How are you feeling?

Why not just move to Bali? (JK! Lol) A good point about Darwin: easy to get to Bali. It’s funny, everyone is trying to nail these ideas down to the floor when so much is just floating around.

The point I was trying to make was that at some point we need to trust ourselves and our Intuition, and yes, there is always the “danger” of being led astray or misreading the “signs” this is true, but because we don’t know what the purpose of that is, maybe being lead astray is the lesson?
Yes great point
I agree that blind faith is not a good thing, but how do we develop this faith without being blind?
Why is blind faith not a good thing? Doesn’t faith, by definition, necessarily involve some acknowledgment of blindness or not seeing 100%? If we see accurately and objectively, then it’s knowledge, not faith. Doesn’t faith require some trust in the unseen?

The mind tends to want certainty and finality.

“There, I’ve figured it out and I don’t have to think about it anymore now that I have convinced myself that I know and I have the true story.”

We are so driven to put a bullet in the head of uncertainty.
 
Why is blind faith not a good thing? Doesn’t faith, by definition, necessarily involve some acknowledgment of blindness or not seeing 100%? If we see accurately and objectively, then it’s knowledge, not faith. Doesn’t faith require some trust in the unseen?

The mind tends to want certainty and finality.

“There, I’ve figured it out and I don’t have to think about it anymore now that I have convinced myself that I know and I have the true story.”

We are so driven to put a bullet in the head of uncertainty.

Good point!, I think there needs to be balance, we learn from experience after all, there are things we cannot know at this level of reality, we can look at the "evidence" and use our intuition but we can never know for certain, there does need to be faith involved. I guess I was referring to more blind faith/trust in dogma, in a rigid set of rules or cosmology or what ever, we need to leave room for things to change, so in that sense it's not a good thing to say, this is it, the only way, a better way IMO would be I have "faith" in this until it evolves or changes based on observation or new information if that makes sense.
 
I guess the hard part here is knowing when to stick to your guns and when to get out of the way. Maybe this also has something to do with non anticipation and gratitude, no matter the outcome I am grateful for the experience.
Well, I think it's different depending on the person, and the situation. But I do think that life sometimes gives us the feedback that we're being stubborn, that we're operating at odds with the flow of it. It's recognition of some of these subtleties, it's honesty and self-awareness.

I think there's a difference between acting with full faith in the outcome, with determination and digging your heels in against the current of life. I think in one you're overcoming obstacles, in the other you're resisting life.
 
There is definitely something "in the air" atm. I have been feeling a bit all over the place, or maybe discombobulated might be a more articulate term. Interestingly, there seems to be a large amount of people I have spoken to who are experiencing "weird" things, lots of accidents, mostly car crashes, some serious some not so much. I have witnessed one myself while I was just talking to mate about it as we crossed the road to go tot he park for a smoke. and have had at least 2 near misses as cars have pulled out in front of me. (as I was writing this, one of my students walked past my office talking to the her car insurance company on the phone as she just had an accident! what are the odds?)

There also seems to be a lot of people with extra health problems, in either themselves or close friends or family. (I know we can put most of them down to the jab, but not all) It just seems there is "something" going on. It feels to me like a "birthing" of some sort, like there is a big change coming, oddly enough, I feel this is a "good" thing, a cleansing, like a new chapter is about to start and this period is bringing things up to be purged. This is my intuitive feeling FWIW and atm it feels heavy and (to use the current slang of my students) icky. As with most transforming things, it's not fun while you're going through it, and we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what works for us, be compassionate to ourselves and others, and make the best of it until we can move on to the next chapter

The sense of crying and sadness (as mentioned by others) is there, at times, like it needs to be purged, then full-on gratefulness to DCM. It's a rollercoaster for sure. I have been doing a lot of inner work with my councillor and Kinesiologist and have been in a pretty positive place until last weekend. I have been concentrating on feeling grateful for all the amazing things in this life, this forum, my gifts and talents, the chance to be here for this transformation, friends and family, the list goes on. And that does seem to help, as well as helping others, which the C's have mentioned before, and the positive self talk talked about in other threads.

We know we are here for a reason, we have purpose, we have each other, stay strong brothers and sisters we got this! :hug2: :cool2:
I also have been feeling all over the place since January when strong emotional issues happened in my life. Since then, it's a struggle. I seem to move forward and then pedal back and revue my behaviour and every time and see the problem... fear. But I still cannot see the problem before things happen.
I have also experienced weird and scary driving in front of us but nothing health frightening... I have experienced Internet (WhatsApp) especially doing some other weird connections when not asked, like putting me in a conference call of three when I made a personal call to one person and complained about the third one!!! No way!!!
But the hardest has been with family members, the anger directed at me for no good reason left me depleted. My cousin had also the same experience recently and we concluded that is a time when we have to protect ourselves and let some things follow their course but without our participation.
 
I agree that blind faith is not a good thing, but how do we develop this faith without being blind?

Why is blind faith not a good thing? Doesn’t faith, by definition, necessarily involve some acknowledgment of blindness or not seeing 100%? If we see accurately and objectively, then it’s knowledge, not faith. Doesn’t faith require some trust in the unseen?

Good point!, I think there needs to be balance, we learn from experience after all, there are things we cannot know at this level of reality, we can look at the "evidence" and use our intuition but we can never know for certain, there does need to be faith involved. I guess I was referring to more blind faith/trust in dogma, in a rigid set of rules or cosmology or what ever, we need to leave room for things to change, so in that sense it's not a good thing to say, this is it, the only way, a better way IMO would be I have "faith" in this until it evolves or changes based on observation or new information if that makes sense.

I find these questions and line of thought helpful. There is blind faith that is taken advantage of and used to further twisted ideologies and religions. So it does seem there is a need for the gaining of truth and knowledge to arrive at a more useful state of faith. Like Paul says, 'if I have the faith to move mountains, but not love (knowledge) then I am nothing'. This also reminds me of the thread on Intelligent Design where I think the formation of faith can be found in the knowledge-based designs of DNA. Then there is also the idea of doing all we can and leaving the rest to the Universe/ God. This involves trust in something beyond the self, and a major lesson for human beings, particularly in the modern materialist era, I think. For me, this trust involves work in everything from relationships to personal and larger world events, and with the Divine. This is among our simple and karmic understandings, I think.

One of the more powerful ways that I have found to develop this trust and faith is to work for it, and ask the Divine for it. The work aspect is an important element as Laura writes in The Wave about how true asking comes from purposeful and sincere work. And by asking the Divine for it, I do mean straight up asking, as in praying for it. Something like: 'Divine Cosmic Mind, grant me trust and faith in your Creation. Let me know your Love and Knowledge.'

I think as we work on our relationships with others, and particularly in how we can get out of self and be of service to others then this also works on building faith with the Divine. I find this to be an emotional process, maybe more so for some than others. Focusing on the self seems to magnify negative emotions, victimhood, etc. while getting out of self and seeking the truth of things with others allows for many of the unconscious and buried emotions to emerge and be cleansed. I think this is the work of awakening the emotional center. Laura describes this process in Amazing Grace, and if I remember correctly, the C's discussed how her experience was particularly strong, while for others attempting this work, the process will be more gradual. As those buried emotions come out (our 'dragons' as I think the C's have referred to them) then our reading instrument is 'cleared from hidden faults' and we are better able to perceive and accept reality as it is and respond in faith.
 
I think as we work on our relationships with others, and particularly in how we can get out of self and be of service to others then this also works on building faith with the Divine.
I have been thinking about this for a while now, and I may have even posted it elsewhere in the forum. But I have come to notice that the things we learn from the most, the ones that really stick to our souls, are all born out of relationships with other human beings.

From our parents and siblings, coworkers, significant others, even strangers. The things that mark a human being are relationships, the nature of that relationship, the form it takes, and the interpretation of the two by the individual. Trauma, Therapy, love, conception, abandonment, networking, hatred, even indifference, I do have a feeling that a lot of these simple karmic lessons, if not all, are tied to a relationship with other forms of life, mostly human beings, but with life in general, the living life in the other.

And in that sense, what the C's said about life being religion takes on a whole different dimension, it stops being an abstract concept, and it becomes a real and practical choice, that relationship with the universe is a constant feedback of learning and teaching, or displaying that knowledge. And it is all relationships, and they did say not too long ago that relationships are far more crucial in 4D than in 3D, but they're already super crucial down here, I can't even begin to imagine what they must be like up there.

Though, I can speculate from seeing how relationships work for us down here, perhaps it is through our connection with other consciousness units that we remain anchored in reality, and we're able to navigate it successfully, or we depart it altogether. So, the relationship is crucial, the nature of that relationship is a determining factor in our experiences, it really is what determines STO or STS, is what determines what happens with the knowledge you do acquire, does it flow outwards? or does it become a tool for exploitation and self aggrandizement?

I came to think of it because, every painful memory, as well as every joyful one, has another human being at the other end. And then, I thought about Homer, and what the C's had said about being a good host, and how the idea that, every stranger that comes into your life could be a god, and then I found myself one night, alone with my dog, and I thought... "well, you're my tiny chunk of god/universe, the way I treat you says more about me than I realize, to the entire universe" and it is a simple relationship, but the same principle applies to every other one.

Just a few musings.
 
There is definitely something "in the air" atm. I have been feeling a bit all over the place, or maybe discombobulated might be a more articulate term. Interestingly, there seems to be a large amount of people I have spoken to who are experiencing "weird" things, lots of accidents, mostly car crashes, some serious some not so much.
I'm part of this large amount of people...
This past Sunday, I started cooking pasta for lunch, then looked at the time and found out we were getting late for my daughter's circus class (this Sunday was the day we moved time 1h forward, so my stove clock was not accurate). I had also put something to warm up in the stove at 250F. I told myself I would turn off the stove (pasta on stove top and pastry warming up inside) and finish when we were back... I rushed, got distracted, and forgot to turn off the stove...
I remained oblivious to what had just happened and I remembered it only when I was driving back home. I was sure I would come back to a firetruck in front of the building because 1h30 had passed since we had left.

Lucky me, there was no firman, my door was still locked, and the fire alarm was not screaming, BUT the place was totally smoked up and stank. My spag was half burnt but still a little wet, thanks to me cooking it at the lowest setting on a ceramic stove which turns off by itself when it reaches a certain temperature, and I was able to recover my pot.
I never did that in 40 years... 😵‍💫


I wonder if it works the same way for pets too, and that often, if the right pet just happens to come along for you at the right time, it’s because it’s a 2D soul getting ready to graduate to 3D.
A long time ago, I had a ferret and I lost it because of an unfortunate incident. I was very sad and wrote an ad on some local market platform saying I could rescue a ferret if a person wanted to get rid of theirs while explaining a little bit what had happened to me.

Someone wrote me saying they met a Mexican at the park who was leaving the country and was giving away his ferret and cage. They kept the cage for their rat and gave me the ferret because they felt I was the right person for it they told me. The interesting part was: the ferret's name was Raymunda, which is Spanish for Raymonde in French, which was the name of my grandmother who had passed away just 1 year before that incident.
I am convinced it was her who sent it to me... And it has been one of the nicest ferrets I've ever had.
 
there is also the idea of doing all we can and leaving the rest to the Universe/ God. This involves trust in something beyond the self, and a major lesson for human beings, particularly in the modern materialist era, I think. For me, this trust involves work in everything from relationships to personal and larger world events, and with the Divine. This is among our simple and karmic understandings, I think.

This is a great way of understanding it, there is "doing" and discernment and understanding, and also a letting go and having faith. As with everything it seems, it's all about balance, about doing the best we can and by doing that and learning more, our capacity for knowledge/faith/love increases, leading to more insights and greater faith, and the positive cycle continues!

One of the more powerful ways that I have found to develop this trust and faith is to work for it, and ask the Divine for it. The work aspect is an important element as Laura writes in The Wave about how true asking comes from purposeful and sincere work. And by asking the Divine for it, I do mean straight up asking, as in praying for it. Something like: 'Divine Cosmic Mind, grant me trust and faith in your Creation. Let me know your Love and Knowledge.'

I think I will as this to my daily prayers/positive self talk morning regime.


I think as we work on our relationships with others, and particularly in how we can get out of self and be of service to others then this also works on building faith with the Divine. I find this to be an emotional process, maybe more so for some than others. Focusing on the self seems to magnify negative emotions, victimhood, etc. while getting out of self and seeking the truth of things with others allows for many of the unconscious and buried emotions to emerge and be cleansed. I think this is the work of awakening the emotional center. Laura describes this process in Amazing Grace, and if I remember correctly, the C's discussed how her experience was particularly strong, while for others attempting this work, the process will be more gradual. As those buried emotions come out (our 'dragons' as I think the C's have referred to them) then our reading instrument is 'cleared from hidden faults' and we are better able to perceive and accept reality as it is and respond in faith.
Maybe as the energy from the wave increases and the world gets crazier, this process is speeding up leading many here to feel this more deeply as it is proceeding with great pace and strength?

I have been thinking about this for a while now, and I may have even posted it elsewhere in the forum. But I have come to notice that the things we learn from the most, the ones that really stick to our souls, are all born out of relationships with other human beings.

From our parents and siblings, coworkers, significant others, even strangers. The things that mark a human being are relationships, the nature of that relationship, the form it takes, and the interpretation of the two by the individual. Trauma, Therapy, love, conception, abandonment, networking, hatred, even indifference, I do have a feeling that a lot of these simple karmic lessons, if not all, are tied to a relationship with other forms of life, mostly human beings, but with life in general, the living life in the other.

And in that sense, what the C's said about life being religion takes on a whole different dimension, it stops being an abstract concept, and it becomes a real and practical choice, that relationship with the universe is a constant feedback of learning and teaching, or displaying that knowledge. And it is all relationships, and they did say not too long ago that relationships are far more crucial in 4D than in 3D, but they're already super crucial down here, I can't even begin to imagine what they must be like up there.

Though, I can speculate from seeing how relationships work for us down here, perhaps it is through our connection with other consciousness units that we remain anchored in reality, and we're able to navigate it successfully, or we depart it altogether. So, the relationship is crucial, the nature of that relationship is a determining factor in our experiences, it really is what determines STO or STS, is what determines what happens with the knowledge you do acquire, does it flow outwards? or does it become a tool for exploitation and self aggrandizement?

I came to think of it because, every painful memory, as well as every joyful one, has another human being at the other end. And then, I thought about Homer, and what the C's had said about being a good host, and how the idea that, every stranger that comes into your life could be a god, and then I found myself one night, alone with my dog, and I thought... "well, you're my tiny chunk of god/universe, the way I treat you says more about me than I realize, to the entire universe" and it is a simple relationship, but the same principle applies to every other one.

I agree, relationships imo seem to be of great importance and can “fast track” lessons, being in someone’s space it’s easier for the to see your faults and things tend to get magnified a quicker rate. I have definitely learned some valuable and painful lessons in my past relationships, and these things could not have been learned any other way “ you can only to learn to ride a bike by riding the bike”
I'm part of this large amount of people...
This past Sunday, I started cooking pasta for lunch, then looked at the time and found out we were getting late for my daughter's circus class (this Sunday was the day we moved time 1h forward, so my stove clock was not accurate). I had also put something to warm up in the stove at 250F. I told myself I would turn off the stove (pasta on stove top and pastry warming up inside) and finish when we were back... I rushed, got distracted, and forgot to turn off the stove...
I remained oblivious to what had just happened and I remembered it only when I was driving back home. I was sure I would come back to a firetruck in front of the building because 1h30 had passed since we had left.

Lucky me, there was no firman, my door was still locked, and the fire alarm was not screaming, BUT the place was totally smoked up and stank. My spag was half burnt but still a little wet, thanks to me cooking it at the lowest setting on a ceramic stove which turns off by itself when it reaches a certain temperature, and I was able to recover my pot.
I never did that in 40 years... 😵‍💫
wow certainly some weird goings on there .. glad to hear your house wasn’t in flames upon your return! Maybe another reminder, as the world gets crazier to be more vigilant in all areas of of our lives
 
I agree, relationships imo seem to be of great importance and can “fast track” lessons, being in someone’s space it’s easier for the to see your faults and things tend to get magnified a quicker rate. I have definitely learned some valuable and painful lessons in my past relationships, and these things could not have been learned any other way “ you can only to learn to ride a bike by riding the bike”
And being in someone else's presence is also a great way to get out of your own head, and focus on someone else for a change.
 
It feels like energies have shifted and extremely challenging influences have loosened. Since yesterday it feels like lots of goodness is flowing in from above.
Funnily enough i am sitting on my terrace whilst writing this and beautiful big butterfly just fluttered in and landed on my coffee cup🤩. Gotta a be good sign,
 
I'm reading the Solari Report 2nd Quarter wrap up of 2023 on the Dutch Farmers and Fisherman. I still haven't finished it I've only been able to read chunks at a time as I get frustrated seeing what's happening to them and how it connects to the overall globalist take over, and more frustrated on how little action I can actually do at this time. During my EE round on Thursday, I broke into tears after 3 stage breathing, caught in a bit of a negative feedback loop.

I dont even remember what the specific negative thoughts were because the time I got to the actual mediation portion I started angry crying, reasserting that I'm worth this struggle. Sometimes I dont know what I'm doing and when I do, sometimes I dont do it well; perfectionism is a program that plays out often. But, the effort, the struggle, is worth it. I'm worth it, you all here are worth it. Humanity as a whole is worth it. Even the organic portals, our 2D friends enter 3D through them. Ok, Some of them aren't functioning properly and causing us a lot of grief, but the amount of self sabotage to ourselves(through our own wishful thinking) I think is partly a reflection on our own self worth, how much we truly value ourselves (at least for me anyway).

So its frustrating for me to see all that's going on in the world, and I'm sure for you all too, it's like we're shooting ourselves in the foot (humanity as a whole). But, I also see that people are also not wanting hurt their foot anymore, definitely more now than I did before.

So if you're like me, physically network-less, you are worth this struggle. Keep going! Beak view on humanity? Set it aside for the time being and work on yourself, even if its something as simple as taking time to breath, because YOU are worth it. Even if it doesn't feel like it. TPTB, They know it and they'll tell whatever white lies or misdirect so that you don't know it, because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Thank you everyone, truly! Let's ride this wave together and throw out life rafts to those within reach!
 
Today is not one of my best days. Yesterday I was talking to my brother trying to make a good relationship. It was a good and hopefull meeting and we certainly are on our way to get closer together. But he told me something that he experienced when he was in the kindergarten. He seemed to have been nearly sexually abused by one of the nuns - it was a catholic kindergarten and he was punished for saying or doing something in a cruelsome way. For my brother this was an enormous shock. He never told anyone and even buried it deep down in himself so that he could not remember. It is good that this turned up because now it can be healed. And I begin to understand a little of his behavior. He said that he decided from that moment on not to talk about his feelings or whatever. Which is something that made our relationship difficult. I am glad that he is now opening - but: Being confronted with this nasty things does not make one happy . . . But: Tomorrow will be another day! Let's see what it has in it!
 
Thanks for those words of encouragement. Can you expound upon what you wrote above? I don't quite understand what you mean.
Yea, definitely! This was the conclusion that I reached after weeks and weeks of trying to figure out why I kept hitting these mental "road blocks".

From what I understand, dysfunctional OP turn into psychopaths. Psychopaths become a inter-species predator to make a "social" space more comfortable for them, at the extreme detriment to everyone around them. Long term exposure can turn otherwise normal people into characteropathic individuals. These individuals then share their trauma to their kids and the people around them and so forth and so on. So in a sense, they're a source of a lot of our troubles, but at the same time, it takes two to tango.

Psychopaths can't be anything other than psychopaths, so if change is needed, the people they are engaging with is where the change needs to occur. Obviously not everyone is going to run into a psychopath, I certainly havent, at least I dont think I have, so if we pull them out of the picture, what are we left with? Traumatized people! :lol: (bad joke! esp in the current state of affairs)

In a very rough manner, we have traumatized people with varying degrees of trauma, trying to process it in different ways. They become self sabotaging, whether its victimhood mentality, eating disorders, procrastination (me), etc while some are more external "sabotaging", like narcissism (manipulation of others) or homicidal tendencies (global genocide anyone?). But even these external "sabotages" are self sabotages, desensitizing ones self on what can and should be done to someone that "looks" just like them.

My question boils down to why do/did we engage in traumatic behaviors? Why are we so enamored with psychopaths even when they put us in a terrible spot? Why do some people stay in these kinds of bad relationships longer than others? Why do some never leave? Why do some people suffer atrocities yet still be able to come out stronger on the other side?

My conclusion, it comes down to how much we value ourselves and others, our "worth". If we dont value ourselves all that much, why workout? why get healthy? Why do The Work? Why do the dishes, now, when you can put it off because you don't value future you's time. If you don't know your own value, how are you going to know how to value others? You'd be able to justify staying in that bad relationship regardless of all the red flags. A lie or deception that brought brief emotional comfort was worth more than the physical and/or emotional suffering that will then result from it. One could even justify mass genocide and destruction of land, even through the food eaten is made by the people that geocoded on the lands that were destroyed.

A bit long winded, but I hope this helped.

C's said Love is Light is Knowledge. I can wrap my brain around Knowledge. I know some form of light comes through my eyes. Love? How can I love something if I don't even love myself. And this lack of self love was a result of an inner conflict I had on my own self worth. If I'm not seeing any results from all the hard work I'm doing, or I'm having way too many setbacks, then why am I even doing it? Because I'm worth it. One day when I figure out all the mistakes I'm making, I'll be in a good enough spot to help someone else, because they are also worth it.

I'm not saying I figured it all out, I'm far from it. But its a good baby step forward.
 
Like I'm in a rush to shed my suffering, shame and false self but it's really difficult. I wonder where our "little brother" brown dwarf star is at?
December 12 2010
Q: (L) Well, I wanted to ask some questions about Earth Changes. I’ve got this book here “Planet X, Comets and Earth Changes by James McCanney. He’s on about what he calls the “Plasma Discharge Comet Theory” which is that comets are basically asteroid type bodies that enter the Solar system, the Solar System being a capacitor, and when they enter the solar system, they discharge the capacitor and that’s what causes the comet effects: the glow, the illumination, the tail and so on. He says that basically comets are just planets in formation, that there are really big ones that have accumulated a lot of mass or have a lot of mass. You know, they go through the Solar System and keep attracting more and more stuff, and more and more stuff and eventually precipitate into orbit and become planets. He basically said that that’s how the planets of the Solar System got here with the exception of Jupiter and Saturn. They kind of formed at the same time as the sun. All the other planets were acquired. Is he on to something with this? Is this anywhere near accurate?

A: He is on the right the track; but there are other phenomena that are not explained in his model.

Q: And what other phenomena might that be?

A: Clube is correct to some extent about the breakup of a giant comet. One theory does not exclude the other.

Q: (L) Ok, now I’ve got this other book here “Lost Star of Myth and Time” – and his theory is about a companion star and the fact that the earth or the solar system is rotating around a common center of gravity, in tandem with this companion star. It is said that it is this orbit that creates the precession of the zodiac. He says that the precession is not a big wobble that the earth goes through, as it proceeds in a fairly direct course through the galaxy, but rather that it is this rotation around this common center of gravity with the companion star that produces the effect of precession. Now, is he on to something with his theory also about the precession of the zodiac?

A: Absolutely!

Q: (L) OK, He points out some interesting effects in here. First of all, he mentioned recording the speed of the Earth’s rotation. They had a fixed telescope with crosshairs and they had a clock that was connected to some kind of super time clock that was extreme accurate, and they were recording exactly how long it took the Earth to rotate in respect of Sirius, Sirius being a fixed point. These researchers discovered that during the period of time, when Sirius B (Sirius’s companion, which is a dwarf), eclipsed Sirius A; it actually slowed the rotation of the Earth. Now, this is what their measurements showed. Something like 50 arc seconds. The slowing began a week before the eclipse, then after the eclipse the Earth actually sped up. By 50 arc seconds. So, there are two weeks of effects on the rotation of the Earth, caused by the eclipsing of Sirius A caused by its companion Sirius B as I remember, though I may have missed the exact time period. Now, the conclusion that he drew from this is that we are affected by being gravitationally connected to Sirius somehow. Anyhow, the conclusion that he draws is…- and he also points out that it seems that Sirius is heading in our direction; we are getting closer to Sirius - so, he theorizes that Sirius is our companion star. Is he correct about that?


A: Not Sol’s companion; but look in that direction for clues to your own little brother.

Q: (L) Is it true as he speculates that when the Solar System approaches this companion of ours, that it will have a psychic effect?

A: Yes. You are already feeling its approach.

I found this very interesting man named Philippe Roels who had a NDE and then a kundalini awakening many years later. Basically, he states that 2024 will be a year of great emotional intensity encouraging us to shed emotional toxicity. What I found fascinating is that one day after the intensity of kundalini he woke up and depression and anxiety just were not there anymore for him when before they were constants in his life (I can relate). He got to the point where he could choose emotions.

 
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