After a few weeks of reading, I've finally caught up with this wonderful thread. It was quite an emotional roller coaster to read all the testimonies/journaling shared here. I've started EE more than a month ago now (the 12th of December to be more precise) and kept a journal mainly to log my experiences related to my early days of practice. I will keep journaling though since it is a good tool to reflect and give context for individual events over a long span of time.
Anyway, I thought I would give my own report on my practice of EE since it gave me so much already. Thanks everyone for making this breathing program available to all (even for free with the online version), starting with Laura of course.
Overall Benefits
EE quickly became a lifeline during these historical (hysterical?) times. I've been calmer and more relaxed overall, and I've used the Pipe Breath a couple times to relieve mild anxiety feelings. I haven't had the opportunity to use PB in order to diminish pain and help recovering from an injury, as reported by some people in this thread. However, having now this breathing method in my "mental toolbox" is definitely a huge improvement regarding potential future incidents (i.e knowledge protects).
In the beginning I've had dreams related to the Work (I was reading the 4th Way books at the time). Which is quite remarkable when contrasted with my, usually, more than mundane dreams. It might be due to EE, as the timing is right on cue.
Three-stage Breathing
Even following the procedure to breath as if one wants to put moisture on glasses (as well as all the advice related in this thread), it took me a few weeks to find the right muscles to activate. I've been quite disconnected from my body (and emotions) since childhood and it's been a slow uphill battle aver the year to learn to use specific muscle groups or perform certain movements (i.e I'm bad at sports
). On top of that, I've brought my awareness/attention on specific parts of my body (as suggested by luc a few pages back) in between rounds of PB and Warrior's Breath in order to really pay attention to the state of my body. I've found the correct muscle group by trial and error until I've reached the contraction of the glottis, confirmation came from the slight vibration of my vocal chords when breathing a bit more intensely.
During my first session, I've seen two images. The first, giving the impression of looking through a dark tunnel with a bright white light at the end. I "stepped" into the light in my mind's eye, then came another image. It was a white spiraling ascending staircase with nothing else ("void"/black background). I was on it and as I looked down I couldn't see the bottom, as if I were in the middle of the ascension. As I was reading Mouravieff's
Gnosis, it reminded me of the first threshold <--> staircase <--> second threshold, allegory representing the first steps of the Work.
Besides that i've also seen an "humanoïd reptilian" feminine face looking at me. Probably picked up a random frequency
Beatha
I did Beatha every day the first week then dialed down to two times a week (Monday and Thursday) when I realised that I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It took a few weeks to clear up. After that I felt a strong pressure at the top of my nose bridge (near the "third eye") all day every day for almost a month. This pressure over time developped into pushing/pulling sensation on my nose bridge. The elephant sitting on my chest "migrated" to my upper back and shoulder, stiffness ensued for a couple of weeks. This transformed into tensions in the neck on my right side and on my face. Ultimately, I found myself having my face contort itself into a slight grimace (mainly around the mouth), which put together with the pressure on my nose bridge, made me think of putting an oxigen mask (or the equivalent for sedation before operation).
So far I seem to process my past traumas and emotions in a somatic way. I've had only one emotional flooding where I cried and felt extremely lonely, completely out of the blue. I observed it and let it flow.
Initially I felt strong tingling sensations, strong vibrations (even in my teeth) and coldness during & after the Beatha exercice. It felt as if I was "phasing out" into another dimension
Then I started to breath more gently and it resulted to a milder form of hyperventilation (slight tingling and vibrating sensations), which is normal initially from what I read.
Meditation/Prayer of the Soul
At first I did the meditation as advised/explained in the
29th of August Session, as I needed to build my "attention muscle". I had at times terrifying visions (demonish face looking at me, spider-like fleshy monster). Each time I observed the feeling (bone chilling terror), carried on with the prayer and it went away by itself. I had from time to time what felt like "energy work", swirling feeling around my sexual center (lower abdomen), pressure on my whole body and/or my third eye, feelings of waves coming out my solar plexus, etc. It kept me up at night as it wouldn't stop after the meditation.
I read recently
Gurdjieff: Mysticism, Contemplation and Exercises (GMCE) by Joseph Azize after watching the interviews done on the MindMatters podcast (whitecoast did a
fantastic summary of the book by the way). It made me think of the POTS part as a "Transformed-contemplation" exercise as described by Gurdjieff (GMCE p.6-7) :
Internal practices designed to shift the exercitant out of a habitual state, using attention and intention to coordinate and develop their three centers, i.e. their faculties of mind, feeling, and sensory awareness (including awareness of the breath), and sometimes purporting to involve other faculties; in order to assimilate, transform and coat very fine substances in the exercitant's body (what Gurdjieff calls "the sacred cosmic substances required for the coating of the highest-being-body, which sacred being-part of theirs... they call soul").
Azize comes back to the topic of controlled attention a bit further in the book, and gives us another take on the process underlying "Transformed-contemplation" (GMCE p.144) :
Ouspensky says that each of the centers is, generally, divided into two broad parts: the positive and the negative. For example, when we eat, the positive part of the instinctive center responds with pleasure if the food is good, but the negative part of that instinctive center rejects rotten food. When we hear a proposition propounded, the positive part of intellectual center may agree, and the negative part disagree.
Overlaying this division, the centers are further subdivided into higher (intellectual), middle (emotional), and mechanical (lower) parts. Controlled attention takes us into higher parts of each center. As the higher parts of centers are more closely connected, if the higher part of one center begins to operate, the higher parts of others may be more easily engaged. Ouspensky said:
"Mechanical parts [of centers] do not need attention. Emotional parts need strong interest or identification, attention without effort or intention, for attention is drawn and kept by the attracion of the object itself. And in the intellectual parts you have to control your attention.
...if one could control the intellectual parts of all centers and make them work together, that would be a way to higher centers."
This explains why the control of attention for a consciously formulated aim is basic in "Transformed-contemplation".
In that light, one can first practice the POTS meditation as described in the C's transcript linked above, therefore building their "attention muscle" (while getting their subconscious acquainted with the POTS and its meaning). Then use this attention by fully living the POTS with the three centers, thus balancing them out consciously and meaningfully. This idea is far from new as it has been suggested repeatedly in this thread, and probably elsewhere, that we could try to visualize/feel/sense the meaning of each verse (or group of verse) in a deeply personal & meaningful way.
Perhaps, the best thing to result from viewing the meditation as an exercise (i.e. with a goal/aim associated) in itself, is that it enables us to avoid (over)focusing on the underground detoxifying process. Since the later process cannot be rushed out (nor controlled as it is unconscious), having another Work related aim (a conscious one this time) associated with the practice can be a good motivator to keep doing EE (many people complained over the years to lose the motivation to do EE when they weren't aware of some detox/release happening).
Since my post is already quite long I won't get into the details of how I've fitted the POTS into a "Transformed-contemplation" exercise. It is also a quite personal/subjective, ever evolving process, which probably wont be helpful once described to others. Hope that helps though !