Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[SeekinTruth]

Hi, RedFox. You've been given some really good advise and seem to be on the right track to dealing with these long buried, hidden problems. That's what EE (as well as the Work) is for, after all. Replacing useless suffering with the kind of suffering that leads to freeing oneself is really empowering since it leads to increased understanding and also helps others -- who want to -- do the same. Just want to thank you and everyone who replied for sharing your experiences and insights. It really DOES help the rest of us. I know it helps me greatly.

 

[Chu]

Hi RedFox,

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope that the great advice you've received so far will help you start reducing that part of you that hates you.

Apart from writing/recording which helped me a lot, Laura also gave me some extremely valuable advice once that may also help you: When you are going down a spiral of negative thoughts about yourself, self-hatred, etc, try to imagine your "Best Friend". It could be an actual friend of yours, or "the forum impersonated", or whoever you would associate with the image of your best friend. Then, think about what that friend would tell you, what piece of advice he/she would give to you. How somebody who really cares about you would talk to you openly to really help you. Best friends don't always say "nice" things. It can be a "wake up and stop torturing yourself, you silly" or it could be sweet and understanding words. It will depend.

Doing this can sometimes help you gain a bit of perspective and respect for yourself.

I too went through a pretty rough depression a month or so after having started the EE program. I cried my eyes out for days, and for the first time I felt really strongly that I wanted to die. I would have dreams of what seemed like past lives of being tortured or killed, and then I could not stop having images of children suffering nowadays, or wars, etc. But after a week or so, there was a change. A kind of tranquility and peace. It's hard to describe it, but it feels as "acceptance of the world and a stronger desire to better oneself". Now the depression comes and goes in waves, but it's not as strong as the first time. I can't tell you that it's going to be easy or fast, because it's probably a never ending process. But it does get better. At each "death" you gain a bit more of insight and compassion toward yourself and others.

So hang in there, you can do it.

The books on Narcissism had helped a lot too, but more at an intellectual level. When you finally have all these emotions come up to the surface, you start seeing yourself a bit better. I think this process is going to help you defeat that self-hatred. The transition, at least in some aspects of yourself, form unconscious suffering to conscious suffering requires a lot of suffering! But it's possible.

It won't go away by just telling you that you shouldn't hate yourself, or that you are a wonderful person, etc. YOU have to believe it first. Have faith in the process! :D

 

[forge]

Had a session last night, made it to stage 2 of 3 stage breathing, zoned out, fell asleep. That's all, thank you.

You made my day abstract. Twice, yesterday and today. I can't stop truly laughing from my heart it's so rare and a healthy sensation you have given me. Acknowledging all the suffering i am able to perceive you and we all go through, how hard it is to do a post here when EE effects suffering. So thank You!

 

[forge]

serious dreams, evil presence

Two serious dreams and no zoning out during EE exercises since my last report. Last night i had a dream one of those Earthquake scenarios - our houses are falling-apart-while-i'm-there-with-family followed by a different, unusually serious recurring theme. Now things have changed for sure. Today i awakened to a profound need and sense to review my life, see it in totally different light. I was able to make sober and important observations, distanced, as if temporarily stepping into another world where i can still see the life of my ancestors, sisters, mothers and mine through a transparent glass, how the lives transpired, came about.

Also in the last days i had encounters with a predatorial presence. It seemed i lost two fights? What's up, gladiator? Having a bad week? What baffled me is that awakening Sunday after a night of serious reading - effected by
Kenlee's post about Zoning Out, i read relevant parts of Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky by Maurice Nicoll, then suddenly lost sharp quality of thinking plus will-and-power to dig into advanced topics about centers and arriving to a synthesis of the _mode of program-functioning_, why our programs are being executed the way they are and try to build an effective remedy, a debugger, anti-virus routine that can be shared as a template. Will-and-power loss baffled me because it had an Out of Fuel sensation as if my thinking center run out of fuel and along with it i lost the willpower ??? What the heck?? I was annoyed because i still had the strong intention to study the subject-matter but couldn't!

On several occasions during the last days i noticed a distinct evil presence separate in me that didn't like my awakening compassion toward people and myself and objects. This time the presence didn't try to hide its HATE towards me. No charms, sugary baits, decoy, seduce attempts anymore, but raw hate. Judging by its attacks and mode of action it appears Drachomonoid. Dragon. Scaly flesh eating beast feasting on gore, suggesting radiating trying to enforce all these properties and it hates me just for the sake of hating. Apparently it increasingly does not like how things are turning out, that some of my earlier approaches and world-view and attitudes are turning to LOVE. The panic-inducing Presence i have felt during the Warriors Breath didn't like my Opposition at all!

Also in the last days and more today morning i had the feeling as if a wonderful regenerative salve was put on my wounds and a sense of regeneration, healing of issues.

 

[mkrnhr]

Yesterday I did not breath. I worked very late and at 4 in the morning at decided just to lay down and put the POTS running in my headphones, nothing very intense. I passed a very relaxing night with a lot of dreams, but this morning I woke up with a lot of anguish and agitation, the same thing at the end of July because the 'emotional crisis'. Something at move I guess :)

 

[abstract]

You made my day abstract. Twice, yesterday and today. I can't stop truly laughing from my heart it's so rare and a healthy sensation you have given me. Acknowledging all the suffering i am able to perceive you and we all go through, how hard it is to do a post here when EE effects suffering. So thank You!

Yeah, I didn't have much to report because I zoned out for the majority of the program, ended up falling asleep completely.

Overall, I'm noticing that EE has helped me out with aggressive urges of all kinds, urges of anger, sexual urges, junk food cravings are all reduced from when I started.

Maybe the centers are coming into balance at least somewhat? I'm feeling more balanced. I also have noticed i have less apathy and more empathy for people.

that's it for now...

 

[Marcus-Aurelius]

Yesterday session was quiet here, with usual effect (tingling in fingers and lips, pressure in the third eye region), no zoning out, I felt very relaxed and energized at the end of the breathing, but when I woke up in the morning, all this energy was gone, I was still miserable energy wise.
The pressure in the third eye region was followed by a headache resulting from what seems like contraction of the brain. I felt like my body lost its weight during the Ba-Ha portion; it was amazing. It seemed like I was close to fly.

Edit: grammar.

 

[Joe]

Did the breathing today, full programme, and decided to give Redfox's (I think) technique of repeating the words of the prayer in my mind after Laura speaks them. It took a bit of focus to stay on it because I decided I would listen to the words and time my in and out breath with each sentence but only repeat the words in my mind after I had synchronised the in or out breath with Laura's words. Anyway, I found that it made me focus a lot more on the actual prayer and perhaps deepened the meditative aspect.

Anyway, a funny little thing that was maybe a result was that at some point during one of the recitations of prayers an image of a crop circle flashed into my mind unbidden. It was like a view from ground level either inside on the edge of a circle. There were one or two other people there on the sidelines and there was sort of zoom in to a section of the crop being laid down by an invisible force.

Just thought I'd share.

p.s. I find that when I do the program during the day when i have to get up again I really have to force myself to get up because I could easily just drift off into sleep. Problem is, when I have done this in the past I wake up feeling like I have been sleeping for eons!

 

[Biomiast]

Apart from writing/recording which helped me a lot, Laura also gave me some extremely valuable advice once that may also help you: When you are going down a spiral of negative thoughts about yourself, self-hatred, etc, try to imagine your "Best Friend". It could be an actual friend of yours, or "the forum impersonated", or whoever you would associate with the image of your best friend. Then, think about what that friend would tell you, what piece of advice he/she would give to you. How somebody who really cares about you would talk to you openly to really help you. Best friends don't always say "nice" things. It can be a "wake up and stop torturing yourself, you silly" or it could be sweet and understanding words. It will depend.

I think this is a really valuable technique. Sometimes when I am depressed, a part of me tries to bring those arguments from my friends that "I am not worthless" etc. In general, my reaction is "How do you know they will say this, you are deluding yourself", I know, negative introject talking.

I was really depressed, scared and felt useless a few days ago. I was crying before the meditation, and at meditation I started to cry again. As the pain of those emotions increased and I felt overwhelmed, I began to think what would all of you say in such a case. I heard some of you people's words in my mind. Many of them were helpful, but the most helpful thing was remembering something anart said to me before, then hearing it in my head.

During the whole thing, I felt a pressure on my right hand, about the size of a water drop, it felt like some kind of energy is coming in or going out. I sometimes experience this with my left hand, but the right hand pressure rarely happens.

So, from my experience, I can say this is a really powerful technique when you are depressed or feeling useless.

Just my two cents, fwiw.

 

[RedFox]

Thanks again for all the support, am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all
I'm glad sharing it is of help to others.

[quote author=Buddy]Maybe we're just peeling back layers of the onion on the way toward establishing connections to our essence?

I guess so. Our essence. It doesn't come cheap but working towards this I think is really a remarkable journey.
[/quote]
Paying all in advance. It is a remarkable journey. :)

Thanks for the quotes Trevrizent, I'm not sure about the one on baldness....I'd go as far as saying (but this is just my perspective) that I force nothing upon anyone. I even have trouble taking charge of situations....so that description was a little supprising. Will have to think about that.

There is also the possibility of the feeling being related to past life experiences. You might want to keep track of dreams. There was a recent one posted that seemed to be a past life memory of a life as a slave. There are all kinds of situations that a person can get into that would produce that "self-hatred" or anger at the self that could be carried over.

Will do. Most of my dreams seem to be either totally mundane or involve space stations/futuristic high tech at the moment

With their partner during an argument, schizoids tend to dissociate when a conflict arises. This may anger the partner, pushing the schizoid even further away in his/her dissociative state. But if the partner is also schizoid, the argument may take forever to settle, if it ever happens at all, since both will just retract in their own world while waiting for the other to come and get them.

Thanks for the description Mrs Tigersoap, I think I've read it before thinking back (in a book called Hands of Light by Brennan....I gave up when she started talking about cosmic surgeons)...oddly I seem to see more of those traits in myself now than back then. The quote above makes me laugh because my girlfriend also retreats when we argue....its the quietest argument you've ever heard!

When you are going down a spiral of negative thoughts about yourself, self-hatred, etc, try to imagine your "Best Friend". It could be an actual friend of yours, or "the forum impersonated", or whoever you would associate with the image of your best friend. Then, think about what that friend would tell you, what piece of advice he/she would give to you. How somebody who really cares about you would talk to you openly to really help you. Best friends don't always say "nice" things. It can be a "wake up and stop torturing yourself, you silly" or it could be sweet and understanding words. It will depend.

Doing this can sometimes help you gain a bit of perspective and respect for yourself.

That's really good advice! I have dealt with self hate in the past...in those cases acting as 'parent' to myself seemed to help a lot....but friend seems so much better!
I recently started mentally challenging my negative introject with Laura's 'Sez who?'

I too went through a pretty rough depression a month or so after having started the EE program. I cried my eyes out for days, and for the first time I felt really strongly that I wanted to die. I would have dreams of what seemed like past lives of being tortured or killed, and then I could not stop having images of children suffering nowadays, or wars, etc. But after a week or so, there was a change. A kind of tranquility and peace. It's hard to describe it, but it feels as "acceptance of the world and a stronger desire to better oneself". Now the depression comes and goes in waves, but it's not as strong as the first time. I can't tell you that it's going to be easy or fast, because it's probably a never ending process. But it does get better. At each "death" you gain a bit more of insight and compassion toward yourself and others.

I think Laura posted you where having those dreams a month or so ago, I'm glad you are doing better!
I seem to be having small chunks of the bad and the good....the depression and the tranquil. I'd learnt to deal with my negativity and thought loops etc at a basic level before finding the forum so whenever I get hit by depression or negativity I get better and better at dragging myself out of it. Sometimes however recently, the level of negativity has been bigger than I've been use to....which is really bizarre given I suffered depression for a few years.

Looking back a day or so now the best way I can describe the 'self hate' was a bit like a past life memory (of which I've had a few whilst awake suddenly come out of the blue and play before my eye)....theres not much you can do than just go with it and observe it play out in front of you...its completely immersing.
I don't know if it was from this life or another, but it seems to have been the same mechanism......it was there and played out to be integrated. So for a while I was that 'self hating' part of me.
I'm glad to say that I've not stayed in that place long.....yet it seems to be in constant awareness.....I am not hating myself....but that part of me is something new that seems to have added to my being...
I don't know if I can describe it in words.


Well the program was pretty weird yesterday. I was feeling utterly exhausted and went to bed after food yesterday. I did the POTS and zoned out (for the first time in weeks) after the POTS finished (to Laura saying 'If its time for you to sleep....') for about 20 minutes (through the music track) until my MP3 player looped to the start of the program with Laura thanking us all for our support.
I slept lightly, and had some weird old experiences......including something black appearing to my left hand side and grabbing and pulling on my arm. I tried to shout at it (and no sound came out)...so I screamed at it with all my might in my mind and woke up. Reminded me of the eclipsing thought centres Laura posted about......but it was probably nothing.
Got up and watched some TV and went back to bed....felt a negative presence (like forge described) so did the POTS again (followed, then through the music part on my own for 20 mins until he end of the music track)....I went really deep into the meditation...never been that deep before.
Slept very deeply/peacefully, dreamed a lot (about holiday homes, and working on a high tech submarine with transporters and time travel capabilities).... but also kept waking up.

Something that may be of use to others....I was feeling exhausted again this evening, and I can confirm that a good dose of Vit C cures it. So if you are feeling run over by a truck after doing the program, try having some Vit C and see what happens.

Apologies for the long post.

 

[Username]

Hi there:

I've been doing the entire programm on mondays and thursdays like usual, plus the POTS at night and, well, I don't have nothing extraordinary to report. I still have problems to focus my mind so I'll try some visualization next time... Almost every morning, before starting the day, I say one POTS in my mind, it helps me to feel my center in a sort to speak, to start the day in the "good vibration"... Well, in any case, I would say that these last couple of months have been of slow but steady growth, specially in the sense of learning how to functionate in the real world without that being a critical experience: I'm working for the first time and certainly have had a good deal of chances to watch me and my programs and I feel that I have acquired an hability that I didn't have a time ago, this capacity of not letting your negatif thoughts and reactions to dominate you, to be able to watch them in the moment they arise and by that distance depriving them of fuel, then this thoughts and feelings just pass and no wound is opened, no course of action is taken on their basis, serenity prevails.
On a side note, I've been having a lot this sensation of seeing moving shadows in the corner of the eye...

 

[Windmill knight]

I realise that I've been resisting this....not only in the forum but also in the eyes of the Davine Cosmic Mind. As daft as it sounds.....my self hate....kept my wounds hidden from the world and the divine, because for some reason I am ashamed of the pain I carry.
So during the POTS I allowed myself to be laid bare to the DCM....how can you be healed if you keep your wounds hidden? That was pretty intense....I had waves of sensations flood from my belly and out through the rest of my body several times.
I slept well.

Hi Redfox. I too know how you feel because I have been dealing with something similar, in waves, for the past few months. It is related to self-hate. I had only hinted at it in the past in the forum and not really talked about it because, ironically, I don't quite believe that I deserve to be listened, nor that anyone cares, nor am I sure that my feelings have any objective justification at all. In my case, it begins with the thought, triggered by whatever reason, that I am being rejected. It immediately evolves into thinking there are good reasons for this, as I am full of programs, have behaved as a predator in the past and who knows if I will do it again, plus am pathetic, selfish, stupid, etc. It keeps on spiraling down until I end considering that I am probably an OP who is more a burden to the people in this forum than any help at all. It is very difficult to get off this loop because I can see a lot of programs in me - so I wonder, is it not 'fair' that I deserve self-punishment and rejection? Is it not at least largely true that I am selfish, stupid, etc.? That I am weak and lie to myself, and so on?

All my behaviour that can be classed as inner considering seems intimately tied to this wordless self hate. Everything becomes personal and about me and my position as the universes joke/whipping post when 'self-hate' is in charge.....and it seems its been my default lens through which I've seen the world for most of my life.

So I'm trying to see myself the same way the DCM might....with gentle acceptance and love despite my mechanicalness. Being gentle on yourself is actually surprisingly hard!

Yes, exactly.

There are a few ideas that manage to get me out of the dark loop, and in fact put me in a 'zen' kind of state in which all is good. One thought is, like you say, that while I can imagine everyone I know not liking me, even hating me, I cannot imagine the DCM not loving me, because it is in the nature of the Absolute to equally love angels and devils, the high and the low. So even if I am garbage, at least the DCM accepts me as I am, and this becomes very comforting as I pray every night.

Another idea is related to what you say about self-hating being pure internal considering. When I am in the loop, it is 'all about me', a realization which at first makes me hate myself even more for being so self-centered, but then I begin to regain peace and 'zen' if I try to focus on what the DCM, manifested through all and everyone I know, needs from me. How to love unconditionally. In other words, trying to make the DCM my 'beloved', and when I manage to focus on that idea, my own sufferings start to seem very insignificant and what I get out of life, whether 'good' or 'bad', becomes incidental and of secondary importance. So I feel fine, until after a few days when I get back into the depressing wave.

Today I thought of something else. That precisely because I have been struggling and suffering inside all these months - or perhaps all my life, in a sense - then it is unlikely that I lack a soul, or at least a seed of a soul, because something inside is fighting. That gives me hope that I can become a better person. Although the process seems to take ages.

Finally, a few days ago I also thought that if I wanted to repay to the DCM for my past sins and mistakes, the way to do it was not to live forever in self-punishment, as that does my 'beloved' no good at all, which is all that matters, in the end. On the contrary, I had to strive to be that better person, and learn to love perfectly and truly, without expecting anything in return, as that was the only payment that would do any good at all.

 

[Avi]

Hi Bluestar,

"If I can manage not failing to this as well."

Did you notice how this sentence tends to expect/confirm failure? A little like a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you judge yourself harshly, something I also battle with, please do not read this as criticism but instead asking a question that I think might help. What I am wondering is whether you've noticed/observed your speech/thought patterns on this to create some distance, or detachment, FROM the thoughts and mind itself? Or is it a loop of failure, blame, angry, feel bad, more thoughts about failure, sad, upset, ....rinse, cycle and repeat, ad infinitum nauseam.

I am well acquainted with this topic from personal experience (and some real stupendous failures!) and can share that when I went through a similar self-analysis or introspection discovered that it is not failure that frightens me, rather, success!

And so maybe looking at this in terms of a polarity, i.e. success/failure as being two sides of the same coin will help? What is success? What is failure? Are they independent of each other or interrelated somehow?

I mean, what "failure" are we talking about? Failure to meet the expectations and assumptions of society? Or failure to live true to our selves? The former is not failure at all, in my eyes. Whereas the latter is not really possible IF we bear in mind that learning and growing are the path to living true to our selves.

In other words, if learning is what it's all about, then surely we learn from failure too?! And perhaps the only real failure is when we give up and willfully choose to "sleep" - that is, to stop learning!? (I am writing this to myself as much as you just now!)

As you can see I do not really have any answers, but lots of questions, LOL, the story of my life!

Keep on fighting! You are worth it!

With kind regards,

Leoursa

Thank you Redfox for your bravery in posting some of your issues. Your courage and the advice from the posts given by some of the members are very helpful and have given me good advice as well. Just need to figure how to assimulate them into myself.

My last session was a complicated one. Creating a space for some relaxation I put on very soft music and did a stretching session before going into three stage breathing. While starting the exercise I started having a weird sensation of suffocation. My lungs could not hold on without air. They burned and hurt somewhat. My mind was in a state of confusion because it felt like all was well. But my body was having a fit. I took a few deep breaths and tried again to no avail. While in this state I asked the question "Whats going on?" and the word failure popped into my mind. Had to stop. I am not sick with a cold or anything. It was a very strange feeling like I was being smothered. Having only been able to do a few pipe breaths at different intervals during the day. Have been able to do POTS at night. Backed off the round breathing for a bit.

So for the last couple of days I have observed this word failure. What did it mean to me. And lots of things have came up. In my current position in life I feel very much a failure. With my career, detoxing, financially. I have not been in such a position before or ignored it. So there must be a deep rooted feeling of failure. Even though finding this work done here, which is a huge blessing, I feel that I am not living up to the goals set forth here. Judge myself very harshly. So am going to take the advice of writing my life on paper to see where it goes, if I can manage not failing to this as well.

Any words of insight would be most welcome.

 

[Avi]

Hi All,

I have not yet shared any experiences since taking up the E/E so wanted to briefly do so now.

First off, for various reasons, I did not get into the swing of things until August or so. The beginning was sporadic in terms of daily commitment, yet these past few weeks have been utilizing POTS every evening (or early morning as the case may be) and always do the full program when doing the breathing techniques. I am in a pattern now where I will do the full program three or four days in a row, then a couple days of only the Prayer and then back to the full program consistently for three to four days in a row again. This has been ongoing without interruption for nearly a month now.

I have experience the "zoning out" particularly the first few times, but not so much of late. It is not that I am trying to "avoid" the zoning out, simply it has not happened. I think part of this is placing too much focus on trying to regulate the breathing during the meditation and also listen to Laura. It is like I am trying too much to "focus" and "do it right" rather than allowing natural rhythms to occur, if that makes sense. So, I am adjusting some things personally.

What strikes me as interesting is that almost every time I am setting up to do the breathing there is resistance at first. :( Yet without fail I always feel very good and relaxed afterward, sometimes with a burst of energy, as I rarely go to bed right after doing the full program. The resistance has waned in seeing results. :)

I have also experienced the tingling sensations and at times quite painful and "sharp" air through the nostrils. This is during the beatha portion.

As far as visuals and or dreams, etc. Hmmm, there have been a number of experiences, it is difficult to enumerate them all. I have experienced what one could describe as being a stimulus of the third eye in that a distinct pressure was felt coming from the forehead between the eyebrows (ajna centre) and at other times have felt energy movement at the top of my head, like an "opening" if you will. Emotionally there is anger (anger is one of my core issues, since childhood) which is being processed and the solar plexus area, particularly the past three days or so, has been raw and very agitated. This is why I do the full program for a few days and then break (continuing with the Prayer nightly) for a couple days.

Then there are flashes of insight during the meditation. Like Truth Seeker describes below I have seen diamonds and prisms. Also a "Temple" or chequered tiled floor in a rotating tetrahedron. I really can't say much about this as I am not sure what I am seeing or if it is "real".

Obviously these experiences are not all the time, but when they occur I notice. One evening, this was kind of weird, I was simply gazing into that "space" when our eyes are closed, when suddenly I felt to be OUT in "space" gazing at the earth with a number of large space rocks hurtling around and towards the planet. Not sure if this was merely my subconscious mind "projecting" or if it was some kind of a bleed-through, but it was startling.

Cheers,

Leoursa

PS - Oh, almost forgot, the visualizations some experience. Funny enough I spent nearly a decade practicing a meditation technique called "The Yellow Rose of Friendship" - which is simply visualizing a Yellow Rose, for starters. There is a breathing technique associated with this visualization too, albeit a different count than the 6/9 Laura uses. Anyways, I left that practice a couple years ago but in the E/E and mediation particularly have started to spontaneously see/visualize the rose and with more clarity or detail than I ever did before! Not sure if that is a "good" thing or not, but thought I would mention it. I am not trying to visualize, it is just coming at me in flashes.

PPS - For those looking to visualize I think RA mentioned either a rose, prism or diamond as being good to aid techniques in meditation.

Just an update.

Last night I experienced a really strong sensation starting at the third eye that then spread to the top and sides of my head. While I regularly experience these types of sensations that feel pretty natural now, this was the first time I felt this so intensely.

I have also just started to visualize a diamond while doing the EE and at certain points (while zoning out?) I have seen blue/white sparks/diamonds? briefly.

 

[Buddy]

All my behaviour that can be classed as inner considering seems intimately tied to this wordless self hate. Everything becomes personal and about me and my position as the universes joke/whipping post when 'self-hate' is in charge.....and it seems its been my default lens through which I've seen the world for most of my life.

So I'm trying to see myself the same way the DCM might....with gentle acceptance and love despite my mechanicalness. Being gentle on yourself is actually surprisingly hard!

Yes, exactly.

I had a sort of revelation that was quite beautiful that I'd like to share.
Issues like ya'll mention have been affecting me lately, as well, and I had been thinking about my past in terms of the recent discussion in the Black Magic/Shamanism thread.

Today, I was at my parents house and was making a phone call, when I overheard a soundbite on the news regarding that recall of 800,000 pre-prepared H1N1 vaccines. The female commentator was saying that the dosages had lost some potency. My imagination briefly went into overdrive and I got very hot under the collar, wondering "What are they up to now?"

Being involved in a phone call, my attention was kind of split between the two things I was listening to, and some other problem I was working on, when all of a sudden the idea of "lost ground" or more like "You've lost your ground" came to mind. But it wasn't the sensation of that idea that made such an impression on me as much as the visualization. Energy was coming 'up' and circulating through my being and out into the environment as a normal course and then it got diverted into a whirlpool or vortex shape and just went round and round.

Instantly I recognized the meaning: Whenever I experience certain feelings, I lose my connection to 'ground', causing my attention to start chasing random associations, urges and thoughts round and round without going anywhere like a whirlpool.

Even though the visual was beautiful, and its meaning more or less clear, I still needed to ask: even so...what do I do? And it hit me how the simplest things are so often overlooked. The answer is "acceptance."

Getting in control of your emotions seems to be the same, or similar, phenomenon to getting in control of your "information" and the first step is to allow yourself to feel acceptance of the message, exactly as it presents itself. So I saw the correct attitude and exactly what to do.

First, you must accept, temporarily, and for a moment, that the story is true on it's face. Then you look for the underlying data/facts on which it's based in order to see it for yourself.

I went to SOTT, found the article that mentions this recall, saw that it was not detailed enough for the purpose I had in mind, so I researched it to get more information. Once I reached the underlying data, knowledge or rationale for the recall and could understand the story at a level of knowledge that I already possessed, I was immediately 'grounded'. It was like seeing my emotional state like a gently flowing river: it needs the ground to give it shape and direction.

I can see a comparison of this experience to our feelings of self-hate and such, as being somewhat similar. Somewhere, at some point in time, something happened and we got disconnected from ground, and now, emotionally speaking, we have little footing, so our attention follows the flow into a vortex that starts at the surface level and slowly sinks downward, eventually gaining more and more momentum until it all drains into a black hole of pretense to non-being if we don't stop it.

I have a strong feeling that DCM allows the considering of "Itself" as 'ground' for spiritual purposes. It seems like it doesn't matter to DCM if you think of 'yourself' as DCM, or 'yourself' as a small part of DCM, as long as you understand that the difference is one of point-of-view (or something like that) and that, as a part of DCM, you are both 'integral and necessary.'

So, to get in control of our BEing we must get in control of our information, because 'knowledge protects, and Love IS Light IS Knowledge.'

At first, I resisted sharing this, because it seems so elementary...so child-like simple, that I saw myself getting a nice condescending smile and pat on the head ( :)), but the sheer beauty of the experience and how it seemed to follow the hermetic axiom 'as above, so below' compelled me to share it with anyone who might get something out of it.

If any of this needs mirroring or adjusting, please offer me the feedback. Thanks.