Why am i scared of the forum?

[RedFox]

Remember we are all rooting for each other to do well and achieve our goals. I don't think anyone is going to shoot you down for anything you say. If there are lessons to be learned in my experience it is approached in a gentle and understanding manner.

Agreed! And we can't root for you if you don't post anything!
Brain's response to threat silenced when we are reminded of being loved and cared for

Also on 'unlearning' - Is it possible to rewire your brain to change bad habits, thoughts & feelings?

Time after time have i deleted a post or spent to long dwelling on what to say, or more importantly, not say!

I know this very well. I felt the same when I started posting here. It is good to think about what to post. That is the main point. But on the other hand, don't overthink. Simple responses here or there already help other people, and yourself. :)

Overthinking as a type of 'not thinking'
Studies Show the Value of Not Overthinking a Decision

 

[hesperides]

quote from patty2292

The way in which i type is completely self orientated and I struggle to avoid conveying anything without 'I', 'My', Me'! Due to this, it could be said that anything i post would be completely narcissistic or something of a 'status boost' for my Ego.

It could also been said that exposing your feelings with your own words like you perceive them, i.e. narcissistic, wouldn´t be lying to yourself as much as if you would manage to appear as a knowledgeable forum member. :P

There is also another thing that I came to a better understanding, which is that individual feelings have a familiar taste of their own and because of it, makes me believe I know more about myself than I actually do. I´ve been realizing this while redacting posts. In the beginning, I thought it was just caused by mixed issues between not being English and not being particularly skillful as a writer, but then it became more obvious that the real issue here was a lack of deeper reflection and work. I see that the fear of exposing myself here has a lot more to do with recognizing my own limitations, which in itself is much freeing, in fact!

 

[Dylan]

I'm starting to recognize the benefits of the ideas presented here on this forum, and also have some reluctance to post rather than lurk. The idea of posting once a day, just to get used to it makes sense to me, kind of like exercising to build muscle.

On a positive note, I finished a project a day ahead of schedule this week, and rather than start a new job and being that my wife is home from work today too, after doing a half hours work dumping my truck and fueling it up,
I have decided to carpe diem and kick it with the fam. Also, I'll be taking a more in depth look at the EE program threads.

Patty, I feel your pain, so to speak. The ideas and authors who present them are a tad intimidating, but I suppose it's a good thought to remind oneself of the positive effect absorbing them and using them to transform yourself that will provide a counter to the fear. Tally ho!

 

[Chad]

A few tips i may offer:

Comment on easier posts: 'What are you listening to?' 'What's the weather where you are?' 'What are your programs?' At the very least these will ease you in to it and you are less likely to have any critical responses. Plus it excersizes your ability to 'see objective reality left and right' and demonstrates your current understandings.

Pepper your comments with qualifiers like 'i think' or 'i feel' 'fwiw', this communicates to the other person you are not stating absolutes and are open to discussion and are merely sharing your viewpoint.

One thing that is becoming apparent, especially with the most recent C's transcript, is that the forum is a clever filter and scary prospect for a great many members - just look at the 'freezing before posting thread' - but, and here's the rub, it's the most effective way at seeing who is willing to make those super efforts and those who crumble at the mere thought of them. Or those who instead of getting involved, because it would reveal their error, try to recreate a 'forum-lite' , bypassing the whole point of 'seeing yourself objectively'.

If you can't bear to post for a day, read threads related to what you'd like to comment on, let it stew in your head, forget it, then when you come back to it, hopefully there'll be a few snappy points that have passed your standards and you can feel a bit more confident when you do.

Remember that, for the most part, members want this forum to be active and constructive and they understand how the world contorts our thinking, so any dispute is simply another attempt at understanding each other. Should anyone speak out of turn, you can be sure a more experienced member will be there as support.

I can't even begin to describe some of the colours my face turned due to a perceived embarrasment or fear of the 'retribution'. I was particularly afraid because i viewed the forum with great respect so i wanted to be genuinely accepted. "But what if i'm not acceptable and this will be the unveiling?" That's probably not the case, and if it were, better for everyone it's out in the open! Can't work on something you don't acknowledge.

And expectations can only grow with participation, so you may feel the pressure in your current position, but once you're tackled that, you'll only set yourself further goals which are equally daunting. But it does get easier.And then you begin to really appreciate the role this filter plays. Once you feel you have conveyed who you are - which can only come with posting! - there's less chance of being misunderstood.

Finally, Laura mentioned in another post something along the lines of: If you can't stand the heat of the kitchen, you won't get the benefits of the bacon - words to that effect :P

FWIW :)

 

[patty2292]

Many thanks for the affirmation that it does get easier Lainey.
Ive already seemed to boost my confidence from simply posting about my lack of confidence and fully looking through categories within the forum im interested in.
I would definitely agree that i have a fear. It is not a fear of not being accepted, more a fear of actually being accepted. Or to the point, accepting myself fully.

The posts you linked from SotT Redfox have been opened, are ready to read right after steak !

It could also been said that exposing your feelings with your own words like you perceive them, i.e. narcissistic, wouldn´t be lying to yourself as much as if you would manage to appear as a knowledgeable forum member. :P

Its hard not to put on an alternate cyber personality when communicating through networks for me. Social media websites and messangers from an early age have left me somewhat tainted to create an online character that i can be online.
This could possibly be the reason why i have been afraid to start posting... Something on the inside, doesnt want to let me fully be me

In the beginning, I thought it was just caused by mixed issues between not being English and not being particularly skillful as a writer, but then it became more obvious that the real issue here was a lack of deeper reflection and work. I see that the fear of exposing myself here has a lot more to do with recognizing my own limitations, which in itself is much freeing, in fact!

Fully agreeable for myself, in regards to the lack of knowledge and self work that ive fully put in.
It saddens me, yet motivates me even more, to think that i have not put 100% effort in or been 100% true to myself.

I'm starting to recognize the benefits of the ideas presented here on this forum, and also have some reluctance to post rather than lurk. The idea of posting once a day, just to get used to it makes sense to me, kind of like exercising to build muscle.

The logic in this can be seen easily! Im only now coming to terms with the fact that it is not everybody else that is so damn scary, but rather it is me that is so damn scared!

On a positive note, I finished a project a day ahead of schedule this week, and rather than start a new job and being that my wife is home from work today too, after doing a half hours work dumping my truck and fueling it up,
I have decided to carpe diem and kick it with the fam. Also, I'll be taking a more in depth look at the EE program threads.

Personally, ive found that the EE program is a really essential part of what people do here. Phases have been passed where i do it alot, or i do not. There is sometimes again, a deep fear to do EE as im normally in a very emotional state after the Baha section.
I do listen to the Prayer of the Soul regularly to fall asleep too. It is so pleasant and relaxing.
Hope you have a lovely day with the family Dylan, thank you for the time to respond :):)

 

[crystalicdream]

Time after time have i deleted a post or spent to long dwelling on what to say, or more importantly, not say!

I know this very well. I felt the same when I started posting here. It is good to think about what to post. That is the main point. But on the other hand, don't overthink. Simple responses here or there already help other people, and yourself. :)

Overthinking as a type of 'not thinking'
Studies Show the Value of Not Overthinking a Decision

This is actually very helpful to me! Because I am the type of person who overthinks virtually everything to the point it drives me nuts. It also makes it hard for me to come to a decision quickly, I always have to sleep over any decision first. Very good articles, thanks for sharing, RedFox!

 

[the+other+ben]

Time after time have i deleted a post or spent to long dwelling on what to say, or more importantly, not say!

I know this very well. I felt the same when I started posting here. It is good to think about what to post. That is the main point. But on the other hand, don't overthink. Simple responses here or there already help other people, and yourself. :)

Overthinking as a type of 'not thinking'
Studies Show the Value of Not Overthinking a Decision

This is actually very helpful to me! Because I am the type of person who overthinks virtually everything to the point it drives me nuts. It also makes it hard for me to come to a decision quickly, I always have to sleep over any decision first. Very good articles, thanks for sharing, RedFox!

I also suffer from "analysis paralysis"-- overthinking some things where the end result is no decision is made and I've wasted much time and energy. At least I'm aware I'm doing it but I need to relearn how to make effective decisions. Those articles were very helpful in increasing my understanding of the problem. Thanks!

 

[Menna]

For me, it manifests in a feeling of inadequacy - the thought that I cannot contribute anything of real value to a group of people that is so much further ahead - that also holds me back from posting on this forum more often.

Your emotions of fear are controlling your intellect turning it towards doubt it's not just a feeling if inadequacy but both your emotional center and intellectual center feel/think inadequate and is blinding you from the reality that is.....

These "so much farther ahead people" have all started out not so far ahead and if one is far ahead they got there through learning not only intellectually but emotionally and most likely have empathy for others at their level because that was once them. If you really trust in the forum then it is important to act on that trust if you don't and you don't want to take a leap of faith of getting more involved "putting yourself out there" then don't wait until your being is ready. Also there are many aspects of the work where one might be ahead in some area and that same person might be lacking in another area. Somone who is newly participating can have questions that bring "farther along people" back to the beginning of "The Work" and in doing this the farther along person now thinks about the question IMO with a new being. They originally thought about the question years ago when they first came across the work and because of this another realization can be sparked. There are many ways to help without providing new knowledge by asking insightful questions or giving your perspective based on your level. I feel that the want to contribute/improve as a person has to be stronger then the ego/fear/self doubt...It has to come from within you. Maybe it would be a good idea to read your post and this thread and then sit with yourself for a moment and ask yourself what is it that you really want.

 

[lainey]

Personally, ive found that the EE program is a really essential part of what people do here. Phases have been passed where i do it alot, or i do not. There is sometimes again, a deep fear to do EE as im normally in a very emotional state after the Baha section.

It has been advised to only practice the beatha portion of the programme twice a week. On a Monday and a Thursday. That way you are likely to be doing it at the same time as someone else. As this can be the most intense part you might feel like skipping it completely so you can take the time to slowly feel and work through the emotions and issues that it can bring to the surface. It may be an idea to read through the EE guide and then add your experiences to the EE thread. That is a great way to get you started with posting as well.
Good luck!
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,12837.0.html
Sorry I can't find the online guide at the minute. I'll come back and post a link once I can get on my netbook.

 

[crystalicdream]

For me, it manifests in a feeling of inadequacy - the thought that I cannot contribute anything of real value to a group of people that is so much further ahead - that also holds me back from posting on this forum more often.

Your emotions of fear are controlling your intellect turning it towards doubt it's not just a feeling if inadequacy but both your emotional center and intellectual center feel/think inadequate and is blinding you from the reality that is.....

These "so much farther ahead people" have all started out not so far ahead and if one is far ahead they got there through learning not only intellectually but emotionally and most likely have empathy for others at their level because that was once them. If you really trust in the forum then it is important to act on that trust if you don't and you don't want to take a leap of faith of getting more involved "putting yourself out there" then don't wait until your being is ready. Also there are many aspects of the work where one might be ahead in some area and that same person might be lacking in another area. Somone who is newly participating can have questions that bring "farther along people" back to the beginning of "The Work" and in doing this the farther along person now thinks about the question IMO with a new being. They originally thought about the question years ago when they first came across the work and because of this another realization can be sparked. There are many ways to help without providing new knowledge by asking insightful questions or giving your perspective based on your level. I feel that the want to contribute/improve as a person has to be stronger then the ego/fear/self doubt...It has to come from within you. Maybe it would be a good idea to read your post and this thread and then sit with yourself for a moment and ask yourself what is it that you really want.

This is actually really helpful and made me realize that my fear is unfounded. You are right - us newbies, by asking questions and participating, can bring the people further along the path to new insights by confronting them with older questions that they could need a refresher on! I don't know why, but this has never crossed my mind before you brought up this point. This actually convinced me to make the effort to participate more on here.
I am currently reading "Petty Tyrants" from the Wave series, and there are so many things that resonated with me and some questions that came up, maybe I can start with that.
I have always felt something within me that has always pushed me to search the truth, so it would be a real shame to give it up now just because of my ego trying to stop me.
Thank you. I have found a renewed determination with this!

 

[Menna]

The self doubt "ego" or whatever you want to call it will continue to re service. Even when you make progress it will sneak up on you and im not sure if it ever goes away completely. However as you continue you get a "taste" for it you can choose to let it pass/ignore it because you know what it is. Again EE has been mentioned and when you feel this ego controlling your emotions and intellect its a good idea to find a quiet place and practice EE as this relaxes your body so that you can think clearer as you get more of a feeling for this clear thinking you will be able to recognize it and stick with it more and more.... Cheers :)

 

[Cosmos]

Thank you Patty 2292 for posting this, you have more company than you realize.

Thank you for the solace :)!!

Personally i do have alot more material to get through before i can fully contribute and assist to others on here.

...

Here is one way of participating as you are reading the material which may be of help to others as well. When you feel like you need more clarification on some point or have some insight to share about the material you are reading, use the search function to locate forum threads where the topic has been brought up in the past and post your question or comment there. You may "resurrect" old threads with valuable info which others may have forgotten about or could use a refresher on. You may have raised a question which others had but were too shy or lazy to ask. Given the complex nature of many topics discussed here, it is often helpful to look at things periodically with fresh eyes to improve understanding - at least that has been my experience.

Of course feel free to start a thread if the topic you are asking or sharing about has not come up in the forum search engine.

The reply is most welcomed Obyvatel!
Ive done that on the odd occasion in the past, and i do find alot of my books via the threads and recommendations on the forum - but i do need to make a more conscious effort to my reading/learning. If i did not grasp something within the book, i just lazily ignore it and keep going. My lazy self thinks that it would take to long to search for some more info and explanation, and then to re-read.
I have put several books down because i could not fully follow, or as i see it more clearly now - i did not understand .
Thank you for making that point clear to me. Again my ego is always in a rush to get to the end of a book to cross it off the list. But whats the point if ive not even took any of it in !!!

I think right about everybody here thinks that they have not read enough, but it is essential to just share and contribute in the network, even if you think you "are not ready yet because you haven't read enough", which isn't true.

From what you have shared so far, I think it would be helpful to you and the network if you (and everybody else, who thinks in the same lines, for that matter) to just contribute in the network in whatever way possible. You could also see it like this: The more people get engaged in the network, the better it gets.

And as others have said, the more you contribute the less afraid you will be.

 

[Xico]

hello Everyone:

i have the same problem, even though i have read all wave series and Sott, and all Laura's books, but when it is time to post on some topic that i feel interested in, i freeze and i can't think of anything to say.. i know this may sound silly but it is the truth...

regards to all of you :)

 

[archangelbob]

I like the question Huxley.
And I like the responses, all of it very valid.

I would only add that some of the anxiety comes from self-confidence about writing. This is simply a matter of experience, and building a body of experience.
I would suggest responding to posts offline, or out of the forum. Learn to write with abandon and just as important to edit ruthlessly, - so that you can get to the heart of what it is you have to say. You might end up deleting it, you may learn you have a lot to say. But above all, you will find the process helps to instill that innate honesty one sees in the writings of the more established members.

Everything takes practice. It takes practice to have feelings and acknowledge feelings without acting from feelings.
There is no universal law that we have to practice basic writing and editing skills in public. It helps but the key work is the work you do in solitude. In your mind.
It is important when doing 'the work' to be self-correcting. But that takes practice. It takes practice in our minds to learn to see what is pertinent. It takes practice to develop new pathways. It takes practice using new language, new adjective application, expressing clarity. This is true when you are sharing your responses to posts as well as formulating the questions your process reveals you have.

fwiw, I am sure it is repetitive on some level.

Peace
AB

 

[cheezemurda49]

I've felt scared to look at cassiopaea website before.. And you know, I feel it even now.. Well now that I've actually registered and have made posts, etc., I'm feeling it MORE

Sometimes, its just a lot of information to process and experiment with, it takes time. You wouldn't start baking another cake in the middle of eating the first one. (Or maybe you would, I don't reaallly know.. )

On the other hand, I get this.. Oh no I'm the predator and I'm gonna be found out any minute now!! That feeling..

If your computer froze up, it seems you are REALLY scared, hesitant, making every attempt to deny yourself access.

I'm fighting that.. Cuz I've denied myself access, too too much. AND even now, I just wanna.. Actually I don't wanna. But I feel.. Which is probably some kind a mind control going on.. Oh yes, enjoy the ride. But I do feel like I wanna just say I'm sorry guys, I'm gonna go die now, sorry to bother you.

Maybe I really am the worst predator 3rd density ever saw... Or maybe I'm brighter than the sun 7th density Angel...

FEAR NOTHING.