Thanks everyone.
I will try writing/recording my past and let you know how I get on. I've done that a little in the past but have never tried to string it together. I kind of like the idea of speaking about it as well as writing.
I don't hate myself...but a core part of me does/did. Its going to take some time to process.
Thanks for the quote.
I had thought it was related to my mother more due to her being overly anxious when I was born. Will have to dig into this.....
Do you have any further info regarding this that may be of help??
I'd not talked about this before....because I didn't know it was there! Weird huh?
I do feel very protective to that hurt part of me....more so than when dealing with my past self hate (which I seemed to have been without for years now). It is interesting that while I keep this in awareness, and am gentle towards it.....I am in touch with my emotions. Or at least I feel more than when it is left to run, when that happens I don't feel the pain.
Its actually quite empowering to be aware and hold it in awareness.
Perhaps I'm wrong but didn't you end up writing grace or the adventure series for the same reason?
Thanks again everyone
I will try writing/recording my past and let you know how I get on. I've done that a little in the past but have never tried to string it together. I kind of like the idea of speaking about it as well as writing.
To be honest I thought I had dealt with such thing before finding the forum....this is so much deeper and older and wordless....I didn't consciously know I hated myself so much! Bringing it to consciousness is painful, but at least now I can deal with it.Helle said:Your thoughts about yourself are very sincere and honest, and they have quite an impact on me. No living being should hate themself!
I don't hate myself...but a core part of me does/did. Its going to take some time to process.
Thanks for the quote.
Wow....that seems to really fit. I'd already figured out that it must have been from about that age due to being wordless.Mrs.Tigersoap said:What you are describing really makes me think of the Rejection wound in bio-energetics.
This wound usually appears before 1 year old. This wound is experienced with the parent of the same sex. People wounded this way are usually depressed, feel they don't deserve to live, that they are worth nothing, they dissociate a lot or are lost in wishful thinking, have difficulties staying grounded, they want to disappear.
Their appetite is suppressed by emotions, especially of fear and they very often are anorexic. They may resort to drugs or alcohol (fleeing). Other diseases also include diarrhea, nausea, arythmia, respiratory problems; allergies, etc.
But they may develop just about anything that will help them keep people at bay (body odor, acne, etc.) or help them 'flee' (psychosis, coma, etc.)
I had thought it was related to my mother more due to her being overly anxious when I was born. Will have to dig into this.....
Do you have any further info regarding this that may be of help??
I'd not talked about this before....because I didn't know it was there! Weird huh?
Once I realised what it was (named the nameless part of me and bring it to awareness I guess) I could change it.....or at least start to change it.Smargate said:But i think that it is also important to keep in mind that you are not only that part of yourself, the tiny little infant within you stuck in time and feeling the self-hate and everything-hate. Since that time other parts of you have developed, and they are obvious from reading your posts here: you have a caring part, a nurturing part, a mature adult part, a seeker part, etc. And perhaps you can turn these aspects of yourself that you so generously share with others, inwardly, and assign them the role of the loving caretaker to that fearful, self-hate aspect of yourself. This is something i am applying myself in my inner landscape and it seems to be working. It won't turn everything roses overnight, it's a long process, and sure these self-hate feelings will emerge again and again, but they do diminish with time, this i can tell this far.
I do feel very protective to that hurt part of me....more so than when dealing with my past self hate (which I seemed to have been without for years now). It is interesting that while I keep this in awareness, and am gentle towards it.....I am in touch with my emotions. Or at least I feel more than when it is left to run, when that happens I don't feel the pain.
Its actually quite empowering to be aware and hold it in awareness.
Indeed! I used that years ago to help me out of my depression (among other things). I actually feel incredibly blessed to be able to see part of me that was hidden and wordless. To have a chance at healing.Smargate said:Another thing that helps me is to look through my life and count my blessings, all the lucky turns i took and somehow managed to arrive here with you all, despite my self-destructive behaviours, on this great journey towards a better life, a better self, a better world. I am sure many of us can see this in our lives. Isn't this a confirmation that the Divine Cosmic Mind Loves us? :) Or so i think this far...
I do like the idea of speaking some of it.Laura said:Writing your life story is enormously healing. It helps you to put things in perspective. If writing isn't your thing, then record it and just GET IT OUT. Hearing yourself speak the words can be a revelation.
Perhaps I'm wrong but didn't you end up writing grace or the adventure series for the same reason?
Will do.Laura said:Expect a certain amount of depression - that's normal. And DO THE POTS every night. Even if you aren't going to meditate along with it, play it so that the words sink deeply into your subconscious mind and awaken the creative forces within.
Thanks again everyone

Well its possible it was a past life memory being processed.....like all dreams it may be worth looking at the emotional context and what it brought up in that regard. fwiwBrenda86 said:I don't know if it really means anything, but I felt like I should share because it was so vivid.