"Healing Developmental Trauma" by L. Heller and A. LaPierre

[Gaby]

I think in some ways like I’m starting from scratch, but influenced by a lifetime worth of programs, survival strategies and biases as I move forward. It gives me an unusual freeing feeling and seeing that I could be free or have freedom moving forward, but with some fear, since fear of some kind has always had an impact on how I think and what I think about.

Thanks for your post Bear, you have elucidated much of what I have been thinking and feeling of late. I too tend to dissociative thinking, have gaps in my memory of the past, with a lot of anxiety and fear always in the background.

Bear,

Thank you for putting into words what seems to be the common feeling as of late for a lot of us.

I was blown away by this book and thankfully, I'm finding on occasions that I do "land on my body" with NF help or by working on the ocular reflex and grounding technique. For me it was the clearest indication of the dissociative flavor of some of my thoughts and fantasies. You look around and see everything as if for the first time and then you know that the previous state was an entrapment in another time and place and/or tunnel vision view.

To see how I disowned my anger and how that fueled dissociation was really a shocker. Emma's and Paul's case histories were particularly useful to read about. I'll probably be reviewing this book repeatedly as I assimilate it in my body. This is probably why I couldn't read the book in "one sitting". My body was just asking me to stay with it, for as long as it was needed. Remembering the clearest positive scenes during my childhood (i.e. contact with nature and spiritual connection), makes me remember other positive reinforcement moments as well. So despite the pain and everything, there is the sensation of fresh new hope.

I was reminded of something the Cs said,

Emotion that limits is an impediment to progress. Emotion is also necessary to make progress in 3rd density. It is natural. When you begin to separate limiting emotions based on assumptions from emotions that open one to unlimited possibilities, that means you are preparing for the next density.

Q: (L) Do you feel happiness, do you feel... well, I guess feel is the wrong term because you don't have anything to feel with...

A: Full range of emotional responses in profound clarity.

Q: (L) Would one say that being at 5th density was a pleasant experience, or just an intense one?

A: Intense, but not as you would imagine this.

Q: (C) I assume that it is intense without the negative aspects, that it would be good...

A: No. Negativity, yes that is there, but there is not the underlying fear of physiological damage that one perceives in third density due to genetic body response through hormonal brain swarms.

 

[Timótheos]

Why do you need "techniques" when he just said what it is: it is giving attention to your body, the chair, how it feels, where your feet and arms are, maybe listening to your heart beat, looking at the walls, checking out the room you are in, noticing the air, your breathing. I think there was more to quote than just that little bit.

There is a meme circulating on Facebook which lists 5 simple grounding exercises that one can use to help orient oneself during a panic attack (among other things). The method employed is similar in that it engages all 5 senses in order to bring one's focus out of the head and back into the body. I'll attach it here for information purposes...

 

[istina]

Why do you need "techniques" when he just said what it is: it is giving attention to your body, the chair, how it feels, where your feet and arms are, maybe listening to your heart beat, looking at the walls, checking out the room you are in, noticing the air, your breathing. I think there was more to quote than just that little bit.

This is exactly what my healer was trying to tell from the moment I met her, and that was twenty years ago:you are not grounded, you are not in your body, be aware of your body where you are now, how are you sitting, pay attention to breathing, relax etc. When I was at her last year she told me to relax my shoulders and when I did, I was shocked that my shoulders were so painful and tense and I had not even felt that pain at all. I knew that I was not often aware of my emotions, but that I was not at all aware of physical pain, I did not feel it, that was shocking.

I ordered this book and look forward to reading it.

Thank you for sharing the quiz. I think it's very useful one because it gives you a distrubution of all 5 survival strategies.

Yes, thank you Learner for sharing the quiz. My result was: autonomy 38.46%, connection 30.77%, attunement 28.57%.

Thank you very much, Laura! You allways have the right words at the right time.

Yes, thank you very much Laura.

Indeed, thank you Laura for your words of encouragement and for the book suggestions.

Yes, thank you very much Laura!

 

[loreta]

Here is a transcription of an interview with Dr. Heller.


http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/382.pdf

 

[Chu]

Yes, thank you Learner for sharing the quiz. My result was: autonomy 38.46%, connection 30.77%, attunement 28.57%.

I got Connection: 15.38%, Attunement: 42.86%, Autonomy: 38.46%, Trust: 0% (I was expecting at least some of that one based on the book), Love-Sexuality: 30.77%

Some of the questions were tricky, because the answer would depend on the period of my life (I answered based on the present only). Overall, it may be too short and general a test, but I found the descriptions under each result to be quite spot on, especially on the aspects that need work.

 

[Altair]

My results: Connection: 30.77%, Attunement: 14.29%, Autonomy: 30.77% , Trust: 23.08% , Love-Sexuality: 30.77%

Hmm, shouldn't the total be 100%?

By the way, the answers are not mutually exclusive. Depending on the question you can select 2 and more answers.

 

[istina]

I got Connection: 15.38%, Attunement: 42.86%, Autonomy: 38.46%, Trust: 0% (I was expecting at least some of that one based on the book), Love-Sexuality: 30.77%
Some of the questions were tricky, because the answer would depend on the period of my life (I answered based on the present only). Overall, it may be too short and general a test, but I found the descriptions under each result to be quite spot on, especially on the aspects that need work.

Yes, I thought so, too.
At the beginning it was said that we should focus on the highest score and the second highest (and three were similar in height), so I disregarded Trust (7.69%), Love-Sexuality (15.38%).

Hmm, shouldn't the total be 100%?
By the way, the answers are not mutually exclusive. Depending on the question you can select 2 and more answers.

I also wonder about that percentage. I have answered several questions with two answers, and more than two was not allowed.

Here is a transcription of an interview with Dr. Heller.
http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/382.pdf

Thank you Loreta!

 

[theos]

My results were as follows:
Connection: 15.38%
Attunement: 21.43%
Autonomy: 23.08%
Trust: 7.69%
Love/Sexuality: 30.77%

These results were kind of what I was expecting from reading the book. (The Love/Sexuality chapter hit me like a punch in the gut.) I think the quiz was too short but I guess since it fit my expectations that it wasn't too far off.

 

[Mike]

The NeurOptimal sessions really helped at that point! That's how to go at it bottom up and top down: acquire the knowledge/awareness, find something that ameliorates the emotional base.

Looking forward to giving the NeurOptimal a try.

Thanks for posting the information about grounding. It does seem like when an unconscious survival strategy is triggered (emotional base? – mentioned by Laura) and thoughts are triggered along with it that I react physiologically, which then feeds into my state and can grow as things feed back into themselves. Grounding would be one way to take things out of my mind and slow or stop the process or keep it from happening in general, it would seem.

Thank you for your post. I can relate to how you are feeling. While reading the above, it occurred to me that one way to look at it, when possible, is to realize how lucky we are to at least be able to see all this now, and also, not to have a "full cup" like many people out there. Once again we are realizing how little we know, but that is better than thinking that we know more than we do! It means that there is room for something else, for growth and for change. Never mind that it's so difficult. Never mind how long it takes!

I think that the past work was not in vain at all, and although at times it may feel like you are starting from scratch, you really aren't, because each step took you to a point where now, you can be reading all these books and extracting a lot of meaning from them. If we hadn't learned to do any self-observation at all, for example, it would be a HUGE task. Like Emma's case in the book. So, yes, to a lesser or greater extent, we are all still living based on our survival styles. BUT, at the same time, once we can see it, we can do something about it. And remember, we're in this together. It was probably never meant to be easy, but nobody says it's impossible.

Thanks for your thoughts. I think you describe why I’ve been having a freeing feeling along with what I described in my post, since with all the information and knowledge coming together there seems to be a clear path forward forming to build on all the other information and past effort in order to grow further. Seems just another step along the path and have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not give into despair or that change is not happening quickly, since when I do look back on where I was as compared to now it is actually pretty amazing.

I mentioned in the International Meetup last night that after reading the responses to my post that the idea of Laura’s description of the Shamanic experience in “The Wave” in terms of being ‘stripped to the bone’ came to mind for what I and others are going through. Maybe not exactly and/or a lot less intense version, but the feeling seems to be like pulling back all of the illusions about the self in order to build from there, if a person can keep moving.

The part of “The Wave” I was thinking about.

Returning to my “descent into Hell” and the sensation of being stripped of everything, yes, there had been other steps in the process, other choices, visions and experiences. But none of them were like the moment of being completely stripped to the bone of all belief in anything and everything I ever held as true, including all my beliefs and illusions about my personal life and relationships and my very self.

As to your fear, I think Neurofeedback may help! It may allow you to get just enough "peace of mind" to stay as much as possible in the present, and try to regain that "child-like" curiosity, as mentioned in the book, even when working through some difficult issues.

It is hard to remember when I last had that “child-like” curiosity. Maybe when I first read “The Wave” series. I know it is there behind everything else, so looking forward to see how the Neurofeedback might help.

I was reminded of something the Cs said,

Emotion that limits is an impediment to progress. Emotion is also necessary to make progress in 3rd density. It is natural. When you begin to separate limiting emotions based on assumptions from emotions that open one to unlimited possibilities, that means you are preparing for the next density.

Thanks Gaby, this also came to my mind yesterday after reading responses. It is like changing or reducing the impact of the less than ideal subconscious emotional base (system 1?) created by the developmental trauma that can so much influence and feed into thinking (system 2) to the point where you are living and thinking with past assumptions automatically and having physiological reactions and emotions, such as fear, anxiety and worry, all tied together systematically. So the ‘limiting emotions,’ could be those emotions that are tied into developmental trauma and how this affects a person.

Well, you just did! One thing that isn't mentioned in the book is the importance of giving to others as part of the process. I mean, here in the forum for example. Your sharing prompted others to share too. I'm responding to you, but I'm also writing it indirectly for others, and it even works as a reminder for myself, see? In getting out and trying to help others, we also gain another perspective, and even some of that nurturing that we missed in the past. I think that goes a long way in helping everyone in the process.

I’m glad others found my post helpful. Also, thanks Chu for pointing this out.

 

[Learner]

Thank you all for sharing your results. Since I lost my original results, I re-did the quiz and came to about the same results, just with more percents in the areas "Connection" and "Autonomy". They were formerly around 38%, now they both turned out 46,15%. Attunement came out as 28,57 (like before I think), Trust as 0% and Love-Sexuality as 7,69%. (I would say, from reading the book I would have more percent in the latter two though).

Hmm, shouldn't the total be 100%?
By the way, the answers are not mutually exclusive. Depending on the question you can select 2 and more answers.

I also wonder about that percentage. I have answered several questions with two answers, and more than two was not allowed.

I also can't make sense of the percentage the way they come out. So I am thinking about it in the way, that each style when looked at it alone is weighed against the total of the other 4 styles, independent of what their percentage may be then when considered as "counter-weight". Don't know if that makes sense. It just gave me a rough idea about how the survival styles may tend to be distributed within myself, confirming more or less what I already gleaned from the book while referring it to myself before doing the quiz.

[...] Overall, it may be too short and general a test, but I found the descriptions under each result to be quite spot on, especially on the aspects that need work.

Like Chu and Odyssey I think the quiz was too short, but nonetheless the results more or less confirmed my previous feelings about how the survival styles may be distributed in myself. It would have been interesting so see with more questions, covering a wider array of life areas.

I agree with Chu about the descriptions below each result as being pretty much to the point and systematic, while also short at the same time. I find this qite useful, so I am re-posting it here (in case it can be of use):

CONNECTION

If this is your highest score (%), then your main core need that was not fulfilled was the need for connection. To survive that challenge from your childhood you adapted by disconnecting from your body, from yourself, and from relationships.

That disconnection present itself in one or two specific ways: intellectual and spiritual.

Intellectual: Through this way you disconnect from your body and live in your mind. You value thinking and logic over feelings and emotions.

Spiritual: You never fully embodied and you manage your disconnection by spiritualizing your experience. You tend to live in the energetic field, in more ethereal realms.

Gift: You have a great mind and you can perceive things that most people cannot, whether in a intellectual or energetic way.

Healing process: It happens through reconnecting to your body, feelings, sensations and expressions.

ATTUNEMENT

If this is your highest score (%), then your main core need that was not fulfilled was the need for attunement. To survive that challenge from your childhood you adapted by disconnecting from your needs and their expression.

Now you struggle to identify, allow and express your needs and often fall into relationships were you are the rescuer or provider and through that you get your dependency needs met. However, overtime you can become burned out and bitter.

This adaptation can express as a sense that it is never enough (ex. You get a strawberry cake and you think: “it’s not chocolate” or “it is so small”; this can happen to everything in life) or as a pride for not needing.

Your Gift: You a great caretaker, you are a giver. You can be highly attuned to, and able to identify with and address, the needs of others.

Healing process: It happens through tuning into your needs, asking for them and giving yourself what you need.

TRUST

If this is your highest score (%), then your main core need that was not fulfilled was the need for trust.

As a child you experienced your caretakers/environment as manipulative/seductive or overpowering/authoritarian and that left you powerless and scared, a life threatening experience.

To survive, you adapted by playing with the same rules whether through seduction or overpowering others. And you believe that once you have the power or become special everything will be alright and great.

Your Gift: You are a natural leader, you know how to inspire others and guide them to a goal.

Healing process: It happens through connecting with your inner strength and then taking the risk to fail, ask others for help and give up being super powerful or special.

AUTONOMY

If this is your highest score (%), then your main core need that was not fulfilled was the need for autonomy. To survive that challenge from your childhood you had to swallow any expression of assertiveness (such as saying NO and exploring your autonomy), the way to deal with the life threatening experiences was to pretend to behave nicely and rebel silently just inside of you.

To survive, you adapted by becoming a good girl or good boy while you kept a strong NO and resentment within you.

Your Gift: You are very kind, open hearted and truly generous person. And you can handle a lot of pressure.

Healing process: It happens through stop pleasing others and setting clear boundaries (making it clear your NOs and the things you don’t like).

LOVE-SEXUALITY

If this is your highest score (%), then your main core need that was not fulfilled was the need for experiencing love and sexuality together.

As a child you expressed your love love which was together with your early discovery of sexuality (which happens naturally when you are 4 to 6 years old and has nothing to do with how adults understand sexuality).

Parents usually don’t know what to do with that sexual expression and then you experience heartbreak as result of unacknowledged or rejected loving feelings.

For you, that was a life threatening experience and to adapt you disconnected your love form your sexual expression and you attempted to get the love you needed through your accomplishments.

So you disconnected from your inner beauty and became driven by the external environment. On the eyes of others you are amazing and have a perfect life. However, you still have much higher expectations for yourself. You seem full of confidence but inside you feel that you are never good enough. You are a doer and risk being workaholic.

Your Gift: You are a highly energetic, attractive and successful person. You can accomplish any goal you set to yourself and you are an efficient worker.

Healing process: Connect with your inner and intrinsic value and give up the effort of doing. Your challenge is to integrate an open and loving heart with a vital sexuality. Drop any idea of perfection and just be who you are (need to re-discover that).

 

[Jacques]

And mine were as follows:

Connection: 15.38%
Attunement: 14.29%
Autonomy: 30.77%
Trust: 15.38%
Love/Sexuality: 23.08%

 

[Mike]

Here are my results:

Connection 15.38%
Attunement 0%
Autonomy 38.46%
Trust 7.69%
Love-sexuality 38.46%

 

[Zar]

Here are mine:

Connection 46.15%
Attunement 21.43%
Autonomy 23.08%
Trust 30.77%
Love-sexuality 23.08%

 

[Foxx]

Thanks everyone for all the helpful information on this! I'm planning on starting the book soon and looking forward to it.

I took the quiz as well--here are my results:

Connection: 38.46%
Attunement: 28.57%
Autonomy: 15.38%
Trust: 0%
Love-sexuality: 30.77%

 

[Marina9]

I think in some ways like I’m starting from scratch, but influenced by a lifetime worth of programs, survival strategies and biases as I move forward. It gives me an unusual freeing feeling and seeing that I could be free or have freedom moving forward, but with some fear, since fear of some kind has always had an impact on how I think and what I think about.

Thanks for your post Bear, you have elucidated much of what I have been thinking and feeling of late. I too tend to dissociative thinking, have gaps in my memory of the past, with a lot of anxiety and fear always in the background.

Bear,

Thank you for putting into words what seems to be the common feeling as of late for a lot of us.

Yes Bear, thanks very much, I did resonate a lot too with some of the things you said.

I've been keeping up with this thread but haven't started reading the book, which I think that it will be better to start it ASAP, and pause the other lectures for a little while. From what i've been reading, the list Hesper provided on the 5 adaptative styles I really could resonate with some points of the 5 of them, but mainly the ones that I was more like aha! Were trust, connection and attunement. I went ahead and did the test Learner provided really focusing myself in the right now and the present situations in my life.

So my results are the following:

Attunement: 42.86%
Autonomy: 15.38%
Trust: 30.77%
Connection: 30.77%
Love-Sexuality: 7.69%

In some way I felt like the dots of past therapies, books, etc, are connecting and I can understand things a bit better. But i'll go ahead and read the book and see what other things come up. Thanks everyone, and thank you Laura for your reminder, it was indeed in the precise moment.

Edit: spelling