Ok I wanted to cach up on the thread first (i'm on page 95) to post but decided otherwise.
In the past six weeks or so doing full program on monday/tusday was a real struggle for me. I fought internal battle with myself to do it, and didn't always win
. When i did it, every littel thing disturbed me especially thorough the BaHa part, which in turn made me angry at myself and poof went the concentration. That contributed to my guilt trips. I had problem with pipe breathe which i hadn't earlier. Sometimes during meditation the only thought i had was when it will be over. All over I had this sensation as if some big anvil sat on my chest.
What i found interesting is that i didn't have all those problems at evenings when I only meditated (well i had this anvil sensation and rearly felt irritation).
RedFox said:
Also I seem to be 'escaping' into my hobbies again (avoiding doing things I need to) or into reading things on line (or worse watching mindless things on youtube)....all of which is disassociating.
I did it too ... well without watching things on youtube :). I wasted large portions of my free time doing mindless things (and that too contributed to my anger and guilt )
So this is reoccurring again big time....
I also tend to drift off into my imagination quite a lot.....
Yes that too and it happend while I read/watched things on line which in retrospect were totaly worthless and didn't brought anything to my life except anger, iritation, disappointment and resentment toward myself which trigered guilt.
One and a half weeks ago I had mouth inflamation.
Last thursday I had enough, closed all enterteinment sites and did full program. After thiat I started to catch up on reading here on SOTT and on my to read books list.
I did full program monday evening (even if i was tired after tough day, I just sat on my chair and did it, after i took shower and went to sleep). I also did it today. Through both i didn't have any problems with pipe breath and worrior's breath and then the phone rang (monday after worrrior's and today during BaHa). I forgot to turn it off
. I still have some problems well more sensations when I do the BaHa part: twitching in the right calf, cold (face most and body too but not so much), tingling teeth in the lower jaw only front ones and from the inside. What is good (i think) is that they don't distract me as much as they used to. The anvil is gone too. I had vivid dreams for some time now and not always sleep well (wake up few times during night).
What I also noticed is the sensation in the third eye area that is almost like constat headache.
That is all for now.