"The Prayer of the Soul" Translations

Scheherazade

The Force is Strong With This One
Rfiles said:
Here it is the Portuguese version.

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em toda a Criação
Leva no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Limpa meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica
Hi all,
Rfiles, your translation is very good, but I would like just to give a hint about a word:

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em toda a Criação
Leva no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What do you think? It is more in the "spirit" of the prayer.

:)
 

thorbiorn

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Csayeursost said:
thorbiorn: For my Swedish translation, I had the following thoughts on the translation of "Of" in "Of All Creation": Of can be translated into "om", but "om" has a more limited meaning the same as "about", and "of" can also mean "av"/"af". I considered which to use ("Om" or "Av"), and choose the latter because I thought it gives a more "expansive" and inclusive meaning; the knowledge is not just about creation, it is part of it, and comes from it. I tried "Om Hela Skapelsen" in my mind, but to me it felt too "limited". Is this also relevant for Danish?
How to translate the ”of”? In Danish the reason I chose ”om” instead of ”af” is because I connected the line ”Of All Creation” to the one above reading ”Help me grow in knowledge”, which I translated as ”Hjælp mig at vokse i viden”. In Danish one usually says ”viden om” rather than, ”viden af”, just as one says, ”høre/læse/tale 'om' et emne” and not ”høre, læse, tale 'af' et emne” when in English it is ”hear/read/talk 'of' a subject”.

So to your question if it is relevant in Danish I would say no, because there is much less of a choice than there apparently is in Swedish in this particular case.

If the division had been different, say: ”Help me grow/In Knowledge of All Creation” There would be an option of saying: ”Hjælp mig at vokse/ i Hele Skabelsens viden”. But even if that choice would be (or is there), would one actually chose it? That is a question for other Danish readers of this thread, just as they are very welcome to comment on the translation as a whole.

In the same lines, instead of using the Danish word ”vokse” one can choose the word ”gro” which is closer in sound and origin to ”grow”, but the combination of ”vokse i viden” sounds better to me than does ”gro i viden”, which one would not usually say.

However the subject of vokse/gro is interesting in this poetic context. For further reflection there is the following about ”Vokse”: It is a common-Germanic word, in Oldnordic it is 'vaxa', English 'wax' in German 'wachsen'; related to Sanskrit 'vaksáyati' let grow, (and surprisingly to) Latin 'auxilium' help ….

About ”Gro”: common-Germanic word, in Oldnordic it is 'gróa', English 'grow', related to græs(Dk)/grass(Eng), grøn(Dk)/green(Eng) (Sources: Nudansk Ordbog 11th edition Copenhagen 1982, The Living Webster Dictionary of the English Language, Chicago 1974)

Another problem of translating ”of” is presented by ”Ruler of the mind/Savior of the Soul”, which can be translated as ”Sindets hersker/ sjælens frelser” but looking to the words that come before: ”Carried in the heart/tr: Båret i hjertet” and those that follow, ”Live in me today/tr: Lev i mig i dag”; I decided in favour of translating ”Ruler of the mind/Savior of the Soul” as ”Hersker af sindet/Frelser af Sjælen”.

Translating words and phrases often leaves one with a number of choices. Just about any translation is ”A” translation rather than ”THE” translation. So if anyone is intending to use a translation, I hope they keep that in mind, and allow themselves sufficient freedom to modify it, if they feel that they can improve on it. And often one can, that is one reason why books sometimes appear in more than one translation even if the language is the same.
 
Scheherazade said:
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What do you think? It is more in the "spirit" of the prayer.
I agree that Rfiles' translation is very good. Your amendment of the word "Purifica" is also very well fit.

I also would like to suggest a few very minor adjustments:

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Levada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

The idea is just to put some capital letters as in the original and to amend "Leva" to "Levada", since the original reads "Carried in the heart". Of course I might have misunderstood the whole thing. Please tell me what you think.

By the way, it is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows in the forum.

Best regards,

M.
 

Scheherazade

The Force is Strong With This One
Courageous Inmate Sort said:
Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Levada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

The idea is just to put some capital letters as in the original and to amend "Leva" to "Levada", since the original reads "Carried in the heart". Of course I might have misunderstood the whole thing. Please tell me what you think.

By the way, it is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows in the forum.

Best regards,

M.
Hi Courageous Inmate Sort, I completely agree, it is more close to the spirit of the prayer, I also remembered another word maybe more adequate to the meaning, instead of "levada", maybe "transportada" is better?

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Transportada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What is more important, I guess, is to be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, so maybe the two words works, and it is a matter of personal choice.
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Regards
S.
:)
 

Psalehesost

The Living Force
thorbiorn said:
How to translate the ”of”? In Danish the reason I chose ”om” instead of ”af” is because I connected the line ”Of All Creation” to the one above reading ”Help me grow in knowledge”, which I translated as ”Hjælp mig at vokse i viden”. In Danish one usually says ”viden om” rather than, ”viden af”, just as one says, ”høre/læse/tale 'om' et emne” and not ”høre, læse, tale 'af' et emne” when in English it is ”hear/read/talk 'of' a subject”.

So to your question if it is relevant in Danish I would say no, because there is much less of a choice than there apparently is in Swedish in this particular case.
"Av" is no substitute for "om" in Swedish either, and the meaning is distinctly different. You would not use one trying to convey the meaning of the other, and as for your examples, it is the same for Swedish. "Kunskap av" something would give a sense of knowledge belonging to and being produced by that something (which generally doesn't work well), in this case all creation. (thinking of it as something living and mental - the reason, I now realize, it made sense to me. this conceptualization is probably too specific to me, so I will change my translation)

Another thing I was thinking of was the use of the word "känna" (or "kende", if this also goes for Danish) - while the first thing I thought of and that which flows best, I thought it problematic that it also refers to (in Swedish, anyhow) feeling something, and that as such there is a risk of the meaning "know" being lost, and so I settled for using a word whose only meaning is "know" - "veta", even if it feels a bit clumsy. (I also inserted the word for "so" (så) before the "att" in translating the "That I may..." lines, as the Swedish "att" doesn't have the feel of a possible implied "so" as do the English "that")
 

Manu

Padawan Learner
Scheherazade said:
Courageous Inmate Sort said:
Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Levada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

The idea is just to put some capital letters as in the original and to amend "Leva" to "Levada", since the original reads "Carried in the heart". Of course I might have misunderstood the whole thing. Please tell me what you think.

By the way, it is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows in the forum.

Best regards,

M.
Hi Courageous Inmate Sort, I completely agree, it is more close to the spirit of the prayer, I also remembered another word maybe more adequate to the meaning, instead of "levada", maybe "transportada" is better?

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Transportada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What is more important, I guess, is to be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, so maybe the two words works, and it is a matter of personal choice.
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Regards
S.
:)
Thank you for the portuguese version. I was planning to post my own translation but you guys beat me to it!
All the versions are very good but I think the last one is the closest to the original.

Scheherazade said:
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Absolutely! I am one of them too!
 
Scheherazade said:
Hi Courageous Inmate Sort, I completely agree, it is more close to the spirit of the prayer, I also remembered another word maybe more adequate to the meaning, instead of "levada", maybe "transportada" is better?

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Transportada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What is more important, I guess, is to be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, so maybe the two words works, and it is a matter of personal choice.
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Regards
S.
:)
Hi Scheherazade, I think the word "transportada" is a good one, I also though of changing "levada" to "carregada". But I am uncertain of which is better. I agree the translation should be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, but it is difficult to be sure of these small differences from an objective point of view.

Manu said:
Thank you for the portuguese version. I was planning to post my own translation but you guys beat me to it!
All the versions are very good but I think the last one is the closest to the original.

Scheherazade said:
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Absolutely! I am one of them too!
Hi Manu, please feel free to suggest any amendments you think may improve the translation. It would be great if we could have a single well rounded translation for all of us native portuguese speakers.
 

thorbiorn

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Csayeursost said:
Another thing I was thinking of was the use of the word "känna" (or "kende", if this also goes for Danish) - while the first thing I thought of and that which flows best, I thought it problematic that it also refers to (in Swedish, anyhow) feeling something, and that as such there is a risk of the meaning "know" being lost, and so I settled for using a word whose only meaning is "know" - "veta", even if it feels a bit clumsy. (I also inserted the word for "so" (så) before the "att" in translating the "That I may..." lines, as the Swedish "att" doesn't have the feel of a possible implied "so" as do the English "that")
In Danish we have for "know" in relation to a person or a an object like in this case "The Holiness of True Existence/Divine Cosmic Mind" only the choice of using the verb "kende", whereas the verb "vide" although technically also a translation of "know" can not be used in this construction, it simply would not work.

You mention that in Swedish "känna" also refers to feeling something. In Danish this is not the case, except, as I just found out, that "kende" can be used to paraphrase an intimate sexual relationship with the meaning "have samleje med, ligge hos" as in the sentence from the Bible: "Adam kendte sin hustru, og hun undfangede og fødte Kain." (source: DanskOrdbogen, Århus, Denmark, 1999).

Having thought about "kende" and thinking about the Swedish "känna" and what you wrote about it, and considering that the line in which it occurs is preceded by what in English is "Cleanse my heart", is "känna" with its values of "feeling something" really out of place?

"That" as a conjunction can also in Danish be translated by "så at", if it is supposed to reflect (very) formal language, but formal language is not the impression I get of this poem that begins with "Oh".
 

Aiming

The Living Force
Think said:
Finduilas495 said:
Hi everyone,

I haven't seen a German version yet, so here goes:

"The Prayer of the Soul"

I'd be very happy about feedback.

Kind regards,
Finduilas




Very nice, Finduilas!



Yes indeed, Finduilas, it is really nice, thanks for translating it into German! :)
There're just some tiny things I'd add to the translation, added in italics:


Oh göttlicher kosmischer Geist
Heiliges Bewusstsein in aller Schöpfung
Getragen im Herzen
Gebieter des Verstandes
Retter der Seele
Lebe in mir heute
Sei mein tägliches Brot / Sei mein täglich Brot
wie ich anderen Brot gebe / So wie ich Brot an andere gebe
Hilf mir in Wissen zu wachsen
Von aller Schöpfung
Lichte meine Augen
dass ich sehen kann / So dass ich sehen kann
Kläre meine Ohren
dass ich hören kann / So dass ich hören kann
Läutere mein Herz
dass ich wissen und lieben kann / So dass ich wissen und lieben kann
Die Heiligkeit Wahrer Existenz
Göttlich kosmischer Geist.

What do you think?

Kind regards,
puzzle
 

Rfiles

A Disturbance in the Force
Courageous Inmate Sort said:
Scheherazade said:
Hi Courageous Inmate Sort, I completely agree, it is more close to the spirit of the prayer, I also remembered another word maybe more adequate to the meaning, instead of "levada", maybe "transportada" is better?

Oh Divina Mente Cósmica
Santa Consciencia em Toda a Criação
Transportada no coração
Soberana da mente
Salvadora da alma
Vive em mim hoje
Se o meu pão de cada dia
Assim como dou pão a outros
Ajuda-me a crescer em conhecimento
De Toda a Criação
Limpa meus olhos
Para que possa Ver
Limpa meus ouvidos
Para que possa escutar
Purifica meu coração
Para que possa conhecer e amar
A Santidade da Verdadeira Existencia
Divina Mente Cósmica

What is more important, I guess, is to be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, so maybe the two words works, and it is a matter of personal choice.
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Regards
S.
:)
Hi Scheherazade, I think the word "transportada" is a good one, I also though of changing "levada" to "carregada". But I am uncertain of which is better. I agree the translation should be the closest possible to the meaning and feeling of the original, but it is difficult to be sure of these small differences from an objective point of view.

Manu said:
Thank you for the portuguese version. I was planning to post my own translation but you guys beat me to it!
All the versions are very good but I think the last one is the closest to the original.

Scheherazade said:
It is nice to meet other portuguese-speaking fellows indeed!
Absolutely! I am one of them too!
Hi Manu, please feel free to suggest any amendments you think may improve the translation. It would be great if we could have a single well rounded translation for all of us native portuguese speakers.
Thank you for all the corrections and I agree with all of them. I also suggest changing all "Limpa" with "Purifica". I actually take the spanish translation and adapted it to portuguese. It's nice to meet other Portuguese-speaking fellows because I'm Portuguese.
 

rylek

Dagobah Resident
FOTCM Member
Hello everyone, here's a Czech translation of “The Prayer of the Soul” :


„Modlitba duše”


Ó božská vesmírná mysli
Posvátné vědomí v celém stvoření
Nesené v srdci
Vládce mysli
Spasitel duše
Žij ve mně dnes
Buď můj denní chléb
Tak jako dávám chléb druhým
Pomáhej růst mému vědění
O celém stvoření
Očisti mé oči
Abych mohl(a) vidět
Očisti mé uši
Abych mohl(a) slyšet
Očisti mé srdce
Abych mohl(a) vědět a milovat
Posvátnost pravdivého bytí
Božská vesmírná mysli
 

Finduilas495

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Hello puzzle,

It's funny you should mention exactly those points, because when I did the translation first it was close to what you wrote. Then I gave it some more thought and decided to stick as close as possible to the original wording. But it does sound more poetic your way.

Kind regards,
Finduilas
 

Akopirnas

Padawan Learner
A translation into Ukrainian:



Молитва Душі


О Божественний Вселенський Розуме
Священна Свідомосте Всього Твірного
Що у серці ношу
Правителю ума
Спасителю Душі
Живи в мені днесь
Будь моїм Хлібом Насущним
Як і я даю хліб іншим
Поможи зростати в знанні
Всього Твірного
Очисть мої очі
Щоб бачити
Очисть мої вуха
Щоб чути
Очисть моє серце
Щоб знати й любити
Святість Правдивого Сущого
Божественний Вселенський Розум




:halo:
 

Kruk4droga

Jedi
FOTCM Member
Lucas said:
That I may know and love

Oczyścić moje serce
Tak abym wiedział kiedy jestem zakochany Not Sure If it is good?
według mnie, chodzi tutaj o inne znaczenie słowa "know", a mianowicie w sensie "rozpoznać/rozróżniać"

Oczyścić moje serce
Tak abym mógł rozpoznawać [czym jest miłość] i kochać

pozdrawiam
 
Using the original, German and Afrikaans versions, hereby the text in Dutch v1.0

"Het gebed van de ziel"

Oh goddelijke kosmische geest
Heilig bewustzijn van al het geschapene
Gedragen in het hart
Heerser van het verstand
Redder van de ziel
Leef vandaag in mij
Wees mijn dagelijkse brood
Zoals ik anderen brood geef
Help mij kennis te vergaren
Van al het geschapene
Schoon mijn ogen
Zodat ik kan zien
Zuiver mijn oren
Zodat ik kan horen
Reinig mijn hart
Zodat ik de heiligheid van het ware bestaan
Kan weten en liefhebben
Goddelijke kosmische geest
"All creation" is quite difficult to translate in Dutch. I chose the arguable "al het geschapene". Furthermore, there is a grammatical problem with these two sentences:

That I may know and love
The Holiness of True Existence


Literally translates like this in Dutch:

Zodat ik kan weten en liefhebben
De heiligheid van het ware bestaan


But the right translation would be:

Zodat ik de heiligheid van het ware bestaan
Kan weten en liefhebben


Any suggestions?
 
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