How are you feeling?

Hello!

This is a very healthy thread. Interestingly, I wake up in the middle of the night like many here, and so does my mother. Sometimes my husband too. I have been mentally tired, but I think that's because I teach all day and then attend school--I am a Ph.D. student. The curious thing is that I do go through writing blocks, even reading blocks way too often. I am desperate because I need to turn in an article and I cannot make myself write.

Also, I have a very short temper lately, so much that I do not recognize myself. I say it's the stress of working, studying, and living with my mother who is almost 80 and needs some care because she has epilepsy (my husband does not want her here). Guilt, exhaustion, lack of concentration, and explosive anger have turned me into someone different.

Something else, I pass by my crystals and I do not want to do the prayer/singing. I was always so dedicated to charging our crystals. It's like only negativity fills my home. My husband says it is my mom (she's very unhappy and difficult since Dad passed away, I try to understand but I have not treated her well sometimes and I am ashamed to admit it). Weird dreams happen, but that's normal, I think.
Thank you for starting this thread, it's good for finding commonalities and opening up. At times I think that they are shooting us with something.

Thank you for reading.
 
Pluchi said:
Also, I have a very short temper lately, so much that I do not recognize myself. I say it's the stress of working, studying, and living with my mother who is almost 80 and needs some care because she has epilepsy (my husband does not want her here). Guilt, exhaustion, lack of concentration, and explosive anger have turned me into someone different.
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I went through something similar when I was writing my masters thesis. I had some significant stressors in my surroundings also but the pressure of my thesis really strained me. I did not realise it and then I would spectacularly blow a fuse!
I had to make a firm decision to get on top of these incidents. What helped me was to pay attention to when I started to spool up and take myself outside immediately to breathe and connect my feet to the ground. Just kept breathing until I calmed down. It didn’t take many repetitions of this intervention to feel like I had control again.
I also now know that I must get time alone away from everyone regularly. I feel it when I start getting overwhelmed by having no alone time I am more susceptible to becoming irritated. So I remedy this before it becomes a problem also.
Hope that helps.

Also I have recently started taking phosphytidal serine and omega 3 with dinner. Sleep has always been difficult for me and so far seems to have helped my to de stress so that I can sleep.
 
Thanks for starting this thread @Joe.

When the eclipse happened on October 14th, the anxiety that I felt was so extreme. I didn't realize that the solar eclipse could elicit such emotion but apparently it does. As of late, I've been attracted to dowsing and found a podcast by dowser named Grahame Gardner who is Scottish I believe. The podcast is called "Adventures in Dowsing." In a podcast (AiD037: Life as a Professional Dowser) is a recording of informal conversation of the British Society of Dowsers, Grahame states that when people were dowsing earth energy lines during the eclipse, the energy lines "move or they shrink then spring back again, like when you stretch a rubber band." I do wonder what happens to consciousness on a personal and collective level when that happens.

Anyway, I was anxious for about 24 hours then it went away. I was also so irritable and miserable to be with for my husband.

Like all of you, I've been deeply effected by the slaughter that is going on in Gaza. I can't spend too much time reading about it because I just get into a despair state. Now that I have a 1 year the deaths of children hit me harder than before. Having a 1 year old also has forced me to just be in the moment with her. I don't have as much time to focus on the world coming apart. I still get all depressed when I read the non-fake news meaning SOTT. Having a child has also given me the hoodzpah to nurture her despite all that seems wrong. If I think about the possible suffering she might encounter later on I get into a bigger despair state so I just cannot go there either.

We also were sick. Daughter caught RSV in November. Start with a junky cough then turns into fever for several days.

Very vivid dreams. The other day I dreamt of a young transgendered patient, "Giselle" (male to female with hormones no surgery) who was in our psychiatric program. In real life, he alluded to the fact several times that he gets depressed when he realizes that he will never really be a woman. This did elicit some private personal sympathy from me for him because he really did just look like a man trying to be a woman. And that was the truth. Of course we all had to play along and use his preferred pronouns of she/her.

In the dream he was a large beast dressed like a woman taking out people in a theater. Finally, a group (that felt like the forum) managed to wrestle him to the ground to stop the destruction. It felt like a metaphor for Israel being dressed as the victim but really being the BEAST.

I do wonder what's going to happen in April 2024 with the solar eclipse: Solar eclipse of April 8, 2024 - Wikipedia

Lately in my meditation, which often turns to sleeping, I have been drawn to releasing my negativity by trying to allow myself to really feel it. I have also been doing inner child work that has been quite profound as well as listening to recorded healings by a healer/psychic named Lisa Campion whom I took Reiki with several years ago. She's quite powerful. And these healings I think are quite powerful: Lisa Campion - Professional Psychic, Empath, Reiki

See you all in the dream state.
 
candasiri said:
I do wonder what's going to happen in April 2024 with the solar eclipse: Solar eclipse of April 8, 2024 - Wikipedia
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FWIWI, and as I knew April 8th is the day we celebrate Julie, a feminine firstname very close to Jules, I've searched for this one and it is celebrated on April 12th.

The most interesting thing (maybe?) I discovered doing so is that the Annunciation (that also referred to as the Annunciation to the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Annunciation of Our Lady, or the Annunciation of the Lord, according to Wikipedia) takes place on March 25th, a fixed date every year, except when the feast coincides with the important days of Easter, in which case the feast is moved to the Monday following the week after Easter, which is an integral part of Easter.

And so, in 2024, the Annunciation will be celebrated on April 8th.

annonciation_1180_42.webp

Annunciazione, Leonardo da Vinci, 1472-1475
 
Dimanche 10 décembre vers 10h30 j'ai été prise de puissants malaises, tout s'est mis à tourner autour de moi, des vomissements de l'eau même si je n'avais rien dans l'estomac (pas de bile donc), ça m'a laissé je ne pouvais plus me lever pour aller aux toilettes ou chercher de l'eau... Je n'étais à l'aise, pour ainsi dire, qu'avec les yeux fermés et allongé dans le noir, la lumière me dérangeait... Quand j'ai réussi en fin de soirée à me lever pour aller aux toilettes, avec l'angoisse de tomber car tu sais que je risque le fauteuil roulant si cela m'arrive, suite à mes deux fractures vertébrales et à mon ostéoporose grave que j'ai depuis 1993, je me suis accroché aux murs et aux meubles pour me soutenir, cela a duré 3 jours, avec une légère amélioration, très légère, tous les jours… Mercredi, une migraine m'accompagnait toute la journée, mon environnement a cessé de tourbillonner autour de moi mais dès que je posais un pied sur le sol, j'étais pris de vertiges qui m'obligeaient encore à m'accrocher aux murs et aux meubles... Évidemment je ne restais éveillé que de courts instants avec mon cœur s'emballait et était essoufflé, j'ai donc dû me recoucher, et attendre que mon cœur se calme pour renouveler l'effort et faire le strict nécessaire pour mes petits et moi... J'ai aussi réussi à rattraper mon retard mon retard de lundi et mardi concernant les éditions SOTT France sur Facebook, X, VK et Mewe. Ce jour-là, je me suis forcé à manger un steak cru (bœuf nourri à l'herbe) pour que mes forces ne m'abandonnent pas complètement... Vendredi, Je vois vos messages Chu, Lydia et Jacques que je n'ai pas encore ouvert car je ne peux pas aller aux écrans ni lire car ma vision est floue et je vois double, c'est pour cela que je n'ai pas pu aller sur le forum, j'espère que vous comprenez… J'ai d'abord essayé de vous rassurer mais je vais juste poster ce même message car je ne peux plus rester à l'écran, je réessayerai plus tard, peut-être...je n'arrive pas à le faire. Je ne sais pas ce qui m'est arrivé... Gaby le sait peut-être... Je pensais que c'était un empoisonnement mais je n'avais rien changé à mes habitudes, cependant j'ai suspendu tous mes compléments alimentaires en attendant de récupérer un peu. plus… Qu'est-il arrivé à mon cerveau pour avoir ces effets psychédéliques pendant si longtemps ?... Je ne me sens bien qu'avec les yeux fermés et allongé, mais chaque jour je me sens mieux…

Sunday, December 10 around 10:30 a.m. I was seized by powerful discomfort, everything started to spin around me, vomiting water even though I had nothing in my stomach (no bile therefore), it left me I could no longer get up to go to the toilet or get water... I was comfortable, so to speak, only with my eyes closed and lying in the dark, the light bothered me... When I managed at the end of the evening to get up to go to the toilet, with the anxiety of falling because you know that I risk the wheelchair if that happens to me, following my two vertebral fractures and to my severe osteoporosis that I have had since 1993, I clung to walls and furniture for support, it lasted 3 days, with a slight improvement, very slight, every day... On Wednesday, a migraine accompanied me all During the day, my environment stopped swirling around me but as soon as I put one foot on the ground, I was overcome by dizziness which still forced me to cling to the walls and furniture... Obviously I didn't stay awake only for short moments with my heart racing and being out of breath, so I had to go back to bed, and wait for my heart to calm down to renew the effort and do what was strictly necessary for my little ones and me... I I also managed to catch up on Monday and Tuesday regarding the SOTT France editions on Facebook, X, VK and Mewe. That day, I forced myself to eat a raw steak (grass-fed beef) so that my strength would not completely abandon me... Friday, I see your messages Chu, Lydia and Jacques that I don't like. haven't opened yet because I can't go to the screens or read because my vision is blurry and I see double, that's why I couldn't go to the forum, I hope you understand... I I first tried to reassure you but I'm just going to post this same message because I can't stay on the screen anymore, I'll try again later, maybe...I can't do it. I don't know what happened to me... Gaby might know... I thought it was poisoning but I hadn't changed anything in my habits, however I stopped all my food supplements while waiting to recover a little. more... What happened to my brain to have these psychedelic effects for so long?... I only feel good with my eyes closed and lying down, but every day I feel better...
 
987baz said:
A mantra that comes into my mind when i feel down is, we are the light of the future, we are the ones who will keep the lighthouse lit, who will be there to help those we can. So if you are ever feeling down, for whatever reason, know that we have purpose, we are here for a reason, stay stong brothers and sisters, endure what you have to, keep putting one foot in front of the other, be honest with how your feeling and remember you are part of this community!! And don’t forget to laugh whenever possible
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Well said, @987baz. It’s been a very stressful year both personally and globally; & yet I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. We just keep on keeping on, because that’s what we have to do. And being part of a community like this is precious, an absolute blessing in these dark times.

This old SoTT article by Clarissa Pinkola-Estés has been mentioned elsewhere on the forum, but it’s timely to post it here again:

We were made for these times

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times.The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.
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www.sott.net

We were made for these times

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment...
www.sott.net www.sott.net
 
PERLOU said:
I'll try again later, maybe...I can't do it. I don't know what happened to me... Gaby might know...
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You had double vision with one eye or both eyes?

The way you describe your symptoms, I think you need a brain scan to discard the worst case scenario : a stroke. I'm from that school of thought : "prepare for the worst, hope for the best". I think you can arrange a check-up through the emergency services, the symptoms are concerning enough. And if it all turns out fine, then, you go back home with some symptomatic medication.
 
Pluchi said:
I am desperate because I need to turn in an article and I cannot make myself write.
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This is a little off-topic but as I hate writing, the only way I found to write articles is to not "write an article". First, I don't wait until some study is finished to start writing the article, because when the results are out, the work is done in the mind, and writing an article becomes a useless additional exercise. So the solution I found is to write a accompanying draft report with notes while the work is being done, and progressively populate the report with remarks, citations, figures, equations, etc. In the end it becomes a simple exercise of completing a puzzle that's already assembled: transform the notes into proper sentences and paragraphs to clarify what's meant, and remove the sarcastic jokes (co-authors will not catch everything, believe me). The report is metamorphosed into and article. Maybe this could help a little.
 
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Thanks for creating this thread! I have been reading you and I have to say I've been a bit off lately too, kind of like the "ancient mariner in the dooldroms" that someone said or the bear that wants to hibernate but can't.

I guess there is lot going on and we need to be awake, it is like the world is begging us to be here now and stay alert. And my mind is kind of racing to "know" and "be" but there are times that it "gets tired" and disociates/daydreams. I discovered that it is harder to find a balance in my case lately and I ping pong between the moods. I also discovered that when I am not in the awake/grounded state is when I generally feel the worst, and when I sense it, It works to ask myself if this is my true/real self. Usually the answer is no so then I am back on track again. I need a lot of practice, to be more aware of how I am, because sometines I am "fine" and I don't even detect that it is not actually the case. Anyways, to direct myself to the truth within the self and the world, has been helpful to find the light in this little dark age.

It is also helpful for me to read your thoughts and also SOTT, specially the youtube episodes in spanish 🙏. Another thing that helps is to be with my family and read the romantic novels or other books. I have been reading the stories of Edgar Allan Poe, for example.
 
@Gaby , Dans l'état où j'étais, je n'ai pas penser à vérifier donc je ne sais pas...
Quand à la scintigraphie cérébrale, je verrai avec mon médecin traitant courant janvier...
Merci pour votre attention et vos conseils avisés...


@Gaby , In the state I was in, I didn't think to check, so I don't know...
As for the brain scan, I'll check with my GP in January...
Thank you for your attention and your sound advice...
 
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