Hi Jasophoria
I've just read this thread through very carefully - twice.
Here are some thoughts and observations.
You believe you have been called back here by some means. But I note:
This I find sad - because you left. Nobody ordered you out of the house. You left. And now you are threatening a third storm out. Do you not see how this sounds like a child throwing a tantrum! If you won't accept me on my terms alone I'll slam the door as I leave!?
Now please don't take offense and I absolutely mean none. I'm just suggesting you re read your own words and - with allowance for language - it is rather extreme.
Why would you come back if you plan on storming out after just the mildest of engagement?
I can actually hear the sincerity in your first post/s. I do believe you were excited and thrilled to be 'called' back home.
And I believe that this is just about the safest and most valuable place any soul could find themselves in these terrible times.
So why are the self-appointed-sanctity of your hurt feelings more important than your immortal soul? That is a genuine question. Can you honestly explain?
I would also point out the following I have highlighted. Again your own words:
You see the core of this place is called THE WORK for a reason. Its tough. Its demanding. I fail all the time! I quote Samuel Beckett here: Fail. Fail again. Fail Better!
You can't get by on love and light and 'being a healer' and flowers. I can tell you from hard experience that the idea of beating one's mind with a hammer - a very ancient idea - means you have to put in the hard, painful, laborious effort of inputting the information of the divine universe , wrestling with it and hammering yourself until such time as eventually the mosaic begins to form - where the literally millions of strands begin to link, blend, re colour, shape a whole new mind - a whole perspective that will literally transform you. I can tell you there are no short cuts.
So if you are honestly admitting that you have other priorities (fine) and have a life and other things to do (really?) - then absolutely, go do them.
But I would suggest you might see that coming on here again and increasingly demanding you get taken on your terms is a bit like a 4 year old marching into a quantum physics lecture hall in senior college and demanding that the language be changed because its giving them a headache!
I can see how the very first few posts in the thread maybe seemed a little forceful in a certain hardcore perspective. I respect the posters and I can hear where they were coming from. And maybe that approach wasn't as helpful to the state you were in as you returned here. But as you can imagine we are all human here - and there is a great sense of momentum, change, strain in the air, and we all share in that and patience may be a little thinner than normal (I am surprised you have not mentioned how you are doing by the way in the face of what is happening now? Are you frightened?)
So I will just share with you something that we are all trying to do. In particular I would suggest you read with great care the first paragraph from the C's and then the very last intention. It might explain something:
But that does not mean love is about cuddles and turning a blind eye when someone is in denial either. That would not be love. Love is not about avoidance or pretend.
So before you slam the door. Think again. Think about what Laura has said to you here. And fail better! Come down off your protective high horse and perhaps start again...
But if you cant then leave quietly. No one will stop you. No one is going to beg. Quite the opposite. You have to do the asking - and that is why people here are pointing out that in all your posts the I word keeps coming up - with no thought yet about anyone else beyond that...?
Service to Others (and we are all only hopeful candidates here) means exactly that! With no yes but!
So final question - what is it you think you have to offer others here?
I've just read this thread through very carefully - twice.
Here are some thoughts and observations.
You believe you have been called back here by some means. But I note:
I already left 2 times before because of something like this.
And 3 times is the border.
This I find sad - because you left. Nobody ordered you out of the house. You left. And now you are threatening a third storm out. Do you not see how this sounds like a child throwing a tantrum! If you won't accept me on my terms alone I'll slam the door as I leave!?
Now please don't take offense and I absolutely mean none. I'm just suggesting you re read your own words and - with allowance for language - it is rather extreme.
Why would you come back if you plan on storming out after just the mildest of engagement?
I can actually hear the sincerity in your first post/s. I do believe you were excited and thrilled to be 'called' back home.
And I believe that this is just about the safest and most valuable place any soul could find themselves in these terrible times.
So why are the self-appointed-sanctity of your hurt feelings more important than your immortal soul? That is a genuine question. Can you honestly explain?
I would also point out the following I have highlighted. Again your own words:
And i read a bit of the material, but it is so much, and no offense, but i got a life, lol, so its not realy doable to read everything.
Sertant knowledge can also get you killed.
The first time i came on this forum, and introduced myself, i got all the links to everything on this forum kind of shoved through my throat.
The second time i came back here, someone else was introducing him\her self, and he\she also got it shoved trough their troat.
Can't I just get useful things out of it for me personally?
If I have to read everything, then I can't participate completely, because I can't even read many of the things, too complicated.
The first time i came on this forum I have read a lot, but honestly can't remember what exactly anymore.
Like i sad, i have a life, and like to do other stuf too.
You see the core of this place is called THE WORK for a reason. Its tough. Its demanding. I fail all the time! I quote Samuel Beckett here: Fail. Fail again. Fail Better!
You can't get by on love and light and 'being a healer' and flowers. I can tell you from hard experience that the idea of beating one's mind with a hammer - a very ancient idea - means you have to put in the hard, painful, laborious effort of inputting the information of the divine universe , wrestling with it and hammering yourself until such time as eventually the mosaic begins to form - where the literally millions of strands begin to link, blend, re colour, shape a whole new mind - a whole perspective that will literally transform you. I can tell you there are no short cuts.
So if you are honestly admitting that you have other priorities (fine) and have a life and other things to do (really?) - then absolutely, go do them.
But I would suggest you might see that coming on here again and increasingly demanding you get taken on your terms is a bit like a 4 year old marching into a quantum physics lecture hall in senior college and demanding that the language be changed because its giving them a headache!
I can see how the very first few posts in the thread maybe seemed a little forceful in a certain hardcore perspective. I respect the posters and I can hear where they were coming from. And maybe that approach wasn't as helpful to the state you were in as you returned here. But as you can imagine we are all human here - and there is a great sense of momentum, change, strain in the air, and we all share in that and patience may be a little thinner than normal (I am surprised you have not mentioned how you are doing by the way in the face of what is happening now? Are you frightened?)
So I will just share with you something that we are all trying to do. In particular I would suggest you read with great care the first paragraph from the C's and then the very last intention. It might explain something:
Life is religion. Life experiences reflect how one interacts with God. Those who are asleep are those of little faith in terms of their interaction with the creation. Some people think that the world exists for them to overcome or ignore or shut out. For those individuals, the worlds will cease. They will become exactly what they give to life. They will become merely a dream in the "past." People who pay strict attention to objective reality right and left, become the reality of the "Future." (28 Sep 2002)
* be extra-excellent to each other
* be extra-generous
* be extra-compassionate
* pray to the DCM to help us see our hidden errors and enable us to correct them
* not run away from suppressed feelings and memories but face them
* get a grip on any feelings of jealousy or resentment, conscious or unconscious, and act against those impulses
* feel and show love to others, and act based on love and knowledge and courage
* avoid spending your energy in useless discussion
But that does not mean love is about cuddles and turning a blind eye when someone is in denial either. That would not be love. Love is not about avoidance or pretend.
So before you slam the door. Think again. Think about what Laura has said to you here. And fail better! Come down off your protective high horse and perhaps start again...
But if you cant then leave quietly. No one will stop you. No one is going to beg. Quite the opposite. You have to do the asking - and that is why people here are pointing out that in all your posts the I word keeps coming up - with no thought yet about anyone else beyond that...?
Service to Others (and we are all only hopeful candidates here) means exactly that! With no yes but!
So final question - what is it you think you have to offer others here?