Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program
- Thread starter Laura
- Start date
anart
A Disturbance in the Force
Timey said:
Honestly, Timey, after reading all of your posts, I think that you just need to relax. You spend so much time over-analyzing every little thought that crosses your mind and every little sensation that goes through your body and every possible thing that might possibly happen that you drain all your energy away and can't get anything done at all regarding awakening and developing. You stress yourself out over nothing and get worked up over non-existent things. If your posts here are any indication, you do this all the time - and in everything. It has the flavor of abuse of the energy of the sex center (you can read up on that on the forum, just use the search engine to find the appropriate threads).
Regarding the breathing program, you need to give it time and allow it to do what it does. Stop over analyzing everything and freaking out over normal bodily reactions to measured breathing and the stimulation of the vagus nerve. Regarding the numbness, it could be any number of things, or it could not exist at all and is just your interpretation of vagus nerve stimulation that has calmed you down. You often jump to 'worse case scenario' thinking regarding your own impressions of what might be going on in you or around you and it's a waste of energy and a lie to the self.
Certainly, you could have emotional blocks in place, most people do to one extent or another. Just continue on with the breathing program and see what develops - without freaking out at every session over imagined happenings or sensations that you've misinterpreted because you leap to negative conclusions about every day things. In other words, relax - do the breathing exercises and observe without jumping to negative conclusions about what is going on, because 99% of the time, you're just making it all up and draining your own energy with worry. Not sure if that will help, but it was worth a try.
Timey
Jedi Master
Thank you, Anart. You are very frank and I respect you for it, and I think I needed to hear this because I have forgotten it myself. It is true, I am extremely high-strung and over analyze everything and worry over everything. It was ruining me at one point. This was one of the reason I started EE. I'm guessing that EE and The Work is what I need. Thanks again.anart said:
Yesterday evening, while doing the EE I had a strong experience. In the beginning of the ba-ha I felt, once again, how my solar plexus tightened making my upper body jump up like a closing Swiss army knife. This time it was accompanied with a clear feeling and message: I suddenly felt how utterly disappointed I was with my late father. This emotion felt familiar, and I remembered how as a child I on many occasions cried in my bed at night thinking: WHY must I have a father like this, it isn't fair, I wish I had a normal father...etc. (my father was an alcoholic and a big time narcissist, if not worse)
And the underlying even stronger feeling was sorrow for not having a father who would meet my needs, play and talk with me, hold me in his arms/lap. I started crying but as I've noticed many times, I can't really cry - the crying gets stuck in my throat, tightening the larynx and out comes mostly strange gurgling noises and sobbing. I tried to keep up with the breathing, trying to find release in the crying but it was no use - my "center of expression", the throat, was totally blocked. I've known for some time that this is something I need to work on and now with this experience I sense clearly how there's a ocean of emotions wanting to come out.
Gradually the sobbing subsided (I wish it wouldn't had, since I wanted it all out) and was replaced with disgust and contempt with my father. Then, during the POTS my body clearly said "that's enough for now" and I zoned out.
Today I feel lighter somehow and I'm glad I had this experience. It motivates me to continue with the EE and other stuff, because I know that I'm not nearly as free from my past as I thought.
And the underlying even stronger feeling was sorrow for not having a father who would meet my needs, play and talk with me, hold me in his arms/lap. I started crying but as I've noticed many times, I can't really cry - the crying gets stuck in my throat, tightening the larynx and out comes mostly strange gurgling noises and sobbing. I tried to keep up with the breathing, trying to find release in the crying but it was no use - my "center of expression", the throat, was totally blocked. I've known for some time that this is something I need to work on and now with this experience I sense clearly how there's a ocean of emotions wanting to come out.
Gradually the sobbing subsided (I wish it wouldn't had, since I wanted it all out) and was replaced with disgust and contempt with my father. Then, during the POTS my body clearly said "that's enough for now" and I zoned out.
Today I feel lighter somehow and I'm glad I had this experience. It motivates me to continue with the EE and other stuff, because I know that I'm not nearly as free from my past as I thought.
Having broken through a significant barrier of fear recently, in practicing the EE program, I just want to share my thoughts which may help others in a similar position. I have copied some advice (below) from anart, which was a massive boost for me in understanding 'why' I felt so fearful and what 'conscious suffering' really meant for me.
Significantly, although I recently left the EE dvd out at home and allocated a quiet evening to start watching it again from the beginning - I nearly rented a movie instead - and in that one moment I saw and heard in my mind this shadowy predator, whispering "go on, you deserve a relaxed evening, you can do the EE tomorrow." I almost turned around, it felt that real! But, I chose, to face it down and proceed with the EE, which gave me my most profound experience yet - I wept with joy afterwards. I feel alot lighter, cleaner, more humble and quietly focused now, and am able to read again and continue on my journey.
I am gently easing myself into practicing EE daily, being more disciplined and mindful of what parts to do and when. So from someone who felt really 'stuck' a few weeks ago, I am back on my path again - so thank you again anart and the others who helped me during that very troubling period.
"Fear is a big one, and in situations like this, it usually signals that you're on the right track. Your entire life has been run by a part of yourself that has 'kept you in your place', preventing you from becoming who you could be. The fear you're feeling is the fear of that part of yourself who will fight for its life with all the energy it can muster. I was actually posting about fear today on my facebook page and what I wrote there applies here:
We fight so strongly against fear and uncertainty and personal pain that a lifetime's worth of energy can be spent on the illusion of 'comfort' and 'safety', while a life passes by in which we do nothing worthwhile at all. In those places where we are most afraid, our promise lies - the key is controlling the fear to get there, if we can. That is, it seems to me, conscious suffering.
In other words, fear is normal and powerful - and it gives you the opportunity to put some trust and faith in that part of yourself that is being fed by EE and by the reading you're doing. There is nothing to lose here other than your illusions and all that is holding you back from becoming the person you came here to be." anart
Love and support to all those who are asking. Blessings to you all :)
Significantly, although I recently left the EE dvd out at home and allocated a quiet evening to start watching it again from the beginning - I nearly rented a movie instead - and in that one moment I saw and heard in my mind this shadowy predator, whispering "go on, you deserve a relaxed evening, you can do the EE tomorrow." I almost turned around, it felt that real! But, I chose, to face it down and proceed with the EE, which gave me my most profound experience yet - I wept with joy afterwards. I feel alot lighter, cleaner, more humble and quietly focused now, and am able to read again and continue on my journey.
I am gently easing myself into practicing EE daily, being more disciplined and mindful of what parts to do and when. So from someone who felt really 'stuck' a few weeks ago, I am back on my path again - so thank you again anart and the others who helped me during that very troubling period.
"Fear is a big one, and in situations like this, it usually signals that you're on the right track. Your entire life has been run by a part of yourself that has 'kept you in your place', preventing you from becoming who you could be. The fear you're feeling is the fear of that part of yourself who will fight for its life with all the energy it can muster. I was actually posting about fear today on my facebook page and what I wrote there applies here:
We fight so strongly against fear and uncertainty and personal pain that a lifetime's worth of energy can be spent on the illusion of 'comfort' and 'safety', while a life passes by in which we do nothing worthwhile at all. In those places where we are most afraid, our promise lies - the key is controlling the fear to get there, if we can. That is, it seems to me, conscious suffering.
In other words, fear is normal and powerful - and it gives you the opportunity to put some trust and faith in that part of yourself that is being fed by EE and by the reading you're doing. There is nothing to lose here other than your illusions and all that is holding you back from becoming the person you came here to be." anart
Love and support to all those who are asking. Blessings to you all :)
Aragorn said:
I can really relate to your experience, Aragorn. I had a very intense release of emotions a few months back and I was astounded at the depth of emotion and clarity about the issue from my past that the EE session revealed. Even more astounding was that I had been convinced that I had long ago dealt with all my feelings about the issue. But as the EE session showed, this was completely false, in fact there was a mountain of suppressed emotion there, that I had very effectively buried. Although it was painful, like you, I felt lighter afterword, (although a bit shakey), like I'd finally laid a burden down, one that I hadn't even known I was carrying.
Really makes you think about how, as you say, we are really not anywhere near as free from our past as our conscious minds may think.
I agree with Oxajil, I think you probably released just as much as you are able to handle at the time. It's something that can't be speeded up, it will come as and when you are ready for it.
Thanks for sharing!
I think you are right that part of "me" feels its control threatened by these words. Also, it seems it may be trauma-related. I've finished reading Myth of Sanity, and I want to research into this "shin pan" that Stout describes. I'm guessing my solar-plexus sensation is a mild version of this.Alana said:
Gawan said:
Yes, being comfortable and able to relax are what's most important. Also, I never had tingling from 3 stage breathing, only from Beatha in the beginning, FWIW. Maybe you're not used to the extra oxygenation in general and thus the tingling? You can do the whole program (except probably Warrior's Breath) laying down if it's more comfortable.
[quote author=manitoban]
I can really relate to your experience, Aragorn. I had a very intense release of emotions a few months back and I was astounded at the depth of emotion and clarity about the issue from my past that the EE session revealed. Even more astounding was that I had been convinced that I had long ago dealt with all my feelings about the issue. But as the EE session showed, this was completely false, in fact there was a mountain of suppressed emotion there, that I had very effectively buried. Although it was painful, like you, I felt lighter afterword, (although a bit shakey), like I'd finally laid a burden down, one that I hadn't even known I was carrying.
Really makes you think about how, as you say, we are really not anywhere near as free from our past as our conscious minds may think.
I agree with Oxajil, I think you probably released just as much as you are able to handle at the time. It's something that can't be speeded up, it will come as and when you are ready for it.
Thanks for sharing!
[/quote]
Yes thanks for sharing your thoughts Aragorn, deep wounding like this, especial born within childhood parental dynamics can often seep out at times when we are not expecting. Sometimes the most simple of things, smells, sights, sounds...touch off these things from our deep wells. EE seems to help fish these things out incrementally and maybe, as Oxajil says, ...one of the good things about EE is, is that it allows us to let go gradually." Perhaps in this way we can mend the little tears slowly so as to not cover them up too quickly which leads to forgetting who we are and in this way we are taking the time to see it through for what it is. Don't pretend to know and this doesn't make it easier, but it also helps one, osit, to learn to trust themselves in the process of healing and EE is a big part of the help we need.
I can really relate to your experience, Aragorn. I had a very intense release of emotions a few months back and I was astounded at the depth of emotion and clarity about the issue from my past that the EE session revealed. Even more astounding was that I had been convinced that I had long ago dealt with all my feelings about the issue. But as the EE session showed, this was completely false, in fact there was a mountain of suppressed emotion there, that I had very effectively buried. Although it was painful, like you, I felt lighter afterword, (although a bit shakey), like I'd finally laid a burden down, one that I hadn't even known I was carrying.
Really makes you think about how, as you say, we are really not anywhere near as free from our past as our conscious minds may think.
I agree with Oxajil, I think you probably released just as much as you are able to handle at the time. It's something that can't be speeded up, it will come as and when you are ready for it.
Thanks for sharing!
[/quote]
Yes thanks for sharing your thoughts Aragorn, deep wounding like this, especial born within childhood parental dynamics can often seep out at times when we are not expecting. Sometimes the most simple of things, smells, sights, sounds...touch off these things from our deep wells. EE seems to help fish these things out incrementally and maybe, as Oxajil says, ...one of the good things about EE is, is that it allows us to let go gradually." Perhaps in this way we can mend the little tears slowly so as to not cover them up too quickly which leads to forgetting who we are and in this way we are taking the time to see it through for what it is. Don't pretend to know and this doesn't make it easier, but it also helps one, osit, to learn to trust themselves in the process of healing and EE is a big part of the help we need.
That is my perception too. And, some relevance to what follows. :)voyageur said:
For me, another week spent experiencing tears and yawning during the two main EE sessions - Monday and Thursday. And, often followed by wet eyes during the night, when awaking from sleep, and sometimes in the evenings too.
During the day, either whilst reading, or making notes on readings I’ve felt overwhelmed, that’s OK to deal with – pipe-breathing and then starting slowly on something and gradually moving forward. The other thing that has happened, at these times, is an intense desire to scratch my body, particularly my scalp.
For itching, Louise Hay suggests that this is about desires that go against the grain, unsatisfied, remorse, and itching to get away. And skin – protects the individuality.
Louise Bourbeau suggests itching is that I want something but won’t let yourself have it, believe that life experiences make it impossible for you to fulfil your desires – preoccupied and exasperated. Fear of what people might say if you take what you want.
Whilst for skin, Louise Bourbeau suggests shame and self-deprication about how you perceive others judge you. And for scalp, a sense of powerlessness / hopelessness, a lack of confidence in divine energy – stripping self of vital energy.
It’s interesting that these effects started about the same time that I started a major offensive against the Predator’s Mind (possible effects as indicated in bold above), to identify when I’m lying to myself, and when ‘it’ is playing other tricks on me. And, in several of the Pennebaker writing exercises I’ve done recently Identity has emerged as a major factor. Am I making the right connections, or leading myself astray?
How do you SEE what you’re Identified with? How do you SEE when you are lying to yourself?
