What programs have YOU discovered?

[Bar Kochba]

I actually wish to change and grow...I can care about people...I don't think I'm able to love but I know I can care.

DianaRose, the mere fact that you want to change and grow, that you can care (or want to care), shows that you ARE able to love. Most of us have to learn how to love properly. You are right that what we term "love" is usually feeding. When we can step into the shoes of another, and feel empathy for them, for their life, what they may be feeling or not feeling, etc., that is when we can really learn how to love in the STO sense.

Like you, I struggle in this area. But educating yourself on internal and external consideration can work wonders in helping to jump start your emotional center. FWIW

 

[obyvatel]

because I realized my artificial feelings towards others, and realized that the ones I really love are those who deserve it, it doesn't care what you are, you have to deserve my appreciation.

I could not understand if the bolded part above is related to your "artificial feelings towards others" or "real love" as you understand it now. Can you clarify?

 

[cubbex]

Well is complicated, there was no artificial feelings really because I was always honest with me, the point is that I never realized that I didn't love some people, that it was not enough to say I did love them (that doesn't mean I'm not thankful with those who has helped me). So realizing that I think that in my situation, I have few close friends and family members whom I share my feelings, jo, and I prefer to mantain it that way because I have learned in the hard way, that you can't share yourself with everyone. And sharing opinions and feelings is my way to appreciate others.

 

[Lucius]

I discovered last program in itself is a program of observations of other do not know if it is positive but turns to me almost always seen others not showing their emotions so that others do not attack me.

 

[Phill4]

I dealt with one, daydreaming, and absolutely stoped it, started thinking with my right brain, and experiencing reality directly. but I made a wrong move and it costed me this achivement.....

daydreaming, thats one of my programs, i must also say that, it sometimes takes me to catch up with something i've forgotten, however, i am aware of the fact that daydreaming is not only thinking in an imaginary drama when the outcome is self agrandisment like the C's say, its an ilusion, a temptation to limitation, besides the remark of G. about daydreaming, that is, to recreate a situation, a feeling; this gives me also the feeling of "paralizement" .
i found that and know that.
but it happens that when my mental sharpness is gone, i.e. this ability to just stop and re open my eyes and see and study reality directly, with what you are supposed to know from reading and experience etc.. i begin to daydream again.
witout mentioning the emotional factor, (yet other programs), and at the same time all this happens when i sudently forget everything im supposed to know, if i know a thing and sometimes if i loose the thread of what im doing thinking or seeing this happens, which is very frustrating. again i calm down and try to see..

i found that in order to stop daydreaming, and stop to lack of power to retain the knowledge i found this:
i had to first to re-study the subject of daydreaming and counsiously produce the daydream in order to study it. (it doesnt mean that you are counsious in the daydream inducion, its just that i accept going through it with a clear thought in mind all the time) it worked...
I said i "stoped" the program before after dealing with it before, and worked!, i was doing things acording to my thoughts, but i made a bad move, and everything ...... falled..
it was the only thought that crossed my mind, "The fall". the fall, the fall.

anyway, my "bad move" is not really the subject here. only for the fact that , yeah you can get something , attain something, crystalize something in you with the work, but even there you can also melt it or "falling back" and i can only say there is nothing, no matter what you find, nothing better than being awaken, thats how it felt, falling, and there is always a way back, and therefore a choice...

anyhow music takes me to daydreaming, but must important i have to say, is that if you are recreating a feeling, you must already know the drama, if you know the drama, therefore the characters, and thats one of the keyes!!!!!
the emotional part!, emoton~ e-motion~ motion/ it moves you!/ i.e. the horse....
in conection to my choice fully emotional apparently , daydreaming is a cause of it..... and therefore the emotional center wants to repeats itself
whats the work here??

> is to learn not anticipate (wave 3)
>to learn use your right brain, and then learn how to have all three in balance
>to breath,, "to breath is to be"
> to do everything in acordance with the work!!!! (it embraces all IMO)

therefore KNOWLEDGE and study.

faith of a non-judgamental kind on the work you do ,the knowledge you gather and experiencing with no anticipation.


sorry if that was too long, but its been a life-long thing for me.

 

[TOTEM36]

This saying used to mess with my ideas about forming relationships:

" you can tell how successful your relationship will go by looking at how well your partner gets on with their mother /or father? "

 

[anart]

This saying used to mess with my ideas about forming relationships:

" you can tell how successful your relationship will go by looking at how well your partner gets on with their mother /or father? "

Yes, that saying can be sent to the trash bin.

 

[eleusis]

One of my biggies is the fear of responsibility. I can counter that fear here by simply getting through this one single post and not projecting about having to post ten, twenty or thirty more times because other people can and do post those amounts. All I have to get through is this one post and do my best. Not 'the' best, but 'my' best for the moment. If I can proceed in increments and step by gentle step, which is unusual for me, then I understand that my ability to sincerely and accurately describe and know myself will grow. Each post... more growth, more feedback. Each post... responsibility demonstrated and acted upon thus I am more responsible and not something I 'wished' I was.

What usually happens is I get all caught up in my head with negative imagination exercises where I 'intend' to post and then don't. Of course, then I beat myself up about it and loudly promise myself that I'll do it tomorrow or when the next topic sparks my interest. The pattern of not posting and thus not taking responsibility for myself and the community I belong to, grows and builds. When I then do attempt to post, the post is out of guilt which I myself have created. No one else. Me. The guilt and shame then weigh heavily on my emotional state resulting in a post that is simply a string of words and sentences deprived of awareness and sincerity.

Probably, if I had not been so adamant in indulging my negative imagination and engaging my formative thinking I would have recognized that even a disjointed scattered post in my case would have at least been a sincere effort in and of itself. A cry for help so to speak. What am I so afraid of anyway, that you all will finally discover that I'm not a genius even though one of my narcissistic running programs keeps trying to convince me I am. That most days I don't know my left foot from my right. Big deal. So I trip over my own feet. That's what the moderators are here for so when I drunkenly stumble around too much they say, "hey, knock it off, go read something" or if I'm only moderately acting out they say, "hey, here's the programs you have running and we're simply being your mirror so you can grow and evolve." That's love. That's commitment. That's true responsibility and I have plenty of models of that here on this forum so I can learn and in turn grow in becoming more responsible and one day pass it along to another.

 

[Palinurus]

Hi joe seppe,

There's much in your post that sounds familiar to me.

Since practice makes perfect, I followed a strategy of 'dry swimming' with posting, i.e. writing posts when I think I 'have to' (for whatever reason) and then saving them as drafts in a folder specially created for this purpose. After letting them sit there for a while (a few hours, a day or a week even) I go back to them to reconsider what I've written and on occasion comparing that with real posts of others written after my initial attempt. I then try to rework the wordings or attempt a completely new post for better conveying what I was trying to say.

I never posted those finger exercises except in very rare cases.

These endeavors have served me well to overcome fears and shyness which were really stifling me at the very beginning. fwiw.

 

[eleusis]

My gosh, Palinurus. Such a clear and concise post. Very practical. One of my goals is definitely to become a bit more clear and to the point with my writing. Thanks for your example. Very helpful.

 

[eleusis]

I took your advice Palinurus and started a file. I already have five posts in it. Great suggestion and certainly takes the heat off me pestering myself to post and then not following through.

 

[Ollie]

...
Since practice makes perfect, I followed a strategy of 'dry swimming' with posting, i.e. writing posts when I think I 'have to' (for whatever reason) and then saving them as drafts in a folder specially created for this purpose. After letting them sit there for a while (a few ours, a day or a week even) I go back to them to reconsider what I've written and on occasion comparing that with real posts of others written after my initial attempt. I then try to rework the wordings or attempt a completely new post for better conveying what I was trying to say.

This looks like a perfectionist programme that is running, possibly from narcissistic parenting - have you read 'The Narcissistic Family' by Donaldson-Pressman and Pressman?

I never posted those finger exercises except in very rare cases.

These endeavors have served me well to overcome fears and shyness which were really stifling me at the very beginning. fwiw.

You may like to consider posting these 'finger exercises' straight away, as a way of overcoming your fears (and shyness - which is only inner consideration after all), face the fear and just do it; and, after all, all there is is lessons for learning. :)

You may find that this helps, or not.

I took your advice Palinurus and started a file. I already have five posts in it. Great suggestion and certainly takes the heat off me pestering myself to post and then not following through.

It would be great to see these posts (following through) now that you've made them. I'm sure that they will benefit someone, somehow in the forum - you'll never now how or when until you get the feedback.

I look forward to reading more of your posts, joe seppe and Palinurus.

 

[RyanX]

Hi joe seppe,

There's much in your post that sounds familiar to me.

Since practice makes perfect, I followed a strategy of 'dry swimming' with posting, i.e. writing posts when I think I 'have to' (for whatever reason) and then saving them as drafts in a folder specially created for this purpose. After letting them sit there for a while (a few ours, a day or a week even) I go back to them to reconsider what I've written and on occasion comparing that with real posts of others written after my initial attempt. I then try to rework the wordings or attempt a completely new post for better conveying what I was trying to say.

I never posted those finger exercises except in very rare cases.

These endeavors have served me well to overcome fears and shyness which were really stifling me at the very beginning. fwiw.

I think this is okay to do when one is in an emotional state. I know if there's something somebody does or posts that gets me riled up, I might sit on it for a day or so before deciding what or how to post. While this is happening, you might want to use the opportunity to examine the feelings and thoughts that are flowing through you - even if you don't make any attempt to respond. Journaling these feelings might be a helpful approach.

On the other hand, if one gets in the habit of sitting on their words too often, even when there are no major emotional programs to contend with, it may just be a form of buffering, or a perfectionist program as Trevrizent pointed out.

In either case, I think the key is understanding what emotional state your machine is in at any given moment. The recommended dietary advise and regular EE breathing/meditation can be a big help with this from what I've discovered.

 

[Palinurus]

Thank you both Trevrizent and RyanX for your very to the point comments.

Although I never read The narcissistic Family, I'm completely aware --along other lines of development-- of my tendencies of perfectionism (among other programmes).

Having said this, in my case there is also a language problem. When topics are of a theoretical nature or otherwise contain complicated issues, I simply lack the vocabulary and the fluency in English to be able to post off the cuff trying to explain what I want to say. In extreme cases I have to formulate my thoughts in my native language (Dutch) first, before translating my train of thoughts into proper English and subsequently posting those.

I totally agree that sometimes a sort of buffering can take place, but I don't consider that a problem as long as I'm concurrently aware of that type of program running - which I usually am.

All in all, I would say it's just because of my permanent awareness of the possibility of programmes taking over my machine that I decided to follow the strategy stated for a while and I'm gradually capable of more instant and direct participation in threads that pique my interest than I used to be. It was never meant to be a permanent solution in the first place, but it proved helpful (as stated) to overcome initial fears and shyness.

Moreover, don't forget that the overall level of discourse tends to be very high and I have to admit that I'm tiptoeing to the full from time to time to reach or maintain that required level or refrain from posting all together - which I certainly wouldn't want to do.

Thank you both for giving me the opportunity to explain this a little further.

 

[TOTEM36]

This is my dominant program.

Often when somebody tries to be nice to me, offer a job opportunity, a positive comment, or, just try to get to know me better. I will have a burst of defensiveness where I will glare them down in a ‘ i'll show you who is the boss’ attitude’ or ‘ I know what you are up to, and I don’t trust you an inch’ , then, I will push them away because that part of me is sure they are out to get me.