Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[Carl]

I Just had something strange happen after I completed a session.

I felt great before I went into it, with lots of energy and happy. After completing the baha portion I felt very restless and irritable, with a tad of anger beneath the surface. I tried to go into the meditation and just kept getting distracted, which caused even more anger, and I couldn't get comfortable. Self centred childish predator voice was chatting away, making me feel like "I can't wait for this to be over".

So I restarted the meditation and tried again, and tried to focus on the soothing sweetness of Laura's voice. This kind of worked and I finished the audio, but I wouldn't really call it a meditation. It was like I was just trying too had to meditate and didn't get very deep, but I focused on the prayer for a while and said it to myself a few times after the audio finished.

I have had an awful lot of black tea today, and drank a cup shortly before I did the session, so I think this is what stopped me from being able to settle my mind.

After finishing the meditation I felt (and still do) kind of nauseous, with aches and inflammation in my neck. I hope this is just a symptom of the detoxing effects of the program.

Anyway I went to put my glasses back on (I have quite severe myopia), had them in my hand, and a little connector had snapped and the lens just fell straight out. It had been slightly loose for a while but very functional. Strange how it would just break while I'm doing the meditation.

I'm not sure if this is significant or not. Could there be symbolism about me failing to see something? If so it's very vague and I can't really see what it relates to yet.

I am trying to catch up on this thread and seriously improve my EE practice, as I feel I have not been putting enough energy into it. I am only on around page 70 so far, so don't know if these incidents happen often. However I do recall one person, D Rusak, mentioning they had their bike stolen from their apartment whilst doing the meditation, and a discussion of the possible symbolism behind it.


Edit: 15 Mins later I am now feeling deep emotional pain and really want to cry, but I just can't. It's as if something is blocking me from letting go. I feel that when I finally tip the balance it's going to be like an avalanche, I just wish it would could sooner than later.

 

[Timey]

I Just had something strange happen after I completed a session.

I felt great before I went into it, with lots of energy and happy. After completing the baha portion I felt very restless and irritable, with a tad of anger beneath the surface. I tried to go into the meditation and just kept getting distracted, which caused even more anger, and I couldn't get comfortable. Self centred childish predator voice was chatting away, making me feel like "I can't wait for this to be over".

So I restarted the meditation and tried again, and tried to focus on the soothing sweetness of Laura's voice. This kind of worked and I finished the audio, but I wouldn't really call it a meditation. It was like I was just trying too had to meditate and didn't get very deep, but I focused on the prayer for a while and said it to myself a few times after the audio finished.

I have had an awful lot of black tea today, and drank a cup shortly before I did the session, so I think this is what stopped me from being able to settle my mind.

After finishing the meditation I felt (and still do) kind of nauseous, with aches and inflammation in my neck. I hope this is just a symptom of the detoxing effects of the program.

Anyway I went to put my glasses back on (I have quite severe myopia), had them in my hand, and a little connector had snapped and the lens just fell straight out. It had been slightly loose for a while but very functional. Strange how it would just break while I'm doing the meditation.

I'm not sure if this is significant or not. Could there be symbolism about me failing to see something? If so it's very vague and I can't really see what it relates to yet.

I am trying to catch up on this thread and seriously improve my EE practice, as I feel I have not been putting enough energy into it. I am only on around page 70 so far, so don't know if these incidents happen often. However I do recall one person, D Rusak, mentioning they had their bike stolen from their apartment whilst doing the meditation, and a discussion of the possible symbolism behind it.


Edit: 15 Mins later I am now feeling deep emotional pain and really want to cry, but I just can't. It's as if something is blocking me from letting go. I feel that when I finally tip the balance it's going to be like an avalanche, I just wish it would could sooner than later.

I can sympathize with the "block" in your meditation. If its any help, I find that what you did (focusing on Laura's voice) is the best solution, osit. Another thing that helps me personally is "repeating" the prayer in my head and "following" it closely with all my attention.

The anger you felt might simply be the beginning of a release, and I wouldn't get too frustrated with the fact that you are feeling it. If anything I'd punch a pillow and let it out!

Speaking, again, only from personal experience, if you really want to cry after a session to "get it out" music may help. Something bitter-sweet.

 

[nicklebleu]

When I don't do the entire program for 2 weeks I can really feel that (emotional) tensions built up and I'm getting more out of balance. So it is for me to "sort" things out when doing the entire program again and it feels a bit like to born anew :).

What I also like to do is using pictures during the program, like cleaning the body or "throwing" anger at a target during warriors breath.

Same here!

I sometimes cannot do the twice-weekly EE program due to professional and/ or social constraints. After missing more that two sessions I really start to feel that I need a session badly. I have wondered if I should squeeze one in out of "synch", but so far have opted not to, as the interval between sessions would then be too short ...

For a long time I have had the impression that EE is not having much noticeable changes on me, no obvious release, no screaming, tears or pillow-thrashing, but recently I have come to realize that I have changed slowly. I am much calmer overall, and I have nearly completely lost bouts of sudden anger and rage that I used to intermittently have for very minor stuff.

Last nights session was interesting ... During the Beatha portion of the session I drifted away a few times and had very short, but very vivid dreams, that I forgot instantly. The only thing that I remembered on one occasion was the person - someone who's husband recently committed suicide and who I used to live together with. We had a brief conversation about her loss, but the details have disappeared. I had another two similar short "dreams" but which content I have completely forgotten.

Also very vivid dreams in my sleep following the EE session. But very relaxed and rested this morning.

I just wish I could remember my dreams better ...

 

[Alana]

I Just had something strange happen after I completed a session.

I felt great before I went into it, with lots of energy and happy. After completing the baha portion I felt very restless and irritable, with a tad of anger beneath the surface. I tried to go into the meditation and just kept getting distracted, which caused even more anger, and I couldn't get comfortable. Self centred childish predator voice was chatting away, making me feel like "I can't wait for this to be over".

Anger was one of the emotions that I experienced the most after the round breathing (baha) especially at the beginning. It sounds like you had a lot of anger suppressed growing up? As you know, this part is for emotional detoxification, the release of repressed emotions. What I came to understand for myself is that all my early life I tried to be the good girl that my family (and culture) wanted me to be, but in the process I suppressed a lot of anger about what was happening around me and feeling unable/not allowed to express it. So I denied that I was ever angry, a lie to myself. When I started feeling that anger again, I was taken by surprised. But there it was, and I could not deny it. Punching on pillows, working physically outdoors, and even some writing can help you release some of that anger and process it.

So I restarted the meditation and tried again, and tried to focus on the soothing sweetness of Laura's voice. This kind of worked and I finished the audio, but I wouldn't really call it a meditation. It was like I was just trying too had to meditate and didn't get very deep, but I focused on the prayer for a while and said it to myself a few times after the audio finished.

Sometimes it will be harder than others to maintain your focus, but it sounds like it worked for you in this situation. Also, as Laura says, trying to focus on the words of the prayer against our mind's tendency to wander off, is like lifting weights for our brain. The more we exercise it (especially when it doesn't want to do it) the stronger our focus will get.

I have had an awful lot of black tea today, and drank a cup shortly before I did the session, so I think this is what stopped me from being able to settle my mind.

Black tea might make some people's minds more unquiet, it's true.

After finishing the meditation I felt (and still do) kind of nauseous, with aches and inflammation in my neck. I hope this is just a symptom of the detoxing effects of the program.

It might be. Sometimes also when we release certain repressed emotions, there are bodily sensations that accompany the emotional release.

Anyway I went to put my glasses back on (I have quite severe myopia), had them in my hand, and a little connector had snapped and the lens just fell straight out. It had been slightly loose for a while but very functional. Strange how it would just break while I'm doing the meditation.

I'm not sure if this is significant or not. Could there be symbolism about me failing to see something? If so it's very vague and I can't really see what it relates to yet.

I am trying to catch up on this thread and seriously improve my EE practice, as I feel I have not been putting enough energy into it. I am only on around page 70 so far, so don't know if these incidents happen often. However I do recall one person, D Rusak, mentioning they had their bike stolen from their apartment whilst doing the meditation, and a discussion of the possible symbolism behind it.

Since the connector was already loose, it was to happen at any minute anyway I think. So I wouldn't worry too much what does it mean that it broke during the meditation. On the other hand, there are always some things that we don't see, so it might be a good reminder to be vigilant. If you do the writing exercises, it might help you to see more about your current situation that you are not seeing.

Edit: 15 Mins later I am now feeling deep emotional pain and really want to cry, but I just can't. It's as if something is blocking me from letting go. I feel that when I finally tip the balance it's going to be like an avalanche, I just wish it would could sooner than later.

Sometimes, we might have to allow ourselves to cry even if we don't know why it is we feel the way we do, or a part of us is scared about what the emotions are, and we need to reassure it that we will be alright - we will feel better actually once the weight of sadness is lifted. If you can't cry right now though, don't force it. It will come out when it's time. I hope you have a restful sleep tonight

 

[Carl]

I can sympathize with the "block" in your meditation. If its any help, I find that what you did (focusing on Laura's voice) is the best solution, osit. Another thing that helps me personally is "repeating" the prayer in my head and "following" it closely with all my attention.

The anger you felt might simply be the beginning of a release, and I wouldn't get too frustrated with the fact that you are feeling it. If anything I'd punch a pillow and let it out!

Speaking, again, only from personal experience, if you really want to cry after a session to "get it out" music may help. Something bitter-sweet.

Yes I tried listening to loads of sad music but it was ineffective! Strangely enough I used to get tears in my eyes all the time at music and films etc but since I joined this group I'm finding It happens much less.

I did have a good pillow punching session though, almost feel guilty for taking it out on 1st density so badly ;)

Anger was one of the emotions that I experienced the most after the round breathing (baha) especially at the beginning. It sounds like you had a lot of anger suppressed growing up? As you know, this part is for emotional detoxification, the release of repressed emotions. What I came to understand for myself is that all my early life I tried to be the good girl that my family (and culture) wanted me to be, but in the process I suppressed a lot of anger about what was happening around me and feeling unable/not allowed to express it. So I denied that I was ever angry, a lie to myself. When I started feeling that anger again, I was taken by surprised. But there it was, and I could not deny it. Punching on pillows, working physically outdoors, and even some writing can help you release some of that anger and process it.

I grew up in a similar situation in that I would never express anger to people past a certain age and would keep it bottled up inside and express it when I was alone. I often fantasised about violence towards my dad and towards people who bullied me in school. This culminated in me getting into 3 fights in school, getting suspended etc. I was a very angry child, generally at my lack of power and my father's manipulations. It's been 8 months since I've spoken to him and I still feel rage when I think about all the ways in which he "messed up my life" (though then again, if my life had been perfect, would I have found this place?)

Yes I am starting to enjoy this punching pillows business! Hopefully my roommates don't think I'm a mad man, then again between a diet of all meat for "health" reasons, and the warrior's breath, they probably already think that .


As far as focus, I'm starting to find it matters quite a lot where my eyes are pointing. If I do a sort of 'cross eyed' position looking at my nose, I find it easier to concentrate but it puts strain on my eyes. If I focus to infinity then it settles me down but makes it easier for my mind to wander.

My mental muscles are getting stronger though, --- Just had a strong sense of deja vu while typing that, I'm getting it much more frequently these days--- and I'm getting better at focusing.

Sometimes, we might have to allow ourselves to cry even if we don't know why it is we feel the way we do, or a part of us is scared about what the emotions are, and we need to reassure it that we will be alright - we will feel better actually once the weight of sadness is lifted. If you can't cry right now though, don't force it. It will come out when it's time. I hope you have a restful sleep tonight

Yes, it feels stupid to feel my need to cry but not be able to but hopefully it will happen soon. I mean there's no shortage of things to cry about, I'm still in prison! Thank you for that Alana :) Unfortunately I struggled to get to sleep due to a strange phenomena.

As I was enjoying my last smoke after I posted in this thread last night, I realised that I had a little blind spot a few degrees to the right of my center of vision. This has happened only once before, when I got a short migraine. I went to go turn all fans and lights off in the kitchen, and when I came back the "blind spot" had increased in size, and spread to other areas of my vision. I tried to remain calm and turn off the computer, going to bed.

This is where it got interesting. These "blind spots" seemeded to be arranged randomly, in strips and blobs over my vision. I could see them in the darkness in my peripheral with my eyes closed, and they started to become more colourful. They arranged and rearranged themselves in constantly shifting psychedelic geometric patterns, dominated by the colours blue and green mainly. When I could focus long enough, it was almost as if they were spelling out some alien word, or drawing me a picture. Anyway I got rather bored of that after about 20 minutes, but could not get to sleep due to pains in my jaw, neck, and left side of my skull. Took a lot of magnesium and I don't remember falling asleep.

I had a powerful dream, where I was in some kind of Gurdjieff School. There was a man who seemed to be going crazy, talking about how we are food for aliens and just saying "there's no hope, I've seen the truth". I was trying to explain to him that there was hope, and that helping eachother is our only option. He was having none of it, and I can still remember the vivid despair in his eyes, it was horrible.

Then shortly later on in the dream it was explained to me by someone or something, that there was no way out of this prison. The words used were along the lines of "Ha! Do you really think Gurdjieff is not just another level of the master control plan? This is you, get used to it!". He said this while pointing to a plastic package containing a fillet stake (must say I'm quite flattered, at least I'm expensive ). Anyway my place in the food chain was put in no uncertain terms, and seeing the horror of it was quite a shock.

I mean it's one thing for us to talk about being food for 4d aliens, but it's another thing to truly know it. And in my dream I knew what it was like to truly know it in my heart. I can still feel the horror that I vividly felt in the dream, the sinking feeling in my stomach and the shivvers down my spine.

I'm having dreams like this more often now, and they are very interesting and give me much food for thought.

 

[SeekinTruth]

As far as focus, I'm starting to find it matters quite a lot where my eyes are pointing. If I do a sort of 'cross eyed' position looking at my nose, I find it easier to concentrate but it puts strain on my eyes. If I focus to infinity then it settles me down but makes it easier for my mind to wander.

In case this helps, I've found it the easiest to focus on the meditation/POTS (and EE in general) when bringing my focus with eyes closed to the "third eye" area (just above the eyes in the center). I do this starting with pipe breathing before POTS and continue with my eyes in that position all through POTS before going to sleep. I do the same when doing the full EE program, as well. It's only slightly "cross eyed" with eyes closed and relaxed so that there isn't strain on the eyes. You might want to try it and see if you can concentrate better that way.

 

[Oxajil]

I drifted away a few times and had very short, but very vivid dreams, that I forgot instantly. [...] I just wish I could remember my dreams better ...

Maybe telling yourself that you want/choose to remember your dreams better, it could help. It is still not that much of a bad thing I think if you don't remember certain visions or dreams during EE, as a part of you does process whatever is going on. When I was doing the POTS once (this was a long time ago), and I could feel that something was going on but couldn't access it, I was wondering what was going on, and told myself I would have liked to take a peek. I sort of felt like I had opened a door and everything got strongly visible. It was absolutely horrible. I could see image after image of children or people having been mutilated, and in the end I saw myself vomiting very strongly and painfully. I mostly saw black goo, and some blood, coming out of my mouth. When I snapped out of it, I was shocked..

I think that whether I saw how the process looked like or not may not have been so important, as there was some processing going on. However, regarding dreams, they may be helpful if you can remember them, and I think you will when it is appropriate. Having patience and having faith in the program, while networking, doing your regular work on yourself and reading, you may eventually be able to remember those that are important and can help you further in your quest.

For several weeks now I've been doing the 3-stage breathing and meditation in the morning and the full program 1 or 2 times a week. It does stir up all kinds of feelings and allows me to face them and write about them, so I've found it helpful. I might cut it down a bit, because I feel like things are getting a bit intense.

I think the POTS is probably one of the most powerful part of the program. I'm not sure if anyone has done a nap (during the day) while the POTS is on, but sometimes when I do fall asleep (when I don't intend to), I get very vivid and real dream experiences, almost as if it happens out-of-body. And I feel like they do contain some kind of message. During one of those naps, which was in the morning, during POTS, I dreamt I stood up from the bed and did some dancing around with my far infrared lamp in my arms (I use my lamp during my morning EE routine) being all happy and pappy, I then danced towards my window and opened the curtains. I noticed some new stuff in my room, and I thought my mum must have been putting them there, but they were pretty, so I didn't think too much of it. Everything had an ''old'' look to it, almost black and white, but not entirely. At some point, I was walking towards my bed and noticed an open wound in my right knee. I knew that I was wounded there, but I didn't understand why the hole became so huge.

You could literally see my veins in my open wound, along with muscles, blood and bones. There was no blood dripping or anything, just a very wide open hole in my right knee. I was shocked to say the least and called my little brother's name to help me, I vaguely saw him walking in the hall (outside of my room) but he didn't respond. I then walked to my parent's room, which is nearby, and looked in the mirror. I then had an idea that it could be that I was infected with a flesh eating bacteria (I'm thinking that at this point my own ''design'' started kicking in, as I have read about this bacteria some weeks ago, and it might have sticked somewhere). Then I looked at my left upper leg and noticed a black goo thing that I tried to scratch off, but didn't work. Slowly my vision started getting more and more blurry, I panicked, and quickly walked downstairs to reach the living room to tell my parents to please take me to the hospital ASAP. But as I walked down the stairs, my vision got worse to a point that I could barely see anything, thinking that whatever was ''eating at me'' was succeeding. I knew I was done for.

Then I woke up with my heart pounding and realizing that it was a dream. Here I come from a point of almost dying, to waking up and realizing that I'm still alive.

Having done some writing and thinking on this, along with another dream I had a few days before this, I could see a pattern. It was a pattern of me being careless. Notice how I knew I already had a wound there, but was surprised how it got so big. I was too involved with myself (the dancing and all that) and only noticed things when they get worse. This has been a pattern in my life. Going through life being careless and not nurturing myself and others at all times, in whatever way I can. I can come up with all kinds of excuses or lies, and only doing actual work, paying actual attention, when it is appropriate to me, or only when it is too late, or not at all. And I think this carelessness has been ''eating away at me'', knowing that whatever I have been doing throughout my life has been wrong. Having noticed my carelessness at some level, I may have been feeling guilty too, of not having nourished others and myself in ways I would have liked to. And knowing this has made me cry and I've also had two occurrences of a bloody nose, which I haven't got for years. According to Louise Hay a bloody nose means crying out for love and recognition. Lately I've been feeling so powerless, and so much seems to be going on, all kinds of feelings and thoughts, so maybe I do need to take a small break and review certain things slowly.

Regarding my dreams lately, I think Salzmann's words here is the core meaning of those dreams:

You will see that in life you receive exactly what you give. Your life is the mirror of what you are. It is in your image. You are passive, blind, demanding. You take all, you accept all, without feeling any obligation. Your attitude toward the world and toward life is the attitude of one who has the right to make demands and to take, who has no need to pay or to earn. You believe that all things are your due, simply because it is you! All your blindness is there! None of this strikes your attention. And yet this is what keeps one world separate from another world.

 

[Brenda86]

So I know that the round breathing is contraindicated in pregnancy. I do not see anything so far that says I have to stop doing the three-stage breathing, but I wanted to double check to be sure if I can continue with that part of the program. I have a feeling if I am able to continue with it, it will be of great help throughout this pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones cause so many artificial highs and lows emotionally and I want to be able to do all I can to maintain balance.

 

[nicklebleu]

So I know that the round breathing is contraindicated in pregnancy. I do not see anything so far that says I have to stop doing the three-stage breathing, but I wanted to double check to be sure if I can continue with that part of the program. I have a feeling if I am able to continue with it, it will be of great help throughout this pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones cause so many artificial highs and lows emotionally and I want to be able to do all I can to maintain balance.

I don't think that pipe breathing, nor the warrior's breath is contraindicated in pregnancy ... and as you alluded, is beneficial :)
I wish you all the best on your journey!

Nick

 

[herondancer]

Actually Warrior's breath is contraindicated, especially in the later stages of pregnancy. Warrior's breath is a strong compressive breath pattern, which might stimulate labour in sensitive women. It might be ok for up to the first three months, but not after that, the same way that strenuous exercises is not advised past three months. You'll could try just gently breathing in, then breathing out as much as possible to empty your lungs in three sets of twelve after three-stage breathing, but avoid anything really percussive.

 

[Brenda86]

Actually Warrior's breath is contraindicated, especially in the later stages of pregnancy. Warrior's breath is a strong compressive breath pattern, which might stimulate labour in sensitive women. It might be ok for up to the first three months, but not after that, the same way that strenuous exercises is not advised past three months. You'll could try just gently breathing in, then breathing out as much as possible to empty your lungs in three sets of twelve after three-stage breathing, but avoid anything really percussive.

Thank you herondancer, this is what my instincts were telling me. I just finished the three-stage pipe breathing, though, and boy do I feel better - instant nausea relief and I feel so much calmer, my headache is also fading.

As it was going into the Warrior's Breath I hesitated and decided to check back here again and if there was no response to wait as I felt that type of breath might be too intense.

 

[Muxel]

During EE:

Pressurizing feeling in torso. Epicenters are at sacrum and both sides of belly.

Tingling in arms, legs and face. Entire body is stiff. Head and neck are fused together. Difficulty opening eyes; lips barely part to exhale.


But I hope I'm on the right track.

 

[Beau]

Tingling in arms, legs and face.

That is fairly common, usually during the Ba-Ha portion of the exercise. What causes that is the increased amount of oxygen your body is taking in compared to normal. With time and practice of the program the tingling sensations usually dissipate.

Entire body is stiff.

You should actually be relaxing your body when doing the full program. The program is meant to relax, rejuvenate, and reduce stress so remaining stiff during the exercise is not recommended nor is it beneficial. It strains the body and mind to stay stiff or tense. Try to relax the body.

 

[Muxel]

I was relaxed but my body was stiff... When I wanted to stop halfway, I couldn't move my body properly.

Thanks Heimdallr

 

[Nienna]

I was relaxed but my body was stiff... When I wanted to stop halfway, I couldn't move my body properly.

Thanks Heimdallr

I've have found times, at the beginning, where this is happening and it was usually because of doing the Ba-Ha breathing too hard. As Laura says on the CD, breathe gently in and out in a continuous circular way. If you were not doing the Ba-Ha then it could be that you are breathing too hard during the Pipe Breathing as well. Forcing the breathing. Being relaxed also means being relaxed doing the breathing.

From what I've found is breathing with a lot of force tenses the body.