Something is OFF...

[loreta]

I would like to thank Color for starting this thread and everybody for sharing. I feel extremly tired this week, I thought it was because the bed I'm sleeping on is too firm. I'm on my vacation and I really needed one but there I feel I didn't sleep for a week.
Since March my life has changed for a worse but on another hand it was a great learning ground to recognise the flaws in my psyche, how to explain: some of my nightmares came true. I used to have a dreams where I have to go to a toilet and I couldn't find a clean one or the one you can close the doors properly, since March I work on another location, in my hometown and the place doesn't have a ladies toilet. I go to a place where guys crap everything and the doors can't be closed normally and guys talk to me there when I'm in like I'm one of them. People here are different, Corona makes it extra hard. I was embarrest what I do for living and I bumped into every person I didn't want to see me. But what is sad, people really enjoyed it because I failed in life like every mortal.So this is my private failed aspect. I think it's learning me to be humble.
I don't like my job, because it's exhausting and I can do much more, I don't think is smart to stay outdoors with so many violence and crazy weather, I'm a letter carrier and when you see sheets of rain on tv or freak hail, it was on my back. I have to carry a 4d phone with me and I'm tracked so I woun't go off my route. First of all with economy I don't know where to start searching for another job, I don't want to belong to this IT world who makes our lives more restricted but instead I want to broaden up our horizonts somehow. Thanks for listening, sorry for typos, too tired. I believe you can get through this madness, as Mr G said it if you really wish something good for another they will find it in their next ten steps, and you are in my thoughts every day and I wish you stay protected and achieve everything you feel you need to achieve. Hugs to you and your friends and families

I wish you good luck. Sometimes we have to work jobs that are strange to us, or we think they are not for us. But if I understood correctly you are a post woman? So your job is important, I always feel sympathy for post carriers. Or carried letters. they are vital. We need them. It is a hard job and I think hard jobs help us in becoming strong, physically specially. So take care of you that are a witness of many things that are happening.

 

[loreta]

I felt that way a lot at the retail job I have now. And others telling me I should be thankful to have a job just didn't help me feel any better about it. What did help was realizing that no matter where I was or what I'm doing, do it to the best of my ability gave me my own sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. Despite any bad managers (and there are many) I would get a face to face compliment from a customer that would make it easier to keep on going.

Yesterday with Hesperides we went to a retail store and we were served by two young men so gentle and so present. I told them: it is really gentle to received so much good attention from you, we need "cariño", all of us, specially these days.

Some times when you have a job in a retail store you can think that people are not seeing you. Most do no see you but others yes, like me So every job one has it is a way to be present, I think so. To do the work. To help, in so many different ways. These days I have a lot of sympathy with people that work in stores. It is not a easy thing to work with public.

 

[cassandra]

When my daughter was in kindergarten she had a little friend there whose mother was
a cleaning lady. She was well-spoken, carried herself well and with dignity. Her apartment was attractive, although she had little money to spend. Her daughter was also very well dressed.
There were some fairly well-to-do families there also. No one looked down on this lady, because she acted as with full confidence, which nobody questioned, and there were a few bullies there I can tell you. I’ve often observed that people will tend to treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated. I‘ve seen it time and again.

I also admired a man who worked in MacDonald‘s, back in the day when I used to buy coffee and cakes there. Normally considered the lowest of jobs, that man owned the coffee and cake corner! He was so friendly and charming to the guests that people actually enjoyed spending time talking to him and stayed longer; he gave each customer a special experience. That‘s a first in that awful joint. I normally couldn’t wait to get out of there, with the poor miserable-looking workers, who obviously hated their jobs. I think he took a lot of pride in his work and I bet he made them tons of profit and was very popular. That was years ago and I still remember him.

Oh, and some people‘s opinions don’t count in my book. If they want to look down on me simply because I have a lower status or don‘t wear the right clothes, I just don‘t care anymore. Don‘t they know the wave is here? Poor them!

 

[NewEngland Seeker]

I'm a letter carrier

Letter carriers are the healthiest of all professions. Your strengthening your core energy with every step. You will come out of this with more personal power than you started with. In spite of all the other crap you have to deal with this is the gem that will grew.

 

[Woodsman]

Letter carriers are the healthiest of all professions. Your strengthening your core energy with every step. You will come out of this with more personal power than you started with. In spite of all the other crap you have to deal with this is the gem that will grew.

Indeed.

The metaphor is that of Information Conduit. -Like, an actual, no joke, boots on the ground information conduit. There's probably something in that worth paying attention to.

The downside would be having to carry a cell phone as a job requirement, but for my part, I love visiting the post office. Some of my favorite people work there.

 

[piliangie]

Hi Esprit :) I worked very hard the last few years on detaching myself and from falling into emotional & belief traps triggered by the events around me. I'm like a weird sponge since I can remember, always picking up other people's feelings and thoughts in my near surrounding or just by thinking about them. It was so hard for me to discern what's mine and what's their, it led to a lot of problems and sorrows through my life. As I made my peace with God/DCM things rapidly changed in that department as well, it's so much easier to just notice and feel, without being dragged down the path with it all.

That being said, I don't think I'm specially targeted, doesn't feel that way to me, even an episode of being sick for 24h left me more with a suspicion how something bad came into my town area with that dust and/or with the storm, to which I instantly reacted. Also, my daughter is very intuitive and similar to me (regarding the sponge thingy ;)) and her observations include a wide spectrum of people she's dealing with on daily basics and she noticed crazy increase in crazy happenings lately. Yes, people are under the stress cause of corona bullshit but it's summer here, holiday season, no lockdown at the moment and masks aren't mandatory except in stores and government buildings, public transport. Even those people disregard now in huge numbers. We don't have BLM issues here, I maybe see one black person every six months. So, all of that makes me wonder what's really going on around here?

It.makes sense what you experienced..in my town (is big) and I live in the border USA -Mexico...so is a very busy región, could be worst I think , but this last week I had 2 energy shut downs for many hours (8 to 11 hours) that is not common , I had problems with my internet cable company they are charging money that I don't owe them, the water company are charging more money on the recepits, my son's car was stold about a month ago, what I see is that all this small "issues" consume some energy from you....and if you are not aware of what is happening this can put you in some way I very bad moods...so everybody is transiting in different ways events not to pleasant ..we need to stay calm but aware of our sourroundings knowing that maybe is going to get worst before we see some fresh air ....

 

[Angchop]

I have had a lot of these same things going on. I have had ringing in the ears lately and the other night I was struck with some dizziness, which is rare for me ever. I have been having intense dreams too.

I have a friend whose neighbor shot himself a week ago. She already suffers from some mental problems and extreme anxiety, so this has really pushed her over the edge. She buys into all the Covid crap, and she is now holed up in her home, terrified of literally everything.
I have noticed more angry people out there...just short fuses all around. Another weird thing with me, I have been getting the chills randomly. It has been super hot here, and in the midst of the heat at work, I need to put on a jacket. My coworkers think I am crazy.

I often completely forget about Covid, until I head to work, or go to the grocery store. Seeing everyone in their masks saddens me...unfortunately is mandatory here in Washington state in every business to wear one, so I must put my gag on to go anywhere these days. Yesterday I had a couple of friends over for a little get together in the sun on my back deck, and it was really nice. They don't exactly buy into everything with the masks and Covid, so it was refreshing to enjoy their company.
I spend most of my free time reading, reading, reading! I have also been enjoying gardening.

The best thing that has happened with all of the Covid business, my husband has woken up! At first he was terrified that we were going to get the virus. I started pointing out inconsistencies in the official garbage, and talking with him about the changes that are happening. He is WIDE awake now. He wanted to alert everyone around him about the terror of the situation, and became discouraged when his friends won't see what is going on. I have told him at this point, you cannot give out knowledge that people do not want to receive. The best we can do is be there for people who have questions and ask.

It really feels like we have crossed the point of no going back...those that see, do. Those that don't, will never.

So happy to have this forum. Thanks for listening!

 

[Cleo]

Fire alarm at my place went off a couple times just the other day without any smoke present. First time it happened was in the early morning, around 5am..startling to wake up to, to say the least! Alarm lasted for maybe 10 seconds or so each time. Usually if it's low batteries the alarm will chirp but anyway...changed the batteries as it was seemingly insufficient battery power..

I was reading this thread couple days ago the same day the fire alarm went off. This incident and just the tension in the air in general (that others also speak about in this thread) makes me think of the Murphy's law adage.."Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." I also think of the words, 'take heed'..especially because of the topsy turvy times we're in. We dealt with the situation but I now realize it'd been even better if my husband I changed the batteries the first time it happened...later that evening we were in for another brief shock when it went off again.

Now back to reading others posts here, thanks for starting this thread by the way.

 

[gnosisxsophia]

...she's completely exhausted and commenting how she feels as if she's working in some wrong, parallel reality, opposite of the usual one.

Funny, that's exactly how I've felt since soon after Ark's new cap arrived last year...it's like being stuck in a bad movie drained of the energy to leave

Unfortunately not confined to work either, was driving home a little a while ago and not far out of a large regional town saw a lady, looking a little distressed, on the opposite side of the road with a flat front tire on her 4WD. On turning around and asking if she would like a hand, I was stunned when she told me she'd been there for nearly 3 hours and of the hundreds of cars that would have seen her, I was the first to stop...this is less than a minute out of a country town and totally unheard of!

Then on the flip side, early one recent afternoon on a quiet suburban street (in a nice area) happened to watch a car fail to give way to a motorcycle at a round-about. Not usually any big deal and as a rider, something that simply comes with the territory. But in this instance the guy on the bike decided to ride up alongside the driver to remonstrate, kicking the door for good measure. Where I was then stunned to see the car skid to a halt (sideways across the road, ignorant of the traffic coming in both directions) the driver and rider start trading blows through the open window (while both still seated) an occupant of the car jump out, pull the guy off his still running machine and proceed to a full blown melee (2 against one) on the wrong side of the road. Stopping traffic and in full view of a fleet of Mum's on the school run

An event, historically, where I probably would have attempted assistance but honestly, who can be bothered anymore?

Same here and this is something new to me.

Not sure whether to say welcome to the club or commiserations Tauriel, though I do still find it interesting to observe what thought or personal interaction corresponds with the phenomenon.

...more physical symptoms this week (sinus pressure, unsettled stomach, ringing ears, and fatigue).

Ditto, not sure if its related but have been the same for months...off food, exercise, everything. Wake up feeling like hammered shit, skull drag yourself through the day - repeat.

...other night I was struck with some dizziness, which is rare for me ever. I have been having intense dreams too.

Yeah the light-headedness is horrible isn't it, never knew why it was called 'seeing stars' until I experienced it. Have noticed I need to be very careful getting up or moving too quick lately - which is bloody ridiculous...

Had a very peculiar dream the other night too, found myself fronting up for a one on one meeting with Satan of all things - having been nominated as the most likely candidate by the members of the forum!

Not sure what to read into that one

 

[Brewer]

Thanks for sharing Color!

I've noticed it too and I hope things improve for all here, it's insane!

With me, I reversed into someone's car, despite being fully aware that it was there, was a momentary mental hiccup, I'm a professional driver and drive medium size fire trucks and stuff like this doesn't happen! Maybe it's middle age!

I bought some gold the other day, been dumping fiat into various things before it crashes. But I sent the cash to the wrong account despite triple checking the details, it's coming back but it's another first!

Two identical Rhodesian Ridgebacks let loose by irresponsible owners ran into my yard a couple of weeks ago and attacked one of my chickens. I drove them off and my hen seemed OK but she disappeared, thought she died from the shock. She turned up injured a few days later, some kindly neighbors up the road took her in, she should be OK.

I work at a health club and the patrons are behaving strangely, driving the awake and aware manageress crazy! Her 10 year old daughter had a costume day at school the other day, she came dressed as a unicorn. Bullied without mercy, other students filming her and her similarly dress friend and telling them it'll be all over social media within hours. What did the 'cool' girls dress up as? The splendid role models Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande! They're 10 years old!

On a brighter note, pandemic true believers I know do seem to be waking up. The ever increasing stupidity of the protocols we must abide by at my various jobs are getting to them, there is hope!

Take care and hang in there everybody!

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

I also noticed something the past week or 2 and last few days especially that is similar to what you guys are feeling. I have been feeling particularly anxious about my job, and feeling stronger than normal reluctance to do it, especially the more boring and repetitious parts. It’s to the point of absurdity - I’m not sure why I’ve been in so much inner conflict to just suck it up and do it.

Also this weekend has been particularly stormy with my girlfriend, which isn’t typical for us at all. It seems like the amount of emotions are not justified by the situation, and I was really surprised by how she took my failure to meet a deadline (read part of a book so we can discuss it on a certain day). It was my failure for sure, and there was no excuse other than an inner resistance which I wasn’t able to overcome by the due date, but I did not realize it would upset her this much or that it was so important to be on time for this. I figured I could try again the following week, but anyway, it just seemed out of character for how much it affected her. I also don’t know why I didn’t just read it - it really wouldn’t have been difficult at all. I think I was just “surviving” last few weeks and was highly demotivated for some reason. There’s no justification or excuse, which makes it more frustrating.

I kinda just wrote off my reluctance to be productive at work and at home to maybe a bout of depression or something, but the energy just feels abnormal and it comes with this anxiety I can’t seem to shake.

Anyway it’s nothing like the experiences some of you described, which are truly awful. It’s interesting the tendency of the mind to look for explanations - like maybe the lockdown is just wearing on me, or that my mom just started a new chemo treatment (this past Friday incidentally) for her breast cancer which recently spread to her ovaries and maybe I’m more impacted by the situation than I let myself believe. There’s always something to blame for being “off”, but it just feels like more than, though I can’t be sure either.

If this is really “hyperkinetic sensate” in its early stages hopefully we can all keep our cool and do our best to be patient and understanding with ourselves and others. Honest and clear communication, combined with EE breathing and as much access to nature as we can get away with will probably help stay grounded and make it through. It’s one of those things that you hope passes asap, but just in case it doesn’t plan to, we need to have faith in ourselves and remember that we came here fully prepared to handle it with grace. The timing is never convenient, but a scout is always prepared!

 

[loreta]

Thanks for sharing Color!

I've noticed it too and I hope things improve for all here, it's insane!

With me, I reversed into someone's car, despite being fully aware that it was there, was a momentary mental hiccup, I'm a professional driver and drive medium size fire trucks and stuff like this doesn't happen! Maybe it's middle age!

I bought some gold the other day, been dumping fiat into various things before it crashes. But I sent the cash to the wrong account despite triple checking the details, it's coming back but it's another first!

Two identical Rhodesian Ridgebacks let loose by irresponsible owners ran into my yard a couple of weeks ago and attacked one of my chickens. I drove them off and my hen seemed OK but she disappeared, thought she died from the shock. She turned up injured a few days later, some kindly neighbors up the road took her in, she should be OK.

I work at a health club and the patrons are behaving strangely, driving the awake and aware manageress crazy! Her 10 year old daughter had a costume day at school the other day, she came dressed as a unicorn. Bullied without mercy, other students filming her and her similarly dress friend and telling them it'll be all over social media within hours. What did the 'cool' girls dress up as? The splendid role models Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande! They're 10 years old!

On a brighter note, pandemic true believers I know do seem to be waking up. The ever increasing stupidity of the protocols we must abide by at my various jobs are getting to them, there is hope!

Take care and hang in there everybody!

It is more difficult I think so be present with all this craziness outside that's why we need more attention with what we do. The other day I went to the pharmacy that is far from my home so I forgot my money. Have to return to home and then return. (That's why I took 3 taxis). I was starting to be mad with me and then I say: some things are worst then what is happening to you. Be more careful please Loreta! Be careful. Be careful. It is very difficult and during this period of Corona I did stupidities and made errors me also, so being careful is a very important thing to do.

Then every medal have two sides. Because of my error I discovered a new park, something so beautiful with many many trees. And meet a young taxi driver that is also aware of this terrible hoax.

But concentration is vital. It is almost a question of survival these days.

 

[loreta]

I also noticed something the past week or 2 and last few days especially that is similar to what you guys are feeling. I have been feeling particularly anxious about my job, and feeling stronger than normal reluctance to do it, especially the more boring and repetitious parts. It’s to the point of absurdity - I’m not sure why I’ve been in so much inner conflict to just suck it up and do it.

Also this weekend has been particularly stormy with my girlfriend, which isn’t typical for us at all. It seems like the amount of emotions are not justified by the situation, and I was really surprised by how she took my failure to meet a deadline (read part of a book so we can discuss it on a certain day). It was my failure for sure, and there was no excuse other than an inner resistance which I wasn’t able to overcome by the due date, but I did not realize it would upset her this much or that it was so important to be on time for this. I figured I could try again the following week, but anyway, it just seemed out of character for how much it affected her. I also don’t know why I didn’t just read it - it really wouldn’t have been difficult at all. I think I was just “surviving” last few weeks and was highly demotivated for some reason. There’s no justification or excuse, which makes it more frustrating.

I kinda just wrote off my reluctance to be productive at work and at home to maybe a bout of depression or something, but the energy just feels abnormal and it comes with this anxiety I can’t seem to shake.

Anyway it’s nothing like the experiences some of you described, which are truly awful. It’s interesting the tendency of the mind to look for explanations - like maybe the lockdown is just wearing on me, or that my mom just started a new chemo treatment (this past Friday incidentally) for her breast cancer which recently spread to her ovaries and maybe I’m more impacted by the situation than I let myself believe. There’s always something to blame for being “off”, but it just feels like more than, though I can’t be sure either.

If this is really “hyperkinetic sensate” in its early stages hopefully we can all keep our cool and do our best to be patient and understanding with ourselves and others. Honest and clear communication, combined with EE breathing and as much access to nature as we can get away with will probably help stay grounded and make it through. It’s one of those things that you hope passes asap, but just in case it doesn’t plan to, we need to have faith in ourselves and remember that we came here fully prepared to handle it with grace. The timing is never convenient, but a scout is always prepared!

I hope your mom will be ok. You have many things on your elbows so the book you were suppose to read maybe can wait. I think so. And it is not just the lockdown but all the energy on the earth that touch us and we are humans after all, animals. How not to be touched by all what is happening?

 

[Nem]

Thank you guys for sharing, I do have some similar feelings/observations.

Since the covid-1984 mania shifted into full gear, the workload in our family business increased drastically. It didn't really bother me at first, on the contrary, it basically meant that we are doing financially more than fine and hopefully we could manage any potential future economical issues. I'm mostly responsible for technical customer service, answering phone calls from customers and managing technical teams on field.
And here lies the crux of the matter.

The number of customers acting insolent, expecting to get what they want immediately or being plainly speaking rude became unbearable. A bunch of petty tyrants like never before. Trying to be always emotionally distant I failed a few times. Once, while being yelled at through the phone I yelled and bursted back. The outcome was awful. Allowing the stupid drama to get inside me and identifying with it left me feeling severely drained and miserable.

Excluding the increased anxiety at work, some bigger ups and downs happen but I've noticed mainly in the recent weeks that my motivation/ perspective on things changed big time.
For example, a friend of mine is having a wedding party next month, a bunch of mutual friends are excited and I would usually be too, but right now it seems for me like it ain't anything worthwhile. The same with casual meetings or conversations. Any day to day dramas look minuscule and indifferent. Like a lot of "mainstream" things were losing color before but now it truly accelerated.
There surely is a feeling that something heavier crawls in like a tree waiting to be brought down with a loud smack.

Anyway, I've recently done an I-ching online, asking what would be the best thing to focus on in the upcoming months and the answer is quite interesting, taking into consideration the massive disintegration that is happening everywhere and the recent discussion about enhancing strategic enclosure:

25 - Twenty-Five
Wu Wang / Remaining Blameless

Thunder rolls beneath Heaven, as is its nature and place:
Sage rulers aligned themselves with the changing seasons, nurturing and guiding their subjects to do the same.

Exceptional Progress if you are mindful to keep out of the way of the natural Flow.
It would be a fatal error to try to alter its course.
This is a time of Being, not Doing.

SITUATION ANALYSIS:
This is thoroughly a matter of the heart.
If everything you attempt, no matter how carefully planned, ends in disarray, then examine your motives.
They are the cause of your predicament.
It isn't that your motives aren't pure -- even the best intentions will fail under these circumstances.
What stymies you in this situation is that you have a motive at all.
Free yourself of all expectations, release any tenuous grip you may have, and roll with it.
This is totally out of your control.
There are higher powers and more elements affecting the outcome of this situation than you can imagine.
Get out of their way.

 

[ryu]

Thank you @Color for starting this thread, I was having a mini-depression on my own and didn't take into account that this could be partly triggered by the Wave. I went to visit family members and usually it goes well, but this time things were much more difficult. My younger sister whom I am close became a little authoritarian over the last months and she just runs with the COVID + BLM nonsense and there is no way to reason with her. It's like she's on autopilot. The whole family was tense, fights flared up out of nowhere.

I also went in Paris and on the Island of Ré to visit friends, and I by talking to them and people in their area (shopkeepers, waiters, neighbours) I learned that many where shocked by the agressivity of people since the lifting of the lockdown. Things had gotten worse and worse these last 5 years, but since June, agressivity had taken a whole new level.

I also had fits of anger, sadness, depression that came and went out of nowhere. Most of the time I managed to keep it under wraps. Those emotionals flares burned my energy and after I was feeling depressed for having so much anger and violence within me.
I also practiced the "strategic enclosure to the max" because oh boy, I ran into people who would turn you in and/or bite off your face if you had a poor choice of words or express an opinion that is not in line with the MSM. I guess the mask of sanity is beginning to drop for many people, and others are just frustrated at the insanity of society post-covid.