Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

I am a little hesitant to share this experience but I feel comfortable enough with this forum. This revealing could be part of the healing process.

Yesterday I was in a contemplative mood. In the evening sorted some old grade school pictures of myself and some of the teacher remarks on my grades. Common theme was that I didn't try to make friends nor did I ask questions in class.

Started to watch Laura's new Breathing intro video. Got nine minutes into it when I just broke down and started crying. This lasted for about one and a half hours. I very deep crying that at one point made me feel sick to my stomach. This crying rocked my whole body and even felt my body tingle all over.

I began to realize that I was an angry man at everything. The reason for the anger was the loss of my mother when I just turned 4 years old. I never imagined this thought before! I asked why did she leave us? My dad told us, after I kept asking him when mom was coming back, that "God needed her." It is not in my knowing why she left. I understood I needed to forgive her. It was not "God's" fault or the world. I needed to let go of this anger and hate. This seems the likely reason I was withdrawn from the world.

This anger was compounded by my father who never seemed to be proud of me. I am still driven to be perfect and I get very upset when things don't go my way.

Unfortunately I have no memories of my mother. Only pictures. I hope to regain those memories. Thank goodness my grandmother was with us after my mom passed away! I realized my grandmother was like a living guardian angel. :flowers:

Whew, after many months with this program, I really got a shocker! Never saw this coming. I really have Laura and everyone in the forum to thank. What an adventure these last three years have been so far!
 
Nicholas said:
Whew, after many months with this program, I really got a shocker! Never saw this coming. I really have Laura and everyone in the forum to thank. What an adventure these last three years have been so far!

Nicholas, when I read that your mother died when you were just four years old, it broke my heart. It breaks my heart just to think about even one little child suffering loss and lonliness and the lack of a mother's love. It just makes me all that much more determined to continue to work as long as I can.
 
Hi Nicholas. Thank you for sharing that. I too, have no memories of a mother's love and I can resonate strongly with what you feel. :flowers:
 
Nicholas said:
I began to realize that I was an angry man at everything. The reason for the anger was the loss of my mother when I just turned 4 years old. I never imagined this thought before! I asked why did she leave us? My dad told us, after I kept asking him when mom was coming back, that "God needed her." It is not in my knowing why she left. I understood I needed to forgive her. It was not "God's" fault or the world. I needed to let go of this anger and hate. This seems the likely reason I was withdrawn from the world.

Thank you for sharing, Nicholas. Your anger and hate is understandable, and i can't even begin to image what this loss felt like to you at that age. How you now feel reminds me of Restin Wells' experience with her intense emotions of anger which also have their roots in the loss of her mother, at infancy in her case. she chronicles how she faced them, felt them and dealt with it all in narration Deep Therapy in the Fast Lane. I don't know if you read it yet or not, it's been mentioned and discussed in this forum before, but i know it helped me tremendously, so fwiw.

Of course keeping with the EE program will do the most work, as you have probably learned for yourself. With the breathing and meditation, so much painful stuff come to the surface, yet the program is structured as to make us able to handle them. Like we are thrown into deep waters, yet with a lifesaving jacket on our backs.

Nicholas said:
Unfortunately I have no memories of my mother. Only pictures. I hope to regain those memories. Thank goodness my grandmother was with us after my mom passed away! I realized my grandmother was like a living guardian angel. :flowers:

It's great to hear that you had in your life your own guardian angel in the face of your grandmother :halo: :)
 
SeekinTruth said:
anart said:
By the way, worthiness is a battle I fight as well - and, you know what? I'm finally figuring out that, at the end of the day, if I'm still here, and still striving to give, then I must be worthy of something - how could it be any other way?

Well, I'm going to venture to say that if you were to ask the forum members who are sincerely trying to work on themselves, how worthy you are, they'd probably respond that you're worth is VERY high, in fact it is invaluable -- in fact you are treasured by all of us for all you've done, continue to do, and the example you've set by how far you've come!

I couldn't have said it better myself. Indeed Anart, i can't imagine this forum without you. You are a Living Force and an Inspiration! Never forget this.... :love: :flowers:
 
SeekinTruth said:
anart said:
By the way, worthiness is a battle I fight as well - and, you know what? I'm finally figuring out that, at the end of the day, if I'm still here, and still striving to give, then I must be worthy of something - how could it be any other way?

Well, I'm going to venture to say that if you were to ask the forum members who are sincerely trying to work on themselves, how worthy you are, they'd probably respond that you're worth is VERY high, in fact it is invaluable -- in fact you are treasured by all of us for all you've done, continue to do, and the example you've set by how far you've come!

Smaragde said:
I couldn't have said it better myself. Indeed Anart, i can't imagine this forum without you. You are a Living Force and an Inspiration! Never forget this.... Love Flowers

I concur with both Smaragde and SeekinTruth - well put.
 
Ya'll check out the new intro video here:
http://paleochristianity.org/eiriu-eolas/

And see if the end segment helps with pipe breathing.
 
Laura said:
Ya'll check out the new intro video here:
http://paleochristianity.org/eiriu-eolas/

And see if the end segment helps with pipe breathing.

I watched it last night. In another thread, Burma Jones asked for some help on the transcript of it so I snuck a peek.

You looked fabulous, by the way. You were very easy to understand, as always, and I really liked all the directions for all of the breathing techniques.

And I really think that you did a great job on the pipe breathing. It should really help those who can't do it at first to get a handle on it.

Great job!

And, did I say that you looked fabulous?!? :wow:
 
Hopefully I find some time in the holidays to read the up to date messages and report some of my experiences.

But I like to bring up something, the last times doing the -beatha- part, I got the impression if this part of the program is also connected to -recapitulation-? It happens more unconsciously, because I cannot control the pictures/emotions coming up, but it confronted me with some past experiences.

Having said that, the program falls this year on two -holidays-, mainly only for westerners, but nonetheless: this week on Thursday (24th) is Christmas in some European countries and one week later the last day of the year: New Year's Eve. And I thought if we could bring some thoughts together and integrating some parts in the meditation part, for example: remembering Pepperfritz, or just be thankful for this, well -smashing- year?
 
Okay... today I did the EE breathing tec. and it was interesting because two factors called my attention. The first one, is that I didn't feel anything during the excecises and during the meditative state. After 30 minutes of being in that state, (And here's when the second factor appears) I talked with my girlfriend and she started to "attack" me as she usually does, making me feel jeaolus and those things. Instead of shut up, I went to my room and I feel AWFULLY angry and started to hit my pillow with my two hands almost screaming... it was a LONG time that I didn't feel this anger before but now, I feel more relief in myself. I still feel shocked and my muscles are feeling tired... after that I cried a little.

This excercises unleashed my "demons". :O Now I have to study, but I'm feeling better now. Many thanks. :)
 
Nienna Eluch said:
And, did I say that you looked fabulous?

Agreed. I'm watching it too and it's terrific. Your voice is much different than on the podcasts. It seems that you aren't in as much pain or you are less stressed :D Thanks for doing what you do!
 
Laura said:
Ya'll check out the new intro video here:
http://paleochristianity.org/eiriu-eolas/

And see if the end segment helps with pipe breathing.

Ditto everyone's comments on this Laura. You do look fantastic and it seems you are getting more comfortable in front of the camera which is awesome. Just keep remembering that the people watching you, Love you dearly. Your the Best!!

The section on Pipe Breathing was very helpful for me. I now can rest assured I have been doing it properly the whole time.
Thank you so much for all your efforts!!
 
Laura, your new intro is wonderful. Some of the things you talk about were an eye opener for me, gave me a new understanding about some issues I have, new avenues to explore. and, as others have said, you look and sound great.
 
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