Karmic and Simple Understandings.

[Maya]

Tomorrow I'm starting a new job (third one in 2 years) in a metal industry company where I work - it is an attempt to keep a job by fast adapting to where it's needed and quick leraning of new skills. I'm afraid again, but hopefull.
Few years ago I could not imagine doing such a thing - to fight for and take care of myself.
Since forever I used to depend on someone else and wait for their approval. Hiding from life. No more.
Now I accept whatever comes to me and try to make best of it. I do not give up. I'm still anxious but taking that step ahead anyway.
I learned its enough to realize on deeper level why people did something to forgive them - it is not neccesery for me to see it that way.
We are not the same, we learn our lessons different. We all hurt, we all lie to ourselfs - but not to same extent.
I try not to have expectations anymore- we give love, attention and effort by our capabilities.
Not everyone is ready to sacrifice their ego for growing. And that's ok.
I would be very much happy to have a colinear partner but problems and differences taught me to rely on myself.
To give some time and love for myself.
I learned to say I'm sorry ( aloud ) and be kind. We all need that so much.
I'm happy and deeply grateful I realized important lessons in time because of my doughter.
Because she sees me and I know she will never be like me. Righ now at age of 13 she is so much better.
From the time she was a baby I relived all through her - in every situation I fought my negative inner parent cause I knew
I could do better.
And comforting my inner child in the same time, 'correcting all injustices' - so the two of us bassically grew up together.
And I 'm ok now. It was my biggest responsibility and the greatest karmic lesson and understanding that I can think of.

 

[Il Matto]

Now I accept whatever comes to me and try to make best of it. I do not give up. I'm still anxious but taking that step ahead anyway.

Well done for adopting this new attitude Savitri CRO. It's helpful, I think, to keep in mind exactly what it is you can control, and what you can't (and try not to fret about the latter!). It's understandable that you'd still feel anxious; facing the unknown in a new job will do that to you - but you're hopeful and seem ready to face it, so well done!

I learned its enough to realize on deeper level why people did something to forgive them - it is not neccesery for me to see it that way.

I'm not completely sure what you meant here, but it made me think about the importance of trying to see the unseen reality behind our interactions with others, considering why they have the impact on us that they do, and discerning the right response whilst considering free will.
That may be way off though!
Thank you for sharing.

 

[Maya]

Well done for adopting this new attitude Savitri CRO. It's helpful, I think, to keep in mind exactly what it is you can control, and what you can't (and try not to fret about the latter!). It's understandable that you'd still feel anxious; facing the unknown in a new job will do that to you - but you're hopeful and seem ready to face it, so well done!


I'm not completely sure what you meant here, but it made me think about the importance of trying to see the unseen reality behind our interactions with others, considering why they have the impact on us that they do, and discerning the right response whilst considering free will.
That may be way off though!
Thank you for sharing.

Thank you Il Mattto, yes - you said and understood well.

 

[SlipNet]

I've been spending time doing worthy things of late, but not been posting much. I needed time away from the work and reading for two months, where I kicked back, listened to my fave tunes, and watched classic movies from my dvd collection. It was a merciful break from the grind of work, both inner and worldly, and it provided me with a great recharging of the soul; if done correctly, it's a real boon to the system. Now I've returned this week to following the news and greater developments on here.

The last C's session was a tremendous read for me, and it has led me to pull a few internal threads in my understandings over these last 2 months. Every now and then, I don't mind a little positive internal considering. I use it to check in with my inner child if nothing else, just to see how I'm feeling about things, and what do I understand. Used sporadically, it can be a beneficial personal task, and can be of real quality in terms of my growth. I've noticed that there are two beings who have a life if friction within me. Me and my inner child. We're not completely separate entities, but there is often divisions in knowledge and being.

This has brought me to my most important concept of late, I've really been grinding my gears over it, the issue almost drove me into a depression over my repeated failure to make any substantive progress. In truth, I was over intellectualising and not feeling enough on a basic level. I had become uptight as a person. To my inner child, I was uncool. I lost my sense of swing, and my sense of humour. I remedied this swiftly once I realised this point, and watched a few of George Carlin's standup concerts. Man, he was one of the true greats, intelligent and really funny! I loosened up pretty quickly, and I felt a little more inner cohesion going on from then.

Funnily enough I had an old memory resurface, a line from an INXS song called "Questions"; it was a simple question, sung plaintively:

"How does a child become a man without a child?"

I had a glass of wine (I know, should be avoided....) and thought about that for about three hours, reflecting on my inner tensions. I realised that inner solidity required inner solidarity, and the cohesion between the inner child and the overmind, along with the unregenerate basic self, find the inner mosaic and begin to blend one into each other. It sounds weird, but I think as a visual exercis e had mind and body benefits for me. I feel like I grew a bit, and in that aslso grew up a bit. I'm 46 now, and my hair and beard are going grey. Age wise, I'm in late summer, before autumn seeps through like new white whiskers. I am a child of the sensitive world, and I've always been very inquisitive. I am also a child of early life programming, both culturally and educationally. At University, I was a rebel, I was lucky that due to an inhertance, I could live how I like for 4 years and never have to get a job. Between 1994 and 1998 were hands down a very fertile time in my knowledge and being, and also the well spring of my nascent intellect.

I was basically going through a knowledge explosion, through literature, music and movies, I was living a very well informed life, the basis of which led me here in 2003 to Sott and "The Wave". I wasn't easily satisfied, and very driven, but also I was never bored. In my life ealry programming from 1974-83, and independent living from 1994-98, were the most karmic and simple periods in my life, kind of like epochs. I've learned to accept that on a most basic and immovable level, I am essentially a "Bon Viveur". The importance of being idle sometimes, interspersed with bursts of work, can be a very fruitful dynamic.

Now comes the process of blending the inner child with the inner adult. I'm late to this process, but here goes, I'll probably go into it in a Jazz method, open, warm, but largely improvised. I realise that this happens because of early infant programming, as I revolted against perceived family dynamics. The inner kid is a natural rebel and doesn't trust easily. He also is yet to be fully convinced of my intellectual qualities. We argu, we laugh, we recognise. It's just a work in progress, and long may it continue.....

Thank you for reading about my slightly strange life. I hope it was of value.

 

[Il Matto]

Thank you SlipNet, I very much enjoyed your update. It sounds as though you've been going through a very important process.

Every now and then, I don't mind a little positive internal considering. I use it to check in with my inner child if nothing else, just to see how I'm feeling about things, and what do I understand

I connected this in my mind to something I seem to remember you mentioning in a previous post, about how understanding something means that you should be able to explain it to a child (if I've mis-remembered that I apologise). At the time I thought that was an interesting point, and so gave it some thought. I came to the idea that the 'child' most in need of this explanation is what you call the 'inner child', or, that part of me that almost actively resists growing in Being; that part that is reactive and self-important.
Hard as it is to admit, it's in those moments when the reactive self-important child is at the helm that my real level of understanding is on display.

I realised that inner solidity required inner solidarity, and the cohesion between the inner child and the overmind, along with the unregenerate basic self, find the inner mosaic and begin to blend one into each other

Some questions if I may: Do you see the process of developing this inner solidity as one of building a relationship (of understanding?) with the inner child? And what do you see as the outcome? Does the 'inner adult' absorb the inner child, or just silence / neutralise it?

I hope it was of value.

It was. Thank you.

 

[SlipNet]

Now comes the process of blending the inner child with the inner adult. I'm late to this process, but here goes, I'll probably go into it in a Jazz method, open, warm, but largely improvised. I realise that this happens because of early infant programming, as I revolted against perceived family dynamics. The inner kid is a natural rebel and doesn't trust easily. He also is yet to be fully convinced of my intellectual qualities. We argu, we laugh, we recognise. It's just a work in progress, and long may it continue.....

Apologies for the slightly florid and dare I say it pretentious language. I groaned when I read it back. What I meant to say here, and failed due to a tendency to avert through imagery, is to say that people in my life, that I've observed, have moments when they communicate in a way that doesn't feel real, like stock phrases. This is what my inner kid rebels against, and can sometimes make my wordings sound a bit odd and out of context. I'm working on it.

 

[SlipNet]

Some questions if I may: Do you see the process of developing this inner solidity as one of building a relationship (of understanding?) with the inner child? And what do you see as the outcome? Does the 'inner adult' absorb the inner child, or just silence / neutralise it?

That's a great summary of where I'm at. It is absolutely a process of building understandings. I don't think the adult can absorb a a child in this case. Rather I think it is the opposite. The essence of my inner child is deeper and more extensive in terms of life memories. This is most likely an individual case and not something to take on board en masse, but then again you can never tell. I just think that something known is best when understood with the whole of one's being. Why leave any part of you behind? It just seems sensible at this point. Apologies for the typos in my post above; I was just feeling the impetus to communicate in the moment, it happens like that if you feel you've made a decent point.

Again though I can't help but thinking that a tree grows from it's trunk. Your inner child is basically the root, so all that is valuable will grow from there. I suspect that the opposite is pathological, like a truncation of being. It's probably why I've been struggling with it in recent years, a false personality doggedly resisting something pure, without being all knowing. Memories are everything, they define who you are. What you remember is what you know, what you know is who you are. That's the essence of FRV, so proceed from there for decent growth. That's what I've come to understand. I'm glad I started this thread; I've learned plenty and have come closer to understanding myself. Long way to go though!

 

[Il Matto]

people in my life, that I've observed, have moments when they communicate in a way that doesn't feel real, like stock phrases

That's probably true for most folks, and certainly for me. I'm always grateful when I'm able to recognise when I am doing it!

I just think that something known is best when understood with the whole of one's being. Why leave any part of you behind?

So perhaps, then, it is better to nurture the inner child to enable it to grow, as it were..?

Your inner child is basically the root, so all that is valuable will grow from there. I suspect that the opposite is pathological, like a truncation of being

I apologise, I'm not entirely sure what you mean here; what would the opposite of growing from the root look like?

 

[SlipNet]

I seem to remember you mentioning in a previous post, about how understanding something means that you should be able to explain it to a child (if I've mis-remembered that I apologise). At the time I thought that was an interesting point, and so gave it some thought. I came to the idea that the 'child' most in need of this explanation is what you call the 'inner child', or, that part of me that almost actively resists growing in Being; that part that is reactive and self-important.
Hard as it is to admit, it's in those moments when the reactive self-important child is at the helm that my real level of understanding is on display.

Yeah, that's somewhat how I understand things. I'm not sure that it's about losing a sense of being however. It's rather a need for things to be explained clearly and basically. There's nothing wrong with basic thought. Recall all those people in previous ages who danced around each other with posturing. They thought they were so smart, but they never truly understood each other, hiding behind intellectual jousting. I don't think the inner child is so bad; sure he can be frustrating, but you need to be able to understand things on a ground level, and this requires effort for most of us I think. Just to convey it in a smooth way, without quandries.

As a child, I thought I was at the heart of what is real. As an adult, I think I'm actively pursuing that state of mind. It's a tough task, and I can sometimes fall into states of anxiety. I've lived with anxiety since about the age of 4, struggling to socialise as an infant. What becomes apparent with all these years is to bring both parts of me, young and old, into a state of union. Honestly though, I cannot say this is an easy process. Heck, I'm 46 and still doing it. In an ideal world I would have reached this state by about 27/8, so I'm slow on the uptake. Ah well, the work goes on.

 

[SlipNet]

That's probably true for most folks, and certainly for me. I'm always grateful when I'm able to recognise when I am doing it!

Yes, I get annoyed when I hear myself do it. Like I'm not making any effort.

So perhaps, then, it is better to nurture the inner child to enable it to grow, as it were..?

Absolutely! All that is desirable grows from the root, and in a weird way, your inner child is the oldest part of yourself, if you count back from your birth of being. Spun me out when I first thought of that. But true, nonetheless.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean here; what would the opposite of growing from the root look like?

Knowledge from the top down, is what I'm getting at here. From the brain, to the heart and then to the genitals. It's really embarrassing to admit but this was a state I fell into in my early 30's. You lose a lot of emotional spectrum I found. I used to live this way without realising it. Did my head in once I found out, made changes almost immediately. The effects of effort were slow and incremental, but all was worthwhile.

 

[Recto]

I guess as a closing question to the forum here I'm kinda wondering what karmic and simple understandings have you all discovered in your time doing the work on the self?

Many of the "karmic and simple understandings" shared in this thread really resonated with me. Especially the fear of living (which has many declinations of its own), a central theme of my life. Perhaps sharing my own eureka moments may add yet another way of looking at it.

Already as a child I was very withdrawn into myself, always in my inner imaginary world. This tendency was exacerbated by being frightened on several occasions by people, sometimes even adults, in whom I'd put my trust. By the time I started middle school social interactions gave me endless waves of anxiety and I had developped defense mechanisms to protect myself (dissociating through day dreaming and video games, or over analyzing every events past, present and future).

This went on until I was in 8th grade. I couldn't bear living with this fear, something had to give way. I realized that my over analysed scenarios never, not even once, materialized in real life. I was only feeding my anxiety and living in a self-built illusion. Once I dropped it, my anxiety almost disappeared. However, the fear of the unknown outside world was still deeply entrenched in me and restricted my actions and awareness.

Fastforwarding a few years, I took another step to dismantle my fear. I went to an engineering school far from home, far from my habits and comfort, living for the first time alone in a town I didn't know, including social interactions aplenty with unknown people. It wasn't the first time I changed school and made new friends, yet this time by standing on my own two feet, I went as they say the whole hog.

It took me roughly four years in that environment to get rid of my isolating habits and start connecting with people on my own initiative, without fear or anxiety. At that instant, the depression and creepling loneliness accompanying me since my middle school years completely vanished. Then, only one aspect of my fear needed to be faced, the fear of my own death.

At that time I had been reading SoTT and the forum for a few years and knew (in a partial/distorted way) of the Work and the impending Earth's turmoils and catastrophies. Instinctively, I knew I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing (e.g. knowledge input, knowledge application and networking) and a constant feeling of guilt joined the fear of running out of time.

After a few more years of futile dissociations and denial-based decision making, I finally pushed myself into a corner. I'd let my fear control me again and planned (what I then hoped being definitive) an hermit retreat to "work on myself", which was the only rationalization I found to alleviate my guilt. Of course, I didn't work on myself at all and dissociated all the way (there is a delightful irony about that situation).

At the end of last November came my eureka moment, I saw that the emperor had no clothes, that I had wasted the time I feared running out. I faced for the first time the fact that I will die without even attempting to live consciously. Thinking that I would live eternally, I didn't realize up to this point that I was already a dead man walking, a machine. There was no point anymore in clinging to my Ego, whatever happens to me (dying, surviving the wave on a desolated planet, being "lifted" to 4th density) I had to live as cousciously as I can at each moment. This appeared clearly as the single most meaningful thing to do with my remaining time here.

This karmic lesson took me 27 years to learn, and looking back it feels like knocking on an open door. As if I (probably my real I) knew that lesson all along, that only a thin veil has been lifted and now I can SEE. Starting from there, I thought of my current profession and pondered why I felt drawn to it. By looking up the definition, I stumbled upon this description :

Engineers will often use reverse-engineering to solve problems. For example, by taking things apart to determine an issue, finding a solution and then putting the object back together again. Engineers know how things work, and so they constantly analyse things and discover how they work.

Meaning, the spirit of the line of work I chose could very well be applied to the fixing of my machine. By carrying out the work on myself, I hope to give a redeeming counter-example to "the stupidity of Man the Engineer" as put by Gurdjieff. Perhaps, no time is truly wasted after all...

Again though I can't help but thinking that a tree grows from it's trunk. Your inner child is basically the root, so all that is valuable will grow from there. I suspect that the opposite is pathological, like a truncation of being. It's probably why I've been struggling with it in recent years, a false personality doggedly resisting something pure, without being all knowing. Memories are everything, they define who you are. What you remember is what you know, what you know is who you are. That's the essence of FRV, so proceed from there for decent growth. That's what I've come to understand. I'm glad I started this thread; I've learned plenty and have come closer to understanding myself. Long way to go though!

I've came to sum up the essence of my inner child as the feeling (at least the memory of it) of boundless joy and excitment to discover and understand new things. This feeling is so pure that it obliterates any limiting belief or emotion in its path, it erases self-importance, the Ego is therefore neutralized. This feeling serves as the unshaking foundation of my resolve to undertake the Work upon myself. Not that far from the root metaphor I must say

Now I'm taking time to go through all of the threads in The Work and actually utilise what is being offered without worrying about winning. I'm also working on being more active on the forum and in the public EE/reading groups. I still find this very challenging and a good lesson in humility. Funny how one can spend a decade not doing something for fear of not getting it done 'in time' - talk about a slow learner

As a child, I thought I was at the heart of what is real. As an adult, I think I'm actively pursuing that state of mind. It's a tough task, and I can sometimes fall into states of anxiety. I've lived with anxiety since about the age of 4, struggling to socialise as an infant. What becomes apparent with all these years is to bring both parts of me, young and old, into a state of union. Honestly though, I cannot say this is an easy process. Heck, I'm 46 and still doing it. In an ideal world I would have reached this state by about 27/8, so I'm slow on the uptake. Ah well, the work goes on.

It also took me a decade of "sitting on the fence" before signing up here and stop wasting time according to my limiting emotions (including too the fear of "so much to do in so little time"). This paradox of wasting the same time we fear running out could be seen another way. It could have taken us longer to learn our lessons or even not at all. Perhaps we should be joyful/grateful to have progressed already that far along the path of Knowledge. Which reminds me of a quote by Charles-Augustin Sainte-Beuve :

Getting old is still the only way we have found to live a long life.

Stumbling in the dark, seemingly doing nothing, may be the only way we have found to expand our awareness. Or according to Aeschylus' Agamemnon :

He who learns must suffer
And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
And in our own despair, against our will,
Comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

We then slowly stumble, drop by drop, baby step by baby step, until we find wisdom or run out of life...

My two cents.

 

[Il Matto]

At the end of last November came my eureka moment, I saw that the emperor had no clothes, that I had wasted the time I feared running out. I faced for the first time the fact that I will die without even attempting to live consciously. Thinking that I would live eternally, I didn't realize up to this point that I was already a dead man walking, a machine. There was no point anymore in clinging to my Ego, whatever happens to me (dying, surviving the wave on a desolated planet, being "lifted" to 4th density) I had to live as cousciously as I can at each moment. This appeared clearly as the single most meaningful thing to do with my remaining time here.

A eureka moment indeed! I think you've succinctly stated a very important realisation in terms of karmic and simple understandings; to know, understand and 'fine-tune' the machine such that we can live as consciously as we are able in each moment. This seems to be absolutely critical, especially in such uncertain times.

This paradox of wasting the same time we fear running out could be seen another way. It could have taken us longer to learn our lessons or even not at all. Perhaps we should be joyful/grateful to have progressed already that far along the path of Knowledge

It's all too easy to get caught up in fretting over 'how little I know', or 'how little time there is'. You're so right to say that joy and gratitude are important states of mind, especially when we consider that each new day that is gifted to us is another opportunity for growth.

As you were good enough to share a few quotes that spoke to the points you made, here is one from Marcus Aurelius that I find useful:

"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."

(It cuts to the bone!)

 

[SlipNet]

I connected this in my mind to something I seem to remember you mentioning in a previous post, about how understanding something means that you should be able to explain it to a child (if I've mis-remembered that I apologise). At the time I thought that was an interesting point, and so gave it some thought. I came to the idea that the 'child' most in need of this explanation is what you call the 'inner child', or, that part of me that almost actively resists growing in Being; that part that is reactive and self-important.
Hard as it is to admit, it's in those moments when the reactive self-important child is at the helm that my real level of understanding is on display.

I take to heart my paraphrasing of Nienna on here earlier in the thread; "If you cannot explain it to a 12 year old, you don't truly know it". It's so elementary and so true. It comes down to feeling with me. When the flow loosens me up and I can just think about things freely, I just feel so much better as a person. I don't think with regards to the inner child and personal growth it's a dead game. Trust is earned, don't let yourself down in your actions.

Some questions if I may: Do you see the process of developing this inner solidity as one of building a relationship (of understanding?) with the inner child? And what do you see as the outcome? Does the 'inner adult' absorb the inner child, or just silence / neutralise it?

Understanding is the foundation of our whole being. That concept is literally limitless depending on your potential. Awesome, I just find Laura/C's truly inspiring.

At the end of last November came my eureka moment, I saw that the emperor had no clothes, that I had wasted the time I feared running out. I faced for the first time the fact that I will die without even attempting to live consciously.

Once you realise that our so-called leaders are messed up OP's, that is the beginning of learning for me. It's not a cruel manifestation of a dark plan other than what is comprised from 4d STS. In our realm it's more a case of useful idiots with fertile egos. Funnily enough I discovered this as a music fan 25 years back. They are not gods or icons, they are flawed people with dreams of control.

This karmic lesson took me 27 years to learn, and looking back it feels like knocking on an open door. As if I (probably my real I) knew that lesson all along, that only a thin veil has been lifted and now I can SEE. Starting from there, I thought of my current profession and pondered why I felt drawn to it.

To have made that leap at 27 is pretty good in my book. Like I said before, I'm miles behind in terms of learning. Thankfully things are improving of late however. I work at my own speed and don't consider this to be a human "race" to the finishing line. As the C'sstated, we all make the ultimate transcendent leap together, regardless of our placing in knowledge and being.

I've came to sum up the essence of my inner child as the feeling (at least the memory of it) of boundless joy and excitment to discover and understand new things. This feeling is so pure that it obliterates any limiting belief or emotion in its path, it erases self-importance, the Ego is therefore neutralized. This feeling serves as the unshaking foundation of my resolve to undertake the Work upon myself. Not that far from the root metaphor I must say

Amen to that! This is a perfect summation of the challenge for me. Thanks for your insight!

Already as a child I was very withdrawn into myself, always in my inner imaginary world. This tendency was exacerbated by being frightened on several occasions by people, sometimes even adults, in whom I'd put my trust. By the time I started middle school social interactions gave me endless waves of anxiety and I had developped defense mechanisms to protect myself (dissociating through day dreaming and video games, or over analyzing every events past, present and future).

I was a video game addict for about 15 years. Then I just found them to be so rudimentary and basic I just lost interest. Simulated killing machines is what they are in the main. I've been through the over-analysing period too. It just felt a little too close to obsession to me, wallowing in emotions connected to lost opportunities. In this I include professional concerns and emotional/sexual.

At the end of last November came my eureka moment, I saw that the emperor had no clothes, that I had wasted the time I feared running out. I faced for the first time the fact that I will die without even attempting to live consciously. Thinking that I would live eternally, I didn't realize up to this point that I was already a dead man walking, a machine. There was no point anymore in clinging to my Ego, whatever happens to me (dying, surviving the wave on a desolated planet, being "lifted" to 4th density) I had to live as cousciously as I can at each moment. This appeared clearly as the single most meaningful thing to do with my remaining time here.

As a soul, we literally have eternal life. This is awesome to comprehend. But each time we incarnate we go through the veil of forgetting. This is the kicker; don't waste this chance to grow all you can.

It also took me a decade of "sitting on the fence" before signing up here and stop wasting time according to my limiting emotions (including too the fear of "so much to do in so little time"). This paradox of wasting the same time we fear running out could be seen another way. It could have taken us longer to learn our lessons or even not at all. Perhaps we should be joyful/grateful to have progressed already that far along the path of Knowledge. Which reminds me of a quote by Charles-Augustin Sainte-Beuve :

I'm a bit of a fence sitter I must admit; I just like observing things without being directly involved. Just watching the micro/macro dynamics of life has been an education in itself. How wonderful it is to truly understand that the experiences and lessons will literally never end? I find it relieves me of any pressure coming from the ego/predator's mind.

 

[Recto]

As you were good enough to share a few quotes that spoke to the points you made, here is one from Marcus Aurelius that I find useful:

"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."

(It cuts to the bone!)

Such a perfect perfect quote to express that concept. Thanks for sharing ! The arguing bit reminds me of Cicero and rhetoric, how language is a perfect tool for psychopaths (e.g. the legal system of many countries) which are the epitome of 3D STS existence. In opposition, we find for instance obyvatels that simply Be, knowing the perversity that endless words/talking can engender.

To have made that leap at 27 is pretty good in my book. Like I said before, I'm miles behind in terms of learning. Thankfully things are improving of late however. I work at my own speed and don't consider this to be a human "race" to the finishing line. As the C'sstated, we all make the ultimate transcendent leap together, regardless of our placing in knowledge and being.

Indeed ! We fell together from Eden and we will rise together when the time comes. As inmates of the same prison, it is definitely a collective endeavor.

I was a video game addict for about 15 years. Then I just found them to be so rudimentary and basic I just lost interest. Simulated killing machines is what they are in the main. I've been through the over-analysing period too. It just felt a little too close to obsession to me, wallowing in emotions connected to lost opportunities. In this I include professional concerns and emotional/sexual.

Although I see video games as a tremendously interesting vehicle for art, I heartily agree on their shallowness in the long run. Same can be said of many (if not all nowadays) artistic fields. I remarked that I still carry stigmas of this obsessive period. Fantasies, planning or remembering often takes a life of its own and swallow me whole if I'm not careful. Taming the mind through meditation (e.g. EE) really helps on that matter.
Did you manage to overcome it completely ?

I'm a bit of a fence sitter I must admit; I just like observing things without being directly involved. Just watching the micro/macro dynamics of life has been an education in itself. How wonderful it is to truly understand that the experiences and lessons will literally never end? I find it relieves me of any pressure coming from the ego/predator's mind.

One could see it as the counterpart of self-observation. Gathering knowledge through insights enables us to act/interact in a meaningful world. Only understanding can guide us in not adding fuel to the fire. And understanding only comes so slowly through hard work. Sometimes doing nothing a be patient is the hardest, and best thing to do (does the words, "enjoying the show" rings any bells ? ). You may not be that much of a fence sitter that you think (not even a bit)

I must say that I disagree regarding the never ending experiences and lessons. All good things must come to an end and, at some point, the universe's self-actualization will reach completion in 7D (crossing my fingers here ). But since our perception/understanding of time is an illusion, discussing all of this is really nitpicking on my part In any case, what an adventure !

Edit: grammar

 

[XPan]

Some of life's greatest, most poignant lessons involve the heart. And sometimes the lessons of the heart fly in the face of the thinking in the mind. We can't just forgive with the mind. The heart, and emotion has to be involved for the forgiveness to occur; to be genuine and truly healing.

Incredibly beautiful said

It's one of those expressions again.... like poetry to the soul, reverberating in recognizion - like music, going straight though your entire being.