Depression As A Stepping Stone (to Soul Growth)

[kenlee]

Try to be aware of the mode and means of said attack to close the door. Most of these attacks are psychological. Learn, read, become aware of as much of the psychological material as you can.

When I was learning how to drive a truck they told us to imagine a bubble surrounding the vehicle. The distance/extension of the bubble should be such that one has adequate time and distance to maneuver the vehicle around all and any possible dangerous/threatening situations that one can envision happening within the field of that bubble. In this way one will also be better prepared and ready for any unforeseen possibilities as well.

If one can envision that bubble as ‘time’ then one can also mentally/visually imagine what possible dangerous/threatening situations can occur in the very short term future and prepare oneself practically and mentally accordingly, kinda like driving a vehicle in traffic as described above. The mental preparedness will also keep one mentally/physically alert to deal with any unforeseen situations as well. We were told that if one is driving a bus with multiple stops then while doing all the above one should also keep in mind only the next stop directly ahead and not the many other stops that go beyond that, otherwise the looking at the far stops could confuse one and one may forget the next stop directly ahead.

And always keeping in mind the larger picture such as knowing as much as possible about the overall terrain, knowing possible weather conditions, where you are going, and having a compass… and a map!

Also, prior to driving there is the very important pre-trip inspection which is knowing all about the vehicle and being able to spot potential equipment failures and problems ahead of time.

 

[genero81]

It is getting dark. The world is very strange at this time of the day. We are very noticeable here and something is coming to us. It may seem to be wind to you, because wind is all you know. Here it comes. Look how it is searching for us. It's something that hides in the wind and looks like a whorl, a cloud, a mist, a face that twirls around. It moves in a specific direction. It either tumbles or it twirls. A hunter must know all that in order to move correctly.

To believe that the world is only as you think it is, is stupid. The world is a mysterious place. Especially in the twilight. This can follow us. It can make us tired or it might even kill us. At this time of the day, in the twilight, there is no wind. At this time there is only power.

"...there have certainly been attempts to imbue the [ineffable unknown] with attributes [it] does not have. But that always happens when impressionable people learn to perform acts that require great sobriety. Seers come in all sizes and shapes....there are scores of imbeciles who become seers. Seers are human beings full of foibles, or rather, human beings full of foibles are capable of becoming seers. Just as in the case of miserable people who become superb scientists. The characteristic of miserable seers is that they are willing to forget the wonder of the world. They become overwhelmed by the fact that they see and believe that it is their genius that counts. A seer must be a paragon in order to override the nearly invincible laxness of our human condition. More important than seeing itself is what seers do with what they see.

The saying: "Knowledge Protects" is wholly applicable to the inner revolution that takes place within the seeker. For all of our lives we are slaves to the programs that are set in motion by our negative emotions. Our intellectual centers steal this energy and produce all kinds of rationalizations, suppressions, fantasies of power or illusions that we have "mastered" the emotion simply because we are able to suppress it, or tell ourselves egotistical things like: "I'm better than that because see! I can suppress my reactions. I can say nice things when I am really boiling mad. That is what makes me superior." With knowledge of the true nature of reality and the programs that run in us, we are enabled to completely halt any such usurpation, to allow the concentration of the emotions - whether negative or positive - which then set our entire being on a higher vibration.

And so, in the end, we think that depression is a normal reaction to the death of illusion, to the growing of the ability to "see the unseen," and the result of collecting "impressions" of the deep reality - "B" influences. But one should not stay depressed. It is at this point more than any other that one must observe. Is the depression a program? Is it generated from outside, such as the many mind control programs we know are being utilized in the present day? Is it anger at God or reality turned inward? In any case, the individual must observe the self carefully, and must utilize will and determination to separate the thoughts and actions from the pure emotion and then, simultaneous with feeling it, must acknowledge its source and effect on himself.

I picked out these quotes because to me, they touch on some crucial points. It's not easy at all. One must continue through the whole process and not be content that because you SEE a little, the rest will come. For me, even what I thought I understood changes so that almost nothing remains of what I thought before. I say almost, because I know it will continue until there is nothing left of my old life (lie).

The death of the false personality comes only by persistent purging of lies and programs. It is hard to describe. If lucid dreaming has any value, I would say that it's similar to trying to remember not to let negative emotions run programs. But rather to feel those emotions and find out what's causing them. When lucid in a dream, it's easy to get caught back into the drama of it and forget you are dreaming.

But you must learn what is real and what is not. "A hunter must know all that in order to move correctly."

 

[Gawan]

Really thanks for that thread!

In the last couple of days I have been also very depressed. And yesterday, where I wanted to start to read this thread, because I felt very depressed and have been looking for: "what is depression about". I got suddenly a short message on my mobile and depression has been lifted up/gone.

But what is happening sometimes, that there is a strong self-destructive force running along with feeling depressed. In my case, when I'm standing on a balcony, or walking over a bridge: thoughts, and a kind of urgency to move (moving center?) is coming up, that means: "you should jump now, make an end", where I go more into the middle of the bridge, or touch something.
To this day it has been all the time helpful to me, to talk to myself: "No, I want to live and do something."


Anyway, how is thread related to this one: The First Victory. Comments on LKJ's "Depression as a Stepping Stone?"?

 

[Beau]

Anyway, how is thread related to this one: The First Victory. Comments on LKJ's "Depression as a Stepping Stone?"?

That thread is a discussion of the article that Laura has copied into the first few posts on this thread.

 

[Turgon]

The saying: "Knowledge Protects" is wholly applicable to the inner revolution that takes place within the seeker. For all of our lives we are slaves to the programs that are set in motion by our negative emotions. Our intellectual centers steal this energy and produce all kinds of rationalizations, suppressions, fantasies of power or illusions that we have "mastered" the emotion simply because we are able to suppress it, or tell ourselves egotistical things like: "I'm better than that because see! I can suppress my reactions. I can say nice things when I am really boiling mad. That is what makes me superior." With knowledge of the true nature of reality and the programs that run in us, we are enabled to completely halt any such usurpation, to allow the concentration of the emotions - whether negative or positive - which then set our entire being on a higher vibration.

When we cultivate the inner "peace that passes understanding," which is the result of the transmutation of negative emotions, our opportunities for exploiting negative emotions become rather scarce, as noted. It is then, as also noted, that it is realized that the only other source of negative emotions is outside us - what Don Juan referred to as "Petty Tyrants." We must obtain the necessary shocks from the "world at large," so to say.

This kind of shock is never lacking for those who work in the world, which is why remaining "in the world" is so valuable to esoteric work. To the Matrix, anyone who "moves against" the General Law is a fugitive and The Matrix takes immediate steps - a whole series of appropriate measures - to make the rebel fall back into line.

This is the great struggle of the Grail Quest - the Invisible Combat on whose outcome the fate of the Knight depends. The uninterrupted combat lasts the whole length of the Staircase and the Seeker does not obtain his final victory until after the last trials, when he finds himself in front of the Second Threshold.

The struggle is painful, especially because one does not recognize the enemy until after one has been hit; his approach is always masked in infinitely varied ways: considerations, seduction, a desire to be useful or agreeable, condescensions, noble attitudes, and so on.

But whoever commits himself on this field of battle can still find help. This help comes to him from the depths of his being and from outside him. In the first case, it is his absolute sincerity towards himself, and the purity of the flames of desire for Truth with which his soul is ablaze. This is his "faith." It is a certainty of the invisible realms. But, since the invisible is unknown by definition, the most ardent faith can be sincerely mistaken and the knight may serve evil with all his heart, with a sincere mistake. He can be thus defeated by false teachings.

The example of St. Paul describes this condition. But, this same example shows that the heart aflame with desire for TRUTH - by its existence and sincerity - can call forth a response from the Universe that can act as "vision on the road to Damascus."

In this sense, the law: tendencies accentuate, applies. This is expressed in common parlance as "only the first step counts" and applies algebraically, that is, in a positive or negative sense. An example: in terms of moral effort, it is no less difficult to steal for the first time than to practice an unaccustomed virtue. Repeated actions of either path creates a habit, a force of inertia. Persons whose foundation is begun on lies, who then cover those lies with more lies with the pretense of "explaining" the initial lies, are simply cementing their habit of lying, and accelerating their descent into the STS mode of existence which only results in disintegration. Conversely, each partial victory over negative emotions while faced with simultaneous and reiterated attacks, augments the reserve of fine energies and so strengthens the Knight's strength in the battle.

In the course of this Invisible Combat, a particular passion, the same mirage, loses its power over the victor once he has overcome it once, twice or more times. So, while the Knight advances on the Staircase his inner peace becomes more and more complete and unalterable. He will see his assailants waver and retreat, one by one. He has established a steady and permanent peace within himself and has thus become unmovable by inner or outer shocks. This inner peace is achieved by fusion.

This part of the commentary really struck a chord with me. I've really noticed how if you let negative emotion fester and express itself through the creation of negative scenarios in your mind it really does reach your lower centers. I noticed my emotions generate in my chest (4th chakra) area and that if the emotion is negative in nature and I allow it to consume my thinking it moves (or spreads?) to my stomach area. Depending on the intensity of the emotion it sometimes can cause nausea or stomach sickness.

I have tried the First Victory Technique, when a negative emotion arises, don't try and control it, just observe and see what happens, and I've noted that most of the time it dissipates. I'm not sure if I sense any type of vibration (at least not a noticeable one) but there is a sensation that usually follows. It's hard to describe it any other way because its barely noticeable.

Anyways, I have a question for some forum members. How does one truly recognize if a person in their life is truly an "enemy" or not. Recently, I sense that I've gone back a few steps. I've been trying to figure it out and notice that when I interact with certain people they have an affect on me that has residual affects when I'm not even around them. My thinking starts to change and I give in to negative emotions. But due to my situation in my life, It's almost impossible for me to avoid them. Should I even avoid them. I am using the techniques from the First Victory, but sometimes get caught up in it, and I dont realize it until afterwards.

Moderator note: Fixed quote box

 

[PepperFritz]

...How does one truly recognize if a person in their life is truly an "enemy" or not. Recently, I sense that I've gone back a few steps. I've been trying to figure it out and notice that when I interact with certain people they have an affect on me that has residual affects when I'm not even around them. My thinking starts to change and I give in to negative emotions. But due to my situation in my life, It's almost impossible for me to avoid them. Should I even avoid them....

Some similar questions were raised in the thread titled Journals and the Work. That discussion starts around Reply#8. I think you'll find the various feedback offered there quite relevant to your questions....

 

[Turgon]

Thanks for responding to my question. I'm going to read the thread link right away.

 

[RedFox]

I just wanted to add to this thread a recent realisation that seems to have helped me allow myself to perform the manover. Although I may have just convinced myself I did when infact I haven't....hmm

I tend to think a lot. As such my mind can be extremely over active. When it comes to observing and allowing things to happen quietly I can feel my mind/attention shift to and interfear with what should be the natural flow of things.....this has been most perplexing.

What finally allowed me to side step it was the concept of the inner/mental tongue
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=22.0

Now we speak once more of observing talking. All rules are about talking, practically speaking, and how to deal with wrong talking. It is necessary to observe inner talking and from where it is coming. Wrong inner talking is the breeding-ground not only of many future unpleasant states but also of wrong outer talking. You know that there is in the Work what is called the practise of inner silence. The practise and meaning of inner silence is like this: first, it must be about something quite distinct and definite; and second, it is like not touching it. That is, you cannot practise inner silence in any vague general way, save perhaps as an experiment for a time. But you can practise it rigidly in regard to some distinct and definite thing, something you know and see quite clearly. Someone once asked: "Is practising inner silence the same as not letting something come into your mind?" The answer is no. It is not the same. What you are practising inner silence about is already in the mind and you must be aware of it, but you must not touch it with your inner speech, your inner tongue. Your outer literal tongue likes to touch sore places, as when a tooth hurts. So does your inner tongue. But if it does, the sore thing in your mind flows into your inner speech and unwraps itself as inner talking in every direction. You have noticed of course that inner talking always goes on in negative states and that it coins many unpleasant phrases, which suddenly find expression in outer talking, perhaps long after. In the Work we are told that it is necessary to be careful about wrong outer talking at first, and, later on, about wrong inner talking. Actually, wrong outer talking is mostly due to wrong inner talking. Wrong inner talking, particularly venomous and evil inner talking, and so on, makes a mess within, like excrement. They are all different forms of lying and this is why they have such strength and persistence. Lies are always more powerful than truth because they can hurt. If you observe wrong inner talking you will notice it is only half-truths, or truths connected in the wrong order, or with something added or left out. In other words, it is simply lying to oneself. If you say: "Is this quite true?" it may stop it, but it will find another set of lies. Eventually you must dislike it. If you enjoy it, you will never lessen its power. It is not enough to dislike liking it: you must dislike it.

Along with the concept of the inner tongue was the idea of how to control it. Force didn't work as it seemed to drain energy (and generally be STS).
A slight alteration to the concept of an inner tongue was that of a small child who likes to touch everything that is new, or painful (or generally distracts it). It likes to be in control, and as soon as it notices something different jumps upon it and by doing so interferes with the process of observation.
How would you stop a child from doing that?
In my case it seems that mentally visualising a child's hands, and mentally holding them gently (providing them with comfort/sensory input) in my own seems to have stopped my own interference and allowed things the space to start flowing. It seems very strange sitting here writing this after 30years of life finally being able to be still inside (mentally). Or at least more still than I've ever been.

I realise now this may be discussed in different ways, but felt it was important to share if it helps someone else grasp it. Presuming of course I haven't grasped it incorrectly?

 

[aragorn]

First of all I want to thank you for this amazing thread - it really has been the most important information to me, ever!

The past few months I've been on a emotional roller coaster. The sinking in of the reality of hyperdimensional manipulation, beginning to FEEL the horrors of the news/world and trying to get free from my childhood traumas (read: influences by my psychopathic father) by reading The Narcissistic Family has been a real plunge to melancholy and depression. It feels like I'm falling FAST and I still can't yet see the ground/bottom approaching. Most of the time I feel like "Nothing really matters...", as Freddy Mercury put it in Bohemian Rhapsody. And then there's of course the BIG concern for my son (soon 11 months) and his future.

Then there are glimpses of a new kind of positive feeling and hope, some sort of "timeless existence" where I'm more free. These come not so often, but they give me the courage to carry on with this "Work". At these moments I feel like there's a small light or burning flame inside of me that "goddam" resist this depression, hence the sparkling light in my avatar (trying to "pep me up" here folks!). I don't remember how the C's put it exactly, but in these rare moments I feel close of what they suggested: "I am determined to be free and have set my goal (to be free) I will not look back!" And all that I can learn, and maybe learn my son (if he wants to hear), before I "leave" must count for something.

Now, there's something I'd like to ask about this using of the negative feelings in a positive way. I've printed the whole thread and read it two times using highlighting pens marking important clues (to me). I think I'm understanding at least a tiiny winy part of what this is all about! I probably must read all the "4th way stuff", Gourdijeff etc. to really have a chance of grasping this, but I've done some "experimenting" all ready.

I've tried a few times doing the "keeping the feeling below the neck" when a negative feeling comes. As suggested I've tried to keep the "irritation"/"anger" down, somewhere below the solar plexus - where I feel it starting, and trying to observe me and the situation from the "outside". I reaaally don't know if I'm doing anything "right", but sometimes something is happening: I get strong "cramps" in the stomach and diaphragm and the "tension" spreads all the way up to my neck and back of the head. Does this sound familiar to someone more experienced?

Maybe this is "just" some sort of trauma release - cramping the muscles and not the proper "grounding", but when it passes I really feel a tiny bit more free!

 

[kenlee]

I've tried a few times doing the "keeping the feeling below the neck" when a negative feeling comes. As suggested I've tried to keep the "irritation"/"anger" down, somewhere below the solar plexus - where I feel it starting, and trying to observe me and the situation from the "outside".

You might want to try to determine from what ‘center’ within you the anger or negativity is coming from. Questions you might want to ask yourself are: Is the center of gravity of the anger or negativity physical, emotional or mental? Is it sensation triggered, or is it triggered emotionally or mentally triggered? Where do I experience the negativity? Where is it centered? Is it in my head? Maybe I experience it in my outer muscles and skin, or maybe in my solar plexus, or maybe my head? How is my breathing affected? Questions like that.

For example, all this week I’ve been irritable due to an insect bite on my side that's became infected and swelled up a whole lot. The swelling has gone down but every time I move I can feel the pain and irritation. So, today, I was sitting in my car and this big truck zooms by and was noisy as all get out! Suddenly I felt this momentary impulse of anger! The combination of the loud clanging noise and the pain in my side made me ‘angry’ but the trigger for the anger was not coming from my emotional or head brain but it was coming from my instinctive center. My anger was triggered by an uncomfortable sensation. I identified with the instinctive sensation and I felt a moment of anger. So the center of gravity of my negativity was in my instinctive center triggered by a overall uncomfortable body sensation that 'I' identified with.

That’s just an example of negativity originating in my instinctive center. Sometimes the negativity is triggered in my head brain, such as, if I talk to myself and repeat in my head something that someone may have said that I felt as an insult, or possibly picturing in my mind the way someone may have looked at me. Or my negativity can be triggered emotionally where I, lets say, might feel sorry for myself from what someone said or something like that.

What I found is that when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it, I might do something to take off the pressure, like exercise and stuff like that. Then I feel more renewed and more able to make new efforts to observe myself. A ‘space’ opens up inside of me where I can, more objectively, observe and sense my negativity. It’s as if this inner space is a 'space between the notes' from which I can observe this negativity from different angles and observe the centers from which they originate.

Or maybe if you’re an emotionally centered person and live in your emotional center you might want to, for example, paint, or play music, or maybe go to a museum to take the pressure off so you can be in a more able state to observe the negativity and how it affects you, Or if your more intellectually centered, maybe a book or even doing some crossword puzzles will help if that's what it takes to take the pressure off. But sometimes the depression or anger goes deeper then that in which case its necessary to go much deeper but I think that doing the above kinds of things at the proper time can put one in a more ‘able state’ to do this.
It has worked for me. Just some ideas and observations.

 

[aragorn]

What I found is that when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it, I might do something to take off the pressure, like exercise and stuff like that. Then I feel more renewed and more able to make new efforts to observe myself. A ‘space’ opens up inside of me where I can, more objectively, observe and sense my negativity. It’s as if this inner space is a 'space between the notes' from which I can observe this negativity from different angles and observe the centers from which they originate.

Or maybe if you’re an emotionally centered person and live in your emotional center you might want to, for example, paint, or play music, or maybe go to a museum to take the pressure off so you can be in a more able state to observe the negativity and how it affects you, Or if your more intellectually centered, maybe a book or even doing some crossword puzzles will help if that's what it takes to take the pressure off. But sometimes the depression or anger goes deeper then that in which case its necessary to go much deeper but I think that doing the above kinds of things at the proper time can put one in a more ‘able state’ to do this.
It has worked for me. Just some ideas and observations.

Sounds interesting. Just trying to clear things up (for me);

As I wrote earlier I'm a real novice what comes to the 4th way teachings, but this "taking off the pressure" sound to me like exactly the kind of thing that you should not be doing in case you want to fuse your magnetic center? Isn't this "pressure" that builds up due to the negative feeling the "electromotive" force that once grounded (aka not expressed) starts the energy flow? Aren't you "wasting the potential" if you take the pressure off by DOING stuff?

EDIT: Sorry, just noticed that you wrote: "...when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it." So I believe you mean that you sort of take a "time out" from the Work in order to feel renewed. That sounds understandable and familiar!

It would be interesting to hear opinions from others concerning this "taking a time out". Is this "allowed" :)

 

[Psalehesost]

As I wrote earlier I'm a real novice what comes to the 4th way teachings, but this "taking off the pressure" sound to me like exactly the kind of thing that you should not be doing in case you want to build your magnetic center? Isn't this "pressure" that builds up due to the negative feeling the "electromotive" force that once grounded (aka not expressed) starts the energy flow? Aren't you "wasting the potential" if you take the pressure off by DOING stuff?

kenlee mentioned that he did this "when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it", and at that point it cannot be used constructively; therefore, yes, it is a waste of energy compared to its ideal use, but it is preferable to the negativity running haywire with no possibility of observing (in turn meaning no possibility of handling) it, which would make one food to It. Reducing it to a level (he did not say to dissipate it entirely) where an attempt at constructively handling it is possible is thus the constructive thing to do if it gets out of hand, OSIT.

 

[obyvatel]

What I found is that when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it, I might do something to take off the pressure, like exercise and stuff like that. Then I feel more renewed and more able to make new efforts to observe myself. A ‘space’ opens up inside of me where I can, more objectively, observe and sense my negativity.

I have experienced similar dynamics like what kenlee has mentioned and have found that a similar approach works for me too. Ideally, we should be able to observe the negative emotion all the way understanding its cause and transmuting it to new useful energy. It perhaps takes a long time and a lot of practice to master this process.
I look at it like losing a battle with the negative emotion and withdrawing before I get "annihilated". However I withdraw with data about the lost "battle" which helps me get prepared for the next battle.

 

[kenlee]

As I wrote earlier I'm a real novice what comes to the 4th way teachings, but this "taking off the pressure" sound to me like exactly the kind of thing that you should not be doing in case you want to build your magnetic center? Isn't this "pressure" that builds up due to the negative feeling the "electromotive" force that once grounded (aka not expressed) starts the energy flow? Aren't you "wasting the potential" if you take the pressure off by DOING stuff?

Well, I think it’s not so much taking off the pressure so one can go back to sleep but if the activity you choose to do is done consciously, at the proper moment (when the negativity becomes too intense) then I think doing things like the examples I mentioned can help one from being so totally immobilized by it. I think that if the negative energy is intentionally directed into a positive activity then that’s one way to confront it and deal with it. But one must catch it at the right moment, become conscious of the negativity and conscious of what one is doing and why one is doing it in order to transform it. I think the “doing stuff” that you mentioned, if done consciously, can turn the energy around so that any effort you might make when you become aware of the excess negativity can transform it, whether it be a physical, mental, or an emotional effort. I find that any conscious efforts that I might make in situations where my negativity becomes too intense is that very thing that can create more energy to further utilize for Work purposes. I think the effort itself, if done consciously and at the right moment can transform the energy by intentionally redirecting it, otherwise the negativity can deplete ones energy reserves if one indulges in it too much.

 

[Azur]

What I found is that when the negativity gets too intense to the point that I can’t observe it, I might do something to take off the pressure, like exercise and stuff like that. Then I feel more renewed and more able to make new efforts to observe myself. A ‘space’ opens up inside of me where I can, more objectively, observe and sense my negativity.

I have experienced similar dynamics like what kenlee has mentioned and have found that a similar approach works for me too. Ideally, we should be able to observe the negative emotion all the way understanding its cause and transmuting it to new useful energy. It perhaps takes a long time and a lot of practice to master this process.
I look at it like losing a battle with the negative emotion and withdrawing before I get "annihilated". However I withdraw with data about the lost "battle" which helps me get prepared for the next battle.

There's an important thing to note and notice here within, when you say:

Ideally, we should be able to observe the negative emotion all the way understanding its cause and transmuting it to new useful energy.

Make sure that you are not transferring energy from one buffer to another. There is a pitfall there, the same old problem of "look at the left hand, nevermind what the right hand is doing", all of this internal.