Thank you guys for one more interesting session. In every session I found some jewel that helps me to deal with my everyday situation.
Still working souranded with a lot of vampires and what bugs me the most, I become vampire so easily. Fighting not to be eaten every day even I know that is useless. Even I enjoy in working and can feel true happiness because I have a job and have opportunity to gather money for the winter, I don't know in many situations how to behave. Because I'm forced to spend so much with those kind of people when I come on forum, I feel like I'm still standing in front the door or there's not enough 'light' (that I get when I'm here) because there is so much darkness around me.
I'm to tired or restless to meditate or reading something usefull, also I have lost 9kg because I can't eat. There is a lot of food in the restaurant where I work but I can't eat because everything looks so disgusting. Lot of gluten, sugar, bad oil and in most of the time I feel sick because I can't bear those smells. I eat only when I feel dizzy.
Sometime I achieve just to observe, but most of time I found my self in some situation where I act like a wolf. It's so easy to be peacefull in pleasant environment where I know that I'm loved and cherish but I have to live this life and work for a month and just don't know how to be more human and what I think that I should be what I'm not right now.