quote by nicklebleu
I don't know if Sasha and/or Ljubica are still logging in and reading this thread, but if so, I would like to address this to them.
Let's just say for a moment that what you have said about misunderstanding Laura's instructions about sharing these sessions on the forum are true, that you thought she meant to share them with the world. Even if no one here can understand how that is possible, if it is true, then it is a mistake. We have all made mistakes, and there is not a more forgiving group in the world (that I know of) than this one, if you are open and honest about what happened. And talk about a chance to grow!
After reading the responses to your posts here, I can see why you might have become more and more ashamed of what you have done, surprised by the reactions you received, making it harder and harder to speak up, and that is why you have fallen silent. There have been many emotions expressed here, including outright anger. And your continued silence has led some posters to actually start mocking you openly (something I'm not too comfortable with). That can only make it harder to face up to it all.
Nicklebleu, I find your post kind, insightful and externally considerate to all involved.
Shame, I think, is motivating the silence. Of all the emotions I have experienced in my life, shame is the hardest to bear. There is a sense of utter hopelessness and worthlessness. It is the worst punishment a community can mete out to its members. However, as painful as it is, it forces one to go inside and really examine oneself. This is the healthy part of shame, the part that leads to growth.
I imagine that that is what is behind Sasha and/or Ljubica's silence.
I have a theory which may be wrong, that something like this was fated to happen. As I was reading the thread, I thought of Gurdjieff's Law of The Octave.
quote from Cassiopae Glossary on The Octave
The 4th Way cosmology sees all processes as divided in seven stages, often denoted by the notes from do to si (ascending) or do to re (descending)
For example, the metabolism of man is described as as three food octaves, corresponding to how 1. physical food is transformed by the organism, 2. how air is transformed by the organism and lastly 3. how impressions are transformed by the organism.
An octave has two special intervals called shocks. These are the ones between mi and fa and si and the do of the next octave. These correspond to the absence of the black key on the piano keyboard. A process proceeds through the stages denoted by the notes if it has enough initial impetus. However, the process does not keep its original direction if left to itself. Usually, the process also needs an extra impulse from outside to proceed past the shock between mi-fa or si-do. Lack of understanding of the Law of Seven is, according to the 4th Way, the principal reason why human plans almost never reach their goal and why activities usually turn into their antithesis. One example is revolution against tyranny automatically turning into more tyranny. According to Gurdjieff, there exists an objective way of dividing all processes, from cosmic to social to mental to biological into octaves. This division is according to Gurdjieff, the only objective basis for the notion of time. A few examples of this division are provided in literature but generally man has no capacity or insight for seeing this division in nature and practical application of this law is elusive.
Ouspensky's In Search of the Miraculous contains the best structured presentation of octaves and the Law of Seven. Mouravieff also comments on octaves and how they relate to time and the progress of entropy, a sort of winding down of the universe.
If we look at this experience objectively, relating it to this law, perhaps the knowledge presented here has reached the si and do octave. Perhaps this experience was the shock that was needed to keep the original impetus of the entire Work on track.
Again, I return to Nicklebleu to express what I want to say:
I bet there isn't a single member of this network that hasn't had thoughts about attending a session with the C's, or making contact with a higher intelligence. The experience would be exhilarating, I think. We would all like to have the benefit of receiving some kind of personal information that might help us to understand ourselves, or the people in our lives. We would all like to have the chance to help others in this way, as well. And because of that, I think people here would be able to understand if thoughts like these influenced you to go ahead with your experiment. I know I would.
What I am struggling with is reconciling the fact that my Being is not on level it needs to be on do work on this level. There is a lot of information which I don't understand and maybe never will. And yes, I was banned from the forum for a year and a half, and it was an opportunity to grow some humility. I know how shameful and painful that is.
As far as I can see, you are not banned. You are part of the community. But the community that has brought us all together is for the purpose of doing the work. It is the Work that is important - our work on ourselves, and our work to make sure that the original aims get past that octave safely. I think everyone must be happy that it wasn't themselves who did such a thing. But anybody can let their ego trick them into doing stupid things. Or maybe not everyone, but many especially me.
