Thank you all for your stories. Reading all of the shared experiences and advice has helped me feel more grounded.
Just before Thanksgiving, I started feeling very tired, lethargic, and for lack of a better term, uninspired to a level I haven’t felt in awhile. Due to the weather, things at work, and traveling, I went a full week without going for a long walk outside, which took the wind out of my sails even more, even though I had a thought loop telling me I was too tired and didn’t want to anyway. I also struggled to stick to my yoga routine (usually an energetic morning practice, I felt the need to adjust to more yin at night.)
Just after Thanksgiving, the body aches began, as well as a persistent headache and pressure in my head and ears that wouldn’t go away.
The week after thanksgiving, about midweek, I thought I should just flush out whatever was holding me down. So in the morning, before work, I took a heroic dose of vitamin c and forced myself into a short yoga practice. Immediately, my nose turned into a faucet and stayed that way for about a day and a half. Then I lost taste and smell. I had little to no appetite for over a week, maybe closer to 2 weeks.
And the whole time, I just felt depressed. Negative thought loops were incessant, like getting swarmed by mosquitos. I smoked more than usual, out a sense that it would help keep the bugs at bay. I told myself the negativity was probably from the sickness. And I told myself the sickness was probably because of the negativity I was experiencing. And I told myself this must mean I was overdue for a very important software update
I never got a fever or a cough, or felt too ill to do the usual day to day things. It was just exhausting. Finally yesterday I could smell again and detect flavor besides salt, sweet, and sour. My energy has returned and I have a sense of purpose again, though I’m still not back to my more driven state I’ve lived in since 2020.
Aside from that bout with the virus, I feel the same things as the rest - things are a real bummer. More people in my family are stressing about finances and dealing with health taking a turn (it was only a matter of time.) As for my daughter and my husband and our tiny unit of solidarity, we’re holding up pretty well for the time being.
People at work have all been through the virus ride as well (probably where I caught it, despite my vitamin protocol.) And they are all vocally tired, worn down from the workload (supply chain.) one of the senior buyers said sometime last month, “I just feel like the whole world is falling apart.” If not a new and shocking observation, it at least sums up the sentiment pretty well. And she is not the type to pour over the news or take world events personally.
I have been sleeping through the night, so thank you to everyone maintaining vigilance in the earliest morning hours!
I did have one dream, just the other night that felt worth mentioning.
I was at my friend’s house (she is not on the forum, but follows SOTT here and there. Quite like-minded.) A woman entered the room claiming to be my friend’s daughter. I knew by her face that she was not.
She then told me she would have to drive me home, because winter was coming in. The thought that she was not my friend’s daughter left me for a second, because I was confused by what she said. I had driven myself there, and it was raining. I realized I was about to just go along with her, and would have if I hadn’t been paying attention. So I asked her, “What do you mean, winter is coming in?”
Then she morphed into my friend, who said “It’s the mud. We need to go.” And I woke up immediately with a sense of urgency.
It was all very mundane, but it gave me the notion that something had tried to invade, and my energy was somehow protected by my friend, who was able to drive the invader out of its “container.”
I have also noticed people around me going through situations that seem contagious (kind of a shared dream state but in real life.)
One example: a coworker blew a tire on his way into work on Monday. On Thursday, my rear tire was down to 11 pounds. That same day, a friend texted me raving about the superintendent of the school she works for because he helped her fix her tire, which had gone flat in the parking lot.
There have been more such occurrences, but I didn’t contribute soon enough and so my memory is fuzzy.
Anyway, it’s all been interesting. Moreso now that I have energy available to notice and observe better again.
We got our Christmas tree up this weekend. I look forward to love and laughs and the warm glow of tiny lights and candles. Winter has always been a challenge, but I’m working to keep my mood as even as possible this year. I sure thought I was failing last week, but that was just an “episode,” it seems.
Take heart and keep it, Friends. I’m sending thanks and love to all of you.
