It has been a couple of months since I've posted. I've been doing the POTS only, with some pipe breathing, since about November, at the suggestion of Forum moderators, as I was having extreme emotions come up all the time - that were extremely difficult for me to handle. So, following suggestions given, I've been doing the POTS only, every night, with some pipe breathing.
Well, I was doing pretty well, and was about to start the whole breathing program again starting about the middle of January, when, WHAM, I came under MAJOR attack (out of the blue) at work from the No. 2 person in my office, a Pathocrat/ Psychopath. She is doing her best not only to get me to either quit or get fired, she is doing her best to completely ruin my career. She has been defaming me like there is no tomorrow (maybe there isn't, from her perspective?) She is ruthless, and very, very vicious.
Yes, I have legal representation, yes, I am looking for another job, and yes, I am continuing the POTS every night. The unfounded allegations are being investigated by the PTB where I work, and MAYBE there will be a good resolution, once the FACTS are all brought out. Depends on the courage of those in charge, and whether I want a full-blown lawsuit if those in charge don't have the necessary courage to do what's right. But I cannot financially afford to quit until I find another job. My financial position has been a little precarious already, and my family would go bankrupt if I quit now.
In the meantime, I am feeling like I have been having cannonballs shot through my middle every day; going to work is like going into a literal warzone every day. Many days I cannot eat because I am so stressed out, and all I feel like doing when I get home is just crying and crying.
Is this a failed shamanic initiation that I'm going through, that I'm going to go through over and over and over until I die? I just read Laura's article, "The True Identity of Fulcanelli and the Da Vinci Code." What I'm going through definitely feels like a "descent into the underworld" and a "battle with demons." But in Laura's article, she says that:
"Shamans are born AND made. That is to say, they are born to be made, but the making is
their choice. And, from what I have been able to determine, the choice may be one that is
made at a different level than the conscious, 3rd density linear experience. Those who have
made the choice at the higher levels, and then have negated the choice at this level because
they are not able to relinquish their ordinary life, pay a very high price, indeed."
Am I paying that "very high price, indeed"? I have periodically been under attack my whole adult life, for reasons that seem to be that my very being is threatening in some way to certain people in positions of power around me. But this current attack is the mother of them all!!! I can't believe the lies that are being told to my face, behind my back, and the viciousness of the attack.
If I did made the choice to be a Shaman "at the higher levels, at a different level than the conscious, 3rd density linear experience," does that mean that I cannot have a job, and a family, or I will pay a terrible price for the rest of my life? Is there some way that, if this is an "initiatory experience" that I am going through, I can make it a successful one in the direction of an STO shaman, and not a descent into perpetual hell?
I do not know if this is any kind of initiatory experience, or a normal or expected part of the process of doing the breathing exercises and the POTS, or if I am going crazy, or what, but what I am going through is absolutely horrendous. Any insights, comments, suggestions, anything, would be greatly appreciated.
Sonrisa