I`m debating cause is seems my only choice is to live in a defensive stance where I use my knowledge to see incoming attracts and hope that in the next life ill get to reincarnate in a better world where evil doesn`t reach me. This is passive.
Oh and I`m 34 survived a psychopathic culture a childhood where I was beaten almost daily and cured myself from cfs/me witch is considered an incurable disease.
I have real power and I want to make the world a better place. That is why I`m debating not because I am a kid.
First I want to say that what you are feeling is legit and very valid! I believe many of us have been right where you are and I just wanted to pop in to tell you to keep going...don't stop here, there is more! You have done a ton of work to get where you are, but there is so much more healing available to you, greater understanding, and greater transformation... I encourage you to keep seeking, keep asking questions and chase after healing like the hounds of hell are nipping at your heels.
There is a universal law that I believe is critical to grasp first.
Growth only occurs under pressure/resistance. The actual struggle we experience is the very mechanism that allows us to transform, evolve, grow. (pick whatever word resonates with you). We see this universal law played out in our world over and over again... the only way to reveal muscles is to resistance train with weights - there are literally no shortcuts. A baby chick or duck must struggle against the resistance of the egg shell to be born.. in fact if you interfere and crack the shell for them to "help" them, you are actually cutting their life span insanely short. That struggle to be born is critical to their ability to life a long healthy life.
I don't want to get into a debate of evil vs good as I believe that this is truly a very deep concept that is challenging to grasp due to the amount of programing and misinformation every human experiences in a normal lifespan... so instead I want to challenge you to step out of that concept and instead think of Light vs Darkness.
It is the darkness that reveals the Light. This entire experience can boiled down to one job... transform our souls! Transform OUR darkness into Light. We all carry both darkness and Light. It is easy to look at what we see as "extremes" of darkness and reflect inwardly and believe that we are not like that at all.. but until we can see the darkness in ourselves, we can't hope to transform that. We are not here to transform any other soul, just ourselves. The fact alone that we have reincarnated multiple times should clue us in on the monumental task of transforming our own souls - we literally do not have time to focus on others.
Darkness can not be defeated with darkness. This again is a universal law.
Only Light diminishes the darkness. Think about it... you can be in a huge warehouse that is totally dark... one little candle lit can be seen throughout the warehouse. Sitting in a dark warehouse and continuing to choose more darkness... results in MORE DARKNESS however one tiny candle can be seen in that vast darkness!
Light is more powerful then darkness.
I will tell you that I struggled and railed against this universal law myself... I unknowingly married a pedophile and sociopath. I divorced when my boys were 2 and 3. Prior to that point he had zero interest/involvement in the boys, he completely neglected them. I was given a year long protection order during the divorce but the courts refused to protect the boys. My ex started sexually abusing them as soon as he got visitation with them after the divorce. It took us 7 years to get free from this. I have seen great darkness and I have lived with it. I have battled darkness. I will be honest with you and tell you I spent 3 years of my life with three goals 1. get out of bed, 2. don't commit a felony, and 3. don't end up in a padded room. My world had literally boiled down to these three tasks. I can not express the temptation I had to remove his predator from this planet. The struggle was intense, and I could justify ending his life because think of all the other children I could "save"! Thankfully, the Creator imbedded deep in my soul the understanding of that universal law that darkness begets darkness... Light begets Light... you will never ever conquer darkness with more darkness. It is a universal law. I share this to only say, I have not walked your path, only you have, but I can empathize... and my heart can ache for yours... No one came to save me and my boys. We had to save ourselves. We had to find the way to transform that darkness into Light.
I believe that one of the greatest allures of the darkness is to sell us this story that we can "save" each other. It is one of the greatest lies ever told. No one is able to save you... and you are unable to save anyone else. This is a huge distraction and results in us literally handing our power over to the darkness. Every day, every moment, we are either feeding the darkness or feeding the Light. It is that simple. Now not to get distracted into another debate of STS vs STO... when we transform our darkness into Light, we change our frequency... that frequency is what is what helps empower other humans to transform their own darkness. You want to help others? Transform yourself! That frequency is literally felt throughout the entire world!
It is so tempting to help that struggling chick or duck break that bloody egg... but I don't do it, because I realize in my attempt to "help" I am actually causing great harm to that chick/duck. Have you every met a duck or chick that is angry about the struggle to be born? Have you met a bodybuilder that is angry about the struggle with resisting weights? NO! You see animals empowered in overcoming their struggles, you see bodybuilders that are proud of what they have overcame... because it has made them into who they are today! My boys and I will tell you we would walk through all of that darkness again without complaints, to be where we are today.. that pain we experienced in those moments is nothing compared to the true joy of connecting to our souls and power we have revealed in transforming darkness into Light ... Seeing humanity struggle against the darkness is painful ... but I can't imagine ever stepping in and preventing them from experiencing transformation. The "pain" we experience in this realm is fleeting! We decide how long we want to suffer no one else has the power to keep us in suffering.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be... the question now is... are you going to keep going??? Sending you Light and Love.