Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[RflctnOfU]

I'll take a look tonight at the earlier discussions. Thanks anart.

Kris

 

[Buddy]

But of course, in occasions where I can see it's not because of my programs, no problem, I can express it.

me too ... :/ but it only hurts people and doesn't help anything, doesn't remove the actual cause of the reaction which ultimately resides inside myself.

I think that expressing anger on some occasions and in the proper way, can be healing as well.
...
Each situation must be viewed, analyzed and respond to according to what it calls for.

I agree with that. In terms of dealing with my personal narcissism, it has been very helpful to make sure I don't express any negativity towards anyone, physically or verbally, watch my breathing and don't let my mind take off thinking with this emotional energy.

If I find that I can't stop the thinking process, then, whatever conclusion I reach, I reverse it and apply it to myself and start looking for the evidence that supports the idea that it's really me and I usually find it. In other words, whatever it is I think about the 'other' person really applys to me.

If that doesn't work for some reason, then I'll conclude that I'm just projecting for some strange reason and try to figure out where it comes from and why I would need to do that.

I've found it enormously helpful to view typical negative emotional reactions as ongoing subconscious equations being worked out on the level of the body-mind. Automatic emotional reactions are just the 'difference' that I feel between an expectation and what I actually get. I've discovered plenty of evidence of expectations hiding beneath the surface that I didn't know I had using this approach.

 

[anart]

I'll take a look tonight at the earlier discussions. Thanks anart.

Kris

Just a note that I just read through the first 35 pages of this thread to try to find it for you and it wasn't in the first 35 - so you can start there. There is a possibility it was not in this thread but in the Knowledge and Being thread (sorry for the confusion) - but I know it's here somewhere!

 

[mada85]

I'll take a look tonight at the earlier discussions. Thanks anart.

Kris

Just a note that I just read through the first 35 pages of this thread to try to find it for you and it wasn't in the first 35 - so you can start there. There is a possibility it was not in this thread but in the Knowledge and Being thread (sorry for the confusion) - but I know it's here somewhere!

You could start with this post which is on page 44 of the EE thread.

 

[anart]

You could start with this post which is on page 44 of the EE thread.

Thanks, mada85!

 

[abstract]

hey guys, i just did the breathing program all the way through for the first time. i even cried a little. i can't express enough appreciation for the fact that such a useful technique exists at all. this is the first time i've ever experienced something so deep and releasing. i did find that a binaural beat in the background helped me relax and just go with the flow, i don't know if there's anything wrong with that or not, it helped me to have something to block out so i could concentrate.

 

[1984]

Great that you are experiencing some relief with the breathing program, abstract. If you can, continue to do it twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) and perhaps practice the pipe breathing during feelings of stress - you may see remarkable results in a very short period of time.

I agree with you re: how useful the program is - not sure I can ever properly thank Laura for this breathing program (well, and so much more! ;))

If you haven't had a chance to read the entire Eiriu-Eolas thread, there are many shared experiences as to what you can expect working with the program.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[RflctnOfU]

You could start with this post which is on page 44 of the EE thread.

Gracias!! :D

Kris

 

[herondancer]

Hi abstract,

That's excellent news!

I'd be careful about adding any extra bell and whistles to the program, though. Perhaps having been through it once, you may not need the the binaural thingy. You can trust the program now.

As you've got a lot of pent up emotions to deal with, it might be best to go with the full program only on Mondays and Thursdays as recommended and do the pipe breathing and meditation on the other nights. The reading is very important too. The Big Five will give you the tools to deal with the emotions as they release. You have that list from other threads. Not to load your plate too much, but take a look at the diet recommendations too.

Even doing one thing like cutting out just sugar, or gluten can do wonders for your emotional outlook. You may already have these links but here they are again:

To figure out where you may have nutritional deficiencies:

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11672.0

General advice:

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11672.0

Keep us posted.

Herondancer

 

[Nienna]

Hey abstract,

Good job! The EE program is truly amazing, or so I think. It certainly opens up the emotional center.

In case you haven't read the entire thread, it has been suggested by Laura that if you feel like crying during the program, stop and cry. If you feel lots of anger coming up, have a pillow close by so that you can release the anger by beating the pillow up ;). Then continue on with the program.

I agree with what others said about only doing it on Mondays and Thursdays. Doing it more often may overwhelm you as things will start coming out too fast. Just do the program Mondays and Thursdays and continue doing your reading on psychological topics, etc.

And, if you are able, I, too, would lose the "extra bell and whistles" as herondance called them. It is best not to embellish, or change, what is a valuable experience for us. (Start on page 44 for a look at what was said as other people wanted to add or change the program).

And, lastly, diet can be a HUGE deal in how we feel so you might want to look into that section also.

Thanks for reporting on your first session. Keep us posted. :)

 

[Ollie]

Update on the last week’s experiences, with doing the Breathing-meditation programmes and nightly meditations, and I’m beginning to sound like a medical dictionary (by comparison with other people’s experiences) with these weekly reports!

Once again, it is what is happening outside of the sessions that is the ‘more interesting effects’.

I’ve now progressed from last week (or continued what was started then?) to passing kidney stones.

Ref Louise Hay in You Can Heal Your Life:

Lumps of dissolved anger.

Ref Lise Bourbeau in Your body’s telling you: Love yourself!

Kidney disorders and stones
Emotional block
… kidney disorders are a clear message from the body that there is an imbalance on the emotional level. You tend to demonstrate poor judgment or are incapable of making decisions regarding your own needs. You are sensitive and often over-emotional, worrying a great deal about others.

… you allow yourself to be easily influenced by others. Your desires to help others is remarkable, however, it tends to get in the way of your own judgment of what’s good and not good for you.

… You tend to be quick to criticize others or situations, judging them to be unfair. In the long run, your expectations and dissatisfactions will grow and you will always remain the victim.

Mental block
… Your body wants you to get back in touch with your inner strength and to change your belief systems, you can face difficult situations as well as anyone else. Your belief that life is unfair is blinding you to your own inner strength. The energy you expend criticizing and comparing yourself to others is wasted.

Your tremendous sensitivity is being misplaced. Your intense brain activity causes you to experience the full gamut of emotions, undermining your clarity and clouding your good judgment, resulting in an emotional imbalance that impedes your ability to cope. Learn to see people and things as they really are, rather than imaging an unrealistic ideal. By maintaining a more balanced perspective, your sense of injustice and unfairness will diminish.

and for Stones (calculus)

Emotional block
… a rigid person, one who doesn’t let himself feel what he feels, will be apt to have stones.

Mental block
… by thinking one way and acting another, you are making a grave error in calculation. For example, you want to go ahead but you don’t listen to your own inner voice, you listen to others or to your fear, calculating the outcome of any given situation without taking into consideration that your intuition knows best. Your failure to listen to your self results in dissatisfaction. You must listen to your inner voice and do what you want to do.

Coincidently, this week I’ve been reading Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in particular the chapter Joyous Body: The Wild Flesh, sub-heading - The Body in Fairy Tales, is relevant,

[…]
Embedded in this tale are potent images that allow us to imagine what a true aliveness of body really is. This tale (and others like it) describe the fabulous power of intuition, insight, sensory healing, and the rapture hidden the body (Footnote: There are natural substances in the body, some well documented such as seretonin, that seem to cause a sense of well-being, some say even a joyous feeling. Traditionally, these states are accessed by prayer, meditation, contemplation, insight, the use of intuition, trance, dance, certain physical activity, song, and other deep states of soul locus.). We tend to think of body as this “other” that does its thing somewhat without us, and that if we “treat” it right, it will make us “feel good.” Many people treat their bodies as if the body is a slave, or perhaps they even treat it well but demand that it follow their wishes and whims as though it were a slave nonetheless.

Some say the soul informs the body. But what if we were to imagine for a moment that the body informs the soul, helps it adapt to mundane life, parses, translates, gives the blank page, the ink, and the pen with which the soul can write upon our lives? Suppose, as in fairy tales of the shapechangers, the body is a God in its own right, a teacher, a mentor, a certified guide? Then what? Is it wise to spend a lifetime chastising this teacher who has so much to give and teach? Do we wish to spend a lifetime allowing others to detract from our bodies, judge them, find them wanting? Are we strong enough to refute the party line and listen deep, listen true to the body as a powerful and holy being? (Footnote: In intercultural inquiries, I have been impressed with groups that are pushed out of the mainstream, and who yet retain and strengthen their integrity even so. It is fascinating to see that time after time, the disenfranchised group that maintains its dignity is often eventually admired and sought out by the very mainstream that once ousted it.)

The idea in our culture of body solely as sculpture is wrong. Body is not marble. That is not its purpose. Its purpose is to protect, contain, support, and fire the spirit and soul within it, to be a repository for memory, to fill us with feeling – that is the supreme psychic nourishment. It is to lift us and propel us, to fill us with feeling to prove that we exist, that we are here, to give us grounding, helf, weight. It is wrong to think of it as a place we leave in order to soar to the spirit. The body is the launcher of those experiences. Without body is a launcher of those experiences. Without body there would be no sensations of crossing thresholds, there would be no sense of lifting, no sense of height, weightlessnees. All that comes from the body. The body is the rocket launcher. In its nose capsule, the soul looks out the window into the mysterious starry night and is dazzled.

The Power of the Haunches
What constitutes a healthy body in the instinctual world? At the most basic level – the breast, the belly, anywhere there is skin, anywhere there are neurons to transmit feeling – the issue is not what shape, what size, what color, what age, but does it feel, does it work as it is meant to, can we respond, do we feel a range, a spectrum of feeling? Is it afraid, paralyzed by pain or fear, anaesthetized by old trauma, or does it have its own music, is it listening, …, through the belly, is it looking with its many ways of seeing?

So, I’ve had a week of slowing down, doing motor centre work in preference to intellectual centre work. I’ve undertaken an Autumn (Spring) clean to (symbolically) ‘let go’ of old stuff that I no longer need or haven’t used for years.

I must be one of those people that Laura suggested are: “stubborn”, strong-willed person, or perhaps I have ‘strong “I’m in control” programs and (who) do not release incrementally … ‘ ‘a real worry wart needing to be in control of everything in order to feel semi-secure/safe.’ ‘… strong “drivers”.’

Or (more likely), as go2 quoted to me in the Swamp - Re . Other than getting smarter, yet:

Hi Trevrizent, I don’t know if this applies to your experience, but it seems possible. There are two roads ascending the mountain. There is the gentle slope whose spiritual awakening is of the educational variety as described by William James in "Varieties of Religious Experience", and the C’s in the … quote … [A: Necessity for survival of trauma]. There is another road up the steep and rocky road on the far side of the mountain. There are fewer who go this way. They are in danger and many fail. Laura went this way and leaves an invaluable map of the steep and rocky way. It is those who pay a price of suffering unimaginable for those on the gentle slope up the mountain. They must see or they will fall from the mountain. There is nothing to do but sit with the pain and suffering, while encouraged and guided by Laura’s work in the Wave. If you are on this path, you are in the hands of God, but there is help.

I have experienced dramatic meltdown and little ones too, as described in the latest C’s transmission. It is a long story for another time, except to comment, that I experienced a period of intense bitterness at those seekers on the gentle slope. This is natural, as they attempt to aid those on the rocky road, thinking it requires the same map as the gentle slope. They have not gone this way and those who have would never say it is worth the suffering. There is simply nothing to say, we are not volunteers, an irresistible force of the soul will not allow retreat as the rocky road is too narrow to turn back.

There is a book by James Hollis, "Swamplands of the Soul", which may be useful.

I can relate to the trauma aspect (ref C’s), and when physically walking in the mountains, I invariably take the steep and rocky way! So, I guess I just grin and bear it Working up that narrow rocky road. Thank you go2 for your help, I’d forgotten the C’s quoted reply you provided.

 

[mkrnhr]

While doing the program last night, and just before starting the warriors breath (whilerelaxing from the three stage breathing) I saw distinctly in my mind a kind of a serpent/dinosaur face looking at me with anger and I should say hate. I was surprised because usually the mind resistance with images and so forth start during the ba-ha breathing, not before

 

[Brenda86]

Hi everyone,

I am not sure if this is from the night where the breathing and prayer repeated in my ear all night, or if it is just a product of doing EE regularly, but I've noticed that since that night that it repeated in my ear all night I have had a lot of old emotions coming up. So far it's really not been overwhelming, but things I had become cold too are affecting me again. I know this is because I just locked them in some closet in the very back of my mind... I find myself looking back on a lot of past situations and wanting to cry, but not just because they are sad, but because I see that I learned so much and can even appreciate those "bad" things in that light, even though they were so painful...

It feels like something is welling up inside me - I don't know exactly how to describe it. I've been seeing these past experiences with completely different eyes. I am on the verge of tears because I let myself be ruled by the negativity of the situation, so I tucked the memories away instead of dealing with them fully and because now, in seeing a lot of different lessons that I learned, I see that maybe some of the pain was a good thing... My main thought now, though, is just that I am exhausted on a soul level... I feel in one moment that I am lucky to have so many supportive people around me who are also starting to read the Cassiopaea material - my mom especially is really interested - but then I remember that even so any of the people close to me could be a source of attack or even be attacked themselves, too, if they really start to get it and grow in knowledge... But I can't keep knowledge from my mom out of fear because she is asking for it... And I'm just getting so tired of this STS existence and 3D... It's like I can feel how stifling it is... Like I dreamed of sitting in a prison cell and I was searching for the key to get out. I found a ring of keys. Elated, I opened the cell and rushed toward the exit, but when I opened the door I was standing on a ledge and there was a huge field of beautiful grass and the sun was shining. I could see freedom, but the ledge was too high... I was taken back to my cell. I could not escape because I had tried before I was fully prepared and I was not prepared because I had not understood the extent to which the prison tries to hold us.

There's just so much I want to say... I am really struggling here to not go into detail about all of it... I feel like I need to get it out, but I am not sure if this is the right thread for that, so if anyone has a suggestion on that, it is welcome...

 

[truth seeker]

Hi Brenda86,

It might be very helpful to not only yourself but others for you to share what you're feeling. If you want, you can do it in the "What's on your mind?" section or the swamp...

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?board=9.0
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?board=57.0

 

[agni]

[quote author=Hildegarda]

yes, thank you for pointing out -- I meant things like childhood anger at mistreatment by parents and peers. Something that happened before one had the capacity to be aware, or something that followed the same path and slipped under the radar later on. Something that is dissociated, dampened and forgotten later on. At least that's how I understood what Hay was saying about the throat, and it seemed to fit me: I had chronic tonsil problems as a kid, and was very angry inside, either not being aware of it or feeling that I have no right to feel this way, so I didn't express much, just felt sad; it all came out later and is still coming out.

[quote author=agni]But of course, in occasions where I can see it's not because of my programs, no problem, I can express it.[/quote]

me too ... Undecided but it only hurts people and doesn't help anything, doesn't remove the actual cause of the reaction which ultimately resides inside myself. There was even an article on SOTT about research showing that anger being a self-feeding addiction loop.

So anart is right about the benefits of keeping the anger below the neck, to keep quiet while observing oneself to identify the root of the problem. Or to channel the anger's energy creatively to either do something about the situation or to contribute positively to some task that is important to your Aim, or to understand something about the bigger picture. [/quote]

Thank you for further explanations. I take, a good step would be to acknowledge the anger, either punch a pillow or channel the anger towards something usefull. Meaning to use as a flame of inspiration. For an example, if one is mistreated in childhood whether by parents or peers - educate & help others to deal with such situations in healthy way, basically like you've said to be in sync with Aim.

Sometimes showing anger hurts other people, but may be it's necessary to deliver shock for a person to see ? (I hope this is not determining needs of others). Let's say person is being negligent & possibly puts my life in danger, even nothing went wrong, but it could. Person my not see it as a big deal, since nothing has happened. And sometimes little bit of anger can cut through the shell of self-calming & minimization of the other person to see own behaviour. I do not particularly see it as wrong, because it not only impacts me, but most importantly can impact lives of others.

[quote author=mada85]
[quote author=Hildegarda]
Or may be it has to do with the current events and you are doing too much of the initial "keeping the anger under the neck" part without enough analysis or channeling the energy out actively one was or another. Or it may be something else entirely, or may be nothing at all. Perhaps, if you were to ask yourself, what it can be related to (if anything at all), an idea of some kind would come eventually?[/quote]

For this exercise I find that relaxed, associative, journal writing is very helpful. One can start by having the question mind, then begin the journal entry with, for example, the question: ‘What are the words that best describe what I am feeling?’. I find that it takes a little time to ‘warm up’. I often start with just single words, but soon the associations and thoughts begin to flow. It’s important not to censor what you are writing, as you might be surprised or shocked at what you want to write. Just let the words flow, then review it afterwards. You can analyse what you’ve written in terms of programs, narcissistic wounding, etc. This can be a powerful tool for learning about yourself, imho.

Another interesting exercise is to re-write your journal entry, changing every instance of I/me/mine to it/its. This can help to bring some distance and objectivity to your self-observations, and give some insight into your machine.[/quote]

Seems a very good idea to keep a journal. It's so easy to have something slipped unnoticed. No way censoring ! :) It is what it is, enough censored and hidden stuff already. Aim is to uncover it all & deal with it in healthy way. Thank you for the good reminder Mada85! Now need to keep my butt moving.

[quote author=Smaragde]

I think that expressing anger on some occasions and in the proper way, can be healing as well. I am thinking in cases of asserting ourselves, like for example, letting the person know that their specific behavior made us feel anger at a certain moment. I remember once a person where i work who demanded more from me and my coworker than was in our responsibilities, in a not nice way either. I got really angry, and explained in a higher pitch than i usually talk but without shouting, that he does not have the right to speak to us like this and demand that we do things for him that are not in our responsibilities, when already we have other responsibilities to fulfill. And we both declined to do what he asked us. He went around to complain about us, but not many listened to him, because they know he is "like that".

My program in such situations is to not respond and try to do what i am told so i don't make "waves" - like i did as a child, when i was not given a choice to assert myself or respond even - and then act in passive aggressive ways, getting my little revenge by being a bit later to submit the work for example or fuming on my own. So in this instance, having asserted myself it felt like i "claimed a part of myself" - for lack of better phrase. [/quote]

I can certainly relate to that. There is nothing wrong for standing up for yourself & for others. I have very similar dynamics at work where I am bombarded by tasks above my head, which I can't possibly complete in time and my peer does not get it & gets upset despite numerous attempts to address the issue. With a time I've learned to firmly stand up for myself, despite my boss being angry about it.

I also engaged in very same behaviours you describe. Quite often, I do not even catch myself doing that. Now with this in mind will keep a closer eye.

[quote author=Buddy] In terms of dealing with my personal narcissism, it has been very helpful to make sure I don't express any negativity towards anyone, physically or verbally, watch my breathing and don't let my mind take off thinking with this emotional energy.

If I find that I can't stop the thinking process, then, whatever conclusion I reach, I reverse it and apply it to myself and start looking for the evidence that supports the idea that it's really me and I usually find it. In other words, whatever it is I think about the 'other' person really applys to me.

If that doesn't work for some reason, then I'll conclude that I'm just projecting for some strange reason and try to figure out where it comes from and why I would need to do that.

I've found it enormously helpful to view typical negative emotional reactions as ongoing subconscious equations being worked out on the level of the body-mind. Automatic emotional reactions are just the 'difference' that I feel between an expectation and what I actually get. I've discovered plenty of evidence of expectations hiding beneath the surface that I didn't know I had using this approach.[/quote]

I also attempt to do the same, unfortunately, in most cases I am not quick enough, at least not as fast as my programs :) There is usually a quite big lag between real time & moment I catch such behaviours. If I do not respond on the spot because of the gap, in many cases I am left with no option but punch the pillow so to speak. But it stays in the form of lesson & allows to apply self better in similar occurrences.

=====

Guys, THANK YOU ! You are helpful & Wonderful !