Gimpy said:Over the past two weeks I began to feel like I had a kind of darkness around me, closing in a little more each day. I'd never really noticed it like that before. I guess I'd been letting things worry me so much, and obsessing, that I began to have negative emotions. It was like being in a perpetual bad mood. I never had any outward reactions, but I think I might have if I had let it go on. Little things were getting under my skin that should not have been.
Same here. Its seemed to pile on like a bunch of football players last few days. First an old friend wanted to come stay with us, and that was stressful...and ever since I've been foggy with a persistent fever, and other detox reactions. Weird thoughts and almost compulsions to contact people I KNOW are toxic, and 'give the benefit of the doubt' to are chasing around in my head, in addition to feeling like my whole body is in a vise of inaction. And the nightmares are not so nice. Its as if every distraction and misdirected illusion is coming through to pull me off track. In dreams its easier now to really look into these things and see them for what they are, but the whole thing is tiring.
The FOTCM paperwork arrived yesterday, to much joy and inner weeping, and right away everything I set my hand to do crumbled. Its as if the minute something is planned, ka-boom. Crying and just getting some of the emotional frustration out helps some....at the moment I don't know what good I can do anyone in the Fellowship or anywhere else.
When I can get through the physical fog, and do quick pipe breaths, when I see all of it and wonder if it'll ever work out, it makes me more determined to keep at it, knowing that Laura and Ark and the mods have gone through it too.
This too shall pass.....we all just need to keep breathing. :)
I have been thinking that for some people, just being members of FOTCM and doing the EE as recommended is helping to raise the awareness of others we don't even know. So just being a member and working on yourself is something that you can do to help FOTCM. That and just on keeping on with your diet and trying to get your health situation in a better place.
As for depression, negative thoughts, old programs kicking back in, not thinking clearly, I know that you read the latest session and realize that a lot of these things are not coming from within us, but from outside of us and are being used to try to knock us down. You even said as much on that thread, well basically you said as much. :)
You are not the only one to be going through this, which in itself is a big wake-up call. I have had thoughts and feelings that I know are NOT coming FROM ME. But from somewhere else. And knowing this is half the battle, or so I think.
What I found out helped me was whenever thoughts or feelings or a depression descended on me, saying the POTS seemed to stop it in its tracks. After saying the POTS a couple to three times, I felt much better and thought I would pass it on in case it helps others to overcome some of the waves of negativity being thrown at us by those others.