Something is OFF...

[Mari]

I also feel weird in the last days.

1. I feel like I´m getting sick; I have a history with throat anginas and last days I feel like I´m catching one.
Interesting is, that I had anginas all my life until I moved away from my home in late 2006 and started living with my man. Then I had a period of almost no anginas until the last 5y when I started to get angina again once a year.
I´ve connected them with my inability to speak freely; I had a difficult father and grow up in a family where you cannot speak freely and everybody was arguing all the time.
Then I broke loose from that environment and all went well - until the last 5 years. Lately, I´m in a kinda similar situation again and have to deal with it again...
So if I´m right with my "diagnose", maybe we are having some symptoms that are actually indicators of some lesson we still didn´t learn...?

2. I cannot eat; it is very hot outside + I´m having issues above.
I.e. yesterday I ate 1 egg with butter for breakfast, a small piece of pork for lunch and later in the afternoon and in the evening I´ve eaten watermelon because it was the only thing I could put in my mouth and be fine with it.
Today is the same; I still didn´t have my breakfast and is almost 13:00.

3. I´m currently at my parent's home - they are all crazy here. I´ll be staying in Croatia for another week and I have to spend time with my mother, but every single time I talk to her it´s the same story about my brother, my father,.... Nothing I can say will change her thinking and I´ve given up long ago, so I just sit there and listen to the same story that´s going on for years now.... And they (my mother, father and my brother) fight every single day for every single little thing and I just sit and watch the show. :(
It´s such a draw of energy on the one side and on the other side the weird is that I´ve noticed... - see no.4

4. ....an increase in sexual appetite. I´m usually having it under control and concentrating on other stuff, but in the last days, it feels like I´m having a spike.

It´s fascinating how these times are amplifying all our week spots.

 

[Ina]

I would say the entire month of July was difficult (nicely put). For us life actually started to buzz in all imprevizible directions since mid June. It is almost one can make estimates only one hour ahead as opposed to the begining of the year when it was a week ahead and then in March went to a day ahead. There is like a ‘time eating’ phenomenon behind the seen reality. Soon enough we will probably have to learn to function by time derivatives. I also noticed that my need for food intake has almost quartered. Maybe it is my age combined with the nicotine patches (good days for next 2 weeks), maybe it is my fairly recent obsession to be lighter in weight. Bottom line I feel like I am in crisis management regime.

 

[Andrian]

Thank you Color for opening the thread and thank you all for sharing your experiences from the last couple of weeks.

I certainly can relate with all of you, me too in the last couple of weeks have experienced some weird behaviour from the people surrounding me, mostly at work, a behaviour that was "trying" to push my buttons and dragging me in a negative loop and it took me a lot of time and energy in order to fight it back and not falling in that negative loop though I must admit that a few times I got triggered emotionally and that arose an anger against myself.

Also for the last couple of weeks there is a heatwave that is crushing your very spirit even more, though I must admit that in comparison to the previous years this year I'm able to handle the heat a little bit better.

Another weird thing I've noticed happening in the last few weeks is that when I'm looking at the watch during the day I'll see pretty often paired numbers like, 13:13, 22:22 and so on, I know it's silly to mention it though I've found it curious this "synchronicity".

Thank you Laura for the reminder about keeping a clean heart and mind, if something is changing in our cosmic environment it means that we have to be even more aware of our weaknesses and flaws than before because they can smash your soul literally. Knowledge, Awareness, Patience and Perseverance to all of us.

 

[MikaelYosef]

Yesterday I was very anxious and took a GABA calm, which helped a little. I thought there was some kind of beaming going on. I've tried listening to music and humming to cheer myself up. Particularly useful seemed to be The Killers song All These Things That I've Done, where there is a line: "If you can hold on, hold on."

I discovered this song as it's played in the opening scene of a favorite TV series called 'Jericho', with the title of this thread relevant to the premise of the show. Without spoiling in case anyone happens to watch it, the opening scene is about the returning home of the protagonist to a small town in Kansas while The Killers' song plays in the soundtrack. The main story-line is about the aftermath of a nuclear attack on major cities across the US, and the survival of a small community located well away from the devastation. The opening can be viewed here:

It means spending as much time with other "sane" people as possible and discussing what is real and important. If there are no such people around you, then that is what the forum is for. And it is super important to stay grounded.

There is a trend in the posts so far of feeling a general sadness which is normal and if anything, proof of humanity. The world was already a sad place before this year. Something I'm living by even while acknowledging it's difficult is to remain stubborn and keep going... to paraphrase the lyrics quoted by 3DStudent "If you can hang in there, hang in there".

 

[Matthew]

Hello, I felt inclined to share a concern of mine which rises up with every new day since the last weekend.{...}

Bless you, Color for starting this thread and all of you who have already given your input. I started a not dissimilar thread a few months ago and found it to be of enormous comfort and reassurance that I was not alone in my struggles. The C's have advocated that we network and share our struggles and what we are going through and I think that such threads as this are great examples of the efficacy of that.

I too have been struggling recently. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling profoundly dispirited and wanting to withdraw from life. I have retreated into my own little world, hardly leaving my flat and keeping myself to myself. I know that the C's recently recommended strategic enclosure to the max but I don't think that this was quite what they had in mind! I had been working my way through books in the recommended reading list and had just started Political Ponerology but became so dispirited I could not face reading anymore. However, in the last few days, I have forced myself to do E.E. and do the daily readings to my crystals and that has really helped settle me down somewhat. I even cleaned my windows for the first time since I moved into this flat a couple of years ago! I still feel physically and mentally agitated and unsettled but feel like I am over the worst and able to re-engage with life again.

Hang in there Color. All of us on the planet are really being put through the wringer right now. This too shall pass .

 

[genero81]

While I was going through that experience what made me smile was thinking about TV show Merlin (imdb.com/title/tt1199099) which my daughter loved while growing up, how he had to learn the hard way about his true abilities and then to keep them hidden from everyone, especially from Arthur who treated him often as an incompetent servant, all in order to protect him when truly mattered

Yes, I know that show. I watched quite a few episodes. Merlin had to navigate developing his abilities in secret because the King had an edict of no magic in the land, while keeping his ego in check while Arthur slowly developed an appreciation of his help and eventually became true friends with him.

I really liked your story too. Those lowly circumstances in life can provide the greatest potential for growth because the outer circumstances matter little. It's how you configure internally towards them that can yield the greatest dividends.

I also experienced a sustained period of intense negative thoughts and feelings about myself. It only just lifted a couple of days ago. I think it's a good idea to keep doing E.E. and process stuff as it comes up.

 

[lilies]

There are even times when I feel downright vertiginous!

I thought my vision is definitely going bad, that's why I got so vertigo-prone lately - I wear no glasses, nor contacts. Now that you mention this however..

Yesterday early morning, during "commando training" I noticed an unusual lack of energy, unwillingness to do physical exertion and the uncharacteristically welling up thought of "To heck with this! I don't want to train today! I wanna go home!" .. so I wondered what the heck is happening? If my health started to collapse so badly with age [49] that I will be particularly chopped-liver from now on? But reading this thread now I understand.

 

[Wandering Star]

About the "ringing" in the ear, there will be a specific explanation and "solution" for each person.

In my case, what I do when it happens is first to smile with all my being. Then think of something like, "Boys again? Really! Well, let's see what happens. I'll do what I can!"

Almost immediately it stops.

It is only my experience and does not mean that it is the solution, but I share it in case it was useful.

 

[michaelrc]

I thought my vision is definitely going bad, that's why I got so vertigo-prone lately - I wear no glasses, nor contacts. Now that you mention this however..

Yesterday early morning, during "commando training" I noticed an unusual lack of energy, unwillingness to do physical exertion and the uncharacteristically welling up thought of "To heck with this! I don't want to train today! I wanna go home!" .. so I wondered what the heck is happening? If my health started to collapse so badly with age [49] that I will be particularly chopped-liver from now on? But reading this thread now I understand.

Ho ha ha ha ho ha ha ha ho ha ha ha chopped liver is a gift, add 20 + more years ho ha ha ha

 

[Deliverance]

Several weeks ago, I started reading "Healing developemental traumas", and 3 days before I had entered into quite severe states of dissociation and difficulty concentrating. I finally took it as an exercise in the need to return to the present and to "containment", finding my own resources and using the pendulum!... to allow me to move forward in this reading.
Now that I'm reading your testimonies, it seems to be in the general mood ;)

I have also been looking for my initial connections with all this, here:

session-10-february-2018

Q: (L) Well, they said the power for changing reality lies in the belief center of the mind. But then they also said something about emotions. Emotions that are limiting, and then emotions that help to progress... So, maybe the belief that one needs to cultivate - if any - is the belief in unlimited possibilities AND also in the benevolence of the universe and the process. Maybe that's what it is?
A: Yes yes yes!

Q: (Joe) The other phrase was that the one thing you have to do before transitioning to 4D is to think in completely unlimited terms. That doesn't mean you have to be able to think of everything that exists, but...
(L) You have to be open.
(Joe) Right, no expectations. That means getting rid of your hard and fast beliefs about things.

(L) And I think that comes back in a funny sort of way to this “Healing Developmental Trauma” book. One of the problems of early trauma is that children come to believe that the universe is not a safe place or it's scary. They just get completely wrong ideas which lead to thought errors. That's something that's preverbal…
(Pierre) And very limiting.

(L) And those are the kinds of things that probably the neurofeedback can fix more easily than anything else because those are things that produce certain brain waves that persist over time. There's no other way to get to them because you can't TALK your way through something that's preverbal! You can get into some kind of body therapy and spend years with a therapist, but why do that when you can just go directly and change the brain waves? And if you change brain waves, the brain's going to change. Right?
A: Yes yes yes
…
(Joe) No, not positive beliefs.
(Andromeda) Beliefs are limiting.
…

1. Why believe anything? (Pierre) Yes; beliefs by definition ARE limiting. If you don't believe this, then you believe that. So, I guess unlimited beliefs is sort of a transcending of the very notion of belief. It's going beyond beliefs.
   A: Become like little children...
   Q: (Artemis) Inquisitive, but without bias or beliefs.
   (L) And adventurous, open to experience, and not formed up with any beliefs. And one hopes that it's a little child that has not been developmentally traumatized! [laughter]

...
(Chu) I think it comes down to what the books say, really, which is that if you're in the present, you stop having the wrong beliefs. Instead of living in the past, you're in a state where you're curious again. So, it is a positive emotion in the end, but it's not the positive emotions as we normally understand them with all the wishful thinking that goes along with them.
(Andromeda) Right.
(Chu) It's like let's live life as an experiment, and...
(L) Like, "This is interesting to see what happens next..."
(Andromeda) But you still have the ability to feel negative emotions as a response to something that happens. Which would be proper.

I hope it would be coherent...
The thread has advanced 3 pages in the meantime...

Spoiler: french

Il y a plusieurs semaines, j'ai commencé la lecture de "Healing developemental traumas", et 3 jours avant j'étais entrée dans des états de dissociations assez contraignants et des difficultés à me concentrer. Je l'ai finalement pris comme un exercice à la nécessité d'un retour au présent et au "containment", en trouvant mes ressources propres et en utilisant la pendulation !... pour me permettre d'avancer dans cette lecture.
Maintenant que je lis vos témoignages, il semble que ce soit dans l'humeur générale ;)

J'ai aussi recherché mes connexions de départ avec tout ceci, ici:

J'espère que cela serait cohérent ?
Le fil a avancé de 3 pages pendant ce temps...

citation : session 18 février 2018:

Q : (L) Eh bien, ils ont dit que le pouvoir de changer la réalité réside dans le centre de croyance de l’esprit. Mais ensuite ils ont aussi dit quelque chose à propos des émotions. Des émotions qui limitent, et ensuite des émotions qui aident à progresser... Donc, peut-être que la croyance que l’on doit cultiver — s’il y a lieu — est la croyance en des possibilités illimitées ET aussi dans la bienveillance de l’univers et du processus. Peut-être que c’est cela ?
R : Oui oui oui !

Q : (Joe) L’autre phrase était que la seule chose que vous devez faire avant de passer en 4D est de penser en termes totalement illimités. Cela ne signifie pas que vous devez être capable de penser à tout ce qui existe, mais...
(L) Vous devez être ouvert.
(Joe) Exact, pas d’attentes. Cela signifie se débarrasser de vos croyances les plus rigides sur les choses.

(L) Et je pense que cela revient d’une drôle de façon à ce livre « Guérir les traumatismes du développement ». L’un des problèmes d’un traumatisme précoce est que les enfants en viennent à croire que l’univers n’est pas un endroit sûr ou qu’il est effrayant. Ils ont juste des idées complètement fausses qui mènent à des erreurs de pensée. C’est quelque chose qui est préverbal...
(Pierre) Et très limitant.

1. Et ce sont des choses que probablement le neurofeedback peut réparer plus facilement que toute autre chose parce que ce sont des choses qui produisent certaines ondes cérébrales qui persistent au fil du temps. Il n’y a pas d’autre moyen de les atteindre parce que vous ne pouvez pas PARLER de quelque chose qui est préverbal ! Vous pouvez avoir recours à une thérapie corporelle et passer des années avec un thérapeute, mais pourquoi le faire quand on peut y aller directement et changer les ondes cérébrales ? Et si vous changez les ondes cérébrales, le cerveau va changer. Exact ?
   R : Oui oui oui !

...

(Joe) Non, pas de croyances positives.
(Andromeda) Les croyances sont contraignantes.

…

(L) Pourquoi croire quelque chose ?
(Pierre) Oui ; les croyances par définition SONT limitantes. Si vous ne croyez pas ceci, alors vous croyez cela. Donc, je suppose que les croyances illimitées transcendent la notion même de croyance. Ça va au-delà des croyances.
R : Devenir comme de petits enfants...

Q : (Artemis) Curieux, mais sans parti pris ou croyances.
(L) Et aventureux, ouvert à l’expérience, et non formé avec des croyances. Et on espère que c’est un petit enfant qui n’a pas été traumatisé sur le plan développemental ! [rire]

...
(Chu) Je pense que cela se résume à ce que les livres disent, vraiment, c’est que si vous êtes dans le présent, vous devez arrêter d’avoir de fausses croyances. Au lieu de vivre dans le passé, vous passez dans un état où vous êtes à nouveau curieux. Donc, c’est une émotion positive à la fin, mais ce ne sont pas les émotions positives comme nous les comprenons habituelement avec tous les vœux pieux qui les accompagnent.
(Andromeda) Exact.
(Chu) C’est comme si nous vivions la vie comme une expérience, et...
(L) Comme, « C’est intéressant de voir ce qui se passe ensuite... »
(Andromeda) Mais vous avez toujours la capacité de ressentir des émotions négatives en réponse à quelque chose qui arrive. Ce qui serait correct.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

 

[KristinLynne]

Other than rain or showers, there have not been any significant storms here.

This reminded me to mention the oppressive heat we've been having here for a few weeks with many afternoon, early evening heat lightning shows. I could sit out on the back porch before the heat got to me and watch it strike over and over again in the area over the city. Very little rain but next week it shows we will get some from the hurricane and hopefully be under 90 degrees.

Choosing not to engage in fear, anger and resentful thinking, not going down that slippery slope, is really helping, even sculpting the outcomes for the afflicted pair of people in a more graceful manner than might be otherwise. It would be easy to meet crazy with crazy, resentment with resentment, and the outcome of that can only be hell. However, meeting crazy with patience and understanding, listening with a sympathetic ear, (they're just scared and confused), seems to be very effective. -Not in making the crazy go away, (they're still self-destructing as all of their choices and refusals over the previous years have made inevitable), but in making the passage of its wave slightly more manageable and less fearsome.

Just some thoughts.

All my best to everybody out there Riding the Wave. You can do it and I believe in you all! Our extensive training here has been precisely for these days! You're Ready.

Thank you for that! When I dealt with the neighbor, I still had his words in my mind for a few days following the confrontation but it was more my feeling of incredibility of the hypocrisy that was seeming lost on him than resentment. It was just a wow moment.

I was embarrest what I do for living and I bumped into every person I didn't want to see me. But what is sad, people really enjoyed it because I failed in life like every mortal.So this is my private failed aspect. I think it's learning me to be humble.

I felt that way a lot at the retail job I have now. And others telling me I should be thankful to have a job just didn't help me feel any better about it. What did help was realizing that no matter where I was or what I'm doing, do it to the best of my ability gave me my own sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. Despite any bad managers (and there are many) I would get a face to face compliment from a customer that would make it easier to keep on going.

I certainly can relate with all of you, me too in the last couple of weeks have experienced some weird behaviour from the people surrounding me, mostly at work, a behaviour that was "trying" to push my buttons and dragging me in a negative loop and it took me a lot of time and energy in order to fight it back and not falling in that negative loop though I must admit that a few times I got triggered emotionally and that arose an anger against myself.

I understand completely and am still struggling with that!

 

[Tauriel]

I felt that way a lot at the retail job I have now. And others telling me I should be thankful to have a job just didn't help me feel any better about it.

Hey girls (Kristin Lynne, Color, Martina)
- we should know better and as Color so beautifully said, what we do for a living is honourable and rightous. We might not have a highly paid job for which people often have to sell their soul to the devil. We might not have these jobs that evoke a lot of respect from others like lawyers, doctors, managers etc....
I struggled for many years for 'only' being a nurse and for years people were telling me that I didn't live up to my capacity/talents/interests/intellect, that I have to go to university to get some kind of title. Well, I obviously didn't and instead of being happy with it I believed too long in this social pressure that it is important to have a career.
Today I'm mostly at peace with my choice exept that I'm a slave as any person on this planet. But thanks to the Work I know more than most people in my surrounding, have knowledge solely based on my own research and I don't work at a place where I have to pretend to being someone I'm not. All in all that's not too bad and in times like these these jobs are still there when other job just disappear. And even if we know quite well that it is the soul that counts we still have to remind ourselves constantly that our value does not depend on our job and what we own. That's social engineering and has to be broken.

Thank you all for sharing how you're feeling in these times of turmoil. It's good to see that we're not alone in this.

 

[JEEP]

I also feel weird in the last days.

I did forget about having a weird sensation around my heart area a couple of times in the last week. I definitely noticed it and its strangeness. Having gone through clinical depression and severe anemia and the symptoms associated with those, this particular feeling was decidedly different. That it was close to my heart concerned me, but I really didn't know what to make of it.

they wished they could have said a proper goodbye to the old world

The world was already a sad place before this year.

No doubt as normal loving people, we do feel a love connection to our planet, it's natural beauty, and all the good and wonderful aspects of the lives we have lived or people in general have lived. Now that it's ended - replaced by the 'new normal' - is putting us into a state of grief. But, I know every time I start thinking this way, I have to reconcile the fact that life was never really good, wonderful, or beautiful. That was only superficial. The reality was and is horrors and atrocities that are too awful to even contemplate for any length of time and remain mentally healthy. And, the only way for the sh*t show to end is what we are going through now.

I used to have a dreams where I have to go to a toilet and I couldn't find a clean one

OMG - I've had dozens of dreams like that especially about toilets that were absolutely filthy! Since they were so vivid and I remembered them so well, they must have been in the last dream period before waking. Makes sense as one's bladder is sending a signal that it needs to be relieved and your subconscious is signalling don't wet the bed! There's no way you're going to go when confronted by a horribly filthy restroom with nothing but unusable toilets! I know now that if I'm having such a dream, I need to wake up and get to the bathroom pronto!

I'm a letter carrier

My dad, grandfather, two uncles and a first cousin all worked for the postal service - all letter carriers and one postmaster. My dad's route covered part of downtown Charleston, WV and adjacent residential areas/apartment buildings. He had to contend with going into temperature-controlled buildings and then back out into the elements of rain/snow/freezing cold/suffocating heat and humidity. The postal service proved to be a terrible employer - he couldn't wait to retire.

The Cassiopeia constellation was in front of me.

I have yet to see it as my home is located so that section of the sky is not visible. Orion, on the other hand, is clearly visible all the months it appears in the sky.

 

[RflctnOfU]

When I woke up this morning I had a feeling of deep unease, and I haven’t been able to shake it yet. I feel that ‘something wicked this way comes’ in general terms.

Perhaps it is the vibe in the air I previously mentioned taking hold??

 

[liam1310]

Making my way through the comments.

Since the easing of lockdown the weather here has been dull wet and windy occasional sunshine, during lockdown weather was sunny clear sky and warm with the occasional days of chilly breeze.

My partner and I were talking a couple of weeks ago how things have changed where we live. We don't recognise most of the people living here, our apartment block the same people as it's always been, the other blocks of apartments the people are different. Things feel really strange something has definately shifted, ive noticed a shift in myself and becoming more accepting of how the world is now but still dont want to be part of it. I stay outside the drama as much as possible, making fun of the madness, this aint my world, I'm an observer trying to survive as best as I know how. My focus now is on preparing for a collapse, stocking up on what's needed, ways of cooking etc. Things are moving in slow motion, we here on the forum have a fair idea of whats ahead, so at least we can prepare. No doubt, lots of madness ahead Cs did say it will pass, how long it will last month's years, who knows.

Feelings of sadness others mentioned. I feel the same sadness and sometimes anger at the stupidity of people especially those who wear masks. People going nuts, someone mentioned a hammer attack. Same thing happened 5 min from were I live. Bin man was attacked with a hammer after the driver of a car got impatient because they where blocking the road with the bin lorry picking up bins. People are disintegrating, since the beginning of COVID 1984 I've felt this is it, people will fall deeper into madness the accumulation of believing in all the lies. This what's happening now is the big one, choosing what you align with is more important now than ever before..

I have things to sort out with how I feel towards my eldest sister and my father. It's mostly negative that's not good so have to process some stuff, which I have been doing. It was his birthday recently, usually my sister's and myself give 50e each and one of my sister's buys him something. This time I thought I'd do something different and put some thought into a present. Few days after deciding this my partner brought home lots of old photos I'd forgotten about that were around in her mother's house in a box for many years. So I decided to buy a digital photo frame and load up photos. My parents are away at there holiday home so I posted it to them as a surprise, hopefully they get it next week. The thing was I had many doubts about doing it but done it anyway, once it was posted, I felt really good about sending it. It was like a weight had been lifted, I dont know it just felt like the right thing to do. Hopefully they both like the album.

Working out most days for at least 40min is a big help some days its tough to motivate myself, but it has to be done. after I always feel better. Nature aswell, recently I combined the two working out in nature then cook some food, great way to spend a few hours.

Thanks for the thread color and all the comments guys, will go back now and read the rest if the comments. Stay strong folks, I dont think we have seen half of the craziness yet. I feel lots more to come, Stay alert, stay aware, prepare for the worst hope for the best.

This turned into a long post. Thanks for reading.