How are you feeling?

Been drinking a bit although not as much as during covid. Sleep is a bit broken although melatonin does help in resetting it sometimes. I've started reframing the negative aspects of my life as positive opportunities to learn, like nuggets of gold because without them I wouldn't have things to work on to reintegrate. "Like, thank you, you've served your purpose it's time to come home, it's much lighter here isn't it" still lots to do though! Last night when I was drifting off to sleep I felt something negative. Then thought to whatever it was "There's no point, it's not going to work" "Shoo fly" and waved it away.

I reduced my Twitter and media usage greatly and have felt better for it, agree with you Jono, twitter feed is so violent sometimes, the algorithm keeps sending me to death clips, which must be linked to what the people I'm following view or maybe that's the stuff going viral. Haven't been following the war news that closely, it's sad but interesting as an observer "We must fulfil the prophecy vibes"
 
Very timely thread, thanks @Joe for starting. Things were fairly stable for me of late, but on Tuesday night I had a really bad psychotic episode. I got no sleep due to rampaging thoughts and snippets of songs looping round in my head. The interesting thing was that the thoughts were not hostile, just hyper-excitable and so I got up around 8am after a sleepless night, had a coffee and a cig before going out for a winter walk. It cleared my head, so I came home, ate some bacon and eggs, and by 1pm I snuck into bed for an afternoon nap. I slept for 4 hours and felt fine from there. I read for a while before having a light meal for dinner.

After dinner I put my radio on, and intended to listen to the football commentary, but again I fell asleep and crashed out until 4am. I awoke calmly, no weird doings whatsoever. I chilled in bed for an hour before accepting that I wasn't gonna get any more sleep, so I got up and read for 3 hours. Then I was tired again, so once again I took a sneaky nap for 5 hours. All these micro-sleeps and periods of activity have been very disorientating I must say. It's felt like one extra long day over the last 48hrs!:shock: I'm planning on taking my meds early tonight and hopefully getting a decent 8hr sleep with no interruptions, I think I need it to re-impose a bit of structure and routine again. Like I said nothing troubling, but disruptive all the same.

Bearing witness to the atrocities in Gaza has been sobering stuff, but I've tried to reel my neck in and not get too angry about things. This has been very difficult. I got very tense about a week or so back, which may have been due to repressed anger, and my response was to have a day when I had 4 beers, smoked a big cigar and listened to some hard rock music. It proved to be very cathartic, but it must have fed into my subconscious self, hence the weird goings on in the last few days. Clearly a part of my soul wants more fun, and not just "doom and gloom" reportage from our benighted planet. It's given me something to think about anyway, I think I might get my synth out and just play around a bit, see what comes out. Maybe there's some stifled creativity causing this internal friction? Just some ponderings on a disrupted week.
 
Thanks for opening up the thread.

Until some kind of flu hit us this week, I had been impressed with myself for not having had any flu symptoms for months and even with my ten-year old for having started the school year and gone beyond the first period without missing a single day for sickness. In the past years, she'd usually have at least a running nose every two weeks or three during automn and miss several days.

Her father begged me to pick her up earlier in the week as he had fallen ill pretty bad the previous week and felt unable to take care of her. He's one of those men who doesn't have a good life hygiene, eats loads of sugar, smokes a lot of supermarket cigarettes but is never sick, so he was impressed to feel this bad last week. I should mention her older sister is a young doctor working at a hospital and she said she had been very very sick too for the past couple of weeks, more than she'd ever felt before. She blamed it on the covid vaccine she had in 2021 and admitted that she had been stupid to do it so that she could travel and not even by conviction as a doctor.

The first day of my flu, I had the worst night with all my body aching, as if my legs were being stabbed with a knife and I was rolling in pain and discomfort all night. In the recent months, I switched to a japanese style bedding, with a traditional cotton futon, which I have mixed feelings about and that particular night I was regretting. It's a hard bed to sleep on, yet it feels like it's "working" on my body at night. Just like my life these days: being a bit rough, as I lost my job for the first time in 11 years just after I took the decision to move out of my ex'-es place and rent my own place that I will hardly be able to afford for a long time without working, yet having the feeling that everything is happening for a reason.

I can hardly say anything about waking up at 3 am, perhaps because the sleeping time has been my weak point in the past few months and I haven't been able to put some order to it and go to bed at a reasonable time. I have tried looking inside me to see what is pushing me to stay up so late and I feel like a kind of anxiety, as if I was scared that I would wake up at 3 am and not be able to fall asleep again, so I was unconsciously preventing myself from sleeping early just to make sure I'm dead tired and will sleep till morning, once I fall.

Also, the situation in Gaza has had me hooked up in social media watching the horrors happening while feeling totally appalled and powerless to do anything about it. This has been different from how I was feeling during Covid times though. Back then, I was angry and irritated, trying to shake people up, it concerned me and my family directly and I also felt like we had to do something about it and that going out to protest in the streets and keeping spreading reinformation would make its contribution. Perhaps it did or perhaps it was only the war in Ukraine, I am not sure. Today I feel a bit more detached, as if this time I truly am powerless, but at the same time I don't need to convince people that killing children is bad, they see it more clearly. A bomb genocide is more speaking to the normal person than a vaccine genocide, which goes unnoticed if you don't make an effort to notice it. It is just all the more crazy that despite the fact that everybody seems to agree this is bad, we're just as powerless as during Covid when most people were hypnotised by the propaganda. It feels like tomorrow the sky can be covered in UFOs and everybody will go about their daily jobs and shrug their shoulders at it as if they had always known this was going to happen.

The most curious thing of the past month has been dreaming of none other than Elon Musk. I figured later from the news that this dream happened just as he was about to visit Israel, which I didn't know of. In my dream, it was like in a "desert" countryside, not much vegetation and like a pink hue around, like a southern mediterranean setting. I saw him working in his camping van and I needed gas for my car so I took the courage to go and ask him for it. I was suprised that he greeted me with a smile and talked to me very humanely. He had a very warm look in the eyes and appaered to be a total normal human, which is much different from the feeling I have of him in real life (I think I see him like a strange type of alien or hybrid, I don't know). We talked and talked for a long time and he was interested in my conversation, which again felt surprising, cause I tend to think lowly about myself as an interesting conversation buddy for big and powerful capitalist men. He then took my hand and we decided to go around for a walk and grab something to drink in town. I felt in love, it all felt good and I was asking myself if people would wonder how come I'm walking around with him like that and if that would spark jealousy and so on. I then woke up.

Other than that, I have been feeling completely burned out the past months and been having an aversion at the idea of getting back to a corporate job, although I've been looking and answering recruiters' requests online. Already the idea of having to play pretend during the interviews feels like a stupid mountain to climb (- Why do you want this job? - Well, I've always been passionate about having a roof and putting food on the table for my kid...)

I thought I was going to use this free time to do many personal projects, catch up on a lot of reading, get serious about exerice and about the Work, but I've either had trouble being able to sustain reading for a long time or things happen that somehow prevent me from concentrating my energy on my projects, or the said projects suddenly appear like overrrated and not needed anymore. On the other side, perhaps I'm putting my bar of expectations too high and I have to aknowledge I have to do a bit of digestion first before I can take in more and I'm trying to be good to myself and let go when it doesn't go my way. I count the many blessings I have at the moment and I often have the feeling that my father deceased three years ago is watching on us too from above.
 
Do you guys remember this, from September 20th (around the time of the equinox, BTW):

"UN chief warns ‘humanity has opened the gates to hell’ as he convenes world leaders for climate summit"​


Did some kind of hyper-dimensional portal to hell get opened then? Because I've felt out of sorts since right after that happened.

On the dark dreams: I used to have "dark man" dreams, where I'd find myself locked in a closed space, and then suddenly the lights would go out and I couldn't turn them back on, and then I'd feel a terrible presence, feeding on my fear. I shared this on the dream thread.

Anyway, I found that by praying for intervention by STO forces in my dreams should whatever that thing was bother me again (right before I went to sleep) WORKED!! I'd find myself in a dark house with that thing nearby, and all of a sudden 20-30 Agent Smiths showed up to wake me out of that dream! They took different personas every time I had one of those dreams, but when they showed up I immediately woke out of those dreams and was able to finish sleeping peacefully. I mention this because it's worth trying. Eventually I managed to face down that "thing" directly and it realized it couldn't get me to fear it any more, and it never came back (knock on wood!).

As for my physical state - I've had some problems with phlegm and congestion, and the "damp" state of my body resulted in my developing a couple warts on my face and something at the back of my throat. I got rid of the warts within two days (apple cider vinegar; moxibustion sticks; colloidal silver) and am now taking herbs to rectify my body state. I haven't been otherwise ill, though (more wood...).

The people around me...there's been a lot of rage and anger in my neighbors, to the point of actually threatening physical violence in three separate cases in 24 hours (Halloween). It's mostly calmed since then, but that was a very strange occurrence. Other than that, my family are all still normies staying up to date on their shots and not paying a lick of attention to anything in the news. I guess it's better they remain clueless; it beats being deliberately ignorant when presented the truth.

My own emotional state has been one of mild depression, mostly caused by the state of the world and the fact there's no one here I can talk to about anything I know. It's hard to stay upbeat when you face almost total isolation. I chose this though because I just can't bear to be around my own family for more than a few hours each week. We are never going to be on the same page.

As for sleeping, I can't fall asleep until AFTER 3 am most nights, no matter what time I go to bed. It sucks because when I get up after being decently rested I've already lost half the light of the day (only 9 hours of sun here now). I haven't had luck with melatonin or other supplements or practices.

Thanks for this thread. It is quite helpful to see so many of us experiencing the same things, and how we are dealing with them.
 
Very unusual year.

Mental: I'm known forever among family and friends for unshakable stability, regulated emotion, even keel, few problems, but this has been the most emotional and difficult year of my life. Started on January 1 with the surfacing of probably a couple of years of pent up feelings including a sense that it was "Year of the Showdown" in terms of opposing ideologies and public sentiment against political leadership (a negative feeling), mid-year was great, and now back to low. Not suicidal thoughts, but I've had the feeling of "ready to go" - yet at other times "ready to fight to the end." I had an extreme empathic episode that caused me to grieve uncontrollably for another's troubles for three straight days. Definite "outrage overload" like nothing since the Bush (USA) years and probably twice as bad as that. So, yes, an extremely unusual year.

Health: Good in general, but some exceptions. I had never in my life before felt physical anxiety symptoms but had a couple of spells of them, and now I sympathize with those who have experienced it at any time. Lots of mundane, typical life reasons for most of this (including some unusually large and stressful tasks), but extremes like I've never felt. Lately, sleep difficulty for weeks now - go to bed tired and sleep easily but wake up after four to six hours, and I find it harder to get my stuff done during the days, like feeling preoccupied. I did have one chest cold, the kind that goes away within a week but you cough for another month.

Outside: The sheer idiocy and insanity of politics has reached a new level of maddening, especially when still seeing ordinary people so oblivious that they continue blindly to support brain-dead ideas, globalist politicians, and believe mainstream media. There are obvious signs of some people waking up a little, especially conservatives being more vocal if they think it's safe to speak. Opposing this, there was a dismaying return of mask-wearing zombies as soon as the media started pushing covid again, which seems to have subsided, but it reminded me, in an unsettling way, of how divided, not unified, the people around me would be in a crisis if there is political/ideological flavor to it.
Alejo said:
This makes all the difference in the world, even knowing that there's someone on the other side of the planet that cares what happens to you... it changes how you navigate through situations, so it's a really good thing to keep in mind IMO. What it means to not be alone.
Click to expand...
I'm reminded that the Cs said our ability to network in this way may end, and for that I feel concerned.
 
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I'm a bit surprised to read that what is happening to so many people, it's been happening to me since about the end of the covid madness, i.e. waking up around 3 am. In fact, I woke up last night at 2:45. At the beginning, I was so worried that I thought I had some sort of illness; the strangest thing was that during the day I felt very well. I cannot say I (am/was) feeling depressed or that I (have/had) nightmares or weird dreams. One thing I have to say is, during the time I spend being awake (about 1 hour) I take the opportunity to practice EE breathing, and recite the Prayer of the Soul; after that I feel asleep till around 5:00 am.

Witnessing all that is going on in the world, and considering that due to my job I don't have much time left to read, just the forum and some news, I have decided lately to listening to books, especially romance novels, stoicism and books about history; this approach, along with the forum, are my "defense" tools ;-)
 
@PopHistorian, je pense que vous n’imaginez pas à quel point nous, membres du Forum Cassiopéa de LAURA, sommes connectés les uns aux autres... Nous nous soucions les uns des autres et sommes réunis par la prière et le réseautage... Chacun d'entre vous êtes chers à mon coeur et sachez le vous êtes tous dans mes pensées et prières chaque jour... L'univers sait qui nous sommes et le Divin Esprit Cosmique nous protège, nous guide, nous dirige pour le meilleur en permanence... Gardez la foi et sentez et vivez cette merveilleuse connexion...
Soyons reconnaissants de tous les bienfaits que nous recevons...

@PopHistorian, I think you have no idea how connected we, members of LAURA's Cassiopea Forum, are to each other... We care about each other and are brought together through prayer and networking.. Each of you are dear to my heart and know this, you are all in my thoughts and prayers every day... The universe knows who we are and the Divine Cosmic Spirit protects us, guides us, directs us for the best constantly... Keep the faith and feel and experience this wonderful connection...
Let us be grateful for all the blessings we receive...
 
I also think it's important to get away from the news once in a while, put off the computer and go for a walk in the park. One of my therapy, I've noticed, is when I take the bus. When I take the bus I find myself with people around me and I study them. I look at them the way my dog looks at me: with curiosity, with tenderness, with a sense of union. Each passenger is a mysterious world, and at the same time we're all in the same boat, so we're all the same, mirrors of each other. I like that. It opens my heart.

From time to time, we have to stop this kettle of news and get on with our lives. Put our brain at rest for a little while.
 
I have occasionally been waking up after 3:00 a.m., for example last night at 3:33 a.m.

I have had some "oppressive" dreams, and one straight up nightmare, but these were not that recent, they took place before the 7th October incident.

(When waking up in the early hours, like jhonny I have done some pipe breaths and PotS. And as an extra, have done "progressive muscle relaxation" as well. Doing this, I don't tend to tense the muscles/body parts as usually instructed, just relax them in my mind one by one, starting with the feet, ending with the head. Often this works, and I become sleepy again, and when it doesn't, I have read something until drowsiness arrives.)

I had recurring bouts of flu last year during the autumn (ended up having a sinusitis), but this autumn have been "spared" so far: there was a feeling of incoming (slight) flu/cough one time, but it seemed to settle by taking the combination of NAC and bromelain (maybe it was an exposure to excess spike protein?).

loreta said:
I also think it's important to get away from the news once in a while, put off the computer and go for a walk in the park. One of my therapy, I've noticed, is when I take the bus. When I take the bus I find myself with people around me and I study them. I look at them the way my dog looks at me: with curiosity, with tenderness, with a sense of union. Each passenger is a mysterious world, and at the same time we're all in the same boat, so we're all the same, mirrors of each other. I like that. It opens my heart.

From time to time, we have to stop this kettle of news and get on with our lives. Put our brain at rest for a little while.
Click to expand...

The situation in Gaza is utterly horrific, and as loreta posted, I too have been taking a break and "ration" the newsfeeds, otherwise it can become too overwhelming.

Andrian said:
Along with this pressure I'm experiencing also nagging cervical pain for the last 3 weeks which seriously compromised my sleep and recovery from night shifts. I've changed my pillow with one of those fancy orthopedic ones, I'm taking a ton of supplements everyday but the cervical pain hasn't left altogether yet
Click to expand...

Altair said:
Try to sleep on your stomach or on your back (not on your side) without any pillow. It has worked wonders for me.
Click to expand...

I have found sleeping on my stomach with one leg bent, like in the picture below, to be quite comfortable. It could put strain on your neck, but if the pillow is removed as Altair wrote, the position is more neck friendly. As a bonus, snoring and sleep apnea is reduced when sleeping in this position.


image3-700x510.png
 
Puma said:
. I have also found that I search the radio for stations that play sad or melancholy songs. Lately I find myself listening to classical music or something peaceful.
Click to expand...

I wake up at 2:42 a.m. local time on December 1, 2023 and my cell phone radio plays the Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia. I was dreaming something, I don't remember anymore.​

I Google the Adagio:

Spartacus Suite No. 2: I. Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia
Aram KHACHATURIAN

Spartacus was Khachaturian's third ballet, premiered by the Kirov company in Leningrad in 1956 and revised for its 1968 production at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This tale of a Roman slave revolt offered obvious possibilities for political messages about the nobility and obligations of revolutionary struggle. The lush Adagio opens with languid expressions of the love between Spartacus and Phrygia, but then develops more martial intimations of revolutionary rather than romantic fervor. It ends where it began, but with the tenderness undercut by ominous hints of the trouble to come.​

www.laphil.com

Spartacus Suite No. 2: I. Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia, Aram Khachaturian

www.laphil.com www.laphil.com


I will try to sleep again.
 
PopHistorian said:
Very unusual year.

Mental: I'm known forever among family and friends for unshakable stability, regulated emotion, even keel, few problems, but this has been the most emotional and difficult year of my life. Started on January 1 with the surfacing of probably a couple of years of pent up feelings including a sense that it was "Year of the Showdown" in terms of opposing ideologies and public sentiment against political leadership (a negative feeling), mid-year was great, and now back to low. Not suicidal thoughts, but I've had the feeling of "ready to go" - yet at other times "ready to fight to the end." I had an extreme empathic episode that caused me to grieve uncontrollably for another's troubles for three straight days. Definite "outrage overload" like nothing since the Bush (USA) years and probably twice as bad as that. So, yes, an extremely unusual year.

Health: Good in general, but some exceptions. I had never in my life before felt physical anxiety symptoms but had a couple of spells of them, and now I sympathize with those who have experienced it at any time. Lots of mundane, typical life reasons for most of this (including some unusually large and stressful tasks), but extremes like I've never felt. Lately, sleep difficulty for weeks now - go to bed tired and sleep easily but wake up after four to six hours, and I find it harder to get my stuff done during the days, like feeling preoccupied. I did have one chest cold, the kind that goes away within a week but you cough for another month.

Outside: The sheer idiocy and insanity of politics has reached a new level of maddening, especially when still seeing ordinary people so oblivious that they continue blindly to support brain-dead ideas, globalist politicians, and believe mainstream media. There are obvious signs of some people waking up a little, especially conservatives being more vocal if they think it's safe to speak. Opposing this, there was a dismaying return of mask-wearing zombies as soon as the media started pushing covid again, which seems to have subsided, but it reminded me, in an unsettling way, of how divided, not unified, the people around me would be in a crisis if there is political/ideological flavor to it.

I'm reminded that the Cs said our ability to network in this way may end, and for that I feel concerned.
Click to expand...

I just wanted to say that my own physical, emotional and mental challenges this year have been very similar to yours, PopHistorian. I know I’ve already written about them, but you described it so well.

I had a bit of a revelation when I explored my experiences through the lens of al Arabi’s teachings. I think that any of us who have been going through the kinds of struggles mentioned in this thread should view our situation as being “Friends of God”, by which I mean those who have a revelatory relationship with God because what underpins our philosophical motivations is our desire to know Him, in all his manifestations. This isn’t something we just mentally decided at some point and chose during this lifetime, but is just our fundamental natures.

When you use that idea to interpret what we’re going through, a lot of things make more sense.
 
Thank you Joe as always for lighting the fire and thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

i had a bad viral infection about 2 or 3 months ago, and while the flu symptoms are gone I am still suffering from post viral fatigue … having said that I have been actively trying all sorts of things to help, even bought a ir sauna blanket which seems to have helped, that, along with remedial massage (I’m covered in cupping bruises atm) adding a few more carbs to my diet seems to have helped a bit and I hope that eventually it will go away.

i started looking into nitric oxide as I have lost some of my breathing vigor (I’m a singer) and got some recommendations from my naturapath and massage therapist…last night along with trying some new breathing techniques for the book the breathing cure by Patrick McKeown I took some nitric factor powder … on the container it says take twice daily so I figured it was fine to take at night…. BIG mistake I had a sleepless night of panic and racing thoughts … it turns out after talking with my ,massage therapist that it’s supposed to be a pre work out thing (although it’s all natural and doesn’t have any nasties in it) and that I am sensitive to it so should only take half dose and only before mid day … that along with the breathing exercises certainly pushed me over the edge … and I have spent the whole day recovering. I’m still a bit jittery but starting to feel a bit more “normal”
i can recommend the physiological sigh ( huberman talks about it in one of his videos) to help to calm down. If you are feeling stressed and or panic


I think along with my very deep kinesiology sessions over the last 6 months or so have definitely had a major impact on me and I am learning to integrate long subdued parts of myself. All this while looking at this crazy clown world has made it more difficult than usual to be positive, but, like many have said it can be, we are seeing the new world come into being, we have each other, and I am optimistic and for the most part doing ok all things considered …

the 3 am thing is also very interesting as I have been suffering from that too for the last few months, so much so that I decided to get back on the melatonin.

it certainly is heart warming to have this amazing Forum, I hate to think where I’d be without it, your experiences and support are truly inspiring, thank you brothers and sisters, keep the lighthouse shining bright .. :hug2::cool2:
 
Seamus said:
Gosh I'm sorry to hear that. I suffered from similar thoughts in the past but not for many years. IMO its not something you should take lightly. Do you have someone to talk to about it, like a counselor? Apologies if you've posted about it in another thread and I missed it.
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Thank you for your concern, @Seamus, I appreciate it.

I do not take it lightly, not at all, but I prefer to play it down a bit, specially when I fell much better and can compare my mood changes.

Fortunately I speak about it with my wife and took professional counselling in the past. Besides that, I am medicated but unfortunately, from time to time, I have these surges of stress that knock me down.

And no, I had not posted about this ever but this thread and your concern has boost me to open up a little bit.
 
I used to have very regular sleep. I used to sleep through the night and now I wake up once or twice.

Well, I have a theory, which is just a theory about 3:00 in the morning for so many of you.

Perhaps that is the darkest hour of the night and the favorite hour of those who live in darkness.

By waking up at that time, you are "conscious" at a time where you would normally be sleeping.

While awake, I have noticed that you all "connect" with intelligent infinity, each in your own way.

I believe that you feel the evil of the moment and you do your part in favor of balance, by being awake at those hours.
 
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