Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

I have just begun the program.

One night before bed, (and before Laura introduced the audio), I was doing circular breathing, and this went on for somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes. The only thing I noticed while doing this was a burning sensation inside my sinus cavity. After going to sleep, I had a very vivid nightmare, which wasn't really a nightmare, if this makes sense. In other words I woke up sweating, heart racing etc., but the content of the dream wasn't really that nightmarish? It was strange. It was like my body recognized the symbollogy, and reacted accordingly, but my mind wasn't ready to see what this dream represented.

To date, even after the audio was released, I have not had any similar things happen. Some very vivid dreams, but that is the extent so far.
 
Not sure where to start with this, so I'll just tell it like it happened. I've been feeling really weak lately, sleeping a lot more then usual. Part of it is likely the change in temperature, it's been cold and rainy this week, and I thought I may have been fighting off some sort of illness. I have had a lot of drama in my life lately too, so that was probably taking it's toll. Anyway I was watching some Avatar cartoons last night, finished up the series, really enjoyed the happy ending, and thought I'd do a meditation before bed.

I needed to take a shower, so I hopped in and started washing when all of a sudden I got smacked by odd sensations, and emotions. I felt like I was in the presence of lizzie royalty, and I was banished for trying to help the humans of earth. I also felt like I chose to leave because I couldn't pretend to be one of them anymore. And then I walked through some doorway that looked like fire. There were other images too, chasing a human through a desert, following the scent of her terror, cutting off a child's hands in front of its mother. Getting high off it like an addict getting his fix.

Honestly I didn't really buy it, I thought it was somehow connected to the cartoon I'd just watched - Prince Zuko is the fire nation prince, he's a bad guy, the whole series he's hunting the Avatar, then at the end he goes through some personal transformation and find himself allied with the Avatar. That's the short of it anyway. It seemed awfully similar to the situation I was picturing myself in... or my past self...

So I did the meditation with the intent of discovering how true this flash was. It was probably the most emotionally intense meditation I've ever had. After just a few pipe breaths of the 3 stage breathing I broke out crying, not just sniffle, sniffle, tear but full blown on the floor choking gasping sobs, I kept mumbling apologies. I just let it out, and after bawling my eyes out on the ground I was able to collect myself off the floor, took a few deep breaths and started again. I had another breakdown right after finishing the 3 stage, and then again before the last round-breathing. I also got more impressions of things I had done.

I kept tearing all through the POTS, I didn't loose myself once this time. After I just turned off the lights and sobbed myself to sleep. I felt like I had popped some cosmic block in my brain, but it was so painful, so weird. I don't even know if it's possible, could a lizzie begin to empathize with humans? Or maybe it's a metaphor for something else. Needless to say, it's difficult for me to post this, I let myself sleep on it, but I didn't want to not-post because I'm basically afraid of how I'll be perceived.

Anyway that was my experience as I experienced it. I'm still in shock, my emotions are kinda numb at the moment. I get the feeling that if it's true this is my shot at redemption. It gave me strength, and maybe that's the point, real or not, it's given me a new edge and a new reason to keep on keeping on. I just can't get the images out of my head, the feelings I had, and my disgust at my past-self. It's like all the anger I have directed at psychopaths and lizzies was actually aimed at myself, or a prior incarnation of myself. I was what I hate most. That is probably the most disturbing aspect of the entire experience.
 
sounds like the karma cleansing we are supposed to experience. i'm not that far yet, good to hear this is working for people.
 
shellycheval said:
It is incredible how much is going on around us all the time. I too am amazed at how oblivious so many people appear to be to their environment: birds, a flower in the crack of a sidewalk, a deer slipping into the woods, architectural details, and probably most important the interactions or lack thereof of the people around them. While watching a highway of ants busily going about their lives, I used to wonder if anyone was watching us in the same manner; now thanks to Cass & SOTT and some experiences I've had along the way, I think we are being observed by unseen hyperdimensional entities.

As a side note, Keel makes a reference to being observed in Operation Trojan Horse that is worth posting below:
[quote author="Keel in Trojan Horse"]
Our earliest religious and occult records fully describe and
define Operation Trojan Horse. We have been told throughout
history that ultraterrestrials, or superior humanlike nonhumans,
have been "assigned to walk among us. In the Bible, for
example, the prophet Zechariah states that he was visited by
angels on May 24 (circa 520 B.c.) and that, "I saw by night, and
behold a man riding upon a red horse, and he stood among the
myrtle trees that were in the bottom; and behind him there
were red horses, speckled and white.
"Then I said, 0 my lord, what are these? And the angel that
talked with me said unto me. I will shew thee what these be.
"And the man that stood among the myrtle trees answered
and said, These are they whom the Lord hath sent to walk to
and fro through the earth." (Zechariah 15-1 1)
Further on, Zechariah describes how he saw a cylinder-shaped
object in the sky, and the "angel" informed him, "This is the
curse that goes forth over the face of the whole earth." (Zechariah
E1-4) The "angel" continued by describing how the
objects literally spy upon every human being.

[/quote]
 
Puck said:
Not sure where to start with this, so I'll just tell it like it happened. I've been feeling really weak lately, sleeping a lot more then usual. Part of it is likely the change in temperature, it's been cold and rainy this week, and I thought I may have been fighting off some sort of illness. I have had a lot of drama in my life lately too, so that was probably taking it's toll. Anyway I was watching some Avatar cartoons last night, finished up the series, really enjoyed the happy ending, and thought I'd do a meditation before bed.

I needed to take a shower, so I hopped in and started washing when all of a sudden I got smacked by odd sensations, and emotions. I felt like I was in the presence of lizzie royalty, and I was banished for trying to help the humans of earth. I also felt like I chose to leave because I couldn't pretend to be one of them anymore. And then I walked through some doorway that looked like fire. There were other images too, chasing a human through a desert, following the scent of her terror, cutting off a child's hands in front of its mother. Getting high off it like an addict getting his fix.

Honestly I didn't really buy it, I thought it was somehow connected to the cartoon I'd just watched - Prince Zuko is the fire nation prince, he's a bad guy, the whole series he's hunting the Avatar, then at the end he goes through some personal transformation and find himself allied with the Avatar. That's the short of it anyway. It seemed awfully similar to the situation I was picturing myself in... or my past self...

Hi Puck,

I just wanted to say that your vision is really interesting. When we started to program and C's said the effects of the program influences fourth, fifth and sixth densities, I try to imagine how can it influence them. Obviously, we are in the "past" and our future is realigning itself based on the choices we make. I remember C's mentioning our STS "future" selves can abduct us to continue to live. So when we align ourselves with STO more and more, those "future" selves lose their polarity and disappear. When I read your post, I thought you maybe accessed a possible future where you were a Lizzie(no offense) and in that future you have lost your STS polarity because of what you are doing today.

Other than that, it could be because of Avatar, being in the presence of a Lizzie royalty reminds me Zuko's confrontation with his father, Fire Lord Ozai. Or it could be a representation of the psyche. Even if you did those things in the past or in the future, what matters is today, as RedFox would say: "Be gentle on yourself." There is nothing wrong with being Zuko, though I personally prefer to be Iroh. ;)
 
I had a strange sensation Friday afternoon as I opened the back door to step outside. I happened to be starting an inhale of my breath, when for a very brief moment, I had a distinct sensation of breathing with my whole body. It was as if my entire body expanded on the inhale and contracted some on the exhale. It also seemed as if this was completely natural - the way it is supposed to be.

Afterwards (the experience only seemed to last a second or two), my attention returned to normal awareness of my breathing pattern, and I was quite disappointed to find that I could only breath with my chest, diaphram and belly. It seemed like such a constriction to the way I should be or can be breathing. It wasn't until later that evening when my thoughts turned to something I had read about 4th density and absorbing nutrients from the surroundings that I thought there might be some connection to the EE program. Otherwise, I had just enjoyed the sensation and the memory of it.

Still, this experience could have been entirely subjective and linked to something else, so I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this?
 
Csayeursost said:
Not repulsion, but rather distance and alienation. Alienated both with the world (that part of it - material existence in the form of organic life, which strikes me as bizarre and senseless - that we experience here, though at the very same time I take it for granted that things are as they are and accept them as such) and its inhabitants.

And when I wrote "how" in that phrase, I was thinking "how" as in "how it works". (interpreting the "how" otherwise, the phrase does appear disdainful, I can see) I was thinking of this - the mechanics of this "function" - and conveyed (colored by emotion stirring under the surface) an impression of it appearing senseless to me in the context of this "happening with" people who then blindly and mechanically follow it in the face of the reality (which, as far as I can see, is raw and coarse and not in any way beautiful - apart from knowing it being so).

Understood. Thanks for the prompt response, I understand clearer your stance now.
 
Hi Puck,

Puck said:
I needed to take a shower, so I hopped in and started washing when all of a sudden I got smacked by odd sensations, and emotions. I felt like I was in the presence of lizzie royalty, and I was banished for trying to help the humans of earth. I also felt like I chose to leave because I couldn't pretend to be one of them anymore. And then I walked through some doorway that looked like fire. There were other images too, chasing a human through a desert, following the scent of her terror, cutting off a child's hands in front of its mother. Getting high off it like an addict getting his fix.

Honestly I didn't really buy it, I thought it was somehow connected to the cartoon I'd just watched - Prince Zuko is the fire nation prince, he's a bad guy, the whole series he's hunting the Avatar, then at the end he goes through some personal transformation and find himself allied with the Avatar. That's the short of it anyway. It seemed awfully similar to the situation I was picturing myself in... or my past self...

That reminds me of something I read in Bringers of the Dawn:

Bringers of the Dawn (pg 85) said:
As members of the Family of Light, you are here to anchor frequency and allow the mutation process to happen inside of your bodies so that you can make it available to the planet. What does that mean? It means that eventually your reality is going to change and that how you deal with reality will change. You will stop being you, as you know you, and will become more connected with all of the other yous who are looking to make the same leap in consciousness as this you! This process involves meeting and merging and using the multidimensional self. As you reach higher knowledge, you realize you are not alone and that there are multitudes of selves; you are challenged to understand this.There is no reaching higher knowledge without going through the multidimensional self. This means coming into full realization and experiencing, meeting, and merging with a collective of intelligence existing in the ever-expanding now, beyond space and time.

Believe us when we say that you, as members of the Family of Light, made a vast study of the historical manipulation that has been going on on this planet, just as anyone sent on assignment would be trained for a long period of time before they were sent out into the field. Each of you has been trained, and you have the knowledge inside of you. Our part is to hit key chords and play your consciousness into activity so you can go ahead and make the tune or song or dance you are prepared for. Your knowledge is inside of you, and as you agree to discover it, it will awaken on deeper and deeper levels. You will become very self-sufficient, those of you who agree to this. You will also become incredibly knowledgeable, those of you who do not stop because you are frightened.

We will say to you very honestly that fear will always play a part in your evolutionary process, so get used to it. Do not feel that fear is bad. When you succumb to your fears and allow yourself to buy into them, then you must cycle through them and experience all you feel so that you can overcome them. Begin to say, "I will transmute this fear. I will understand that it is part of the plan. I will understand that it can serve me." Remember, your power and your ability to create reality through your will ends where your fear begins. And we will tell you- life is meeting fear. Begin to look at the events of your life and how you create them. Understand that you always create them to serve you. You are trained for this. You are coded for this.

Maybe its possible your frequency is changing and you did encounter one of these 'other yous'. Although I'm not quite sure this is how it would happen, it sounded like a possibility to me.

Puck said:
So I did the meditation with the intent of discovering how true this flash was. It was probably the most emotionally intense meditation I've ever had. After just a few pipe breaths of the 3 stage breathing I broke out crying, not just sniffle, sniffle, tear but full blown on the floor choking gasping sobs, I kept mumbling apologies.
I thought this might have something to do with the fear they were describing.

Puck said:
I don't even know if it's possible, could a lizzie begin to empathize with humans?
If it was one of your 'other' selves I don't see why not.

Then again of course this could all have been the result of your cartoon you were watching but it struck a chord with me so I thought I'd put it out there. ;)
 
Puck said:
I needed to take a shower, so I hopped in and started washing when all of a sudden I got smacked by odd sensations, and emotions. I felt like I was in the presence of lizzie royalty, and I was banished for trying to help the humans of earth. I also felt like I chose to leave because I couldn't pretend to be one of them anymore. And then I walked through some doorway that looked like fire. There were other images too, chasing a human through a desert, following the scent of her terror, cutting off a child's hands in front of its mother. Getting high off it like an addict getting his fix.

So I did the meditation with the intent of discovering how true this flash was. It was probably the most emotionally intense meditation I've ever had. After just a few pipe breaths of the 3 stage breathing I broke out crying, not just sniffle, sniffle, tear but full blown on the floor choking gasping sobs, I kept mumbling apologies. I just let it out, and after bawling my eyes out on the ground I was able to collect myself off the floor, took a few deep breaths and started again. I had another breakdown right after finishing the 3 stage, and then again before the last round-breathing. I also got more impressions of things I had done.

This is really something interesting, imho, Puck.

Here’s my thoughts:

The soul is outside space/time. The soul can incarnate into any physical vehicle/body type it chooses, for the lessons to be learned in that vehicle’s environment.

Since the soul is outside of space/time, all incarnations can be considered to be happening simultaneously. ‘Past’ and ‘future’ lives are only ‘past’ and ‘future’ when viewed from our perspective.

So, let’s say that one of these incarnations decides to work with the Prayer of the Soul and begins to gain some objective awareness, thus aligning itself more with its soul. Let’s also say that this entity then experiences great ‘remorse of conscience’ for actions carried out by another entity in its ‘soul-family’. The entity experiencing the remorse of conscience feels the other entity’s pain fully (which is also its own pain) and releases it, thereby cleansing its heart. This action releases some of the pain the other entity caused to itself by its actions, and brings a little more light, not just to itself, but to all the other entities in the soul-family, thus actualising the words: ‘Carried in the heart, ruler of the mind, saviour of the soul’.

This may well lead to an awakening of conscience in the other entity, which may cause ripples in that entity’s world. And in this way, working with the Prayer of the Soul has the possibility to CHANGE EVERYTHING.

I think we can begin to get an idea of the potential power of the Prayer of the Soul, and how important it is to work with it regularly.
 
Puck said:
Anyway that was my experience as I experienced it. I'm still in shock, my emotions are kinda numb at the moment. I get the feeling that if it's true this is my shot at redemption. It gave me strength, and maybe that's the point, real or not, it's given me a new edge and a new reason to keep on keeping on. I just can't get the images out of my head, the feelings I had, and my disgust at my past-self. It's like all the anger I have directed at psychopaths and lizzies was actually aimed at myself, or a prior incarnation of myself. I was what I hate most. That is probably the most disturbing aspect of the entire experience.

First of all, remember this little exchange with the Cs:

Session 10 July 1999 said:
Q: .... (L) Okay, this anthropologist, Michael Harner, was doing some field work, and it says here that Harner went to the Peruvian Amazon to study the culture of the Conibo Indians. After a year or so he had made little headway in understanding their religious system, when the Conibo told him 'if he really wanted to learn, he had to drink ahayahuasca. Harner accepted, not without fear because the people had warned him that the experience was terrifying. The following evening, under the strict supervision of his indigenous friends, he drank the equivalent of a third of a bottle. After several minutes he found himself flying into a world of true hallucinations. After arriving in a celestial cavern where a supernatural carnival of demons was in full swing, he saw two strange boats floating through the air that combined to form a huge dragon headed prow not unlike that of a Viking ship. On the deck he could make out large numbers of people with the heads of bluejays and the bodies of humans, not unlike the bird-headed gods of ancient Egyptian tomb paintings. After multiple episodes, which would be too long to describe here, Harner became convinced that he was dying. He tried calling out to his Conibo friends for an antidote without managing to pronounce a word. Then he saw that his visions emanated from giant reptilian creatures that resided at the lowest depths of his brain. These creatures began projecting scenes in front of his eyes while informing him that this information was reserved for the dying and the dead. 'First, they showed me the planet Earth as it was aeons ago before there was any life on it. I saw an ocean, barren land, and a bright blue sky. Then black specks dropped from the sky by the hundreds and landed in front of me on the barren landscape. I could see that the specks were actually large, shiny black creatures with stubby pterodactyl-like wings and huge whale-like bodies. They explained to me in a kind of thought language, that they were fleeing from something from out in space. They had come to the planet earth to escape their enemy. The creatures then showed me how they had created life on the planet in order to hide within the multitudinour forms, and thus disguise their presence. Before me, the magnificence of plant and animal creation and speciation and hundreds of millions of years of activity, took place on a scale and with a vividness impossible to describe. I learned that dragon-like creatures were thus inside all forms of life, including man.' At this point in his account, Harner writes in a footnote at the bottom of the page: 'in retrospect, one could say that they were almost like DNA, although at that time, in 1961, I knew nothing of DNA.' So, I would like to know what was the source and nature of these nearly universal visions that occurs in these shamanistic practices; the various creatures including serpents and bird-headed dudes, and so forth? What is the source of these hallucinations?

A: Be more specific.

Q: (L) How can I be more specific? (C) In these chemically induced trances, why is there the common experience of seeing these bird-headed or serpent-like creatures?

A: While you have physicality, some part of you will maintain the connection to its roots.

Q: (L) Are you saying that all these people who say that human beings have reptilian genetics, are telling the truth? Do we have reptilian genetics?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) Do we also have bird genetics?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) And that is our physical connection or basis?

A: Yes, as third density bioengineered beings, you lead the smorgasbord parade of that which surrounds you in the physical realm.

Q: (A) So, we are 3rd density bioengineered beings. (L) That leads to another question: there is a lot of talk about the Merovingian bloodlines, or the 'Nordic Covenant' bloodlines, or whatever label is put on it, being a 'fresher' version of the reptilian genetic strain. This is represented in the myths of the god Oannes of Sumerian fame, or the Quinotaur who impregnated the mother of Merovee while she was bathing in the sea, and even the wife of the founder of the Angevins, Melusine, variously described as an aquatic fairy or a mermaid. So, there is this claim that there is a stronger and more virile reptilian strain in these bloodlines. Is that correct?

A: It may be.

Q: (L) Well, is that significant in any way?

A: For those obsessed with materialism.

And then, there is the "eclipsing of realities" discussion that bears on this topic:

Session 23 July 1995 said:
Q: (L) Toren, the first thing on my mind is an experience I
had several nights ago. It seemed as though there was
some sort of interaction between myself and something
"other." Could you tell me what this experience was?

A: Was eclipsing of the realities.

Q: (L) What is an eclipsing of the realities?

A: It is when energy centers conflict.

Q: (L) What energy centers are conflicting?

A: Thought energy centers.

Q: (L) Whose thoughts?

A: Ahh, we're getting ahead of ourselves, are we not?
Thoughts are the basis of all creation. After all,
without thought nothing would exist. Now would it?

Q: (L) True.

A: Therefore, energy centers conflicting involve thought
patterns. You could refer to it as an intersecting of
thought pattern energies.

...
Q: (L) Well, it seemed to me that something happened to me
that blanked out a period of my experience, and you say
this was an eclipsing of energies caused by an
intersecting of thought centers. Now, this intersecting
of thought centers, did this occur within my body or
within my environment?

A: They are one and the same.

Q: (L) Was this eclipsing of though centers brought on by any
of my activities?

A: Well, again we must ask you to slow down in your own
perceptions for just a moment, for one sees the truest of
answers when one is open to all possible responses and is
not prejudiced. And again, unfortunately we sense a
leading in your seeking of answers which indicates
prejudice which is perfectly alright, however one would
assume that one seeks the truest of all possible answers
and prejudice does not allow that. So, if it would be
possible, please try to ask questions that do not lead to
any particular type of conclusion.

Q: (L) Can I ask about my specific perceptions of the event?

A: That is what you are already doing. We sense that you
desire the truest of all possible answers and if one
desires the truest of all possible answers, one must avoid
expressing one's own perceptions to any great degree and
simply allow the answers to flow. The best advice to
accomplish this is a step-by-step approach - to ask the
simplest of questions with the least amount of prejudice
attached.

Q: (L) Alright. I was lying in bed worrying about being able
to get to sleep. The next thing I knew, I came to myself
feeling that I was being floated off my bed. Was I?

A: No. When you say "I" you are referring to your whole
person. There is more than one factor involved with one's
being to any particular definition.


Q: (L) Was some part of my being being separated from another
part of my being?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) Was this an attempt to extract my soul or astral body?

A: Attempt is not probably the proper term.

Q: (L) In other words...

A: It is more just an activity taking place. Attempt implies
effort rather than the nature present in a conflicting of
energies and thought centers.

Q: (L) I also seemed to be aware of several dark, spider-like
figures lined up by the side of the bed, was this an
accurate impression.

A: Those could be described as specific thought center
projections.

Q: (L) I seemed to be fighting and resisting this activity.

A: That was your choice.
....
Q: (L) Alright, was this the ending of an abduction that had
already taken place?

A: Not the proper terminology. It was the conclusion to an
event, not necessarily what one would refer to as an
abduction, but more what one would refer to as an
interaction.

Q: (L) What was the nature of the interaction?

A: The conflicting of energies related to thought center
impulses.

Q: (L) Where are these thought centers located?

A: Well, that is difficult to answer because that is assuming
that thought centers are located. And, of course this is
a concept area in which you are not fully familiar as of
yet. So, an attempt to answer this in any way that would
make sense to you would probably not be fruitful. We
suggest slowing down and carefully formulating questions.

Q: (L) At what level of density do these thought centers have
their primary focus?

A: Thought centers do not have primary focus in any level of
density. This is precisely the point. You are not
completely familiar with the reality of what thoughts are.
We have spoken to you on many levels and have detailed
many areas involving density level, but thoughts are quite
a different thing because they pass through all density
levels at once. Now, let us ask you this. Do you not now
see how that would be possible?

Q: (L) Yes. But what I am trying to do is identify these
conflicting thought centers. If two thought centers, or
more, conflict, then my idea would be that they are in
opposition.


A: Correct.

....
Q: (L) Okay, in the experience I felt a paralysis of my body,
what caused this paralysis.

A: Yes. Separation of awareness. Which is defined as any
point along the pathway where one's awareness becomes so
totally focused on one thought sector that all other
levels of awareness are temporarily receded, thereby
making it impossible to become aware of one's physical
reality along with one's mental reality. This gives the
impression of what is referred to as paralysis. Do you
understand?

Q: (L) Yes. And what stimulates this total focus of
awareness?

A: An event which sidetracks, temporarily, the mental
processes..... It was an eclipsing of energies caused by conflicting
thought centers.

Q: (L) What energies were being eclipsed?

A: Whenever two opposing units of reality intersect, this
causes what can be referred to as friction, which, for an
immeasurable amount of what you would refer to as time,
which is, of course, non-existent, creates a non-
existence, or a stopping of the movements of all
functions. This is what we would know as conflict. In
between, or through any intersecting, opposite entities,
we always find zero time, zero movement, zero
transference, zero exchange. Now think about this. Think
about this carefully.

Q: (L) Does this mean that I was, essentially, in a condition
of non-existence?

A: Well, non-existence is not really the proper term, but
non-fluid existence would be more to the point. Do you
understand?

Q: (L) Yes. Frozen, as it were?

A: Frozen, as it were.

Q: (L) Was there any benefit to me from this experience?

A: All experiences have potential for benefit.

Q: (L) Was there any detriment from this experience?

A: All experiences have potential for detriment. Now, do you
see the parallels. We are talking about any opposing
forces in nature, when they come together, the result can
go all the way to the extreme of one side or all the way
to the extreme of the other. Or, it can remain perfectly,
symmetrically in balance in the middle, or partially in
balance on one side or another. Therefore all potentials
are realized at intersecting points in reality.

....

Q: (L) Was one of these conflicting thought centers or
energies some part of me?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) And was it eclipsed by interacting with a thought
center energy that was part of or all of something or
someone else?

A: Or, was what happened a conflicting of one energy thought
center that was a part of your thought process and another
energy thought center that was another part of your
thought process?
We will ask you that question and allow
you to contemplate.

.....
Q: (L) Does it ever happen that individuals who perceive or
think they perceive themselves to have experienced an
"abduction," to actually be interacting with some part of
themselves?

A: That would be a very good possibility. Now, before you
ask another question, stop and contemplate for a moment:
what possibilities does this open up? Is there any limit?
And if there is, what is that? Is it not an area worth
exploring?

Q: (L) Okay, help me out here...

A: For example, just one example for you to digest. What if
the abduction scenario could take place where your soul
projection, in what you perceive as the future, can come
back and abduct your soul projection in what you perceive
as the present?

Q: (L) Oh, dear! Does this happen?

A: This is a question for you to ask yourself and
contemplate.

Q: (L) Why would I do that to myself?

A: Are there not a great many possible answers?

Q: (L) Well, this seemed to be a very frightening and
negative experience. If that is the case: a. maybe that
is just my perception, or b. then, in the future I am not
a very nice person! (J) Or maybe the future isn't very
pleasant. And the knowledge that you gained of it is
unpleasant.

A: Or is it one possible future, but not all possible
futures? And is the pathway of free will not connected to
all of this?


Q: (L) God! I hope so.

A: Now do you see the benefit in slowing down and not having
prejudices when asking questions of great import? You see
when you speed too quickly in the process of learning and
gathering knowledge, it is like skipping down the road
without pausing to reflect on the ground beneath you. One
misses the gold coins and the gemstones contained within
the cracks in the road.
...
Q: (L) Okay, when this experience occurred, am I to assume
that some part of myself, a future self perhaps, of course
they are all simultaneous but just for the sake of
reference, came back and interacted with my present self
for some purpose of exchange?


A: Well this is a question best left for your own exploration
as you will gain more knowledge by contemplating it by
yourself rather than seeking the answers here. But a
suggestion is to be made that you do that as you will gain
much, very much knowledge by contemplating these very
questions on your own and networking with others as you do
so. Be not frustrated for the answers to be gained
through your own contemplation will be truly illuminating
to you and the experience to follow will be worth a
thousand lifetimes of pleasure and joy.

My realization after all this was over was that this was the moment of turning a corner, of making a choice. I rejected and resisted the "spider-like beings" and their future, and chose to align myself with a different "Thought Center," that of creation and expansion and Service to Others. And from that moment on, my reality began to change.

Going through the feelings of disgust and horror at what you have been and done is part of the process. It may not be as dramatic for everyone, but it is part of the fusing of the emotional center and the awakening of true conscience. It is this horror and remorse that then becomes the fuel to "heal the present" as Gurdjieff said. It's easy to understand that healing the present can change the future, but also, in a strange way that we don't yet understand, when we "heal the present," it also changes the past. As the Cs once said: "The choice is ALWAYS, it's WHEN you choose that counts." I take that to mean that a person's "choice" is somehow always inside them and when they make it, it affects all their lives, past and future and even alternative realities/universes.

So, you are realizing that, as a human being in 3 D, you have had an affiliation to the "Lizzies" (we use that term for lack of a better one to describe that entropic path) - the Thought Center of STS. And, as a human being, you also have potential affiliation to a different Thought Center, STO. It's a choice. And it is a choice made every moment.

Now, let me come back to something you wrote that is supremely important:

Puck said:
It's like all the anger I have directed at psychopaths and lizzies was actually aimed at myself, or a prior incarnation of myself. I was what I hate most. That is probably the most disturbing aspect of the entire experience.

This is a wonderful realization!

Most anger, suspicion, nit-pickiness, irritation, crankiness, and so on, is just that: projection of what is inside the self onto something outside so as to preserve the deep internal self-image as being "all good." I guess it's the esoteric meaning of the example of the "woman taken in adultery" in the NT where Jesus challenges those who condemn her by saying: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

At the same time, one has to keep constantly in mind "the choice." Just as you do not cast the first stone, you choose not to "commit adultery" though you understand that you have in past and the potential is within you. The difference between you and the woman caught in adultery is that she was caught and you were not.

When a person knows that all the weaknesses and foibles to which humans are heir by virtue of their genetics, it is a lot easier to be patient and forgiving of others always keeping in mind that forgiveness does not mean that you join them in their errors or that you tolerate their errors endlessly if you perceive - after a fair chance - that they are never going to choose to be other than adulterers. Remember that the same individual who said that her accusers should not cast the first stone also said:

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his baptism, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come? 3:8 Bring forth therefore fruits worthy of repentance, and begin not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father: for I say unto you, That God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham. 3:9 And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: every tree therefore which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

and...

Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Obviously, there were people who were "children of the material world" only (keeping in mind that the "Lizzies" worship the material universe, and what the Cs said above about those who are obsessed with materialism).

Sorry to go Biblical on ya'll, but sometimes it just fits. The Cs have said that only about 30% of the Bible is useful/accurate/true, and I suspect that MOST of that 30% is the NT just that it is esoteric and requires Knowledge and BEing to understand it.

Perhaps now you will want to re-read "The First Initiation" and it will make a whole lot more sense?
 
Laura said:
Going through the feelings of disgust and horror at what you have been and done is part of the process. It may not be as dramatic for everyone, but it is part of the fusing of the emotional center and the awakening of true conscience. It is this horror and remorse that then becomes the fuel to "heal the present" as Gurdjieff said.

And

Laura said:
Most anger, suspicion, nit-pickiness, irritation, crankiness, and so on, is just that: projection of what is inside the self onto something outside so as to preserve the deep internal self-image as being "all good."

Talking about preserving one's image as all good kinda explains some of the experiences I've been having lately. They are not dramatic, but I have been having many memories of my own past and what I'm finding is that I am starting to remember events and relationships from my past, but now seeing my own actions in quite a different (and NOT favorable) light. It's like situations from my past, which I remembered in one way - the way that preserved my view of myself as good - I'm now suddenly seeing my own behavior was not good, and remembering actions and events in a different way. It's like I've had some kind of screen in place where I only remembered things in a way that made my actions right, and now that screen seems to be disappearing and I am seeing all the ways I hurt people and didn't at all consider their needs. I feel very ashamed and regretful now, although I do think that these realisations are in fact part of the healing process that this EE program is doing. But oh man , I was blind!!
 
Laura said:
Going through the feelings of disgust and horror at what you have been and done is part of the process. It may not be as dramatic for everyone, but it is part of the fusing of the emotional center and the awakening of true conscience. It is this horror and remorse that then becomes the fuel to "heal the present" as Gurdjieff said.

I have a question then, is it normal to go back and forth to this state, with gaps of quiet in between ?
I sometimes feel like there are things moving and getting resolved within me little bits by little bits then a few days later I feel like nothing was accomplished at all.

Laura said:
Most anger, suspicion, nit-pickiness, irritation, crankiness, and so on, is just that: projection of what is inside the self onto something outside so as to preserve the deep internal self-image as being "all good." I guess it's the esoteric meaning of the example of the "woman taken in adultery" in the NT where Jesus challenges those who condemn her by saying: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

Thanks for the explanation.
Now that I think of it, I was much more aware since the EE that sometimes such crankiness was coming from inside and projected outside but could not understand the reasons why.
Although I never considered myself being "all good" at all.
Does it work in reverse as well, as seeing yourself "all bad" and the crankiness could be that it's not fitting with a former self image so there is a friction between what I think I am and the real me ?


As of today, I feel terribly drained out and weak as if hadn't slept at all so excuse me if I am not clear enough.
I guess I also need some kind of virtual hug :-[
 
Tigersoap said:
Although I never considered myself being "all good" at all.
Does it work in reverse as well, as seeing yourself "all bad" and the crankiness could be that it's not fitting with a former self image so there is a friction between what I think I am and the real me ?

I think it's just the other side of the same coin, ie narcissistic wounding: "all good/all bad". Personally I never considered myself as "all good" at all, but I realise I have been using that self-deprecatory image I had of myself out of laziness, to not make any effort or attempt at changing. "I'm bad in essence, so why trying anyway?".
I'm just talking about my own situation and am not saying this applies to you. But yeah, personally I'm more than "happy" to perceive myself as "all bad" a lot of the time. It's VERY hard to extract oneself from this (comfortable) swamp of negativity. :headbash:

Hugs!
 
Tigersoap said:
Laura said:
Going through the feelings of disgust and horror at what you have been and done is part of the process. It may not be as dramatic for everyone, but it is part of the fusing of the emotional center and the awakening of true conscience. It is this horror and remorse that then becomes the fuel to "heal the present" as Gurdjieff said.

I have a question then, is it normal to go back and forth to this state, with gaps of quiet in between ?
I sometimes feel like there are things moving and getting resolved within me little bits by little bits then a few days later I feel like nothing was accomplished at all.

Yes, and it's a good thing you can do it in increments!!!

Tigersoap said:
Laura said:
Most anger, suspicion, nit-pickiness, irritation, crankiness, and so on, is just that: projection of what is inside the self onto something outside so as to preserve the deep internal self-image as being "all good." I guess it's the esoteric meaning of the example of the "woman taken in adultery" in the NT where Jesus challenges those who condemn her by saying: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

Thanks for the explanation.
Now that I think of it, I was much more aware since the EE that sometimes such crankiness was coming from inside and projected outside but could not understand the reasons why.

It's all part of the process of actually feeling what your emotional center is supposed to be doing. It might help if somebody could post some extracts from Mouravieff about the emotional center so ya'll can review how it works (or is supposed to).

Tigersoap said:
Although I never considered myself being "all good" at all.

This is not a conscious thing; it is part of the primitive defense mechanism. I wrote about the PDM in a couple places on the forum here and you may want to have a look at that. But basically, it is unconscious.

Tigersoap said:
Does it work in reverse as well, as seeing yourself "all bad" and the crankiness could be that it's not fitting with a former self image so there is a friction between what I think I am and the real me ?

Yes, you can fluctuate between seeing yourself as all good or all bad. It's part of the infantile black and white thinking. Believe me, you'll get over this!

Tigersoap said:
As of today, I feel terribly drained out and weak as if hadn't slept at all so excuse me if I am not clear enough.
I guess I also need some kind of virtual hug :-[

You are making progress then! And fairly rapidly too, by the sound of it! You get a hug from me and you deserve a pat on the back for keeping on when it gets difficult. I'm just really overwhelmed to realize that this technique really, REALLY works and gets results! There's a whole lot of people now who are moving slowly and inexorably toward fusion of the emotional center which will then connect to the higher emotional center and give access to the "eyes of the soul." This really is exciting!
 
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