Traits of Confident People

[sedenion]

Sedenion, you seem to know a lot about your past and your situation right now, and if you continue to take the easy route, never risking anything, your situation (particularly your "inner life") will probably not change. Is that what you want? Or would you like some things to change? If so, how much do you want that? Enough to take some risks? Enough to maybe expose yourself to new ideas and learn new things? Doing that very often helps things to change. Of course, you'll have to give something to get something, like courage, or facing your fears etc.

I will change if i feel or sees a need to change or i will change "naturally" or i will maybe don't change... exposing myself to new ideas is not a problem (finding new ideas is much more a problem). I am wondering what you offers to me... a better life ? a new perspective ? a stair for the paradise ?... what is my problem according you ? what goal i should have ?

In a previous post you said "reading a book is not what i need".

What do you need?

I don't know what i need, but, not books... do i need something ? maybe i need nothing...

 

[sedenion]

I'd say that's a factor in these tests, which is why you might get a more objective result if someone else (that knows you) took the test for you.

Because others are more objective ? naive presumption :P Many times, they are not more objective about others than themselves... for example, do you know how egoistic people see others ? as egoistic, because they find others don't give enough to them ;D Self and others evaluation is a minefield.

 

[DianaRose]

The HEXACO test is interesting and results are not much different for me from the other test. Just a couple of minor variations.

I'm having trouble imagining how the test can be taken for someone that one does not know well because pathological types usually present themselves with a mask and it takes time (sometimes a LOT of time) to gain enough experience of that person to know that their mask/words do not match their deeds long term.

I think saying confident is a bit misguiding. Efficient was the word imo. The confidence come from knowing that whatever the situation, no matter how dire, you will try your best to deal with it. Kind of like an inner trust that you won't fold. I know one person who literally has all the trait listed in the article. And she was born that way. I know other people who are of a similar type. In my experience, genetics has a lot to do with being a "confident" person. I think people are born with specific traits, what nurture does is that it will develop these trait in one way or another.

 

[Joe]

I will change if i feel or sees a need to change or i will change "naturally" or i will maybe don't change... exposing myself to new ideas is not a problem (finding new ideas is much more a problem). I am wondering what you offers to me... a better life ? a new perspective ? a stair for the paradise ?... what is my problem according you ? what goal i should have ?

You decide your own goals. But based on what you said, if only in this post, it sounds like finding new ideas is a problem for you. One could then say that you might need to find new ideas.

 

[sedenion]

You decide your own goals. But based on what you said, if only in this post, it sounds like finding new ideas is a problem for you. One could then say that you might need to find new ideas.

A goal, new idea, something motivating... is probably what i need... and, i think you will be ok to say that i am the only one who can find this :)

 

[Windmill knight]

I'd say that's a factor in these tests, which is why you might get a more objective result if someone else (that knows you) took the test for you.

Because others are more objective ? naive presumption :P Many times, they are not more objective about others than themselves... for example, do you know how egoistic people see others ? as egoistic, because they find others don't give enough to them ;D Self and others evaluation is a minefield.

Well, that's confirmed by studies in cognitive psychology. As a general rule, people around us tend to see us more objectively than we see ourselves. I could recommend a book or two on the topic, but you just said you don't want books, so... ;)

The example you just gave about the egoistic person only works because this person sees others in reference to himself. Which sort of underlines the point that we have trouble being objective when things are about us. But again, as a general rule, most people are less invested in us than ourselves, so their emotions are less likely to cloud the picture.

 

[sedenion]

Well, that's confirmed by studies in cognitive psychology. As a general rule, people around us tend to see us more objectively than we see ourselves. I could recommend a book or two on the topic, but you just said you don't want books, so... ;)

Are the studies objectives ? the authors of the books objectives ? i don't care books and studies... i have my own experience :P

The example you just gave about the egoistic person only works because this person sees others in reference to himself.

This is the case for everybody... everybody see others though the prism of themselves... This is precisely why this is dangerous to judge others, we often judge ourself, without knowing it. The key is to understand how the "projection matrix" works ;D

 

[Phill4]

This is the case for everybody... everybody see others though the prism of themselves... This is precisely why this is dangerous to judge others, we often judge ourself, without knowing it. The key is to understand how the "projection matrix" works ;D

So why judge studies because they are studies and books and people and forums etc.? Being this a dangerous descision

How do we find out how the "projection matrix" works? And what for anyways?

 

[Divide by Zero]

Are the studies objectives ? the authors of the books objectives ? i don't care books and studies... i have my own experience :P

Studies are studies, what matters is what we get from them. Sometimes the books are written with a different intent, but behind the scenes we find more. The process of critical thinking is what matters, not the end, "answer"

So why are you here? I used to be part of a new age group many years ago, and that's how they believed things go, you have your own wisdom and so on. For me I tried hard to believe my own self but doubt is the only way to try to wake up. I felt like I must have been weak, but this forum helped me see that no- they're weak for settling for an easy "fix".

Have you seen Inception? You might be in a dream, thinking that you woke up. That's the idea that we don't know for sure- so why not listen to other ideas.

NOTHING is truly objective, but like plato's allegory of the cave, we have to see the shadows and put the clues together to get the bigger picture. You sound like you already know what is out there. So again, why are you here- what do you intend to gain from this forum, or what is your aim?

The example you just gave about the egoistic person only works because this person sees others in reference to himself.

This is the case for everybody... everybody see others though the prism of themselves... This is precisely why this is dangerous to judge others, we often judge ourself, without knowing it. The key is to understand how the "projection matrix" works ;D

You seem to have some kind of obsession with judgement. It's one thing to judge on arbitrary terms, like religion does. It's another to be analyzed and given feedback. Nobody is saying they have the absolute truth here. You are free to discuss it. But I think maybe you have been traumatized by judgement like my girlfriend was. Until a few months ago, she was fearful of any ideas but also like you at the same time feeling empty.

I sense deep down that is why you are here. Despite you seeming so sure of your convictions, a part is not making sense. As Morpheus told Neo "like a splinter in your mind".

 

[mkrnhr]

I did the IPIP-NEO test today, the long version. I had done it a few years as it was mentioned in one of the psychology books ago and wanted to compare the results but unfortunately, the old results are nowhere to be found (hard drives where thousounds of files are named qlskhfslkfhsbdjsb.txt are hard to search).
Many questions were difficult to answer because the first thought I often have is "well, depends...." or "what do you mean by XXXX???". Anyway, in the hope that the results are close enough in average :D to the actual reality:

EXTRAVERSION 41

Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

..Friendliness 58 Your level of friendliness is average.
..Gregariousness 57 Your level of gregariousness is average.
..Assertiveness 28 Your level of assertiveness is low.
..Activity Level 34 Your activity level is average.
..Excitement-Seeking 41 Your level of excitement-seeking is average.
..Cheerfulness 37 Your level of positive emotions is average.



AGREEABLENESS 66

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

..Trust 47 Your level of trust is average.
..Morality 65 Your level of morality is average.
..Altruism 57 Your level of altruism is average.
..Cooperation 66 Your level of cooperation is average.
..Modesty 72 Your level of modesty is high.
..Sympathy 59 Your level of tender-mindedness is average.



CONSCIENTIOUSNESS 38

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

..Self-Efficacy 33 Your level of self-efficacy is average.
..Orderliness 23 Your level of orderliness is low.
..Dutifulness 27 Your level of dutifulness is low.
..Achievement-Striving 38 Your level of achievement striving is average.
..Self-Discipline 44 Your level of self-discipline is average.
..Cautiousness 76 Your level of cautiousness is high.



NEUROTICISM 40

Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.

..Anxiety 42 Your level of anxiety is average.
..Anger 24 Your level of anger is low.
..Depression 65 Your level of depression is average.
..Self-Consciousness 41 Your level or self-consciousness is average.
..Immoderation 39 Your level of immoderation is average.
..Vulnerability 37 Your level of vulnerability is average.



OPENNESS 70

Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

..Imagination 70 Your level of imagination is high.
..Artistic Interests 63 Your level of artistic interests is average.
..Emotionality 37 Your level of emotionality is average.
..Adventurousness 71 Your level of adventurousness is high.
..Intellect 66 Your level of intellect is average.
..Liberalism 68 Your level of liberalism is high.

Overall.... average ;)

 

[Yas]

I did the test as well, the long version. I think too that some answers were difficult to answer because I'd also say "it depends" or I didn't know exactly what it meant. But overall the results are accurate (regarding how I see myself at least). I agree that it would be much better if someone else does the test for the person so that the person can see how others see him/her. It would be quite interesting to see those results, actually.

What I like about this test is that it gives you an idea of areas in which to improve. Something specific that you can see and say: "Oh, it would be nice to develop this trait more".

So here are my results:

EXTRAVERSION 14

..Friendliness 8
..Gregariousness 27
..Assertiveness 14
..Activity Level 83
..Excitement-Seeking 3
..Cheerfulness 30
Your score on Extraversion is low, indicating you are introverted, reserved, and quiet. You enjoy solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends.

It's true. Although I was much more extraverted before, I'm not at all now. I think that Assertiveness it's an important quality though, so this is one area in which I'd like to work on.

AGREEABLENESS 90

..Trust 79
..Morality 52
..Altruism 40
..Cooperation 94
..Modesty 94
..Sympathy 84
Your high level of Agreeableness indicates a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.

I'd like to work on Altruism and review my trust a bit...

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS 63

..Self-Efficacy 44
..Orderliness 92
..Dutifulness 33
..Achievement-Striving 47
..Self-Discipline 34
..Cautiousness 80
Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

I think that it would be good to balance these results a bit. Too much goes for orderliness and cautiousness, and the others are a bit low, and they are very important IMO, so again, it's good to see these specific traits that need some work, and start working on them more consciously.

NEUROTICISM 55

..Anxiety 64
..Anger 50
..Depression 73
..Self-Consciousness 87
..Immoderation 10
..Vulnerability 34
Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.

I actually thought I would score higher on this one. It's totally true that self-consciousness it's high and it's something I constantly need to recognize and work on at the moment. Depression, yes, it's true that it is high as well. Anxiety is average, yet I'd say that I'm quite anxious, so that was a surprise to me.

OPENNESS 49

..Imagination 7
..Artistic Interests 54
..Emotionality 64
..Adventurousness 34
..Intellect 35
..Liberalism 97
Your score on Openness to Experience is average, indicating you enjoy tradition but are willing to try new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual.

I admit I was a bit disappointed because I'm not open enough, hehe, but then, when I read the descriptions and thought about it, I'd say that, yes, I used to be very open, but with time I became more conservative on many aspects and I guess that balance between the extremes is something good here, OSIT.

 

[Joe]

You decide your own goals. But based on what you said, if only in this post, it sounds like finding new ideas is a problem for you. One could then say that you might need to find new ideas.

A goal, new idea, something motivating... is probably what i need... and, i think you will be ok to say that i am the only one who can find this :)

For sure. In my experience, a person has to keep "asking" for such an abstract thing, which includes making consistent efforts in a certain direction, or directions, that signal that you are serious about what you want. I've no idea by what mechanism that works, but it seems to, eventually. Oh, and since you don't really know what this new idea or goal is, exactly, then it makes sense to try and keep as open a mind as possible, even for the possibility of things that you think or feel you don't need.

 

[Joe]

Self and others evaluation is a minefield.

For sure it is, but let's consider the alternative. If we rule out self evaluation, and we rule out evaluation of the self by others, what are we left with? No evaluation whatsoever? Sounds like a recipe for having no clue at all. Maybe the best approach is a combination of the two. While not perfect, I think it's better than nothing.

But there's another way to consider evaluation by others. Most people want, to one extent or another, to please others or at least to get along with others, if only for practical reasons of peace, productivity etc. So while the perspective of me provided by others might not be accurate in an objective (or subjective i.e. from my point of view) sense, it IS useful in terms of giving me an idea of how I am perceived by others and what I would need to change in order to achieve better 'community relations', if I were to decide that I wanted better 'community relations', and if the suggested changes are appropriate or an acceptable 'sacrifice' to make to achieve what I want.

The point being, usually you don't know very clearly (or at all) what it is that you want. Given those circumstances, there doesn't seem any other way than to try and keep trying. Of course, a person can try and fail a few times, and the failure can convince them that failure is a bad and therefore they should stop trying. But that seems to be a cul de sac. And cul de sacs soon become boring and frustrating places.

 

[sedenion]

So why judge studies because they are studies and books and people and forums etc.?

I don't judge, i said : i don't care. However, for studies, i know they are managed to proof one thing, so the experimentation protocole is subjective from the begining. Let suppose a stupid civilization trying to understand gravity... and their first assumption is: apples wants to go on the floor because they love the floor... So they will build an experiment protocol: let's see if all objects loves floor. and yes ! all objects loves floor, this is the proof that floor is an adorable thing !

Being this a dangerous descision

Maybe because you suppose i spend my life by refusing all external data and informations... which is not the case. But for this precise case, i don't care studies, i have my own experience. And i suggest to everybody to have their own experience too, that is way better than all studies and books of the world. I also can tell "hey, watch, this book say that the moon is spherical !"... do i have verified myself ? no, i only places my trust into what another say... so this has no value... maybe the moon is flat like pancake, i don't know... However, i can observe the moon myself closely, and see that this strange pattern of shadow from a dark moon to full moon, suggest the moon is lighten by the sun and the moon is spherical.

How do we find out how the "projection matrix" works? And what for anyways?

1. What is a "projection matrix" => google...
2. What this "projection matrix" can stand for in our context of "self and others judgment" ?
3. What is a "projection" in the context of psychology ?

Obyvatel guessed what i was talking about in another topic (The Believing Brain and C's clues...)

 

[sedenion]

Studies are studies, what matters is what we get from them. Sometimes the books are written with a different intent, but behind the scenes we find more. The process of critical thinking is what matters, not the end, "answer"

What matter is what you experienced and know...

So why are you here?

To fill my free time... (like everyone else here, i think... even if average people here take things more seriousely)

I used to be part of a new age group many years ago, and that's how they believed things go, you have your own wisdom and so on. For me I tried hard to believe my own self but doubt is the only way to try to wake up. I felt like I must have been weak, but this forum helped me see that no- they're weak for settling for an easy "fix".

Well, this is your path... i have another one.

Have you seen Inception?

I love this movie :P

You might be in a dream, thinking that you woke up. That's the idea that we don't know for sure- so why not listen to other ideas.

Other ideas, ok... but YOUR ideas, not the ideas of any books authors, or studies.. you see what i mean ? I love to discovers ideas of other people, how they see things. But what happen if everybody tell me: "go read this book !" ? So everybody have the same idea taken from this book ?! very disapointing for me...

NOTHING is truly objective, but like plato's allegory of the cave, we have to see the shadows and put the clues together to get the bigger picture. You sound like you already know what is out there.

No, i don't know what is "out there", i am like everyone, trapped in this "dream"... however, that does not prevent me to have some clues, some knowledge and experience (not taken from books).

So again, why are you here- what do you intend to gain from this forum, or what is your aim?

Is there really important ? Can't we just interact, like you cross some stranger in the street ? Maybe you afraid that i can be a bad manipulator, an egotistict narcissic devious guy who try <insert here your biggest fear>.. But i think you are able to detect if i am dangerous, you able to see if i am trying to washing your brain etc... I am a tourist, i do what a tourist do...

You seem to have some kind of obsession with judgement. It's one thing to judge on arbitrary terms, like religion does. It's another to be analyzed and given feedback. Nobody is saying they have the absolute truth here. You are free to discuss it. But I think maybe you have been traumatized by judgement like my girlfriend was. Until a few months ago, she was fearful of any ideas but also like you at the same time feeling empty.

Why do you again attempt to make my own experience the center of the subject ? I feel like i was pointing the moon with my finger, and you are watching my finger... That does not mean what i am pointing with my finger is a very interesting or new thing, but, is my finger realy more interesting than what i pointed with it ?

I sense deep down that is why you are here. Despite you seeming so sure of your convictions, a part is not making sense. As Morpheus told Neo "like a splinter in your mind".

And maybe you are wrong...