Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[Oxajil]

Recently, after doing the hugging exercise from Peter Levine's In An Unspoken Voice, there seems to have been a considerable amount of oxytocin release judging from my positive emotional change afterwards. In any case, I then started EE and upon hearing Laura's voice, this positive state only got reinforced, because her voice truly sounded/felt like that of a warm, loving, soothing mother. :)

Yes, I find her voice to be very soothing as well :)

When asleep, in some sort of dream state, I found myself still in my room, lying on the left side and there was what seemed to be an entity with a young female voice in my space, constantly talking to me, which was very draining, and at the same time felt something painfully tearing heavily on my body/system. Until at some point I erupted in anger at the 'attachment', grabbed 'it' and threw it out the window. However, it seemed my hands were glued to it (FRV?). While there was silence afterwards, I was left with the feeling that getting rid of it was not successful. And I felt battered as if having been in a fight.

For newbies, I should add that I'm still struggling with adapting to the diet and can only confirm by own experience that letting inflammatory 'food' into one's system always brings this type of 'attacks' on another 'sphere'; at least for me.

You said that she was constantly talking to you, kind of like chatter in the mind, perhaps? A battle inside? A woman in one's dream can also represent guilt and temptation. Perhaps it is symbolic of what may be going on in your life right now. Maybe you're tempted to eat inflammatory foods, and feel guilty and take it out on yourself afterwards?

I'm not saying it's not an attack or an entity, just stating the possibility that this may be a symbolic representation of what's going on inside of you, and something you may want to pay attention to.

Like you, I had some problems with the diet as well, my problem was that I was overeating, but I didn't know that I was, I just thought that I was eating normally. I didn't think too much of it. What I did notice is that I was gaining weight all the time, and also started to feel more tired.
Then a strong dream while doing EE showed me that I had to pay more attention to myself. I cried with that realization, and after some thinking about my dietary issues I found out that I was overeating in order to gain weight, because that was what my parents wanted to see from me. I wanted to become the image of what they can appreciate.

I realized that I can't treat myself this way. I decided to accept the way I look, adjust my diet accordingly, and communicated with my parents that I would appreciate it if they wouldn't always talk about my weight and about how they want me to look, I told them honestly why that hurts my feelings. They understood and haven't brought it up. This way I started to appreciate myself more and I also stopped overeating, following the diet strictly. Right now I'm losing the extra weight and also feel better.

Perhaps you can look into the deeper issues of why you're allowing inflammatory foods in your system, maybe it could be something deeper than just the temptation of ''cheating''. Perhaps if you can solve those deeper issues in some way, you may less likely want to eat those foods that harm you. Hope this helps.

 

[Tomek]

I do pipe breathing and PotS every day for a few months, now. After the pipe breaths, the inner chat is quiet. Generaly, after reciting the prayer a dozen times, I find more and more harder to recite the prayer in my head without falling... well, asleep, or in a meditative state ? I don't know what this is. I'm still awake and aware, the inner chat is back, but "with a distance", like I'm observing it, without having any control at all about what "it" thinks about. So, is that a meditative state, or just a trick ?

 

[Oxajil]

I do pipe breathing and PotS every day for a few months, now. After the pipe breaths, the inner chat is quiet. Generaly, after reciting the prayer a dozen times, I find more and more harder to recite the prayer in my head without falling... well, asleep, or in a meditative state ? I don't know what this is. I'm still awake and aware, the inner chat is back, but "with a distance", like I'm observing it, without having any control at all about what "it" thinks about. So, is that a meditative state, or just a trick ?

Hi Polonel,

I don't see how it can be a trick. If you can only observe it and see that you can't control it, just observe it. After your session, or the next day if you're doing this before going to sleep, you can write down the thoughts you observed and you can write about what you think about them, perhaps you'll realize how silly those thoughts are, or perhaps you'll see what the reason behind those thoughts are, and that can enable you to look deeper.

If you have the audio on and if you are awake and aware during such a state, you can also try to focus on Laura citing the POTS, if you see that helps you. Just some thoughts here.

 

[Seppo Ilmarinen]

I think i just had some serious emotional barrier broken moment ago during EE, i feel just amazing. I used to cry alot when i was kid and was always ashamed because that. As i grew older, i stopped crying. I also felt this almost like vibrational feeling in my hands during PotS.

 

[Aiming]

Until you are fully able to process and release the emotions that this 'entity' is attracted/attached to, the battle will continue, osit. I say this only because I've had experiences in hypnagogic states, as well as full on dreams with a female entity that is extremely draining. I've noticed the frequency of this will happen the more I am in an emotionally charged state before going to bed - which may very well be added on by eating something that further exacerbates the situation. In my case, onions.

Also, I wonder if the painful tearing in the body is due to you experiencing more of your body, and that there are sensations or levels of physical/emotional pain that are connected to one another that need to be worked through for the eventual 'toss out the window technique' to be successful. :)

:) I've definitely been moving a little forward in experiencing/feeling more of my body, and the difference in living/being in the here and now, is quite simply amazing, and it's the first time I'm actually enjoying being in my body, and beginning to explore its language. Recently I became aware how when I ingest inflammatory foods my awareness and energy just constricts to a tiny little area: it's exclusively restricted to my head, and the rest of the body, well, I wouldn't be in there. But it's really quite painful to be so cut-off from myself, and I think (and hope, too) that something has shifted recently in terms of sincerity and doing what needs to be done. I'm currently in the sluggish phase of ketoadaptation, with lots of tiredness, brain fog and sometimes heavy detox symptoms (except for yesterday, where the new C's session extremely lifted me up). So I'm just waiting for those to pass so I have the energy to explore deeper and try to work on what you mentioned, those sensations or levels of physical/emotional pain being connected to one another - (because I agree that this 'battle' will continue until I've processed/released whatever it is that's stuck up in my system) and then the 'toss out the window technique' might well work out. We'll see. :)

And thanks for mentioning the bit about going to bed in an emotionally charged state - I'll keep that in mind for next time.

When asleep, in some sort of dream state, I found myself still in my room, lying on the left side and there was what seemed to be an entity with a young female voice in my space, constantly talking to me, which was very draining, and at the same time felt something painfully tearing heavily on my body/system. Until at some point I erupted in anger at the 'attachment', grabbed 'it' and threw it out the window. However, it seemed my hands were glued to it (FRV?). While there was silence afterwards, I was left with the feeling that getting rid of it was not successful. And I felt battered as if having been in a fight.

You said that she was constantly talking to you, kind of like chatter in the mind, perhaps?

Interesting, that's exactly how I perceived 'her', something like mind chatter. And 'she' was a very annoying example of a superficial teenaged girl, as in the way she talked and about what she talked.

A battle inside? A woman in one's dream can also represent guilt and temptation. Perhaps it is symbolic of what may be going on in your life right now. Maybe you're tempted to eat inflammatory foods, and feel guilty and take it out on yourself afterwards?

I'm not saying it's not an attack or an entity, just stating the possibility that this may be a symbolic representation of what's going on inside of you, and something you may want to pay attention to.

That's completely fine, Oxajil. :) I'm not mentally fixed on it being an attachment, which is why I used inverted commas, and you might well be right in naming it a symbolic representation of what's going on inside me. Going in that direction, well, it's true that whenever I did eat those foods there were feelings of guilt and subsequent mental/emotional self-punishment in one form or another. However, the most striking thing is the deep discontentment I've been feeling whenever I align myself with self-harm via wrong food, as if by doing so, something deep inside is dying, and this is accompanied by depression and, as this alignment naturally brings along certain thought and emotional patterns, I quickly feel a sense of defeatism. A really tiring dynamic.

Like you, I had some problems with the diet as well, my problem was that I was overeating, but I didn't know that I was, I just thought that I was eating normally. I didn't think too much of it. What I did notice is that I was gaining weight all the time, and also started to feel more tired.
Then a strong dream while doing EE showed me that I had to pay more attention to myself. I cried with that realization, and after some thinking about my dietary issues I found out that I was overeating in order to gain weight, because that was what my parents wanted to see from me. I wanted to become the image of what they can appreciate.

I realized that I can't treat myself this way. I decided to accept the way I look, adjust my diet accordingly, and communicated with my parents that I would appreciate it if they wouldn't always talk about my weight and about how they want me to look, I told them honestly why that hurts my feelings. They understood and haven't brought it up. This way I started to appreciate myself more and I also stopped overeating, following the diet strictly. Right now I'm losing the extra weight and also feel better.

How good for you that you realized the dynamic you were involved in there and that you changed course and are now doing as is best for you. I'm glad for you. :)

Perhaps you can look into the deeper issues of why you're allowing inflammatory foods in your system, maybe it could be something deeper than just the temptation of ''cheating''. Perhaps if you can solve those deeper issues in some way, you may less likely want to eat those foods that harm you. Hope this helps.

I don't think it's about temptation. As far as I can see, it's all about fear of true change, of letting go of what's known to me and subjectively perceived as comfortable/safe. The fear is about 'knowing' that once I change this pattern I'll be confronted with and will have to face my core emotional issues, and that feels threatening on a level, while on the other hand I so do want to go there and finally get in touch with it and work through it, when all I've ever been doing up till now is running away from it. But well, let's see how it all turns out.

Thanks for your helpful comments, Turgon and Oxajil.

(edit: changed carb adaptation to ketoadaption)

 

[Muxel]

I had also for I think the first time laid my hands beside my body during the meditation (instead of positioned on my heart area, which had always felt protective).

This, I think, is your program showing up as physical blockage. In this case, retreating into "comfortable" physical habits was a sign that you were avoiding having to deal with the program. The moment you did what "it" did not like (i.e. truly relax), you allowed yourself to see the program... That's my hypothesis.

So if your hands are stuck to the girl, maybe the trick is to release your grip?

I don't think it's about temptation. As far as I can see, it's all about fear of true change, of letting go of what's known to me and subjectively perceived as comfortable/safe. The fear is about 'knowing' that once I change this pattern I'll be confronted with and will have to face my core emotional issues, and that feels threatening on a level, while on the other hand I so do want to go there and finally get in touch with it and work through it, when all I've ever been doing up till now is running away from it.

It might be the false selves' fear of vanishing into nonexistence. But objectivity is worth the trouble, because with it we don't need to validate ourselves or anything - we just See.

 

[Ollie]

...

I don't think it's about temptation. As far as I can see, it's all about fear of true change, of letting go of what's known to me and subjectively perceived as comfortable/safe. The fear is about 'knowing' that once I change this pattern I'll be confronted with and will have to face my core emotional issues, and that feels threatening on a level, while on the other hand I so do want to go there and finally get in touch with it and work through it, when all I've ever been doing up till now is running away from it.

It might be the false selves' fear of vanishing into nonexistence. But objectivity is worth the trouble, because with it we don't need to validate ourselves or anything - we just See.

Fear of change is of great importance to the 'false self' (Predator's Mind), it translates into a fear of discovery (and as a consequence vanishing into nonexistence becomes a possibility). Letting go is a major problem for many people - including myself - and it may be that you, Puzzle, do not yet possess the resources to deal with it, safely. Like you, I'd like to experience letting go, for me it's not a case of running away from it, just that at the moment it is less than safe for me to experience it. Beatha breathing has been absent for longer than it was ever present in my EE sessions.

This may help, or not.



A pattern seems to be establishing of late in my experiences of the ‘formal weekly’ sessions of EE. Wet-eyes and yawning during thee-stage pipe breathing, becoming mega-yawns and tears running down my face during PotS. For the latter, my gut was wrenched down, my eyes screwed up, about halfway through PotS. On Monday, this was accompanied, twice, with me gasping for breath.

 

[Jones]

I've added a third full session of EE to my week and this will be my second week of doing that.

One thing that I've noticed recently is that during the out breath portion I was not totally relaxing my diaphragm towards the end of the breath. Like my diaphragm had a stiffness about it despite the stretching/warm up exercises. It seemed loose enough on the inhale, but there seemed a rigidity about it at the end of the exhale. When I realised this I attempted to exaggerate the direction that my diaphragm moved in by sucking my stomache in as far as I could. Initially this increased the sensation of oxygen depletion at the end of the out breath, but my body and diaphragm both seemed to relax to that within 3 or 4 repetitions and the sensation of oxygen depletion faded.

This may be subjective, but now when my diaphragm totally relaxes it feels as though it is touching an area of either stored emotion, or emotional blockage inside the lower part of my chest cavity and now the frequency and volume of tears has increased during EE. Kind of like the diaphragm is now massaging an area that needs it if that makes sense?

 

[Ollie]

...

One thing that I've noticed recently is that during the out breath portion I was not totally relaxing my diaphragm towards the end of the breath. Like my diaphragm had a stiffness about it despite the stretching/warm up exercises. It seemed loose enough on the inhale, but there seemed a rigidity about it at the end of the exhale. When I realised this I attempted to exaggerate the direction that my diaphragm moved in by sucking my stomache in as far as I could. Initially this increased the sensation of oxygen depletion at the end of the out breath, but my body and diaphragm both seemed to relax to that within 3 or 4 repetitions and the sensation of oxygen depletion faded.

This may be subjective, but now when my diaphragm totally relaxes it feels as though it is touching an area of either stored emotion, or emotional blockage inside the lower part of my chest cavity and now the frequency and volume of tears has increased during EE. Kind of like the diaphragm is now massaging an area that needs it if that makes sense?

You may like to exhale a little more slowly, imagine exhaling through a straw (small diameter) rather than through a mouth (large diameter). This may or may not allow your diaphragm to be relaxed for the full out-breath.

Your point, 'subjective', 'when my diaphragm totally relaxes it feels as though it is touching an area of either stored emotion, or emotional blockage inside the lower part of my chest cavity', does make sense too. :)

 

[Aiming]

I had also for I think the first time laid my hands beside my body during the meditation (instead of positioned on my heart area, which had always felt protective).

This, I think, is your program showing up as physical blockage. In this case, retreating into "comfortable" physical habits was a sign that you were avoiding having to deal with the program. The moment you did what "it" did not like (i.e. truly relax), you allowed yourself to see the program... That's my hypothesis.

Interesting perspective, it does make sense, and viewed in this light, it also does corroborate with some other observations I've made about myself.

...

I don't think it's about temptation. As far as I can see, it's all about fear of true change, of letting go of what's known to me and subjectively perceived as comfortable/safe. The fear is about 'knowing' that once I change this pattern I'll be confronted with and will have to face my core emotional issues, and that feels threatening on a level, while on the other hand I so do want to go there and finally get in touch with it and work through it, when all I've ever been doing up till now is running away from it.

It might be the false selves' fear of vanishing into nonexistence. But objectivity is worth the trouble, because with it we don't need to validate ourselves or anything - we just See.

Fear of change is of great importance to the 'false self' (Predator's Mind), it translates into a fear of discovery (and as a consequence vanishing into nonexistence becomes a possibility). Letting go is a major problem for many people - including myself - and it may be that you, Puzzle, do not yet possess the resources to deal with it, safely. Like you, I'd like to experience letting go, for me it's not a case of running away from it, just that at the moment it is less than safe for me to experience it. Beatha breathing has been absent for longer than it was ever present in my EE sessions.

This may help, or not.

That's a possibility. If certain changes/releases can only be done if there's a certain amount/quality of resources or a safe enough inner 'place' of stability from which to operate from, then taking care of self-compassion and enough oxytocin release, as I've been advised elsewhere, makes even more sense. Thanks for your input, Muxel and Prodigal Son.

 

[Carl]

I would like to share my experience with PoTS last night.

As I lay down in the pitch black of my room, ipod ready at 36 minutes, I lay there for 5 minutes in silence to gather my thoughts. I was thinking about my own mechanicalness, feeling down that I don't seem to be making any progress, and mentally asking for guidance, though with emotions and not words.

As I played the ipod and got into the prayer recital, I could feel the familiar sense of comfort building as I focused on the prayer. But then something new happened!

I have been doing this prayer for so long, but always thought of the divine cosmic mind in some abstract term, and have been struggling to really get in contact, or even convince myself that "it" is real. However last night, I truly felt it. I felt that I could literally hug the universe! The pure beauty and power of it, combined with lauras voice, made me cry my first real tears in a long time. I felt absolutely vulnerable yet totally secure at the same time, with love in my heart like I have never known it.

I had a great sleep, and feel wonderful today :). I wish there were words to convey how grateful I am to all of you guys! But those of you who have been there know exactly how I feel. This small glimpse of what is possible came just at the right time, and has greatly reinforced my faith in myself and the universe.

 

[truth seeker]

I'm really happy for you, Carlise! Thanks so much for sharing. :)

 

[Foxx]

I'm really happy for you, Carlise! Thanks so much for sharing. :)

I'll second that! That's wonderful, Carlise :)

 

[Gonzo]

Beautiful experience, Carlise. It goes to show how disconnected we can be from the universe and not even know it. It's kind of the reverse of "you don't know what you've got 'til its gone". You don't know what you didn't have until you have it.

I'd be interested to see what would happen if atheists had such an experience.

Gonzo

 

[anart]

I would like to share my experience with PoTS last night.

As I lay down in the pitch black of my room, ipod ready at 36 minutes, I lay there for 5 minutes in silence to gather my thoughts. I was thinking about my own mechanicalness, feeling down that I don't seem to be making any progress, and mentally asking for guidance, though with emotions and not words.

As I played the ipod and got into the prayer recital, I could feel the familiar sense of comfort building as I focused on the prayer. But then something new happened!

I have been doing this prayer for so long, but always thought of the divine cosmic mind in some abstract term, and have been struggling to really get in contact, or even convince myself that "it" is real. However last night, I truly felt it. I felt that I could literally hug the universe! The pure beauty and power of it, combined with lauras voice, made me cry my first real tears in a long time. I felt absolutely vulnerable yet totally secure at the same time, with love in my heart like I have never known it.

I had a great sleep, and feel wonderful today :). I wish there were words to convey how grateful I am to all of you guys! But those of you who have been there know exactly how I feel. This small glimpse of what is possible came just at the right time, and has greatly reinforced my faith in myself and the universe.

:)