How are you feeling?

I've had a over a week of feeling ill. It started a week last Friday. Headache, cold etc. had some intense dreams, waking up 3-4 in the morning which can leave me feeling tired, I'm up at 5:40 am for work on my early shift.
Its been a struggle, culminating today in something that happened at work.
I was out first thing and had returned to the office.Tuesday is vehicle check day. I normally leave the checks untill the end of the day but I filled the form in before going back out on a visit.
As was finishing the form I had a clear thought come through. " You shouldn't do this now in case you have an accident" I wondered where that thought popped up from at the time. It certainly got my attention. I went back out and was parked on a busy roundabout in the city at traffic lights. I was accompanied by a colleague and we were parked next to a large artic lorry. There were 4 lanes and the lorry was on my outside. The lights turned green and we set off.The lorry cut across my lane and my colleague shouted a warning. I managed to swerve but the lorry scraped into my rear door/drivers side. I don't think he saw me it was a high cab. I was in shock although not hurt and stopped the car. I think the lorry was behind me. It's a busy roundabout and I wanted to get off it immediately. There was a side road after one of the exits that led to a work site. I pulled into that.
The lorry didn't even stop and just drove away, not sure if he even realised he'd hit me.
Close call and it's shaken me up a bit though thankfully no one was hurt.
I noted later that I' was travelling a different route than I would normally go. You can get to the destination either way. The strange thing though I hadn't consciously thought about doing that so in a way I put myself in that position. It felt like a warning though I may be over thinking it.
The illness has hit me quite hard and I'm tired. I think this event may of been a wake up call, my awareness is off at the moment. I felt like the universe had sent me a message today.
I've had vsrious ailments over the last 6 months. Achilles tendonitis, recently got tennis elbow. I've also had a skin condition which effected my eye lids which was strange though seems to be a bit better now.
I do realise where the cold came from as the coleagues who sit either side of me at work. Both had double jabs, COVID and flu so hardly surprising I've picked up the nasty effects of that! All my family have been ill with it. Anyway, thanks listening.
 
Last several nights nightmarish dreams with seemingly unrelated themes to anything that happened during the course of the day or in this lifetime in general. Similar dream elements shared with a friend located cca 10 miles away with whom had no recent contact prior to discussing the dreams: running away or/and escaping from perceived danger, violent killings like stabbing (and in my case also shooting), with uncertain or failing results/effects to break free, psychos like serial killers or zombie like people pursuing.

The gists of my two dreams three and two nights ago: the shooting dream (woke up sometime after 3 AM) was viewed from 1st person perspective, being in a group located in a dark inside trying to ward off people intended to enter the building through windows and locked doors while the guns seemed to malfunction every now and then. In the other (woke up sometime after 6 AM), stabbing one, was a female (alternating 1st and 3rd person viewpoints) escaping something like a hospital full of zombie like people and deranged lunatics that were chopping bodyparts of people in some of the rooms that resembled ORs.
Last night took double dose of melatonin and knocked myself out until the alarm in the morning.

The friend dreamed of doomsday, with several bright large lights in the sky coming down to Earth, two nights ago, and a lot of running and rescuing what could be taken to some kind of safety from a certain death, and failing to reach to or get help from friends (e.g. me). Last night, she dreamed being in a building, given small device to play with which was referred to as a nuke, then chased by a serial killer(s) where she had to stab people to break free only to find another friend of hers in a van being already a captive.

All in all, the common elements and the atmosphere in the dreams, in relation to situation development vis-a-vis Russia-NATO showdown recently, might be suggestive or indicative of possible (HAARP) beaming in the area of Eastern and Central Europe, and maybe even wider on a larger scale.
FWIW.
 
Lately I’m struggling with the feeling of life just completely sucking (more than it used to). It comes and goes but when it comes it’s almost debilitating and it takes a whole lot of self counselling just to pull myself through the emotions, usually help myself a bit by putting on my runners and going for a walk up one of the steep hills around here, or if I can, distracting myself with browsing YouTube and watching either feel good videos of animals being saved or whatever or ones where people lives suck more than I perceive mine to.

I’ve got some factors contributing to the depressive states but I also have enough (just enough) awareness to be able to guide myself through and not burden anyone around me too much with what I’m experiencing because I know that it’s fleeting and within a day or two it will pass, then return in a week for another torment.

A few weeks ago it was so bad that I decided I needed a break from the area and we went for a trip to the coast last weekend. It was so very good to get away, but reality is here where I live and I can’t escape it. I have spent most of my life thinking ‘what’s the point’ and I still haven’t figured it out, but I get an overwhelming sense that by feeling these depressions and futility i am, in a big way, rejecting creation and the universe itself, which causes more depression because that is a direct reflection on me, I am rejecting myself :shock:.
And, my self care is abysmal lately, I just don’t feel like there’s any time for me after I’ve cared for others, I’m usually too exhausted to care. I think the most concerning part is that I don’t really care about myself and can’t muster up the will to do much about it. I’m not even waiting for anything to happen, I’m just existing…. enjoying the show?? No, not really, I used to, but now I just feel ‘meh’ if I’m not feeling depressed and hopeless.

So the biggest driving factor I think is sleep problems. I am getting better sleep now that my 15 month old only wakes twice a night but I think it’s really done some damage. I’m foggy and my memory is terrible, I write things down and set alarms otherwise I’ll just forget as if I never knew it in the first place. There’s a book called Post-Natal Depletion which talks about how it can take some women 10 years to recovery from pregnancy and breast feeding, so I’m trying to be patient with the feelings I have, lots of good food and supplements.

Thanks for giving me the space to gripe. I hope everyone is feeling okay.
 
I'm so sorry, @Fluffy , that you are going through this. What an ordeal. You being able to see what is going on with you, though, is a really big thing. As we all know here on the forum, all there is is lessons and it seems that you have been learning these things and are able to see that so this is good.

Like you said lack of sleep is, most likely, what is making you feel disillusioned and not really caring about much of anything. Lack of sleep is a huge problem. I hope you can work things out so that you can get more sleep, I think it would help quite a bit.

As for not having any time for yourself, is there no way for you to get your husband or children to do some things so that you can relax a little? Or are you able to hire a babysitter for an hour or two every so often? Then, you could go somewhere where you could be alone and just enjoy "being".

Lastly, anytime you want to just "gripe" and get things off your chest, we are here for you. It's good to be able to get things said and out in the open, even if the "open" is here on the forum. It really does help.

I hope that you are able to start caring at least a little bit about yourself, we do care, you know. :hug:
 
Hi All, I saw the update in this thread and thought I'd write something too. I understand you Fluffy, at least I think so :-) Although, for other reasons, I've also been feeling more overwhelmed and more sleep deprived lately. These are really tough times. Uncertainty, rising prices, wars, a general increase in people's dissatisfaction, quarrels. I've noticed that only people who have some wealth built up still manage to somehow stay calm and happy. Not everyone, of course, but when I look around I see a lot more health problems, friends in hospitals, worrying about rising prices and the general situation, which is combined with fewer and fewer jobs (at least in Poland). When it comes to mental toughness I think the reactions are similar however what prevails is having some financial cushion - this reduces stress. It's as if such an energy vacuum cleaner found everyone where they stood and someone has now turned on the suction. If someone has managed to accumulate energy reserves - they have a little better than others. Ah I know that one should live in the here and now, but lately more than usual I am looking forward to the “new world to discover” because this amount of problems and failures for me personally is overwhelming. Everything ends up working out in some way but you have to put an overwhelming amount of energy into it compared to what it used to be. Even things break more often than usual. At least I have that impression. Hopefully better times will come eventually :-)
 
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