My Astra Zeneca shots and the effect on me.

[GreyCat]

Now my experience may have been heavily coloured by all this and the fact I didn't know what the 'vaccine' would be until I was literally at the door. A thunderstorm going on at the time was also pretty bad. I basically felt the creeps in the place from the moment I walked in as all the nurses seemed a bit robotic. The injection didn't hurt - what hurt was the weird sharp pain I felt below my heart and a stange twisting there. In fact it left me shaken and numb. When things bring me joy (totally different feeling and sensation from pleasure and happiness) I feel it in that spot. Suddenly there was something hard there and I felt numbness. It was like a block was there. Please note I felt this block the moment of getting the shot which is why I feel it is transdimensional in nature. This panicked me and the 15 minute wait in the waiting room was torture.

This. Sorry to say, but I will never ever ever take that evil, because if I would feel like that I would probably freak out and start breaking people who injected that thing into me. They wouldn't get far because I would need to make sure that they feel the same pain as I do. I have a very hard time forgetting when someone does me something wrong or insulting, I am fully capable of holding a grudge for over 20 years, and would still gladly today punch in the face some people that wronged me a few decades ago.

So for me, no matter what, NO, NO and NO. Good luck to you all who did take it, but my stance is clear, death in self-defence is much preferable to that satan's juice. I wont take it when the end of times come, I wont take it when hell freezes over, I wont take it ANYTIME.

No job, food, anything is worth it to make myself die slowly from that poison. Id much rather die a free man, pointing my both middle fingers in salute to the Man from the elites, as for them to fully appreciate my salute!

 

[GreyCat]

No dignity, no sense for basic justice, no principles just a more or less selfish desire and fear programmed or essential. So the strategy is bare survival and waiting for the changes to balance the field and doing everything to atenuate side effects and what they throw at you, bad position to be in but could it have been any different? Not really. And

No fear. Never. I have such a raging resolve that I cant begin to put into words, when I believe in something, I am willing and ready to take it to any extreme needed. I am at peace with the fact that we will die, no question about it, and I am ready to go full power any moment if need be, because it is much preferable to die in a good fight for a just cause then from old age in a stinking bed! I always knew I wont see old age, I feel that. I am not here to see old age but to make a difference, and to be a point of change some need to see in their lives in order to take action.

 

[XPan]

I have a very hard time forgetting when someone does me something wrong or insulting, I am fully capable of holding a grudge for over 20 years, and would still gladly today punch in the face some people that wronged me a few decades ago.

It is an interesting statement you made, GreyCat - which calls up ambivalent feelings in me, I confess. Because I do not forget, either, and can get pretty angry.

However i do work a lot on it (uhm… dah ! since… my whole life) - working towards forgiveness.


Now, that being said…

I do have an option when needed: TO TAP INTO the realm of anger. What you call “grudge”. Almost like a “timetravel” back in time - in which I open a package of energy - but calling it into the present time - where i can have it at my disposal.

Now that i am older, preferably and finally (!) i can use it in a more strategic way - when it is needed to push myself beyond that freeze of fear. When my programming wants me to avoid something really important, when that deep sense of injustice is done (or about to be done or to unfold) - i pushes my buttons - and lessens my program of thinking that i am not capable to do anything.

Usually when that happens, i try to use that fierce energy in a creative way (transforming it into something constructive). It means i have to stand still - - eye to eye with that anger - and not let it ride me, but me riding on its back instead.

Instead of doing nothing. Or go into blind rage.

So, the key area i wanted to point out - is the ability to tap into anger - only when necessary.

Does this make sense ?

 

[GreyCat]

It is an interesting statement you made, GreyCat - which calls up ambivalent feelings in me, I confess. Because I do not forget, either, and can get pretty angry.

However i do work a lot on it (uhm… dah ! since… my whole life) - working towards forgiveness.


Now, that being said…

I do have an option when needed: TO TAP INTO the realm of anger. What you call “grudge”. Almost like a “timetravel” back in time - in which I open a package of energy - but calling it into the present time - where i can have it at my disposal.

Now that i am older, preferably and finally (!) i can use it in a more strategic way - when it is needed to push myself beyond that freeze of fear. When my programming wants me to avoid something really important, when that deep sense of injustice is done (or about to be done or to unfold) - i pushes my buttons - and lessens my program of thinking that i am not capable to do anything.

Usually when that happens, i try to use that fierce energy in a creative way (transforming it into something constructive). It means i have to stand still - - eye to eye with that anger - and not let it ride me, but me riding on its back instead.

Instead of doing nothing. Or go into blind rage.

So, the key area i wanted to point out - is the ability to tap into anger - only when necessary.

Does this make sense ?

I know exactly where do you come from. I have also been struggling with that my whole life. Sometimes I'm on top of it, can keep it under control, but sometimes I really do not want to keep it under control. But. It is a very very dark place, and its not smart to have it out of control.

I guess it comes, all stems from being the nice guy. From being truthful, when all kinds of nefarious characters take advantage of that. And so the rage piles on and on. You try to be yourself, to treat others as you would like to be treated - do no harm, be nice and all that - yet you keep getting lied to, beaten verbally by some characters in your life, and so you go a bit ballistic on someone eventually when it overflows. Everyone can only take so much.


It is good for you to be able to transform that energy into something more creative. I still haven't been successful in that.

Yes, it makes sense. I see you point. But seeing your point, and being able to do it, are two pretty different things. I yet have to find a way not to let it overtake me. I mean the rage.

Those are all programs, I'm well aware of it. But it is nevertheless, very very difficult to get rid of them.

 

[XPan]

I know exactly where do you come from. I have also been struggling with that my whole life. Sometimes I'm on top of it, can keep it under control, but sometimes I really do not want to keep it under control. But. It is a very very dark place, and its not smart to have it out of control.

I guess it comes, all stems from being the nice guy. From being truthful, when all kinds of nefarious characters take advantage of that. And so the rage piles on and on. You try to be yourself, to treat others as you would like to be treated - do no harm, be nice and all that - yet you keep getting lied to, beaten verbally by some characters in your life, and so you go a bit ballistic on someone eventually when it overflows. Everyone can only take so much.


It is good for you to be able to transform that energy into something more creative. I still haven't been successful in that.

Yes, it makes sense. I see you point. But seeing your point, and being able to do it, are two pretty different things. I yet have to find a way not to let it overtake me. I mean the rage.

Those are all programs, I'm well aware of it. But it is nevertheless, very very difficult to get rid of them.

GreyCat - I am not always on top of it (I may sound as if I do, but that's not quite true). For most of my life, I didn't control it - and felt terrible about it. (I did however not walk though life, being an angry b**ch, on the contrary. Only when there was reason to be angry - yet, it always felt like a failure, still)

It is however true, that for me, it has gotten better as of lately. (maybe age helps ?!) Yet - I am cautious - and stay vigilant. I try not to beat myself up about it when i "fail".

I also learn to apologize. (I had an angry "wasp" colleague at work recently - where it was about "vaccination" and it got quite heated in an instant - where my response perhaps wasn't so cool either - but we are now good buddies again, after I initiated peace, gave her a big hug - and she responded welcoming to it - and I believe it was honest from both of us).

You see, taping honestly into your heart - is another portal to "castrate" anger... e.g. transforming it. Especially when anger has put it's claws deeper than necessary into your mind - and doesn't seem to be able to let go - then the wise heart is an untapped source, like a well of spring water. You would be surprised how many unopened doors dwell in the depths of your heart - ready to aid you - if you honestly seek, ask, and listen in carefully. This is also where you get unexpected inspiration how to transform potential conflict into creative energy.

Yes, it does take a lot of work and practice - How else would we learn from it ?

Rage is like stomping onto a Tigers tail. You have to be mindful to be granted it's energy, in order to wheel it. You can be a little more careful about how you set foot. If you do, anger may pretty well transform into something unexpected, coming to your aid. See anger like a fiery veil, with an appearance of scaring away whoever looks at it.

But what's behind ? Wouldn't you love to know ?

Kind a cool we can talk about this

 

[GreyCat]

GreyCat - I am not always on top of it (I may sound as if I do, but that's not quite true). For most of my life, I didn't control it - and felt terrible about it. (I did however not walk though life, being an angry b**ch, on the contrary. Only when there was reason to be angry - yet, it always felt like a failure, still)

It is however true, that for me, it has gotten better as of lately. (maybe age helps ?!) Yet - I am cautious - and stay vigilant. I try not to beat myself up about it when i "fail".

I also learn to apologize. (I had an angry "wasp" colleague at work recently - where it was about "vaccination" and it got quite heated in an instant - where my response perhaps wasn't so cool either - but we are now good buddies again, after I initiated peace, gave her a big hug - and she responded welcoming to it - and I believe it was honest from both of us).

You see, taping honestly into your heart - is another portal to "castrate" anger... e.g. transforming it. Especially when anger has put it's claws deeper than necessary into your mind - and doesn't seem to be able to let go - then the wise heart is an untapped source, like a well of spring water. You would be surprised how many unopened doors dwell in the depths of your heart - ready to aid you - if you honestly seek, ask, and listen in carefully. This is also where you get unexpected inspiration how to transform potential conflict into creative energy.

Yes, it does take a lot of work and practice - How else would we learn from it ?

Rage is like stomping onto a Tigers tail. You have to be mindful to be granted it's energy, in order to wheel it. You can be a little more careful about how you set foot. If you do, anger may pretty well transform into something unexpected, coming to your aid. See anger like a fiery veil, with an appearance of scaring away whoever looks at it.

But what's behind ? Wouldn't you love to know ?

Kind a cool we can talk about this

You seem to control it mostly, from what I get from your writing. It is true that being angry all the time and being in that loop leads to some kind of feeling of being a failure, of some kind.

When you say scaring away, it is true. On a few occasions I let it out, well, I had one occasion where an armed robber run away from me. Because I picked up and threw a full trash can (at least 60 kg) over 6 meters directly at him. It hit him, he fell and I started to run toward him screaming I'm gonna rip his arms out with my arms, no knife needed. I never saw a look of sheer terror like that on a persons face. I must have been looking business since he was scratching the ground with hands and with legs while standing in place, like in a cartoon. He barely managed to escape. The problem with such rage is, I doubt I would have stopped if I got him into my hands. I would have probably ripped and broke things until not much was left. Well that is what someone holding a knife to your face causes, uncontrollable rage. That fight or flight reaction, was most definitively fight in me.

So I prefer not to go there any more, to that place in my mind where I'm so agitated, because I do not want to do something I might regret later. I'm not talking about robbery attempt, that one got what he asked for. Highly doubt that one will be robbing anyone else ever more in his life. He was so scared he was completely white in his face.

 

[XPan]

You seem to control it mostly, from what I get from your writing. It is true that being angry all the time and being in that loop leads to some kind of feeling of being a failure, of some kind.

When you say scaring away, it is true. On a few occasions I let it out, well, I had one occasion where an armed robber run away from me. Because I picked up and threw a full trash can (at least 60 kg) over 6 meters directly at him. It hit him, he fell and I started to run toward him screaming I'm gonna rip his arms out with my arms, no knife needed. I never saw a look of sheer terror like that on a persons face. I must have been looking business since he was scratching the ground with hands and with legs while standing in place, like in a cartoon. He barely managed to escape. The problem with such rage is, I doubt I would have stopped if I got him into my hands. I would have probably ripped and broke things until not much was left. Well that is what someone holding a knife to your face causes, uncontrollable rage. That fight or flight reaction, was most definitively fight in me.

So I prefer not to go there any more, to that place in my mind where I'm so agitated, because I do not want to do something I might regret later. I'm not talking about robbery attempt, that one got what he asked for. Highly doubt that one will be robbing anyone else ever more in his life. He was so scared he was completely white in his face.

Sounds to me that when an armed robber is coming along, and you are pulling up a 60 kg (!) trash can, throwing it 6 meter (!!) at him - and he got scared - i don’t see any problem with that. (I may have fallen backwards by the sheer attempt to lift 60 kg ). Albeit, “anger can lift big stones”…

You sound scared of your rage potential, maybe because you feel that you can’t control it. Don’t let that scare you. Deal with it - wisely. With a good portion of respect for your blunt power.

I am sure that there are times, when men like you are needed to protect those who are physically weaker !

it isn’t all just black or white.

On a different note:
Ps. I do not wish to hijack this thread which is about “My Astra Zeneca shots and the effects on me”

​

 

[avia]

I struggled with anger for a long time when I was younger. The two most helpful things I learned were, my mother telling me that "all anger stems from pain" and when you are angry, acknowledge it and be willing to change. "I'm angry right now, but I am willing to not be." Now when I deal with an angry person, I realize, ultimately, this person is in pain.

 

[kenlee]

Now when I deal with an angry person, I realize, ultimately, this person is in pain.

Yes, this may be true but it's also possible that if a person is angry (which includes ourselves) then it's because they can't control the other person. Narcissistic rage as compared to righteous anger. The only "pain" a narcissist feels is loss of food, loss of control. Very important imo to be able to make this differentiation. In our everyday "sleeping" state of consciousness these two states of anger are often mixed and null each other out.

Example of narcissistic anger: A person tries to control another. The other person is unflinching and won't give in to this control. The person trying to control the other, seeing that the other person is not being controlled will react as if the other person is trying to control them since they are seeing their own projection bouncing off the other person and not seeing that the truth of the situation lies within themselves.

 

[Wandering Star]

Yes, this may be true but it's also possible that if a person is angry (which includes ourselves) then it's because they can't control the other person. Narcissistic rage as compared to righteous anger. The only "pain" a narcissist feels is loss of food, loss of control. Very important imo to be able to make this differentiation. In our everyday "sleeping" state of consciousness these two states of anger are often mixed and null each other out.

Example of narcissistic anger: A person tries to control another. The other person is unflinching and won't give in to this control. The person trying to control the other, seeing that the other person is not being controlled will react as if the other person is trying to control them since they are seeing their own projection bouncing off the other person and not seeing that the truth of the situation lies within themselves.

Yes.

I've seen that reaction over and over and over and ... over.

It works exactly like this.

On the other hand, a phrase from Yoda has come to mind:

“Fear is the path to the dark side … fear leads to anger … anger leads to hate … hate leads to suffering.”

 

[Zzartemis]

@XPan it's good to see you, a more experienced thru age man, mentoring younger (I am assuming) @GreyCat I raised a son singlehandedly and positive male mentorship was in short supply.

XPan, I agree strong protective type men are a vital part of a balanced society. But too many of our youth have not been shown how and where to harness those qualities.

GreyCat, you remind me of my son. He too had someone with a knife attempt to mug him. He didn't throw anything but laid hands on the mugger. And said attacker, went running. I've seen my son's rage and it is great and frightening at times.

I can give you something to think about on the rage you carry. My son told me that he was never going to be overpowered. He said this came from a time in his childhood when he saw that I could not protect him or us. I won't go into details, I'm just offering a thread back that you might follow.

 

[XPan]

You hit an important nail @Zzartemis - the short supply of positive male mentorship in our society for the younger ones - runs very thin indeed.

For a young person it must be very confusing to navigate life and youth. I mean it has always been kind of tough as it is, but now even more challenging with everything else that has been put on top, from subverted/screwed values, to drugs, to the lack of higher inspirations or something so essential like a fathers/mothers presence…

When i watch parents today, pulling their kids in a wagon, while constantly being glued to their mobile phones… it creeps me out. Maybe when it all boils down - we do deserve the challenges in we meet in life, and nobody goes free from those lessons - even the hard ones ? I wish I had better words…

Zzartemis… has your son being able to forgive you / make peace with the circumstances of the past ?

 

[Zzartemis]

Zzartemis… has your son being able to forgive you / make peace with the circumstances of the past ?

During the incident we were both afraid and he had always seen me as larger than life, strong parent, even though a female. He said when he saw me afraid it hit him that I couldn't always protect him and the situation we were in was dangerous, my son's rage at the perpetrator caused him to attack in fury. It's not such a simple matter and goes deeper into fear a child feels. He was a teenager when it happened and there is more which surrounds it too, something supernatural which relates more to your thread, here:
Most bizarre "Dream" experiences during the age of 6 I've been thinking on responding to you there but it's a subject not shared much by me. And few have these types of experiences I'd need to explain.

It's too far off this topic to say anymore. I really just wanted to give GreyCat a possible cause for his rage.

 

[Jebra]

The phone rang yesterday afternoon. On the other end was the cheerful voice of the my doctor's receptionist. Now since it's virtually impossible to get an appointment from the doctors right now it could only be one thing. Yes that's right!! I was told the 'good news' the government has brought forward to vaccination times now and I'm eligable for my second Pfizer shot. They will book me in Thursday. (Please notice it's assumed I want it and there was no choice given!) Luckily I am at work on Thursday and I said no only to be told they will try and make an appointment for Saturday (they weren't able to as the 'system' wouldn't let her.) Oh God! I said I would sort something out next week and hung up. Moments later the phone rang again and again it was the receptionist to give the good news to my husband! I heard him say he wouldn't take the shot on Thursday as his wife was working and he wanted us both to get it together.

So I'm going to go through it all over again. I notice that 1) its assumed I want the jab by both my family and the receptionist 2) it hasn't entered into anyone's mind that I will say no. Prayers please!

 

[Pluchi]

This is very important, if they take your choice away from getting the vaccine, then one still has the choice of how to meet that fact, I think this is one of those things that will make the difference.

I think there's a lot of things that can affect one mechanically, via diet and beams and EMF and so on, but I like to remind myself that we're more than bodies and while we ought to honor these vehicles for experiencing life, and care for them, they're also not all that we have in us to carry on.

And perhaps that's one good way to deal with the possible feeling of disconnection or of failure that may ensue after getting the jab, specially with all the information that has been shared. Perhaps it's to understand it as a choice rather than an injustice, might help navigate that emotional aspect of it, which in turn will help navigate the physiological symptoms should there be any.

Hello!
It is true that our bodies are not all that we have in us to carry on, but there is a reason we are in these bodies. We need them to live through our experiences, learn from them, and evolve. The possible disconnection caused by vaccines interferes with our development and "graduation" to other levels of existence. I am glad that there are protocols people can follow to minimize the damage but imagine the extra effort that people have to make in order to stay afloat when things are already difficult as they are.