With consideration that this will be my first post on the cass forum, I'd like to give a friendly hello as an introduction. So,... hello. :D
I Intended on creating a forum profile much earlier on, however, today seems to be the day to have done so. I've been reading material about the breathing program as it as progressed over the past weeks, and shared conversations with those familiar with the material and program as well. Though last night was the first time I've completed Eíriú-Eolas through in it's entirety, focusing on my breath has been something of regularity for the past 3 years or so, introduced mostly by yoga practices and past read literature on strengthening the mind and body. As mentioned before, I've shared conversations about the breathing program, many of them including a plan on when to get a few of us together to practice with one another, but until last night we hadn't gotten around to it.
Hearing and reading the news about Victoria, Laura's suggestion on dedicating the evenings program to her, recent focus on discipline as well as other personal circumstances all pointed to settling down for the evening with the intent to complete the program through. Holy cow... what an experience.
A rainy and thundery evening, the two of us made ourselves comfortable (both on this maiden voyage). In... out... in... out... nothing too unfamiliar for awhile. Focused on the sensations throughout my body, while maintaining focus on keeping the face and neck relaxed... a numbness and buzzy sensation started at the lips. Then down from the fingertips resting on my chest, it moved slowly throughout the rest of the body. Nice and light, but obviously something was being excited for all this buzzing to be going on. Still not quite out of the "ordinary," I can recall the sensation from previous experiences. During these breaths I can't recall thinking about much other than noting the feelings in and around the body. If I recall correctly it was directly after the Warrior Breaths (I think that's what they were called) that the intensity of the buzzing increased into a vibration. Like a cell phone that vibrates across a table top, it felt as though I was vibrating above the surface of the bed. More intense, more intense it grew, and then a little panic set in. Though I don't feel like "panic" is the correct word, a flag popped up, something needed to be noted. If I didn't have my breathing partner next to me, it may have turned into panic, for my throat and limbs, but particularly my feet and hands went into a rigor mortis type of feeling. My hands and feet curled and became stiff and deranged. There was slight mobility at first, when I realized what was going on, so in attempt to make sure I was "ok" I wiggled them around as best I could, but all I could muster was a slight movement from where the fingers joined the hand.
This rigor mortis lasted from around the middle of Laura's guidance though Ba Ha, through the end of the Prayer of the Soul meditation. Lessening gradually more and more as the program came to an end, though residual rigidity afterward while pulling my knees up off the mattress.
Many thoughts. The rigor mortis sensation instantly popped up a memory of a childhood dream where I had seen two UFOs over my house while hanging out on our porch, my mom and a friend of hers were there, and when I had seen these things, I became frozen. I wanted to tell them but couldn't, (just like last night, I wanted to say something about the tension but I couldn't talk) I wanted to move/hide, but I couldn't.
Listening to Laura's voice as she said Baaaaa, was overwhelming... I kept thinking of babies... pure, new life... their little mouths opening with those first breaths. Also, coming to the surface of the water, craving air, breathing in deeply, a ba sound while inhaling... but breathing in as the lips part. It became difficult to keep breathing in time with Laura's guidance, and I faltered thinking I couldn't go any further; the vibrations were so strong and the tension in the hands too much to handle... 3 inhalations later, the ba ha section of the meditation was over...
And the Prayer of the Soul, was the water works faucet. After the first few rounds of the prayer of the soul, tears, one here and there would pour down my cheeks, and then as though the water faucet was turned to a slow constant stream, the tears pour fluidly down the sides of my temples into my ears. Thinking about ended life, new life, Victoria and the ways she "gave bread to others," the beauty of being here to experience something like this with another soul resting beside me. Every word of the prayer intensified with every round, becoming richer and fuller... filling every part of my chest... "cleansing my heart that I may Know and Love the Holiness of True Existence.
After all that I was glad that it was near 2 in the morning, and we would be laying to rest. Tiring... Woke up well this morning. Feeling peachy, and clear. I hopped on the forum to catch others experiences of Monday nights breathing sessions, and read a few comments about noting images of babies while listening to Laura say Ba Ha... something I identified with from last evening. Felt compelled to post my experience as well, a good way to start becoming more active on the forum perhaps.
Curious as to what the next voyage will bring...
Kujo
so then I had to repeat it all again. That's when my thoughts went on Victoria, as it's the longest part of the whole breathing and very often is easy to be flooded by thoughts.
).