How are you feeling?

[trytofly]

I'm really having trouble sleeping lately.
Regularly going to bed at midnight, although I fall asleep quickly, I often wake up between 1:30 and 3:00 a.m. Getting back to sleep is complicated, and even if I sometimes take again melatonin and manage to get back to sleep, it only lasts two or three hours again. I also sometimes have to go and sleep on the sofa in the room to succeed.

I also have some bad dreams in which I am forced to be violent in quite horrific ways towards other people in order to survive. This had never happened to me before. This annoys me and forces me to no longer want to sleep when I wake up so as not to relive this situation. I have never been violent, except in self-defense, and dreaming of having to kill is extremely disturbing. Even hurting someone verbally has never crossed my mind, so these nightmares are the antithesis of my personality. This upsets me considerably !

 

[Anamarija]

It's great to read, all in one place, how forum members feel. I always find this question very important. I know that some people ask this only in extension of the greeting, something formal, and because of that most of the time I didn't know if they trully asking of my state of feelings and thoughts or is just a matter of small talk. Over the years I realized that most of the time it is the latter. But, since this's not formal question so I'm gonna reply and thank you Joe for making this wonderful thread possible. And also, thank you to everyone who contributed to it. I didn't manage to read all of it but I will and I enjoy everytime I took time to read. Having a coffee or cigarette or both in same time and reading how people feel is something special. Since I'm genuinely interested into other people's lives and you can't (I needed time in my life to realize this) just go around and ask people this kind of questions this is real gem for me.

So, I'm really good. Couple years ago Juba claimed (my friend and companion) that I will with the gathering of knowledge feel more peaceful with my self. In those days I thought that is contradictory because if you find more about this chaotic, twisted and deviant world it is certain that you will be more restless and afraid for others and for yourself, right? Something happened that I did not expect. For example, when I watched documentary Težina lanaca | The Weight of Chains (2010) about the breakup of Yugoslavia I felt so devastated. I couldn't come to myself (interesting phrase) for weeks. I mean, I was there, living in Yugoslavia, I know what that means, all those songs, movies and series, events. And people still feel and live with the consequences that act brought to us.
And I have asked Juba but what I will do with all this feelings in my self, this sadness and anger and she said that I have to accept it. Off course, I was puzzled with that suggestion. With time I realize, if I want to continue to live this life that I choose (I know at least that or it's comforting to think that way), that I have to accept that in the purpose of some higher goal that is still unfathomable to me. Somehow, that acceptance become a more peaceful and calmer feeling of living. Also, I have realized that I can't (that's the feeling) accept all at once. I have to found a balance and find a way and time when I can open my self to new information and also become aware when I have to close my self and just processing (consciously and unconsciously) information that I have gathered.

About dreams, actually, I have different dreams than before. My most common dreams were that I was lost, usually that I was on the streets of New York, I had no money or a ticket to my home. That changed. Now I dream of traveling or experiencing some situations in which I feel more confident and easily solve problems. I don't know is this reflect of my inner state or outer state of my life but I know that I wake up with different and much better feelings. That's good start of the new day.

That's all for now. I'm looking forward to new sharing of others.

 

[Pat]

Yes I have. Yesterday I brought up to my therapist how I have been struggling more than usual with what feels like my usual Season Affective Disorder (SAD) since the first week of this month despite adhering to my routine of using the UV light box in the morning, vitamin D3, exercise, meditation, EE, etc.

She said most of her other clients are also struggling more with the same general malise, depression, and interrupted sleep patterns in the last 3 weeks. She has heard of the same symptoms from people in other parts of the U.S. (NYC and Seattle). We both agree it is best described as an existential unease or anxiety.

Her suspicions are something in the environment, air, water, even possibly 5G or other EM waves. So I don't think it is just affecting Forum members, especially in the U.S.

My guess is something being picked up in the collective consciousness from living in the last days of a dying empire?

I have been feeling the same. I used to like going to bed and Dream. For approximately three weeks or more I have had dreams which made me uncomfortable in the morning, like being in situations with my last job and being overwhelmed. I wake up very often during the night, trying to understand and feeling tired during the day, wanted to escape decisions and news.

 

[A Jay]

Last night I dreamt of three people being kidnapped, hog-tied, and put into the back of a truck by an old man. After putting the people in the truck the old man watched as the people were slowly transformed into partial beasts while also fusing together into a sort of blob and getting absorbed into some much bigger and ever more grotesque, non-local, blob-like evil force. The people were calling for help but because of the partial beast transformation it was a horrific mixture of animal calls and human speech. The worst part was that all I could do was watch their transformation and feel their fear and pain.

After describing the dream to some peeps, I think it may have something to do with what happens when people believe lies. Take the Leftists who think it's good to push trans stuff on kids and those on the Right who believe in Israel's justified self-defense. They tie themselves to something outside of their own conscience, an ideology, and that turns them into something they might otherwise view as hideously grotesque. Serving a horrible master they'd sworn to stand against.

I was on Twitter before going to bed just reflecting on how screwed up the world has become, how twisted people have become, and how there's no chance of averting major disasters because TPTB want those disasters. So that's probably why I had the dream. Still, the fear and anguish were very real and I wonder if this is happening to them at some level.

 

[BHelmet]

I'm really having trouble sleeping lately.
Regularly going to bed at midnight, although I fall asleep quickly, I often wake up between 1:30 and 3:00 a.m. Getting back to sleep is complicated, and even if I sometimes take again melatonin and manage to get back to sleep, it only lasts two or three hours again. I also sometimes have to go and sleep on the sofa in the room to succeed.

I also have some bad dreams in which I am forced to be violent in quite horrific ways towards other people in order to survive. This had never happened to me before. This annoys me and forces me to no longer want to sleep when I wake up so as not to relive this situation. I have never been violent, except in self-defense, and dreaming of having to kill is extremely disturbing. Even hurting someone verbally has never crossed my mind, so these nightmares are the antithesis of my personality. This upsets me considerably !

Hm. So it seems you are in need of different ways to hold these dreams; to contextualize them; to view them. One irritating point of view on dream work is that we need to own the dreams in some way. To look and see that on a certain level, that’s me! Or a part of me. So these aspects may be suppressed. (Recall Laura mentioning a cockroachoid existence of violent consumption) The assumption has to be that there is a positive reason to come to terms with these suppressed aspects.

Forced choice is a highlight of this life and in dreams this can be amplified. You are presented with a choice to resort to violence. You can take it or leave it. Your soul is being tested and/or you are being shown some part of your inner nature which perhaps you’d like to avoid seeing. Another idea is to question just what part of yourself you are trying to protect, or, what aspect of self-preservation is driving the violence? Lol, lastly thank the cosmos for showing you all this wonderfulness. Jung-no such thing as a bad dream. It’s a pisser, I know, but there is power and knowledge that can be derived from mucking around in our subconscious basements. Forgive me if I have been too presumptuous with these comments.

 

[Mrs. Peel]

I'm having gnawing stomach pain issues off and on for a while now, but they got worse over the weekend so I decided to finally make a trip to the doc today. Now I have bloodwork and a referral to a gastroenterologist for an endoscopy probably sometime in the new year, as they have a backup. Don't think it's acid reflux, possible an ulcer (I had one years ago) or gallbladder, slow motility, gasteric-something-or-other, etc., hence the endoscopy to get a look-see. Never knew an ulcer might make me tired, short of breath, and lightheaded also, but Dr. Google says so!

Too many things to worry about stress-wise out there...

 

[PERLOU]

Prenez bien soin de Vous Mme Peel, vous nous êtes précieuse...

Take good care of yourself, Mrs Peel, you're precious to us...

 

[Thebull]

After a period in mid December when I seemed to sleep better, now I seem to. Wake up again between 2:45 -3:30.am. I really do feel wide awake although I've tried to stay in bed to get back to sleep. I don't fight it and will get up so I don't disturb my wife. It's 4:25 am now as I write. I feel ready to start the day.
There's lots of bugs around at the moment I'm battling with a sore throat which I hope I'll stave off with Christmas coming.
The hideous atrocities happening in Palestine continues. I regularly ask myself what more could I do? Also, what purpose these deaths will serve in the grand scheme of things? What sort of evil would do this and how is it possible to stop this killing?
I still have hope and faith although not in a love and light way. I understand things will still get worse as the evil clings on to power and the lust to control everything, feeding off our fear.
I can feel and sense the change in the world now. I hope the playing field will be levelled somewhat as the psychopaths have been ruling here, on this planet far too long
I'm thankful to be able to share with my extended family here.
Wherever you are at Christmas I wish you well. I hope you can share some quality time with family and loved ones. I know some people are alone so please take care and share here when you can. Peace and best wishes to all.

 

[PERLOU]

@Thebull , merci de penser aux personnes seules, pour moi c'est un jour comme les autres et je ne suis pas vraiment seule puisque mes 4 chatonnes et ma petite York Hella seront tout près de moi... Ne vous tourmentez pas, le Divin Esprit Cosmique sait ce qu'il fait, ne vous laissez pas atteindre par toutes ces horreurs et garder votre confiance au Divin Esprit Cosmique, nous, les membres du Forum Cassiopéa de Laura nous regardons tous dans la même direction et avons fait notre choix, être candidat au service des autres... Gardez le cap...
Joyeux Noêl à tous les membres du forum...

@Thebull , thank you for thinking of lonely people, for me it's a day like any other and I'm not really alone since my 4 kittens and my little York Hella will be very close to me... Don't torment yourself, the Divine Cosmic Spirit knows what it's doing, don't let all these horrors get to you and keep your trust in the Divine Cosmic Spirit, we, the members of the Cassiopéa de Laura Forum are all looking in the same direction and have made our choice, to be a candidate in the service of others... Stay the course...
Merry Christmas to all forum members...

 

[987baz]

I found a new dr through my kinesiologist, he’s an old country gent who is unjabbed and tells it like it is .. i Went to see him on monday to get his read on my current “post viral fatigue” diagnosis. He did the usual tests and said I was health as an ox no heart murmurs and blood pressure 112/70 (which apparently is good) apart from feeling pretty crabby. he looked at my previous blood test from about a month ago and said it was all good, but was perplexed as to why the dr I saw didn’t order any viral load tests at the time, so he gave me a referral to get some more done. He said that he thought it unlikely that anything would show up but might as well rule some things out or maybe find what the original cause was.

Unfortunately the lab was closed at his office, which is a bit of a drive, so I ended up going to one closer to home the next day. well, things didn’t go well, I think the lady doing the test was new or something, she couldn’t draw any blood, well she said ot was coming out very slowly, and said it was not flowing properly, and I caught glimpse and felt very weird, sweating, loss of sound feeling heavy etc then I passed out, next thing I knew I was coming too with a bunch of people int the room, such a strange thing, it felt like I was in a movie, the sound came back slowly, the the vision, and I wondered where the hell I was, before realising she had called in a nurse and a dr to make sure I was ok. They took me into another room and I lay down for a while, dr came Ina checked me over, and said that I had fainted. how are you feeling they asked, embarrassed and woozy I said so they made me stay there for a while longer as I had to drive home. Not a good day, I was pretty anxious after that and spent the day just relaxing on the couch, my dad came over for bit of company which was nice, but still was feeling a bit off. Next day I got my sister to give me a lift down there in case i reacted badly again. I drank a lot of fluids before had too. I was feeling a bit anxious, but ok, so I went in and the same thing happened, not the passing out at least but she couldn’t draw ay blood so I spent the rest of the day with my family, which was very calming. I asked Nicklebleu about it and he said that it was more likely her than me and that I should find someone else to take the blood. I sent a message to my new dr telling him what happened and asking what I should do, along with the fact that I was feeling like a pin cushion and that I think I might wait a bit as the blood tests aren’t urgent. I think he maybe on holidays as I haven’t heard back from him. So my plan is to wait until after Xmas and try again at a different place.

So, yeah I am feeling tired and a bit like a wuss (as we say here in Aus) but after to talking with a few people about it, feeling less so as it seems to be quite common (the passing out I mean) The post viral thing is still making me tired, heavy and frustrated, but I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully find a resolution. I‘ve also contacted functional kinesiologist (as mine does more energetic/emotional stuff) so hopefully she will help with getting some answers too.

Can’t say I’ve been enjoying this lesson too much but I have learned quite a few things about my self and feel like I’ve learned to appreciate the good things in my life more, (family friends and of course this amazing forum) which always helps.

Thank you as always for reading and for all your stories and insights

 

[PERLOU]

@987baz , il se passe vraiment des choses bizarres avec la santé en général, je finis par me demander s'il ne s'agit pas d'attaques...
Heureusement nous avons nos Cristaux, le Forum et nos connections avec l'au-delà et notre Divin Esprit Cosmique, restons unis et confiants, tout ira comme il se doit...

@987baz , it's really weird things happening with health in general, I end up wondering if it's not attacks...
Fortunately we have our Crystals, the Forum and our connections with the beyond and our Divine Cosmic Spirit, let's stay united and confident, everything will go as it should...

 

[987baz]

it's really weird things happening with health in general, I end up wondering if it's not attacks...
Fortunately we have our Crystals, the Forum and our connections with the beyond and our Divine Cosmic Spirit, let's stay united and confident, everything will go as it should...

Yes, as things getting weirder and the PTB get more desperate, I guess these types of things will increase, but it's all lessons after all, we have each other to help keep the madness at bay, we are all right where we need to be

 

[Mrs. Peel]

So, yeah I am feeling tired and a bit like a wuss (as we say here in Aus) but after to talking with a few people about it, feeling less so as it seems to be quite common (the passing out I mean)

I bet it's more the person drawing the blood than you, and having that tourniquet tied tight on your arm. I dread blood tests cause I'm the same way, sometimes they can't get it out of me either. Once at the emergency room in the hospital, they had to send for the "queen of veins" who brought some kind of x-ray machine that finds your veins. Once when I donated blood (I'll never do that again) I got really sick after, threw up, and almost passed out. They told me later my blood pressure went waaaay down.

I had to have bloodwork done yesterday for the stomach thing, and I always make sure to drink lots of water, and I have a little squishy ball I squeeze in my hand before, to try and get my veins pumping. While I'm in the waiting room, I'll do push-ups with the arms of the chair, lifting my body slightly out of the chair, also to try and get the blood flowing. Also, I tell them ahead of time I'm a "problem child" and to use their smallest needle.

 

[A Jay]

So, yeah I am feeling tired and a bit like a wuss (as we say here in Aus) but after to talking with a few people about it, feeling less so as it seems to be quite common (the passing out I mean)

Yep, passing out from a blood draw has happened to me twice. Doesn't mean you're a wuss, though I understand the feeling. For some strange reason it doesn't feel very manly when you pass out for any reason.

Now I just make sure to drink a lot of water beforehand and have something sweet for during or after the process. But it does sound like it was more your inexperienced nurse than you.

Hope the new doc helps to finally get you sorted and feeling like yourself again!

 

[Pluchi]

I went through something similar when I was writing my masters thesis. I had some significant stressors in my surroundings also but the pressure of my thesis really strained me. I did not realise it and then I would spectacularly blow a fuse!
I had to make a firm decision to get on top of these incidents. What helped me was to pay attention to when I started to spool up and take myself outside immediately to breathe and connect my feet to the ground. Just kept breathing until I calmed down. It didn’t take many repetitions of this intervention to feel like I had control again.
I also now know that I must get time alone away from everyone regularly. I feel it when I start getting overwhelmed by having no alone time I am more susceptible to becoming irritated. So I remedy this before it becomes a problem also.
Hope that helps.

Also I have recently started taking phosphytidal serine and omega 3 with dinner. Sleep has always been difficult for me and so far seems to have helped my to de stress so that I can sleep.

Hi, gottathink!
I will definitely follow your advice and get some "me" time. I can easily step outside and ground myself, too, because I have a backyard. I appreciate your advice so very much!