is allowed to come in and of course they all want to be in charge which ends up in no one being in charge. In short, there is no home, it's more like a burnt out building with vagrants and who knows what else. Chaos abounds.

Sorry for the noise and the self-involvement here.

Try not to worry about this so much. You're home now and there's a place at the table for you if you want it.

 

[hnd]

Thanks for starting this thread,Vulcan59 and everybody contributed to it. It is really helpful and encouraging.

Although I normally tend to, I don't think I'm a boardlurker. I've posted a few thoughts in order not to be and to give it a try. I'd like to share how I felt about it hoping to help someone if I can and to be advised if I need it. I thought I could make it easier by commenting on some of truthseeker's words. It is my first time quoting,and this preview button is a relief. So, here I go.

I believe this is the crux. No one posted at all or they didn't post "soon enough". The negative introject (thought loops) start: "I hope everyone "liked" what I posted.", "No one is posting, they must not like me.", Something is wrong with my post!", "I knew I shouldn't have posted!", "I'll never post again!". And so it goes. This is your predator.

That's for sure and learning how the mechanism works helps a lot. I personally had no difficulty fighting the thought loops you mentioned except for this one: `Is it necessary to post it?`. This one is very strong because it is difficult to decide if it is really necessary. I still don't have some kind of criteria to guide me. So,I'm trying to learn with trial and error method. For example, I had some regrets about my previous post because I'm not sure if I was objective enough and if I understand concepts properly. When posting it I didn't have any doubts, but I began to see weak points in it hours later. It is strange that you go on thinking about a paragraph you posted on the forum all day. One voice in my head says `don't take it so seriously` and another says `no, go on thinking,you may learn something`and I hope to.

The lurking issue... I don't think that someone is a lurker when they are not posting. If that's the case, then everytime I don't post I would be lurking! I think the clue for whether someone is lurking points again to the reason for not posting. Is someone not posting because they genuinely don't have something to say or because they think what they have to say has no worth?

This is even better than the preview button: ) I totally agree with you and it is nice to know that it can be understood when you don't have anything to share due to reasons other than the predator stopping you.

The last thing, I really have to extend my appreciation and admiration of those posting who don't speak English as a first language. I'm in Belgium and can't even begin to fathom how long it would take me to compose a post in Dutch or any other language. Amazing. Keep up the great work!

Thank you for the external considering. It is really difficult to express yourself in a second language whether you are good enough or even better because after all it isn't your mother tongue. I often feel I'm not natural and it isn't really me sometimes because I tend to speak some sort of Queen English as I'm more familiar with formal expressions. Being from a different culture may also result in certain barriers, but as far as I've observed it is generally taken into account. That's also good.

 

[Cumulus]

Thank you again, truth seeker... Predator mind. I need to think about this. It seems more like 'prey mind' to me, trying to avoid predation by staying hidden, anticipating predation in the form of judgment, being skittish and easily frightened, etc. But it needs to go, either way.

Heimdallr, I see what you mean about the negative introject. Thank you, you are entirely correct. "prey mind"... negative introject. Yes, that makes sense. Easier to separate from it, seeing it this way, I hope.

Truth seeker, so true, about who is allowed to stay on certain discussion sites. That is a huge giveaway, when abusive people are not just tolerated but seem to be approved of or favored. Or huge amounts of energy are spent pretending the abusive people aren't really abusive, yet others who are innocent but clumsy or less articulate are cornered and accused.

This has been very helpful.

hnd, your thoughts help too. Please don't worry about writing too-formal English, you write very well, it's easy to understand you. :)

 

[hnd]

Thanks,Cumulus.: )

 

[Satori]

Funny thing about board lurking, after reading this i feel the need to post even though i don't have anything to add..... appart from, for myself i often don't add because

1. all the relevent points have already been covered
2. i often don't feel confident enough / sometimes feel that my idea is silly and i will be laughed at
3. the point about people keeping things to themselves and not sharing info seems bizare to me, it certainly doesn't seem like a good way to "save yourself". The whole point of this forum is about sharing... surely? So that we can all help each other to rise up out of the mire.
4. Some of us are not as knowledgable or advanced as others

These are just my thoughts on the matter, for good or not. However i do agree that all should try to add

Thanks

 

[Nienna]

Funny thing about board lurking, after reading this i feel the need to post even though i don't have anything to add..... appart from, for myself i often don't add because

1. all the relevent points have already been covered
2. i often don't feel confident enough / sometimes feel that my idea is silly and i will be laughed at
3. the point about people keeping things to themselves and not sharing info seems bizare to me, it certainly doesn't seem like a good way to "save yourself". The whole point of this forum is about sharing... surely? So that we can all help each other to rise up out of the mire.
4. Some of us are not as knowledgable or advanced as others

These are just my thoughts on the matter, for good or not. However i do agree that all should try to add

Thanks

That's a fairly accurate list of "why not to post." I'm sure that this coveres everybody who is not used to posting on this forum. But don't believe it. In fact, throw it away.

In order to gain confidence to post, just posting your observations of something, even if it has already been said, helps you to practice up on rewiring your brain and overriding your programs. It also helps others to see you and begin to know you and your thinking on any given subject.

Also, you never know, but I have found that sometimes something said by one person doesn't really sink in, but then when someone else says it in a slightly different way, it hits me like a ton of bricks and finally I "get it."

So don't you all hold back. Even if it's been said before. Even if you feel that you are not as knowledgeable as someone else. Just think about the subject and pretend nobody else has posted and say what you want to say.

 

[Manu]

That's a fairly accurate list of "why not to post." I'm sure that this coveres everybody who is not used to posting on this forum. But don't believe it. In fact, throw it away.

In order to gain confidence to post, just posting your observations of something, even if it has already been said, helps you to practice up on rewiring your brain and overriding your programs. It also helps others to see you and begin to know you and your thinking on any given subject.

Also, you never know, but I have found that sometimes something said by one person doesn't really sink in, but then when someone else says it in a slightly different way, it hits me like a ton of bricks and finally I "get it."

So don't you all hold back. Even if it's been said before. Even if you feel that you are not as knowledgeable as someone else. Just think about the subject and pretend nobody else has posted and say what you want to say.

Nienna, I find your post very helpful. I have highlighted what I think is the most important part for me. Thanks!

 

[Satori]

Thanks Nienna, you're absolutely right of course!! Especially about reprogramming the brain

Just think about the subject and pretend nobody else has posted and say what you want to say.

I think that was what i was trying to do

hehe

 

[Vulcan59]

This group is like a body. Not everyone is to be the mind or the heart, as the body also needs every other organs, muscles, etcetera. Even a toe is very important. So, I decided that I could not judge for myself which part of the body I was. I only imagined myself as a little toe, and tried to do as much as possible, and learn as much as possible to fulfil my "toe-roll". With no anticipation of becoming anything else, just the will to be useful in whichever way possible. That has helped me a lot!

Continuing with this analogy, that is how I also see our new religion and the EE program. Imagine we are all cells in this body. Some get cleaner faster than others, and help the whole body to detoxify. One cannot go without the other: The blood cannot clean itself properly if other organs don't detox at the same time. So, anything we do to clean our machine helps the body become healthier faster! And a healthier body then has the strength and wisdom to help other bodies in struggle. See? Easy

Or, another analogy is that we are, individually, part of the complete orchestra, each with an instrument to play, endeavouring to play in tune.

The quote above was taken from another post and I thought it was very relevant to this thread. Hopefully this will encourage the fence sitters or boardlurkers to get off that fence and start participating. :)

 

[henry]

Also, you never know, but I have found that sometimes something said by one person doesn't really sink in, but then when someone else says it in a slightly different way, it hits me like a ton of bricks and finally I "get it."

I think that is a really good point. We each have our own experiences and ways of learning new things. Getting new input in a variety of ways makes the information available to a wider group of people.

 

[rsnedaker]

Well, one thing I've found is that speaking up to those who are sound asleep is useless - a waste of energy and opening a portal for attack when they fight with all their might to protect their sleep. It's not fun, it's not easy, but as we begin to see the reality of the world around us, part of that is seeing the sleep of those closest to us. So, my humble advice would be to begin to speak up here, where it counts and where you can actually be heard for who you are, not ignored because you're disturbing our sleep! As far as those in your life, let them sleep for now while you gain your strength and your voice in order to perhaps help them when they are so rudely awakened that there is no other choice (if that time ever comes).
Just a few thoughts... ;)

This quote was very helpful to me. I was repeatedly feeling bad about not speaking up more to people who are asleep about how I see things. I was racking my brain trying to think of an effective way to reach people, that wasn't a futile, unwanted,and useless. I have just realized that posting here is a much better plan for now. Better to take necessary smaller steps rather leaping into a large herd of angry sheep.

Edit - Quote

 

[rsnedaker]

I need to reread how to quote, because I didn't do that properly. I also wanted to ask, is it necessary to read the entire thread before posting? For instance, sometimes there's a 32 page thread that I would like to add to but never finish reading it because I run out of time.
One more thing I wanted to add. After being affected by this quote enough to write it down on a piece of paper and keep it at my desk, I found myself in quite a conundrum. The quote was from Laura's Knowledge & Being Video which says, "Life is religion. Life experience experiences reflect how one reacts with God. Some people think the world exists for them to overcome, ignore or shut out. For those individuals the world will cease. They will become exactly what they give to life. They will become merely a dream in the past. People who pay strict attention to the objective reality right and left, become the reality of the future."
So my problem was I didn't know how not obsess about trying to become STO and see objective reality so I wouldn't die and become a dream of the past and that I was trying to overcome the world in that regard. I felt very trapped in my own loop of disfunctionality. However when I came upon Ark's quote in this thread, and put those together, I could relax and enjoy learning without getting caught in a performance trap. That quote was, " If it takes five lives to accomplish what you need to accomplish let this be the first of those five lives." Wow, that's a relief. Thanks!

 

[Ca.]

Yes i see them as what i have refereed in the past , to this element as STS trouble shooters. But not as in the term as a fixer of issues but a facilitator and promoter with a negative agenda to drain, distract, and waste the time of the positive energy of this site and its members !

 

[hukka]

Another lurker here. Great thread, just noticed it for the first time, and a good wakeup call - I'd started to make a small amount of progress in the summer with improving my diet and starting the breathing program but then everything kind of fell back into the old state of affairs. This might've not happened had I been also participating on the forum and sharing information about my progress (or lack of it). So yeah, I need to start participating!