Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[Tigersoap]

Yesterday while doing the round breathing I had a lot of involuntary movment because I was seeing images like trying to avoid walking on a dog (??), suddenly I heard like metallic gunshots while I had the image of a shop window ?
I zoned out very fast while listening to the POTS and I slept very heavily until morning.

I don't know but today, it creeped up slowly, I have this very strong feeling of disgust, being fed up and tiredness but I cannot link it to any thoughts specifically.
It seems that this feeling is trying to agglutinate to other thoughts and drag me down if it makes sense.
I haven't felt this way as strongly since a good while, I've got ups and downs for sure and I know it's going to pass but when it hits it ain't cool.
Urgh haha I even find it funny somehow :D

 

[mocachapeau]

Weird thoughts and almost compulsions to contact people I KNOW are toxic, and 'give the benefit of the doubt' to are chasing around in my head, in addition to feeling like my whole body is in a vise of inaction.

That's interesting. One of the things I've been dealing with has to do with a set back in a project I've been working on. Because it's starting to look like it may not work, I've actually had somewhat obsessive thoughts about embarking on something that I KNOW does not fit into the life I lead, in order to get the project happening. I see now that the frustration came from my ego, and I guess it started to hijack my thoughts. And because I wasn't doing the EE, or anything else to resist it, it was having an all-encompassing effect on my general mood - it was taking over! Everything around me started to irritate me more and more. I think I'm starting to understand a little better how the predator functions, and how it can bring out narcissism. And doing the EE just shut it all down so I was able to see clearly again. Holy cow!

And the "vise of inaction" you mentioned, I think I felt as well. Because my ego was making me feel like the situation was a bad one that needed to be changed immediately, it made me feel like I wasn't doing what was necessary to change it. And my mind translated that into, "I'm not doing anything at all". That's what distracted me from the EE and the work in the first place, and got me obsessing about fixing this "big problem", which is really only a "big problem" if I let my ego convince me that it is. It was, as you say, just pulling me off track.

....at the moment I don't know what good I can do anyone in the Fellowship or anywhere else.

Well, sharing your thoughts in this post just helped me in a huge way. It helped me to see how this process works, how easily my ego can creep up on me and take over without me even knowing it's happening. Also, I now see how, and why, it's so important to do the EE whether I'm feeling bad, or not. It's preventative. I think it would take a major catastrophe (a real one that is) for my ego to get to me if I were doing the EE three times a week. It seems to me you're doing much more good than you may realise.

When I can get through the physical fog, and do quick pipe breaths, when I see all of it and wonder if it'll ever work out, it makes me more determined to keep at it, knowing that Laura and Ark and the mods have gone through it too.

Is it possible that you may only be doing the breathing when you've reached the point where you feel like you need it - when you're already stressing out? Or, like me, you aren't doing it often enough for it to be preventative? Just wondering.

Thanks for your help, Gimpy.

 

[Turgon]

if someone on the forum doesn't write an experience similar to what I'm going through, I'm hesitant to write about it, but I'm working on overcoming this.

Actually you can see it the other way around. When you write about an experience that is not similar to what the other members describe, you enrich the discussion, you offer another perspective, you expand the scope of possibilities.

In addition there might be members who experienced exactly the same thing as you but felt insecure about it. If you share your experience they might realize they are not alone, feel less alone and more likely to share their experiences. :)

Thanks Belibaste, you're right! I realize its my inner predator that keeps me from sharing my thoughts and experiences. I'm nervous how people will react to what I say, IF they'll react to what I say, so I often choose to say nothing, in case it might be the 'wrong' thing to say. I'm still dominated by anticipation and outward appearances, I'm afraid of being wrong, but if I don't say anything then I'll never know if I'm on the right track or not. And if I am, I need to share it with everyone, same with if I'm not, so mods and other more knowledgable members like yourself can add clarity.

 

[tree]

Hi Everyone,

My computer crashed a couple weeks ago, so I didn't do EE "very well" during that time. I counted my breaths on my fingers for 3 stage breathing, skipped the warrior breath so I wouldn't wake up my family, and counted the ba ha's on my fingers as well, but fell asleep. When I woke up (time to sleep), I said POTS at least once before falling back asleep. I felt very disconnected from the forum during this time and both my husband and I caught an annoying mild cold that made me skip 2 sessions of EE (because of it was too difficult to breathe). It was comforting to hear that other forum members have been having a difficult time recently as well... knowing I'm not the only one helps. I'm happy to be back.

The computer guy said he had never seen anything like what happened to my computer before... all the directories were gone, whatever that means. It asked to reinstall the programs, but lost its capability install them or read them. I'm interpreting it as some sort of attack. Back to breathing and praying. I was reading up on the spinning thread and I think I'll start with that too. Thanks to everyone for being "here"... appreciation and gratitude! :)

Tree

 

[aragorn]

Hi Tree. Have you thought about putting the EE audio tracks on a portable mp3-player? IMO a portable player is the best way to listen to the program. There are nice models that you can fasten with a clip onto your shirt or belt for example, making it easy to move the hands freely. If you need help converting and installing the tracks to a player of this kind just ask. :)

 

[Z...]

Just wanted to report interesting experience.
lately I haven't been able to do the whole program - including bioenergetic breeding twice a week, only once a week. But I do the round breathing and POTS meditation almost every day sometimes even twice a day.

This morning I was doing something completely mundane, i.e. closing the month and sorting out the papers. I had some relaxing/spiritual compilation on my Ipod.
All of the sudden the wave of emotions hit me like a truck. There was some Native American chant - and I never experienced any melody or tune in this way - entirely through my heart. I had glimpses of this before when listening to some music but never like this. The emotions were so strong that I almost ended up sobbing.

also I ve been wanting to report that I noticed significant improvement in my posture since I am doing EE. Being very tall I always tend to slouch a bit. Pilates and gym has definitley improved this but every since I have been practicing diaphragmatic breathing it comes completely natural to stand , sit and walk with the back completely straight whilst before it took me considerable effort.

 

[manitoban]

All of the sudden the wave of emotions hit me like a truck. There was some Native American chant - and I never experienced any melody or tune in this way - entirely through my heart. I had glimpses of this before when listening to some music but never like this. The emotions were so strong that I almost ended up sobbing.

Sounds like a real breakthrough - it's really quite something when you feel those deep strong emotions, isn't it?

also I ve been wanting to report that I noticed significant improvement in my posture since I am doing EE. Being very tall I always tend to slouch a bit. Pilates and gym has definitely improved this but every since I have been practicing diaphragmatic breathing it comes completely natural to stand , sit and walk with the back completely straight whilst before it took me considerable effort.

I've noticed the same thing, my posture has definitely improved. Before EE, I guess I spent my whole life breathing shallowly and being kinda hunched over, so my posture wasn't great. It is starting to be completely natural to stand tall and belly breathe. Another thing I noticed is that I find myself stretching a lot. I'll be sitting down and just notice I am unconsciously stretching my arms, back, legs etc. All the years of stored tensions being released I guess.

 

[Gertrudes]

Learner, Windmill Knight and Slowone, thank you for your posts.

But it is a little absurd in the sense that we do not understand the Absolute and its Reasons except in very vague or abstract terms. We can say that DCM is All-encompassing and the way She has to know Herself is through all possible manifestations of Reality, and that includes both STO and STS, the Beautiful and the Horrible. She is also the point of resolution and reconciliation of All opposing forces. These thoughts leave in me a great sense of awe and wonder, but I cannot say I really understand them. I don't think anyone in 3D can - otherwise they would not be in 3D!

So feeling anger at the Ultimate Reality, which we don't really understand, is a bit like a little child hating their parents for having to go to school! Still, I think it's perfectly fine for a child to feel that way occasionally because that is what children do as they grow. And their parents will not refuse a helping hand because of that.

Thank you Windmill knight, your words had a very positive impact in me, in that I could put my thoughts and feelings under a different perspective. I don't really have much to add. I have experienced several times myself hijacking my own growth by trying to understand things I couldn't.

In our case, we do not need to understand DCM nor to have only bright emotions to be able to pray and have our prayers answered. In fact, not understanding and having all sorts of negative emotions is part of the process of growth, and as such, perhaps these pains are part of the result of our prayers! To pretend that we understand everything and that there is nothing to be upset about in this world would probably be a sin against the soul, as T. Illion puts it, because it would be an attempt at escaping our role in the Universal Play and putting ourselves at the level of God - which is lying to the self.

As I have mentioned, a balloon has, or is exploding and I can see rivers of anger flowing. When reading your words I felt very relieved. I felt as if finally, I am allowed to feel angry at DCM. And as I accept this, I can feel a space opening up for me to move on towards change. It is as you have said, I don't need to understand everything, in fact, I can't possibly understand it as I am not God myself! As Slowone said:

I need to keep reminding myself that I wouldn't be here to learn if I understood already!

In the past I have thought that I had partly accepted the reality of life (I was already assuming I knew such), these opposite forces at play that some times take the shape of what seems to be pure unfairness to 3D eyes. My mind accepted it, but not my feelings. And perhaps not even my mind had accepted it at all. Now I have all these surfacing feelings I have ignored for many years, they are looking at me and I am looking at them, and I really don't know what to do with them...but I hope that time will tell. I have spent much time learning how to shut them down, and have become pretty good at it. Now I need to learn to be brave enough to feel them, to feel them for so long that they eventually take another shape. I don't know if that's what will happen, I think it is, since life itself is change.

I can feel the lump in my throat as I type this now, and my anger about her suffering. No amount of my telling myself that I am incapable of seeing or understanding the larger cosmic picture that allows this ameliorates my feelings of frustration and sadness. What to do?

I feel the same, right down to the feeling of having a lump in my throat.
The thought of learning how to deal with this reminded me of Heating the Crucible. I don't know if we can apply it here, but if we take dealing with these feelings to be the equivalent to dealing with shocks, perhaps we're trying to learn how to heat our crucible?...

Thank you for your thoughts everyone

 

[Laura]

Just wanted to report interesting experience. <snip>

This morning I was doing something completely mundane, i.e. closing the month and sorting out the papers. I had some relaxing/spiritual compilation on my Ipod.
All of the sudden the wave of emotions hit me like a truck. There was some Native American chant - and I never experienced any melody or tune in this way - entirely through my heart. I had glimpses of this before when listening to some music but never like this. The emotions were so strong that I almost ended up sobbing.

This is interesting because I sensed something - resisting - in you in your comment on the new session (regarding animals and sex). (You have actually been on my mind the past couple of days.) Anyway, as I was reading the above, I had just started listening to some NA songs sent to me by Guardian. It was just odd that I was listening to those chants at that moment. (This was earlier today, I had to go out and am only now back.)

Also, this morning, right after I got up, there was a really BIG explosion that shook our house, rattled the windows like crazy, I could even feel the shock wave physically. Then, the boom just kept echoing away in the distance very loudly.

While we were out, we saw a halo around the sun exactly like the one in this article:
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/205697-Ghana-Halo-Appears-Around-Sun

About 15 minutes later, a lot of clouds formed and then, we looked and there was what could only be a comet trail looking exactly like the one in this image, only without the fire part... like it had already burned out and it was just the tubular smoke trail. Only it was kind of spiraly.

So, all in all, a strange day. I'm going down to cook a nice lamb tagine.
One cannot deal with the signs of the end of civilization on an empty stomach.

 

[Gimpy]

And the "vise of inaction" you mentioned, I think I felt as well. Because my ego was making me feel like the situation was a bad one that needed to be changed immediately, it made me feel like I wasn't doing what was necessary to change it. And my mind translated that into, "I'm not doing anything at all". That's what distracted me from the EE and the work in the first place, and got me obsessing about fixing this "big problem", which is really only a "big problem" if I let my ego convince me that it is. It was, as you say, just pulling me off track.

Best I can describe what it feels like: being pressed into stillness like a small animal, kind of like a vet pinning down a rabbit so it doesn't kick. Predators do this for maximum fear sauce.

Is it possible that you may only be doing the breathing when you've reached the point where you feel like you need it - when you're already stressing out? Or, like me, you aren't doing it often enough for it to be preventative? Just wondering.

Thanks for your help, Gimpy.

I think its both: not doing it often enough, and only managing when I'm stuck. I've been so sick lately its tough to get dressed or even take a shower (which is not a good excuse, how hard is it to sit and breath, really?) The symptoms are weird, a low grade fever of a 99-100, shivering, and feeling so cold I'm sleeping bundled up in a thermal flannel shirt jacket and have yanked out a wool blanket to get warmer. I haven't used the FIR bag in case its something bacterial....I don't want to keep picking it back up. It leaves me feeling exhausted, grouchy, and weak, and today...really mad! If I didn't know better I'd say the Spiders are trying to kill me.

All that said, you are welcome.

 

[Z...]

In fact you are right Laura- i toned down my comment. Originally I wanted to write - come on guys - this is clearly not true. But I also took into consideration that I might not be understanding it in the right way.
You know, every now and then the predator in shape of doubtful Thomas still rear up its ugly head.
It took me a lot of effort to overcome my strong antireligous programm and I did make my piece with Paleochristianity but as I said I do get some paranoid thougths about you guys occasionally.

On the other note while everyone is reporting feeling low and bad I never felt better. Its been 3 weeks now that i havent touched any wheat, processed carbs and dairy ( apart from occasional sprinkle of Parmigiano reggiano shavings over salad or buckwheat/ rice pasta).
the change in my body is unbelivable. Energy level soared up, sleepiness gone, all minor discomfort, lows etc gone, sleep fantastic.
Also when it comes to my emotional state it does help that recently I have been blessed with the smartest and gentlest dog in the whole world, which could sometimes pass for a human being. I run every morning or walk 3 hours in total per day. So its endorphins galore.

EE has brought certain sense of calmness and security in my life that's for sure.
Also worth mentioning, last night after I read the session transcripts I had a dream from which the only thing I can remember was that someone was telling me that I am safe in Malta, that this zone is protected and that group needs me to be here and hold the grounds for the group good (recently I was playing with the idea of relocation).
Its a public holiday here and today all day was just a bliss day in the sunshine, by the sea and with friends.

Well in any case there is nothing more then this worth reporting.

 

[Oxajil]

Also worth mentioning, last night after I read the session transcripts I had a dream from which the only thing I can remember was that someone was telling me that I am safe in Malta, that this zone is protected and that group needs me to be here and hold the grounds for the group good (recently I was playing with the idea of relocation).

It's great to consider the dream's meaning or advice. But I'm not sure if it's a good thing to base choices on dreams (not saying that you are doing that).
Do keep in mind that what the dream was meant to say to you could also be not like that at all. Be vigilant at all times. (Am not saying that you are not!)

I know that who you are and what you see is more important than where you are. But just wanted to say this.

 

[Oxajil]

Yesterday I did the 3 stage breathing and during that I saw images of men with turbans and beards (muslim like).
I kept telling myself ''stop imagining them, it's you doing that, it's not from the breathing'', but I kept seeing them.
Like somehow I don't trust myself. When I see something ''weird'' I sometimes tell myself it must be something else (as in, nothing ''special'' or spiritual).

I know I shouldn't be doing this and just relax and let possibilities be.

 

[Nienna]

Wow! That is exactly how I started to understand DCM. Beautifully said.

I once asked my friend how she thought God would look like, she told me that we (muslims) are not allowed to think about such things.
If I would have to answer my own question symbolically and subjectively, I would probably say a Smile, because that's what I see every time I think about the DCM.

Sorry for the offtopic message, just thought I'd share!

When I think of the DCM, I don't really think of it as see-able, but as an all-encompassing love and acceptance and being enveloped in a continual, loving spiritual embrace. :)

 

[Oxajil]

When I think of the DCM, I don't really think of it as see-able, but as an all-encompassing love and acceptance and being enveloped in a continual, loving spiritual embrace. :)

I think that's really beautiful!

In my last years I have lived with confusion. I clearly learned that DCM accepted my actions and accepted me for who I am. But this was in contravention of the image I was taught by my surroundings; That the DCM judges me and doesn't like me to do certain things and might punish me for that. My experiences and instinct somehow did not tell me that this was the case.
Something was wrong.

But by reading the Wave, reading about PaleoChristianity, about DCM, some pieces started to fit together.
You guys, this community, this forum really resonates with me.
And it all makes so much more sense than any other place I've been. Thanks.