Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[Gawan]

Not sure whether this actually was about an attachment, or whether it represented something in my psyche. It could also have to do with an alleged ghost in the house.

Just found out that the evening before the "entity experience" I unknowingly had food containing modified starch. Could it not be that this "entity experience" was nothing but a result of messed up brain chemistry because of the modified starch?

Considering that -gluten- has opiate like abilities I wouldn't think so (should calm you). But I maybe off.

 

[Turgon]

To give an update with EE, I've actually had a lot of stuff occurring in the last while. Since I've been doing EE in complete darkness before bed, I've had a lot of emotions coming to the surface. Last week, after EE and having this feeling that I posted about here http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=20684.0 occur, I had a dream about my mom yelling. It kept going for the entire dream and I could here it throughout, until finally I try to to record her to let her know she needed help. She jumps up and yells in my face very strongly.

My heart just stopped completely, like an electric current shocked it and I reacted with a mix of intense anger and fear and lunged at her. I started hitting her over and over. I realize what I am doing then bit my lip very hard to wake up. When awaking my left arm was spasming and my heart was just jumping out of my chest.

I had thought that I had maybe released this anger, but this last week I've been having a lot of emotional difficulties, as if I can barely deal with the mundane things of life. It culminated with me wanting to give up, throw up the towel in the Work, that the negative introject and programs are too strong to overcome. Finally, yesterday I was just totally in the dumps and my family asked what was wrong, offering assistance, but I said nothing and went upstairs. I started balling my eyes out because I can't even, to this day properly communicate my own feelings to another human being. I've been so stuck in selfish, self-centered ways, and I asked DCM why I was like this. Trying to break down these walls inside.

When this was happening I started to get this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can still feel it very intensely, right now. And I think it's the feeling of emotional pain and regret. I'm hurting inside based upon how I've lived my life and all the stuff I've swept underneath the rug. I've had so many different addictions in life, and it makes it difficult because I knew better! I always had this little voice or gut feeling telling me not to do this, or that, but I always shrugged it off not really caring because I was stuck in addiction and narrow-mindedmess. I never realized what a cumulative effect all those hasty and rash decisions were having on my psyche. Now I look back and it's really painful to see. I have been wanting to run away from re-living the past, because the more I go back the more I remember all the stupid, selfish things done, and with the negative introject it never lets you see the postive, decent things as well. When I was doing EE last night, it felt like EE created some space between me and the negative introject. As if it was something separate that I was looking at, but I zoned out during the POTS and don't remember much else other than that feeling of separation from it.

Today, it's back, but it doesn't feel as strong as it was this last while. More so I felt, and still feel sad. But not a depressed sad, just, sadness. Like I wan't to cry more, but I'm not going to try and force it, hopefully. Just let whatever happens, happen naturally.

I was about to post and I noticed this. It's timely and makes me wonder why my left arm was bothering my so much after waking. I think I have an issue in being receptive or wanting to receive feminine energies. I am not open to it, maybe that's why there is so much frustration and maybe where that intuitive gut feeling that I get comes from. So it's like I've been ignoring it for years. And the left side pain could be a manifestation of my soul crying out for balance.

Left Hand Side: represents receptivity, taking in, feminine energy, women, the mother.
Arms: Represent the capacity and ability to hold the experiences of life.

PAINS IN THE ARMS
EMOTIONAL BLOCK
Pains in the arms signals that you feel you are no longer useful and you doubt your capabilities. Or it could be that you have difficulty holding someone close to you. You may be feeling some guilt surrounding this issue. You should take a close look at why you can’t take a loved one in your arms. What could happen?

Which arm is causing pain? Be aware that … the left, receiving or acquiring …

It may be that you feel you have all that you need to embrace a new situation but you’ve been influenced by others or by your thoughts and you’ve prevented yourself from grasping the situation fully.

Since the arms are an extension of the heart region, they are used to express love. Rather than feel the weight of obligation, embrace the person or opportunity with open arms, as this is the natural reaction of heart.

MENTAL BLOCK
If you doubt your ability or your usefulness, realize that this mindset is the result of listening to a little voice in your head that is bred by the ego. Trust that the Universe only gives you what you can handle and that you will reach your goals with a quiet confidence and capability. Discard painful ways of thinking and energize yourself by embracing your life fully.

 

[Seamus]

To give an update with EE, I've actually had a lot of stuff occurring in the last while. Since I've been doing EE in complete darkness before bed, I've had a lot of emotions coming to the surface. Last week, after EE and having this feeling that I posted about here http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=20684.0 occur, I had a dream about my mom yelling. It kept going for the entire dream and I could here it throughout, until finally I try to to record her to let her know she needed help. She jumps up and yells in my face very strongly.

My heart just stopped completely, like an electric current shocked it and I reacted with a mix of intense anger and fear and lunged at her. I started hitting her over and over. I realize what I am doing then bit my lip very hard to wake up. When awaking my left arm was spasming and my heart was just jumping out of my chest.

I had thought that I had maybe released this anger, but this last week I've been having a lot of emotional difficulties, as if I can barely deal with the mundane things of life. It culminated with me wanting to give up, throw up the towel in the Work, that the negative introject and programs are too strong to overcome. Finally, yesterday I was just totally in the dumps and my family asked what was wrong, offering assistance, but I said nothing and went upstairs. I started balling my eyes out because I can't even, to this day properly communicate my own feelings to another human being. I've been so stuck in selfish, self-centered ways, and I asked DCM why I was like this. Trying to break down these walls inside.

When this was happening I started to get this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can still feel it very intensely, right now. And I think it's the feeling of emotional pain and regret. I'm hurting inside based upon how I've lived my life and all the stuff I've swept underneath the rug. I've had so many different addictions in life, and it makes it difficult because I knew better! I always had this little voice or gut feeling telling me not to do this, or that, but I always shrugged it off not really caring because I was stuck in addiction and narrow-mindedmess. I never realized what a cumulative effect all those hasty and rash decisions were having on my psyche. Now I look back and it's really painful to see. I have been wanting to run away from re-living the past, because the more I go back the more I remember all the stupid, selfish things done, and with the negative introject it never lets you see the postive, decent things as well. When I was doing EE last night, it felt like EE created some space between me and the negative introject. As if it was something separate that I was looking at, but I zoned out during the POTS and don't remember much else other than that feeling of separation from it.

Today, it's back, but it doesn't feel as strong as it was this last while. More so I felt, and still feel sad. But not a depressed sad, just, sadness. Like I wan't to cry more, but I'm not going to try and force it, hopefully. Just let whatever happens, happen naturally.

I was about to post and I noticed this. It's timely and makes me wonder why my left arm was bothering my so much after waking. I think I have an issue in being receptive or wanting to receive feminine energies. I am not open to it, maybe that's why there is so much frustration and maybe where that intuitive gut feeling that I get comes from. So it's like I've been ignoring it for years. And the left side pain could be a manifestation of my soul crying out for balance.

Left Hand Side: represents receptivity, taking in, feminine energy, women, the mother.
Arms: Represent the capacity and ability to hold the experiences of life.

PAINS IN THE ARMS
EMOTIONAL BLOCK
Pains in the arms signals that you feel you are no longer useful and you doubt your capabilities. Or it could be that you have difficulty holding someone close to you. You may be feeling some guilt surrounding this issue. You should take a close look at why you can’t take a loved one in your arms. What could happen?

Which arm is causing pain? Be aware that … the left, receiving or acquiring …

It may be that you feel you have all that you need to embrace a new situation but you’ve been influenced by others or by your thoughts and you’ve prevented yourself from grasping the situation fully.

Since the arms are an extension of the heart region, they are used to express love. Rather than feel the weight of obligation, embrace the person or opportunity with open arms, as this is the natural reaction of heart.

MENTAL BLOCK
If you doubt your ability or your usefulness, realize that this mindset is the result of listening to a little voice in your head that is bred by the ego. Trust that the Universe only gives you what you can handle and that you will reach your goals with a quiet confidence and capability. Discard painful ways of thinking and energize yourself by embracing your life fully.

Hi DanielS,

Thanks for sharing. That sounds like a really intense experience.

Your introject is really acting up, as you say in your post. I've bolded some bits of your quote where it seems to come through.

You have a right to your true feelings, no matter what that voice in your head tells you about what you should be feeling. You had/have a right to be angry with your mom, and anyone else who treated you badly. You can't change the past. You only have control over how you act now. Beating yourself up about your anger and your past decisions won't change them, it just feeds the negative introject you are so upset about!

If it makes you feel any better, you're not the worst person in the world! I'm trying to work through some similar issues, and I'm sure other members around here are as well. Anger with my mom, regret over "bad" decisions and "wasted years" of my life that didn't turn out the way I planned. We've all made "bad" decisions that we regret later, but we can't change them.

From this post and from the other thread you linked to, it sounds like you're working with powerful memories. You're trying to go to places that most people spend their whole lives running away from. Don't sell yourself short.

FWIW, I've been reviewing The Narcissistic Family the last few weeks and its been really helpful. Alot of it didn't register consciously the first time I read it. It might be worth another look.

 

[LQB]

.... "wasted years" of my life that didn't turn out the way I planned. ....

And the other side of that coin - perhaps for many of us - if things had turned out the way we "planned", we might not be here at all and continuing along in great ignorance of this world.

 

[Ollie]

Hi DanielS

I had thought that I had maybe released this anger, but this last week I've been having a lot of emotional difficulties, as if I can barely deal with the mundane things of life. It culminated with me wanting to give up, throw up the towel in the Work, that the negative introject and programs are too strong to overcome. Finally, yesterday I was just totally in the dumps and my family asked what was wrong, offering assistance, but I said nothing and went upstairs. I started balling my eyes out because I can't even, to this day properly communicate my own feelings to another human being. I've been so stuck in selfish, self-centered ways, and I asked DCM why I was like this. Trying to break down these walls inside.

I’ve had similar feelings this week, midway through Monday, to try to get over it I lounged in a chair, listening to Vivaldi, and I was overcome with tears streaming down my face. So, something is happening at a deep level. And, that night I awoke in the middle of the night and had great difficulty getting back to sleep (guilt, not trusting the process of life). I’ve also suffered mild constipation (holding on to old ideas), and increased incontinence at night (emotional stress, wanting things sorted immediately). All, in all, it’s about impatience and letting go - for me.

Today, it's back, but it doesn't feel as strong as it was this last while. More so I felt, and still feel sad. But not a depressed sad, just, sadness. Like I wan't to cry more, but I'm not going to try and force it, hopefully. Just let whatever happens, happen naturally.

Hang in there, DanielS, we can get through this, and as you say - ‘Just let whatever happens, happen naturally.’ – as an approach to follow, even if it does stretch me to the limits.

 

[Seamus]

.... "wasted years" of my life that didn't turn out the way I planned. ....

And the other side of that coin - perhaps for many of us - if things had turned out the way we "planned", we might not be here at all and continuing along in great ignorance of this world.

Yeah! Thats the point I was trying to make. The "bad" choices that I've made in my life have contributed to who I am and where I am now as much as the "good" choices.

 

[Ollie]

… I’ve also suffered mild constipation (holding on to old ideas), …

I researched this further because I’d been taking my usual levels of Magnesium Citrate in the evening, Transdermal Magnesium Chloride before bed, and upped my Vitamin C levels by 50% and still no change. As usual, a walk helps, metaphysics came to mind:

CONSTIPATION
EMOTIONAL BLOCK
… in metaphysical terms, optimal health hinges on the release of old ides that are being carried around. Constipation also indicates lack of expression of one’s ideas or feelings for fear of displeasing others, being wrong, or risking loss. …

… Constipation can occur when you feel you are being forced to part with your coverted time … When you do give of … (out of guilt), it is not willing and you would have preferred to hang on to them.

Constipation can result from the stress brought on by an inability to let go of a past incident, which importance has since been exaggerated by dark thoughts or feelings of anger, frustration, suspicion, humiliation or jealousy.

MENTAL BLOCK
… your body is giving you a powerful message that it’s time to let go! … It would be worth it to find out if you would truly be a loser if you expressed yourself or did what you want. Now, isn’t that a better attitude to have?

Then it all made sense, yes there was the holding on to old ideas and other than letting go, I’d recently decided to do some extra work. Internal consideration got hold of me: the perfectionist - not wanting to be wrong, and then there was the problem of fitting it in with my other Work, reading, and another project I’d started this week and was making a lack of progress with – feeling guilty about not doing (any of) it - properly.

So there it was, I just need to sort my priorities out – to DO the extra work over my Work, as this will result in helping more people, to take a risk, to get it wrong, ‘to find out what it would be like to truly be a loser if you expressed yourself or did what you want’, and to fit my other Work around it. That sorts out what was happening this week.

And, and this is the big one, expressing myself freely as a way of BEing, irrespective of what others might say, of being wrong, or of losing something or someone – cutting out the negative introject! In other words, it’s up to me to get out of my head and into my heart. As usual, just need to put it all into practice. :)

 

[Aiming]

Just found out that the evening before the "entity experience" I unknowingly had food containing modified starch. Could it not be that this "entity experience" was nothing but a result of messed up brain chemistry because of the modified starch?

Considering that -gluten- has opiate like abilities I wouldn't think so (should calm you). But I maybe off.

Okay, that makes sense. But I thought along the lines of modified starch containing MSG (monosodium glutamate).
Anyhow, I didn't have any entity experience again. Only thing yesterday was when being on the brink of falling asleep I saw a dog that looked like our dog, but it was evil and it was biting my hand. So there seems to be something going on, whether psycholgical, body chemistry related, or related to 'other planes'. Or all combined, because it's all intertwined anyway.

It culminated with me wanting to give up, throw up the towel in the Work, that the negative introject and programs are too strong to overcome. Finally, yesterday I was just totally in the dumps and my family asked what was wrong, offering assistance, but I said nothing and went upstairs. I started balling my eyes out because I can't even, to this day properly communicate my own feelings to another human being. I've been so stuck in selfish, self-centered ways, and I asked DCM why I was like this. Trying to break down these walls inside.

Thank you for sharing this, Daniel. What I bolded is exactly what I've been going through in approx. the recent two weeks. Always the predator telling me I'm not going to make it anyway, better throw the towel at once. Lots of depression feelings and also feelings of desperation about my selfishness.

I have been wanting to run away from re-living the past, because the more I go back the more I remember all the stupid, selfish things done, and with the negative introject it never lets you see the postive, decent things as well.

Exactly -- the more I see, the bleaker the picture gets, and it's become hard to view myself in any positive light at all. Had anybody told me how the sense of hope I always carried within could even be switched off, I wouldn't have believed it. I really wonder how other people, not knowing about the Work would ever be able to handle those feelings... It's so easy to be dragged down by them, if one identifies with them. And even if one has that 'knowledge I' which knows this is just the negative introject or just some depression from seeing one's selfishness, it's still like a storm that needs to be endured, or so it seems to me.

 

[leo]

just start before few days with breathing tube, after long years and clearly i could think of sleep-interesting, i will begin with meditation
and the first dream was to go into primary school,there was a priest and people aroud him and i said aloud mockingly aaamen and i started to laugh,weird

 

[pirataloko]

Thanks for sharing leo

 

[LQB]

.... "wasted years" of my life that didn't turn out the way I planned. ....

And the other side of that coin - perhaps for many of us - if things had turned out the way we "planned", we might not be here at all and continuing along in great ignorance of this world.

Yeah! Thats the point I was trying to make. The "bad" choices that I've made in my life have contributed to who I am and where I am now as much as the "good" choices.

Exactly! :)

 

[dugdeep]

I was about to post and I noticed this. It's timely and makes me wonder why my left arm was bothering my so much after waking. I think I have an issue in being receptive or wanting to receive feminine energies. I am not open to it, maybe that's why there is so much frustration and maybe where that intuitive gut feeling that I get comes from. So it's like I've been ignoring it for years. And the left side pain could be a manifestation of my soul crying out for balance.

Just a thought, DanielS, but could this also be about not receiving the female energy that you needed at the time when you were younger, rather than you not wanting to receive it? Your dream seems to indicate some pent up anger at your mother. Is there a chance she wasn't giving you what you needed, and this is what's being represented here? I bring this up because of things that you and I have discussed in the past. I just thought I'd draw your attention to it, in case you weren't making the connection.

FWIW. :)

 

[Ollie]

The week I've experienced wet eyes during BaHa and a feeling of light-headedness at the end of the BaHa portion. Otherwise, I've nothing more to present than I've already done earlier in the thread (about control and letting go).

 

[Turgon]

I was about to post and I noticed this. It's timely and makes me wonder why my left arm was bothering my so much after waking. I think I have an issue in being receptive or wanting to receive feminine energies. I am not open to it, maybe that's why there is so much frustration and maybe where that intuitive gut feeling that I get comes from. So it's like I've been ignoring it for years. And the left side pain could be a manifestation of my soul crying out for balance.

Just a thought, DanielS, but could this also be about not receiving the female energy that you needed at the time when you were younger, rather than you not wanting to receive it? Your dream seems to indicate some pent up anger at your mother. Is there a chance she wasn't giving you what you needed, and this is what's being represented here? I bring this up because of things that you and I have discussed in the past. I just thought I'd draw your attention to it, in case you weren't making the connection.

FWIW. :)

That makes sense. I was thinking I purposely was neglecting the feminine, when it could be I didn't receive it which created blocks that need to be chipped away in order to 'receive' that type of energy. There is an issue of neglect growing up, even though I had other family there for me as well. But not a nuclear family, as my dad wasn't around, ever. She was there, but she was young and has a lot of anger issues herself. I do believe that the anger and fear comes from either some event, series of events or overall impressions that I received with her growing up. Other family said around 8, I was in a very bad place, because that's when I started becoming extremely rebellious, angry and suicidal! They believe it was a cry for attention that I was not receiving from her.

So yeah, it could be some internal wounding issue that I kind of understand now, can see the ramifications, but don't know what to do about it. I can say though, after this dream, I was angry with her, but that anger is subsided. Maybe I released some of it to do with her, but not completely. As I've noticed now that anger seems to jump from one candidate to another. Either at myself, or someone else who 'offends' me. Whether it's a mundane or legitimate reason. But at least I can see it more clearly now, even though I don't have full control of these emotions.

One step at a time, chip away at the wall.

 

[Turgon]

And for all with support and similar feelings occurring, I thought I would add these quotes:

Q: (L) Alright. First of all, A*** {a friend doing the breathing/meditation program} is having a really hard time. She's going through some kind of - close to - an emotional breakdown sort of thing. Of course, she is concerned that she's just losing her mind. Other than what I've said to her, is there anything to add information-wise about what she's going through?

A: Her experience is similar to yours due to her rigid stubbornness.

Q: (L) Okay, so she's rigidly stubborn similar to the way I'm rigidly stubborn. Because of that, she's going to suffer as much in the breakdown as I did. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) I see.

A: If one crystallizes on the wrong foundation it means much more suffering.

Q: (L) Are you saying that she crystallized on some foundation, and I did too?

A: Yes

Q: (L) Were they similar foundations?

A: No

Q: (L) But just that it was a crystallization of some sort?

A: Yes

Q: (L) And what caused or what was the nature of this crystallization?

A: Necessity for survival of trauma.

Q: (L) Well, there are some other people who have suffered certainly much more trauma, or at least equal trauma, who I didn't notice going through any kind of similar really outrageous suffering.

A: They didn't crystallize, they split.

Q: (L) So one difference is that some people crystallize to survive, and some people split to survive. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) And I guess if you split to survive, all you have to do is bring yourself together and merge, and therefore it is somewhat easier than somebody who has crystallized and has to break everything down. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) So that's one of the reasons for some of the different experiences among the people in the forum for example. Is that the case?

A: Yes

Q: (Joe) Maybe people who split, reintegration happens over a longer period of time, where they slowly, slowly, slowly put themselves back together, so the suffering is in little bits at a time. Whereas people who crystallize hold it off until all at once something has to break down... (L) Yeah, people who crystallize resist probably more. I think that was the case with me...

A: Yes

Q: (L) So, okay... And there's some people who are having very mild experiences, and there are some people who aren't having much experience at all. What is going on with people who are not having much in the way of experience?

A: They are fusing smaller segments a little at a time. Tell them to be patient and persistent. At some point they will see their own progress in retrospect. It is like walking up a gentle mountain slope.

Q: (L) So in other words, they're the lucky ones!

A: Depends on the makeup and potential for strong emotions.

Q: (L) Any other questions on that particular topic? Any particular cases that stand out? (Ark) I think I am an example of the lucky ones. (C**) Yeah, me too. (L) You did it gradually. (Keit) Well, back in C****, I thought I was going crazy as well. Now I'm kind of okay. (A***) I had a horrible experience the other night. Joe and I were doing the whole program, and I kind of switched into a vision where I was being tortured. My fingernails were being pulled off, and I started crying couldn't stop. It was pretty traumatic. But that was the first time that something like that happened. (DD) I had a dream the second night after I did the first whole program. I was in a scenario where I was with a person who was a dangerous person. And I was being stalked by police or the army or something. And I was held by the neck by this person, and he had a thing that was about half the size of a hay hook that was made out of a thin wire. And he stuck it into my kidney on the right side, and when he would pull on it, it was like a taser shock. And I screamed myself awake at about 6 o'clock in the morning. It was the strangest dream I've ever had in my entire life. I woke myself up screaming at the top of lungs. Fortunately, that hasn't recurred. (L) What is the nature of some of these really upsetting dreams and experiences that people here and people in the forum are having?

A: Memories of lives of pain and suffering that remained unresolved at the end of those lives. We are sorry that some of this is painful, but this method is actually the least traumatic method of any for this purpose. Once the dark dreams are processed out of the system, all will be better. Then there are no more hooks for illusion to attach to.

Q: (L) In other words, then people are able to be less controlled by hidden unseen or unknown emotion and more able to... (Keit) Assess reality and reactions to see what is objective...?

A: Yes

Q: (L) I have noticed that quite a number of people on the forum seem to be getting smarter. Is that just - they really seem to be getting things, putting things together, and...

A: When energy is no longer needed to support illusion it is available for knowledge and awareness.

Q: (L) So there's a lot more hope for people than they even suppose. Even more than they suspected?

A: Just remember that the slow breathing and the meditation and prayer are the most important components. If things move too fast then cut out the round breathing doing it only occasionally.

Q: (L) If things move too fast… (PL) That's exactly what I noticed. In the beginning I was doing round breathing, meditation a lot. And since I had trouble to get to sleep, I was praying one hour or two hours until I went asleep. That's when I got all those very bad dreams about getting stabbed and shot and cut and tortured. It was going too fast. Apparently, the more you do it, the faster the purging of those memories and illusions goes. (L) So, you can gauge your own process by how uncomfortable you are. And if you're uncomfortable, back off the round breathing and just do the meditation. The meditation and the prayer are the gentle, subsurface healing process I think. Is that correct?

A: Yes

A: The wave is coming, you are teaching people to surf it instead of being dragged under and out to stormy seas.

Q: (L) You once said that the wave was something like "hyperkinetic sensate". And I've often wondered if that means that it's something that massively amplifies whatever is inside an individual? And if that were the case and they were full of a lot of unpleasant, painful, miserable feelings, repressed and suppressed thoughts and so forth, and something that was hyperkinetic sensate amplified all of that, what would it do to that individual? I mean, can you imagine any of us in our worst state of feeling yucky and then having that amplified a bazillion times? If it was bad stuff inside you, you would implode!

A: Soul smashing!

Q: (L) So it is really important for people to go through this process of cleansing to prepare themselves for that?

A: Yes, then they will "rise up with wings as eagles"!