Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[jordifs]

I'm having now somewhat an emotional breakdown. It is weird because it is the second one in recent time. I had none before. On the first one I guessed some kind of external attack, may be psychic. But I did not know for sure what was hapenning to me. I only was sure it was not normal. Now is happening again and may be I've finally discovered what I've done wrong.

I've changed EE practice routines. I did an experiment. I've tried to engage the full program, beatha included, on a daily basis. For months, may be for more than a year. I've not documented my progress. Now I lost control of my self, again.

I'm in a state where I'm not sure about what I feel, or I do not feel. When I try to depict, to describe, I've seen I'm not able to explain with precision. I unconsciously lied, first to my self, thus affecting others outside and inside this forum. I'm so sorry. I cannot trust myself right now.

My experiment is over. I stop practicing beatha for some time. I'm not strong enough to handle whatever is flooding into my being, not all at once.

This also means that the EE beatha works, is very powerful, and practitioners must proceed with extreme care.

It seems silly to proceed so aggressively, I did it, and I'm now paying the consequences. So for any other person having the same idea, be advised. I failed to handle whatever is happening to me. And very important is that: I did not realised until it was too late.

I need to exit the forum for a week, until I feel my inner calm has returned. Forgive me to those which I affected with my wrong doing.

Yours,
Jordi

 

[Hesper]

It seems silly to proceed so aggressively, I did it, and I'm now paying the consequences. So for any other person having the same idea, be advised. I failed to handle whatever is happening to me. And very important is that: I did not realised until it was too late.

I need to exit the forum for a week, until I feel my inner calm has returned. Forgive me to those which I affected with my wrong doing.

Jordifs I don't know what your wrong doing was, but I want you to know that I went through a similar phase when I did the full program every day for a month. I even ended up losing a job due to an extreme emotional reaction to a seemingly trivial event.

Therefore I would say that whatever your wrong doing was, your own assessment of it cannot possibly be trusted at this time, because your mental vision is being clouded by emotions from the past. It's completely up to you, but now may not be the best time to exit from the forum. Remember that inner peace requires activation of the vagus nerve, and all the pro-social behavior that that includes. If you break off from the group now you may go into an immobilized state, based on traumatic emotions trickling to the surface, all the while tricking yourself into thinking you're looking for inner peace. Don't do that to yourself right now. When dealing with this kind of emotional overload we need a mirror more than ever. Keep trying to understand the emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and please share, because each of us is a wealth of practical knowledge for the other. I for one will be happy to hold your hand through this. But this is just my understanding. I hope it helps.

 

[Keit]

Jordifs I don't know what your wrong doing was, but I want you to know that I went through a similar phase when I did the full program every day for a month. I even ended up losing a job due to an extreme emotional reaction to a seemingly trivial event.

Therefore I would say that whatever your wrong doing was, your own assessment of it cannot possibly be trusted at this time, because your mental vision is being clouded by emotions from the past.

Yep, have to agree with it. In another thread mentioned about a period of emotional chaos that triggered strong emotions from the past. And now when I think about it, it peaked after doing full EE, including Beatha.

Even if I do Pipe Breathing and meditation everyday, when it comes to Beatha, I do it only maybe twice a month. Thought that was just procrastinating or not making more effort, but there were times when I didn't plan to do full EE at all, and just felt that needed it, so put other things aside and did it. There were no emotional outbursts or acting outs then. This time thought to push through the procrastination, and it was probably too much for my system to deal with in a balanced way.

 

[mamadrama]

Thanks for letting us know you're having a difficult time, Jordifs. Beatha is really powerful and it's for that reason we do not recommend it on a daily basis. Sometimes it even has to be eliminated from your practice totally, at least for a while, to allow for processing and integration. Please be patient with yourself, use pipe breathing to reduce stress and center your feelings, and take the time you need to breathe through this situation. Please let us know if there's something we can do to support you at this time.

 

[mabar]

Hi,

Last Monday -since I am reading "Women Who Run With Wolfs" I think the wild woman wanted to came out? ... because the previous exercises were not calm, insted I just wanted to dance, wilder ... it felt good :D, at the Beatha it was yawning through yawning, meditation helped me to not get too anxious regarding an issue of security at the business.

I am doing the meditation daily, yesterday it happend something curious?? ... I came to an instant that I could not know for sure if I was hungry or I need to breath again, until, of curse after I made the question I "woke" up rightly after I wonder about it and I breath and then I felt hungry ... I as lo felt this ah-mmm ... brightly light above my head and like reflected? in the mind? until I rationalized it, it did not came again, this happend before the hungry thought ...

 

[cassandra]

Thank you for the warning, Jordifs. I really hope you get well again soon.

 

[Alana]

Thanks for letting us know you're having a difficult time, Jordifs. Beatha is really powerful and it's for that reason we do not recommend it on a daily basis. Sometimes it even has to be eliminated from your practice totally, at least for a while, to allow for processing and integration. Please be patient with yourself, use pipe breathing to reduce stress and center your feelings, and take the time you need to breathe through this situation. Please let us know if there's something we can do to support you at this time.

I agree with everything Black Swan suggested to you, Jordifs.

It seems that a few members don't listen when we say that Baha should not be practiced more than 2x/week and to stop doing it when they start feeling overwhelmed. And I am not saying this for Jordifs right now, but for everybody. Thank you for bringing the point home, Jordifs, though I am sorry you are going thought a hard time. Do take care of yourself, and keep us posted.

 

[beetlemaniac]

Lately I've been practicing the full EE a little more often (almost every day). I think it has been a net positive effect for me.

Today's session was particularly fruitful. During POTS I had a vision of me hugging my little brother and feeling a strong tingling sensation in my chest. There were also some tears, feelings of sadness, joy and maybe resolve. I am thinking this might be related to my inner child issues, where I am projecting my inner child on to my little brother. Or may be it's just about our relationship. Also after that experience I decided to say the POTS again, and found myself stumbling with the words and breaking into tears. I repeated the POTS until I felt stable again.

 

[Jacques]

Lately I've been practicing the full EE a little more often (almost every day). I think it has been a net positive effect for me.

Hi beetlemaniac,

Have you read the post just before yours ?

Thanks for letting us know you're having a difficult time, Jordifs. Beatha is really powerful and it's for that reason we do not recommend it on a daily basis. Sometimes it even has to be eliminated from your practice totally, at least for a while, to allow for processing and integration. Please be patient with yourself, use pipe breathing to reduce stress and center your feelings, and take the time you need to breathe through this situation. Please let us know if there's something we can do to support you at this time.

I agree with everything Black Swan suggested to you, Jordifs.

It seems that a few members don't listen when we say that Baha should not be practiced more than 2x/week and to stop doing it when they start feeling overwhelmed. And I am not saying this for Jordifs right now, but for everybody. Thank you for bringing the point home, Jordifs, though I am sorry you are going thought a hard time. Do take care of yourself, and keep us posted.

 

[Hesper]

It seems that a few members don't listen when we say that Baha should not be practiced more than 2x/week and to stop doing it when they start feeling overwhelmed. And I am not saying this for Jordifs right now, but for everybody.

That's very true, and I was one of those people. It's interesting because I felt "sniped" when you wrote that, as if you were singling me out and sort of poking fun of me. I want to share this reaction because I usually keep them to myself. I don't want to seem needy and weak. But the more I share on the forum the more I realize that outing these reactions brings us all closer together, because this way our own inner predator can't beat up on us from the shadows.

After noticing this reaction I did EE and realized that this nasty thinking pattern (towards Alana) was rooted in the assumption that everyone secretly hates me, and it is only time before they let it slip. I developed this program because, like others, I also grew up in a repressive environment. My father was a tremendous petty tyrant for me, and I'm sure he had a similar program (that everyone is the enemy). Him and my mother certainly had no friends. We were enemies as soon as I got old enough to begin forming my own thoughts, because I'm sure he felt I would betray him. The same thing occurred with my mother. Few people understood the stress they put me through, which then created in me the need for power, and also people pleasing in order to keep everyone else at bay. After all, if no one else would believe me then they were a threat too. That is what I assumed. But I still cling to this because it's what led me here to the forum. This "secret knowledge" of a pathological reality. It was my rock during the storm. I guess that's what hurt so bad about sharing ponerology with other friends; they treated it like it was just a little thing. Just like Lobaczewski said, the macrosocial phenomenon is too familiar to bare. But we do it.

I remember the feeling I had when, as a teenager, I played a concert with my first rock band at school and we got a standing ovation. My dad was there and he cried (he actually showed real emotion, real authentic human emotion for me) and told me "You can do whatever you want". I didn't understand it at the time because I was too swept up in my own growing narcissism of being a "star". But now it brings tears to my eyes. Thanks for inadvertently revealing this to me, Alana. My past has taken on a higher quality of meaning. Thank you.

Lately I've been practicing the full EE a little more often (almost every day). I think it has been a net positive effect for me.

For your own well-being I recommend reading Jordifs', Alana's, and the other responses. Doing baha more than twice a week is not recommended. This is extremely important to remember.

 

[Ollie]

A quieter week, on Monday, wet-eyes during Beatha, where I also lost track of my breathing, and on Thursday, yawning and wet-eyes during Beatha. Evidence that processing is going on!

 

[Oxajil]

Concerning the BaHa part, this is my own experience. Mostly, I just went with my feeling and my body/soul's needs concerning the BaHa (and other parts of the program). When I wasn't suited to do the BaHa portion, I'd sense a strong discomfort/lack of dedication or being overwhelmed by emotions during that part. And so, this was a sign to me, that I should skip that part, and that's what I did for months, until I thought I would be ready for it. Though that doesn't mean that the other parts don't help with dealing with repressed emotions. I feel that they do, but more mildly. And I think that what helps, is that when one puts off the BaHa portion for a while due to their current situation (if one feels one needs to), and during that time work on understanding their emotions etc. better (while still doing the other EE program parts of course), and then re-start the BaHa, the process will go much easier.

And that makes me understand the C's mentioning the following much better:

A: [...] We said that this practice MUST be accompanied by a commensurate effort to constantly gain knowledge by effort.

Edit: Taken from this transcript.

And for the people who learn to do EE, and don't know about the Work etc. I feel that they are being inspired by EE to do something. Which explains why EE has helped people making life-changing choices. They Do too, but in their own way! So, perhaps, EE is a two-way system. You have to put some effort in your Life or in bettering your Life, and that will make EE's work on you go smoother. Just some thoughts...

Just wanna say that the upper part of the post is all personal experience, so it doesn't need to apply to all. Feeling discomfort during BaHa, I think could also be a good/normal thing, it just depends on the person etc. And I didn't think I had to put off the BaHa for so long, in a sense I was afraid to re-start it. So again, just pers. experience and preference!

 

[Aiming]

Concerning the BaHa part, this is my own experience. Mostly, I just went with my feeling and my body/soul's needs concerning the BaHa (and other parts of the program). When I wasn't suited to do the BaHa portion, I'd sense a strong discomfort/lack of dedication or being overwhelmed by emotions during that part. And so, this was a sign to me, that I should skip that part

This is my personal experience, too: I sense some sort of 'wall' or discomfort/constriction and even a sense of fear when I shouldn't do the bioenergetic breathing. I haven't always listened to it; coming from a part in me that wants to rush things and 'get them over with' and I need to watch out for it not to take control. Fortunately, those times I didn't listen to the feeling of not doing BaHa, I either fell asleep or automatically breathed so shallowly that nothing detrimental came of it.

But as Oxajil said, this is just personal experience and doesn't mean that one will simply know when it's too much. Apparently, it's very easy to fool oneself out of whatever program running.

 

[Cosmos]

Concerning the BaHa part, this is my own experience. Mostly, I just went with my feeling and my body/soul's needs concerning the BaHa (and other parts of the program). When I wasn't suited to do the BaHa portion, I'd sense a strong discomfort/lack of dedication or being overwhelmed by emotions during that part. And so, this was a sign to me, that I should skip that part

This is my personal experience, too: I sense some sort of 'wall' or discomfort/constriction and even a sense of fear when I shouldn't do the bioenergetic breathing. I haven't always listened to it; coming from a part in me that wants to rush things and 'get them over with' and I need to watch out for it not to take control. Fortunately, those times I didn't listen to the feeling of not doing BaHa, I either fell asleep or automatically breathed so shallowly that nothing detrimental came of it.

But as Oxajil said, this is just personal experience and doesn't mean that one will simply know when it's too much. Apparently, it's very easy to fool oneself out of whatever program running.

I can relate to this feeling too. I think that something in me wants to stop or distract me from doing certain things of the EE (especially the BaHa).
I get impatient, unwell, and not very productive thinking patterns come up. my feeling is, that this is a predator that fights against something that could silence him.

 

[Oxajil]

But as Oxajil said, this is just personal experience and doesn't mean that one will simply know when it's too much. Apparently, it's very easy to fool oneself out of whatever program running.

I can relate to this feeling too. I think that something in me wants to stop or distract me from doing certain things of the EE (especially the BaHa).
I get impatient, unwell, and not very productive thinking patterns come up. my feeling is, that this is a predator that fights against something that could silence him.

Yes, indeed! So it is a tricky thing. What helps me, is take a look at the way my current Life is, like is a lot going on? Are there many troubled emotions? etc. If so, and I feel discomfort during BaHa, I skip it. However, if at the moment, my Life seems to be stable, and my emotions as well, I continue BaHa, so that I can hopefully get the (suppressed) emotions out, a process that was too hard on me before. But of course, all the while, I'd do my best in putting effort in working on myself, too!

And if my Life is stable atm, and I feel discomfort during the BaHa, it could very well be the lazy program running in my case!
But of course, it probably isn't as black and white as this. So just fwiw.