Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program
- Thread starter Laura
- Start date
Just a short update.
Some nights ago, while doing the EE program, I experienced "lights" for the first time. I was sure someone had switched on a light in the bedroom or in the room outside, but when I looked it was completely dark (I usually do EE before sleep). The light was like a flickering flame that burned for a while, and then it was gone. The next night I also experienced something peculiar: during pipe breathing I suddenly saw (with my eyes closed) how a hole was opening in front of me - it was like I was plunged from the depth of the earth towards the surface through this hole.
There has also been strong twitching of the face - forming into strange grimaces. Following the advice of my body work teacher, I "let it go were it wanted", letting the grimace seek it's final expression. And what came was that my lips formed into a sucking expression, and then it finally hit me: I was a baby wanting to get fed. I know for a fact, that as a baby I was never breast fed, so I guess there could be a suppressed trauma from that.
Anyway, it seems that lately there's more and stronger things happening during EE than before.
Some nights ago, while doing the EE program, I experienced "lights" for the first time. I was sure someone had switched on a light in the bedroom or in the room outside, but when I looked it was completely dark (I usually do EE before sleep). The light was like a flickering flame that burned for a while, and then it was gone. The next night I also experienced something peculiar: during pipe breathing I suddenly saw (with my eyes closed) how a hole was opening in front of me - it was like I was plunged from the depth of the earth towards the surface through this hole.
There has also been strong twitching of the face - forming into strange grimaces. Following the advice of my body work teacher, I "let it go were it wanted", letting the grimace seek it's final expression. And what came was that my lips formed into a sucking expression, and then it finally hit me: I was a baby wanting to get fed. I know for a fact, that as a baby I was never breast fed, so I guess there could be a suppressed trauma from that.
Anyway, it seems that lately there's more and stronger things happening during EE than before.
pete02
The Living Force
Hesper said:Aragorn said:
That's really interesting, Aragorn. Did you experience any sort of emotional reaction to this event? Detoxing this kind of trauma from such a tender time really shows a lot of progress, OSIT. Congratulations
That used to happen to me some time ago, the mouth forming this expression, and when we were in France I was told by some of the instructors out there that that was from breathing to forcefully. Since then I have relaxed my breathing and let my body do it more naturally and it hasn't happened since. Maybe someone with more knowledge on the matter can clarify?
Pete said:Hesper said:Aragorn said:
That's really interesting, Aragorn. Did you experience any sort of emotional reaction to this event? Detoxing this kind of trauma from such a tender time really shows a lot of progress, OSIT. Congratulations
That used to happen to me some time ago, the mouth forming this expression, and when we were in France I was told by some of the instructors out there that that was from breathing to forcefully. Since then I have relaxed my breathing and let my body do it more naturally and it hasn't happened since. Maybe someone with more knowledge on the matter can clarify?
That's interesting to hear. Sorry of not being clear: actually, when this 'sucking expression thing' happened, I wasn't doing EE that evening - it just started suddenly when I was lying in my bed, waiting to fall asleep. But, I had been doing EE the previous days, and some 'body work' with my pupils on the day when it happened. I don't have any scientific proof as to what triggers these grimaces, but in my experience the body and muscle tissue does have some kind of vegetative memory of its own. In the body work training courses I've witnessed how e.g. very slowly rotating the hands or feet (the rotation is done by the therapist), seeking tension points (where it gets stuck) and 'teasing it', can produce massive emotional releases like crying or screaming.
It is true also, that forceful, fast and hyperventilating breathing produces all sorts of tremors, cramps, numbness etc. and this is in my understanding not productive and should not be pursued (plus one can get addicted to seeking that "special" sensation).
So, I guess - and this is just my personal theory - if some "muscle memory" emerges during breathing/meditating, and you are not forcing it or overdoing things, maybe it will be a beneficial release (and even, as I've noticed, bring some memory/trauma to the surface). I'm not sure this helps, others may have more solid knowledge.
@Hesper: Well, the process went on for at least an hour! It was kind of scary, observing your body do something that "you" are not doing. After it stopped, I felt some joy, but overall there wasn't any crying or anything big. But the realization of not being nursed was very strong. I suspect that part 2 - mourning over it is yet to come.
pete02
The Living Force
Thanks for clarifying that Aragorn. I was under the impression that you were doing EE. Like I said that used to happen to me when I did the Beatha (round breathing) but apparently its not quite the same thing that happened to you. Your analysis of it was quite interesting though and you did have me thinking about it because I was never breast fed either. Thanks again. ;)
Yes, that's fine. The ba-ha breath is for a deep, faster emotional detoxification. If you find that it's becoming too much for you right now, then let it go. Pipe breathing, warrior breath and the meditation will get you to the same place, but in a gentler fashion. Consistency in your practice is the key. :)
Yesterday had an opportunity to do a full EE program after something like three months of not doing Beatha. During the transition period to Belarus thought that it would be best to concentrate on pipe breathing and the prayer and not do Beatha after noticing that it was a bit too much on my system when combined with circumstances in my life. But after settling down, yesterday's Beatha felt like long needed release, and hopefully will have more opportunities like this in the nearest future.
I have not been dreaming too much lately, or wasn't able to remember my dreams. But after the program had two dreams that were quite vivid and were no doubt part of the processing. In one, I was climbing a rocky mountain when heard or read somewhere (yeah, reading while climbing may not be particularly wise but that's the way dreams go ;) ) that it's possible to climb at a steeper angle or some kind of other method. And I decided to try it out. Well, that was an interesting lesson because the mountain wasn't comprised of solid rock but a combination of giant boulders. So when I started climbing and looking for cracks or something to hold on too, putting my weight on the stone, something has shifted in the structure, and all the above boulders became unstable, including the top giant one that looked like it was about to fall and drag the rest of the boulders with it, leading to the complete break up of the mountain. And since I was already at the considerable height, thought that it was a great idea to stop. The dream ended with me contemplating how am I going to continue climbing without disturbing the structure.
Second dream was about me being in my mother's apartment. Don't remember the details too much, just the part where she put out all her clothes and things on the bed and that I was expected to help her with organizing everything. I started doing it, but then had to leave and there was no time to finish. And the thoughts that went through my mind were, that I will be criticized again, and perhaps I should feel guilty out of sense of obligation, but then it was time to go, so no choice but to face that that's the reality of the situation.
I have not been dreaming too much lately, or wasn't able to remember my dreams. But after the program had two dreams that were quite vivid and were no doubt part of the processing. In one, I was climbing a rocky mountain when heard or read somewhere (yeah, reading while climbing may not be particularly wise but that's the way dreams go ;) ) that it's possible to climb at a steeper angle or some kind of other method. And I decided to try it out. Well, that was an interesting lesson because the mountain wasn't comprised of solid rock but a combination of giant boulders. So when I started climbing and looking for cracks or something to hold on too, putting my weight on the stone, something has shifted in the structure, and all the above boulders became unstable, including the top giant one that looked like it was about to fall and drag the rest of the boulders with it, leading to the complete break up of the mountain. And since I was already at the considerable height, thought that it was a great idea to stop. The dream ended with me contemplating how am I going to continue climbing without disturbing the structure.
Second dream was about me being in my mother's apartment. Don't remember the details too much, just the part where she put out all her clothes and things on the bed and that I was expected to help her with organizing everything. I started doing it, but then had to leave and there was no time to finish. And the thoughts that went through my mind were, that I will be criticized again, and perhaps I should feel guilty out of sense of obligation, but then it was time to go, so no choice but to face that that's the reality of the situation.
Another two week report, with full sessions only done on Thursdays, due to problems of being unable to access playing the CD, such as the battery on my MP3 player being completely run down – which just about sums up my current state of being - exhaustion following a family bereavement. Once again, it’s yawning and wet-eyes during three-stage pipe breathing, whilst during PotS, Thursday week I zoned out after the first round and came too at the end of the music. Yesterday, it was enormous yawns, tears streaming down my face and trembling legs – almost in slow motion, just a couple of times through the recitation.
Thanks for the report, Trevrizent. I was wondering how you were doing. I hope you are able to properly grieve. Don't forget that if you need anything, you're not alone -- you have this network to ask for any kind of support. :)
SeekinTruth said:
I'd like to second this, Trevrizent. I can understand how grieving can be a personal matter, but it helps tremendously when we air what's in our minds and hearts with those who care about us. To quote Dr. Psyche's signature: Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy.
Prometeo said:
That's great to hear Prometeo.
Thanks for checking in.
Report EE:
On my last full program, I felt something different, not only like to have pins and needles in the legs or arms, there were big, in my head, neck, trunk, and members. Almost everywhere, more specifically "strong" in the trunk and arms. And what I felt was like something big (like big bugs and not small as pins and needles). It was like musical vibrations, as if ropes were activated and vibrated to make some music. It was enough interesting and full of soft energy.
I have to tell something about what I am reading about gluten, bread, diet, health and Candida. Actually I had not make the link between The Wave I read on this summer and this Candida which was nothing more than a genital infection for me. So, by discovering all this Truth about alimenting (even if I eat meat now, no bread, no cereal as wheat, almost no fruits, no dairies...) seems to hurt me more than what I could expect: I feel angry, I have difficulty in channelling my feelings and I get excited very fast. I had thought all was fine with me and I am realising I am not at all. And I surely have this Candida because too much of my "old" life was in the matrix.
I missed lucidity, humility and realism these last weeks here and there, and today I am able to feel how much difficult is the way, filled with tears and full of sadness. But when we shall have emptied everything (and this part is certainly not finished), when we shall be stripped, the light will be there and we will be able to begin to see the results of all this. Thank you Laura and thank you all for your gifts, helps, time spend to share with anyone who want to Know.
To let you know how complicated is this period to me (as it have/has to be for others), I would like to share hereafter something my husband told me for lunch:
"I do not know exactly what makes that at the moment we are hypersensitive, but I know that it is going to pass. I still see that you have difficulty in managing your feelings, and too because I do not manage to calm you, nor to calm down. Let us let the magnetic storm pass. I understand completely all this accumulation of little gifts which irritates you. I also understand that you feel alone with all that you are learning and from several months now, I know that I am not receptive in 100%. But I record well what you say to me.
Sometimes I say to myself that it is all that you share me as information which brings me to have stupid or emotional reactions (maybe that I have to spend it there, I do not know even if I have - as you - an idea about this). It is certainly this work which breaks certain barriers in my head, and it is not easy to master everything. Made I think of it a lot and I say myself that my job does not serve so much, even does not serve to nothing (and that it is hard) and nevertheless I like this work. It is complicated for me. Sometimes my days are hard to manage, and furthemore when in the morning I leave you with this ball into the stomach because we quarrelled about nothing. This ball in the stomach, I have it, because I love you.
It is only a bad period, because our two brains are tested severely with all these discoveries which you make. It affects us a lot and feels the effects in our feelings managed all, but I have the feeling that it is regrettably necessary to cross it there to be so released from certain things."
I was upset and in the same time these words gave me love and power. I have to work harder and better and I need to be more printed by humility, for many things. ;)
On my last full program, I felt something different, not only like to have pins and needles in the legs or arms, there were big, in my head, neck, trunk, and members. Almost everywhere, more specifically "strong" in the trunk and arms. And what I felt was like something big (like big bugs and not small as pins and needles). It was like musical vibrations, as if ropes were activated and vibrated to make some music. It was enough interesting and full of soft energy.
I have to tell something about what I am reading about gluten, bread, diet, health and Candida. Actually I had not make the link between The Wave I read on this summer and this Candida which was nothing more than a genital infection for me. So, by discovering all this Truth about alimenting (even if I eat meat now, no bread, no cereal as wheat, almost no fruits, no dairies...) seems to hurt me more than what I could expect: I feel angry, I have difficulty in channelling my feelings and I get excited very fast. I had thought all was fine with me and I am realising I am not at all. And I surely have this Candida because too much of my "old" life was in the matrix.
I missed lucidity, humility and realism these last weeks here and there, and today I am able to feel how much difficult is the way, filled with tears and full of sadness. But when we shall have emptied everything (and this part is certainly not finished), when we shall be stripped, the light will be there and we will be able to begin to see the results of all this. Thank you Laura and thank you all for your gifts, helps, time spend to share with anyone who want to Know.
To let you know how complicated is this period to me (as it have/has to be for others), I would like to share hereafter something my husband told me for lunch:
"I do not know exactly what makes that at the moment we are hypersensitive, but I know that it is going to pass. I still see that you have difficulty in managing your feelings, and too because I do not manage to calm you, nor to calm down. Let us let the magnetic storm pass. I understand completely all this accumulation of little gifts which irritates you. I also understand that you feel alone with all that you are learning and from several months now, I know that I am not receptive in 100%. But I record well what you say to me.
Sometimes I say to myself that it is all that you share me as information which brings me to have stupid or emotional reactions (maybe that I have to spend it there, I do not know even if I have - as you - an idea about this). It is certainly this work which breaks certain barriers in my head, and it is not easy to master everything. Made I think of it a lot and I say myself that my job does not serve so much, even does not serve to nothing (and that it is hard) and nevertheless I like this work. It is complicated for me. Sometimes my days are hard to manage, and furthemore when in the morning I leave you with this ball into the stomach because we quarrelled about nothing. This ball in the stomach, I have it, because I love you.
It is only a bad period, because our two brains are tested severely with all these discoveries which you make. It affects us a lot and feels the effects in our feelings managed all, but I have the feeling that it is regrettably necessary to cross it there to be so released from certain things."
I was upset and in the same time these words gave me love and power. I have to work harder and better and I need to be more printed by humility, for many things. ;)
