Very interesting thread to reflect on.
As a child I didn't understand that you can't turn personal suffering and pain into love and empathy by lecturing or removing the perpetrators or perpetrators. There is only black or white due to lack of experience. During my childhood, I took refuge in a bubble of wishful thinking, created my beautiful reality and waited for fulfillment. The real world caused permanent sadness, anger and helplessness. Battles raged within me that led to a war against myself. I didn't get to know basic human needs such as security and attachment. Today I am aware that there were seeds of strong virtues and dispositions in my core or soul that could have enabled me to grow. Courage, resilience, ambition. Like many here, I experienced my childhood in a state of mortal danger, my father was unpredictable. As a child, I had a simple solution - if he had disappeared from the scene, I would no longer be afraid - but he stayed and I was forced to find a solution. Today I know that I needed him so that I could develop. I sharpened my senses and became an Indian, a scout. I trained my eyes so that I could see the danger in his facial expressions. I trained my ears so that I could recognize voice pitch, volume, pauses in speech, words, steps..... The first carnival costume I wished for was an Indian costume. Today I know the deep meaning of this costume.
Honesty was met with blows from him, so I had to lie. Here, too, a battle raged inside me - why was I being forced to lie when I saw no reason to? The lie protected my life, but it didn't feel right. Then I realized that lying also has the unhealthy benefit of gaining empathy and compassion, which I was denied in my family. Now the victim game began - I bandaged my hands and arms, deliberately hurting myself so that my basic need for compassion was met. There were only brief moments of satisfaction, then I was struck down by my guilty conscience because I had told the untruth. At some point, I was careless and my lie was exposed to my friends. My shame was boundless and I swore I would never tell the untruth again - no matter what happened to me. That was part of my transformation. Without my father, who represented absolute evil to me as a child, I would not have recognized myself. Without the person who exposed my lie, I might not have learned about my conscience and the importance of truth for me.
We need the other side so that we can recognize ourselves. There are certain virtues that need to be strengthened in order to advance our own development. Simply removing what disturbs our well-being will keep us stuck in the bubble of illusion.