How are you feeling?

[Ryan]

All this has just come up in the last 3 weeks.

And all this came up out of the blue.

These kinds of moods can seem to 'come out of the blue', but often they are the results of incremental choices that have been moving us in a particular direction, the challenges of which we initially have only the vaguest notions of. As realisation begins to shift from the theoretical to the real, the new awareness can be accompanied by a tendency to deeply oppose accepting the implications:

Q: (L) I tried to share this perception with other people, and almost without exception, when I said to people that I was finally seeing things in their true state and it was NOT a pretty picture, they all said "well, you are obviously seeing this through the eyes of some major spirit possession!" Why would they say this?
A: First of all, it is not correct to perceive "everything in such darkness and gloom, etc." That is merely the result of a cocoon of falsehood being removed. Celebrate the balance. Don't mourn the death of an illusion of an imbalance.

"So that we can imagine the whole of humanity, known as well as unknown to us, as consisting so to speak of several concentric circles.

"The inner circle is called the 'esoteric'; this circle consists of people who have attained the highest development possible for man, each one of whom possesses individuality in the fullest degree, that is to say, an indivisible 'I,' all forms of consciousness possible for man, full control over these states of consciousness, the whole of knowledge possible for man, and a free and independent will. They cannot perform actions opposed to their understanding or have an understanding which is not expressed by actions. At the same time there can be no discords among them, no differences of understanding. Therefore their activity is entirely co-ordinated and leads to one common aim without any kind of compulsion because it is based upon a common and identical understanding.

"The next circle is called the 'mesoteric,' that is to say, the middle. People who belong to this circle possess all the qualities possessed by the members of the esoteric circle with the sole difference that their knowledge is of a more theoretical character.' This refers, of course, to knowledge of a cosmic character. They know and understand many things which have not yet found expression in their actions. They know more than they do. But their understanding is precisely as exact as, and therefore precisely identical with, the understanding of the people of the esoteric circle. Between them there can be, no discord, there can be no misunderstanding. One understands in the way they all understand, and all understand in the way one understands. But as was said before, this understanding compared with the understanding of the esoteric circle is somewhat more theoretical.

"The third circle is called the 'exoteric,' that is, the outer, because it is the outer circle of the inner part of humanity. The people who belong to this circle possess much of that which belongs to people of the esoteric and mesoteric circles but their cosmic knowledge is of a more philosophical character, that is to say, it is more abstract than the knowledge of the mesoteric circle. A member of the mesoteric circle calculates, a member of the exoteric circle contemplates. Their understanding may not be expressed in actions. But there cannot be differences in understanding between them. What one understands all the others understand.

"In literature which acknowledges the existence of esotericism humanity is usually divided into two circles only and the 'exoteric circle' as opposed to the 'esoteric,' is called ordinary life. In reality, as we see, the 'exoteric circle' is something very far from us and very high. For ordinary man this is already 'esotericism.'

" 'The outer circle' is the circle of mechanical humanity to which we belong and which alone we know. The first sign of this circle is that among people who belong to it there is not and there cannot be a common understanding. Everybody understands in his own way and all differently. This circle is sometimes called the circle of the 'confusion of tongues,' that is, the circle in which each one speaks in his own particular language, where no one understands another and takes no trouble to be understood. In this circle mutual understanding between people is impossible excepting in rare exceptional moments or in matters having no great significance, and which are confined to the limits of the given being.

If people belonging to this circle become conscious of this general lack of understanding and acquire a desire to understand and to be understood, then it means they have an unconscious tendency towards the inner circle because mutual understanding begins only in the exoteric circle and is possible only there. But the consciousness of the lack of understanding usually comes to people in an altogether different form.

"So that the possibility for people to understand depends on the possibility of penetrating into the exoteric circle where understanding begins.

Luc elaborates on this "beginning of understanding" most excellently in his article about Paul's Journey Towards Communion with God:

Once you have “received the law,” a few interesting things happen:

First, by trying to follow it, you realize how utterly incapable you are of pulling it off. Yes, depending on your character, you might have an easy time with some of the rules. But to follow others seems almost impossible. Think of cleaning your room and making your bed every day, giving up your addictions (whether they be food, Netflix, sex, material pursuits, gaming, internet surfing, and so on), or your standard coping mechanisms with conflict (too agreeable, too disagreeable, too avoidant, too angry…)

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Romans 7)

Second, you begin to realize how sinful your existence has been in the past, and how sinful your conduct is even now, given that you are so incapable of following even the most basic moral rules.

This is quite the shock and leads to suffering and spiritual agony.

It was sin that was working death in me through what is good, in order that it might be shown to be sin, so that through the commandment sin might become sinful beyond measure. (Romans 7)

But this realization about your “sinfulness beyond measure” is a good thing, because this fire of self-judgment, when tolerated and gone through forthrightly, can burn away those buffers of yours that had always quenched this subtle inner voice which is your connection to the divine, to the world of spirit.

But if we judged ourselves, we would not be judged. (1 Corinthians 11)

That stage represents first contact with Christ. You cannot escape those realizations because Christ has shown, by example, that it is possible to live a fully spiritual life, to live almost entirely in the world of spirit while still on earth, even against all the obstacles put in your way by the flesh, the inertia, the sluggishness of your bodily existence.

Christ came, and so you don’t have any excuses anymore. At least those of us who have an inkling that there is more, who walk according to the Spirit, even though we are still stumbling.

…by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and to deal with sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8)

Third, you begin to realize that moral rules are not the whole story; they are merely imposed from without to keep us from going overboard. As Timothy Ashworth put it, they are a “childminder.”3

Now before faith came, we were imprisoned and guarded under the law until faith would be revealed. Therefore the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be reckoned as righteous by faith. (Galatians 3)

Yes, it is true, in our own age of utter nihilism and madness, we have lost even the little we had; we have lost the law, the moral code. But this code can never be more than a crutch, and the suffering that follows the adoption of a moral code, in combination with gaining a first inkling of Christ, for a person who in theory has “eyes to see and ears to hear”—who walks according to the Spirit—brings home that point with great force.

You realize that a moral code can never tell you how to act in each individual situation. That every rule can be easily used to justify evil, even without contradiction. That you need to go beyond mere rules and develop a deep, loving, truthful inner moral compass.

For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. (Gal. 2)

At this stage, you are an “infant in Christ.” Remember that everything Paul says must be seen from the perspective of the spiritual world, not the earthly one. Being in Christ, even at the early stages, therefore, has nothing to do with “accepting the gospel story as literal truth” or anything like that, but with forming a personal connection to the Christ spirit, and hence to the Divine.

Once the Christ spirit “burst through” for the first time during the period of spiritual suffering (because of your realizations about yourself as a consequence of adopting the law), you can begin the journey towards ever-greater realization and communion with the Christ spirit. This in turn will open your heart and eyes more and more, and you will gradually live more in the world of spirit, and see the world according to the principles of the spiritual world, as opposed to those of the world of flesh. It is a journey of struggle, of overcoming yourself, of realizations, of listening to those wiser than you, and most importantly of achieving ever-greater clarity in your communion with the higher: you keep getting better at listening to this subtle inner voice, at stopping to drown it in fear, reluctance, and comfort.

But it is God who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us, who has put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a first installment. (2 Corinthians 1)

These deep realizations, this beginning of the divine connection, are a free gift from God, in the sense that it wouldn’t be possible without the help of Spirit. Your own contribution is simply to stop standing in the way with all your fleshly nonsense. Which is a tall order indeed, especially in this day and age where we are so incredibly conditioned to think exclusively in materialist terms, where most of us are traumatized in one way or another, where our very language has almost become inadequate to deal with the spiritual realms, where we are bombarded daily with craziness and ignorance and evilness.

Hence faith is the key. It connects us with the “first installment” that we have received if we are people who walk according to the spirit, at least in potential.

This path is so difficult that you must be deeply convinced of the “good news,” that is, of the possibility that a life lived fully “in Christ” is possible and ultimately the only goal worth pursuing. You must connect to the “first installment” in your heart, for it will tell you the truth of the matter. Most likely you will also have to come across something that finally breaks down all those elaborate buffers and theories you have built around yourself—something that convinces you of the reality of Christ/Spirit, and the possibility of a personal connection, of growth towards a life of “seeing the unseen,” of fully walking according to the Spirit.

But how are they to call on one in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in one of whom they have never heard? (Romans 10)

Deeper and more detailed confirmation comes along the way; but what gets you started and what sustains you throughout the journey is an awakened faith.

Q: (L) Where do I go from here? Where do we all go?
A: Everywhere.