Psalehesost
The Living Force
Something I didn't expect, but here I go:
After about one and a half years, I am putting my smoking on hold for a while - smoking increases the vividness and energy of my inner life, and I have noticed that there are underlying psychological issues that get exacerbated in the process, and until this is fixed, it is best not to stir the inner pot in a way that just causes mechanical activity.
Simply put, when smoking, I get inwardly tense, anxious, worrying - yet I've generally not been able to perceive this, because: 1. It wasn't so in the beginning, as far as I remember. 2. I haven't made any serious comparison of my mental state as a smoker and a non-smoker, beyond noting how smoking, when it is habitual, powers up my mind. 3. My emotional state can be rather chronically distant from myself. But, I have noticed (without understanding it) an effect of this constant, otherwise unnoticed tension: Mostly chronic constipation.
Also, the stirring of inner noise in my mind is a background distraction that leaves me less focused on a task, and in looking at the big picture of my life, getting less accomplished, even though my mind has a sharper edge of attention when smoking.
If my mind worked well, I think smoking would make it work even better - but because it's full of lies, wordless false beliefs that shape (distort) my awareness moment by moment, and meaningless activities connected to these, smoking causes an intrusive stream of inner distraction that eats up my time and - literally, it seems to me - my energy.
In getting used again to not smoking - at first, the mind felt somewhat empty, dull and inattentive - I notice that everything's quieter in my mind, and there is a lot less tension, and something of a slow thoughtfulness is reappearing - where it used to be a furious mental activity of grabbing hold of things and trying to squeeze insights out of them, sometimes successfully and sometimes not.
In short: Stimulating a sane and healthy mind is a good idea; my mind (particularly the adaptive unconscious/system 1 part thereof) must now become saner and healthier - then, smoking might work.
After about one and a half years, I am putting my smoking on hold for a while - smoking increases the vividness and energy of my inner life, and I have noticed that there are underlying psychological issues that get exacerbated in the process, and until this is fixed, it is best not to stir the inner pot in a way that just causes mechanical activity.
Simply put, when smoking, I get inwardly tense, anxious, worrying - yet I've generally not been able to perceive this, because: 1. It wasn't so in the beginning, as far as I remember. 2. I haven't made any serious comparison of my mental state as a smoker and a non-smoker, beyond noting how smoking, when it is habitual, powers up my mind. 3. My emotional state can be rather chronically distant from myself. But, I have noticed (without understanding it) an effect of this constant, otherwise unnoticed tension: Mostly chronic constipation.
Also, the stirring of inner noise in my mind is a background distraction that leaves me less focused on a task, and in looking at the big picture of my life, getting less accomplished, even though my mind has a sharper edge of attention when smoking.
If my mind worked well, I think smoking would make it work even better - but because it's full of lies, wordless false beliefs that shape (distort) my awareness moment by moment, and meaningless activities connected to these, smoking causes an intrusive stream of inner distraction that eats up my time and - literally, it seems to me - my energy.
In getting used again to not smoking - at first, the mind felt somewhat empty, dull and inattentive - I notice that everything's quieter in my mind, and there is a lot less tension, and something of a slow thoughtfulness is reappearing - where it used to be a furious mental activity of grabbing hold of things and trying to squeeze insights out of them, sometimes successfully and sometimes not.
In short: Stimulating a sane and healthy mind is a good idea; my mind (particularly the adaptive unconscious/system 1 part thereof) must now become saner and healthier - then, smoking might work.